Courage by Kristen Proby

Chapter 18

~Sam~

The roads suck. I should have realized that I’d run into snow and ice on the highway in early January. It slows me up a bit.

It’ll probably add an extra hour to the drive. Tash was right, I should have left earlier. I’m supposed to meet with the chief at the station at three this afternoon.

Being late on day one isn’t the best way to make a first impression.

And I’m never late.

But leaving Tash and the kids was torture.

“I’m fucking up.” I rub my hand over my mouth. “I should be there.”

I tap the screen on my truck and listen as the phone rings on the other end.

“Hello?” Tash says. I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Hey, babe. What are you doing?”

“The kids and I made cookies and then we had some hot chocolate because I’m a horrible parent who gives the kids loads of sugar. Now, we’re building stuff with the blocks Kevin got for Christmas. Are you there already? You made good time.”

“No, I’m about halfway there. The roads are shit, so I’m taking it slow.”

“Oh, no. Be careful. You shouldn’t be talking to me.”

“I need to.” I blow out a breath. I should have had this talk with her weeks ago. “Maybe I should turn around and come home.”

“Why? Did you forget something?”

Yes, damn it, I left you behind.

“I just think that I should be there. Maybe I made a mistake in taking the job, Tash.”

“Sam, we’re fine. Honest.” She says something to the kids, and then I hear her walking away from them. “Don’t worry about us.”

Of course, I’m going to worry about them.

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind. Maybe it’s not my dream job.”

“Right. And pigs fly. Sam Waters, you’ve been talking about this for years. Now, I want you to take a deep breath and remember how hard you’ve worked over the past few years. You’ve worked your ass off. You put it all on hold for too long. This is a great opportunity for you.”

How does she always know the right thing to say?

“Send me cookies,” I reply softly. She makes the best fucking cookies I’ve ever had.

I can only admit that because my mom is dead and it won’t hurt her feelings.

“I’ll send you all the cookies you want. I should have made some for the road. I guess we’ll just figure this out more and more as time goes on, right?”

I smile at the optimism in her voice.

“Yeah. I guess so. I’ll send you the mailing address when I get there.”

“Are you still bunking with the guy you know?”

“That’s the plan. He’s single, and if I’m only in town a week at a time, most of that at the station, I don’t really see a need to get a place.”

“Well, just get there safely, get settled, and then call me. Sam, it’s going to be awesome, and we’ll be fine. Just think of all the phone sex we can have.”

“That’s a bonus.” I laugh, feeling better. “Thanks for the pep talk, babe.”

“Anytime. The kids are arguing again, so I have to go be the referee. I love you.”

“I love y—” Before I can finish the sentence, she hangs up.

I already miss her. But she’s right, we’ll figure it out. And I’m excited for everything I’m going to learn at this new job.

It’s just nerves.

* * *

“Sam’s the new guy,so he’s buying,” Charlie says with a laugh as we walk into the bar after our shift. The six of us sit at a booth, order massive quantities of wings and beer, and settle in to watch a game and razz each other.

After just two days on the job, this is the new routine.

I’m hardly at my buddy’s place. I’m either at the station, or out with these guys. They’re harmless, and letting off steam is good for us.

Some of the shit I’ve already seen since I’ve been here isn’t for the faint of heart.

“I’ve been the new guy the last two nights, as well,” I remind Charlie, who just grins.

“Doesn’t make you any less of the new guy.”

“I’m not buying you shit,” I respond but clink my beer bottle to his. “You can buy mine. I pulled your ass out of that building this morning.”

His face sobers. “Deal.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and see Natasha’s name on the screen. Guilt moves through me.

Aside from a brief conversation the night I arrived, I’ve barely talked to her. It’s been mostly text messages, and even those are few and far between.

It’s not at all what I envisioned when I left her house the other morning.

But I’m busier than I expected. Between calls and training, there just hasn’t been a break.

I send her to voicemail. I wouldn’t be able to hear her if I took the call in here, but I’ll be sure to call her back when we leave.

“Everything okay?” Charlie asks.

“Aside from long-distance relationships sucking ass? Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“If this is the life you want, relationships are hard, period,” Diego says. He has to be fifty, but he’s incredibly fit with a handlebar mustache streaked with silver. “We have crazy hours, and it’s just fucking demanding.”

“I’m used to crazy hours,” I remind him. “And I think some guys can have good relationships.”

“Our job is a mistress,” Diego responds. “And it’s one that most women don’t want to compete with. I live and breathe this job.”

I nod. I know other men in Cunningham Falls with similar philosophies.

But I believe, if you work at it, you can balance both.

The conversation shifts to the football championship happening next month. It falls on my week off, and I’m looking forward to being home for it.

Hell, I’m just looking forward to being home.

I glance down when my phone lights up again and frown.

“Something’s wrong.” I slide out of the booth. “I’ll be right back.”

I hurry out the front door to the sidewalk and answer.

“Hey.”

“Hi. I hope you’re not too busy.”

“I was having dinner. What’s up?”

There’s a pause.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner. It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Whoa, wait.”

But she’s already hung up.

I take a deep breath and dial her number.

“I told you, I have it.”

“What, exactly, is it?”

“My car died again. I had to walk a mile and a half, and it’s damn cold outside, but I’ve been carrying more layers in the car, just in case.”

“I thought it was fixed.”

“So did I. Obviously, not.”

“You need a new car.”

“Right.” She scoffs. “I’ll get right on that. Listen, I just wanted to fill you in. Go eat. What are you having?”

“Wings and beer with the guys.”

Another pause. “Oh. Well, go enjoy your night out, then. Talk to you later.”

She hangs up, and I want to kick something.

Why should I feel guilty for going out for dinner after a shift? And why should she be mad about it? It’s ridiculous.

But rather than have a long conversation about it, I pocket my phone and walk back into the restaurant to finish dinner.

I’ll talk with Natasha later.

* * *

I have roughlytwelve hours to go before I can get in the truck and head home. I miss the kids like crazy. It seems whenever I FaceTime in the evening, they’re already in bed.

And don’t even get me started on how much I miss Tash. I want to touch her. Kiss her. Shit, I just want to be with her.

I’m sure that what I have is an old-fashioned case of homesickness, but it sucks ass, and I’m ready to get back home.

One more shift.

I can do it.

I’ve just started going down my list of things to do when I first arrive when the chief pokes his head out of his office. “Waters, I need you for a minute.”

“Sure, Chief.”

I walk inside, and he shuts the door.

“Am I fired already?”

“No.” He laughs and shakes his head. “No, things are going well. I just needed to let you know that I need you next week. Diego is taking the week off, and I have some more training for you.”

“So, no week off.”

“No can do,” he says absently. “But the upside is that the overtime pay doesn’t suck, right?”

“Sure.” I wipe my hand over my face.

“You’ll have tomorrow off, and then I need you back here the following morning, same time as usual.”

“Got it.” I nod and stand, then leave his office and dread the call I’m about to make.

I dial her number and wait for just a second before Natasha answers.

“Hey there,” she says, her voice light for the first time since I left last week. “I’m so glad you called because I’m about to go to the grocery, and I’m going to buy steaks for dinner tomorrow night. Do you want a ribeye or a sirloin?”

“Listen, babe, about that—”

“If you’re not in the mood for steak, I can make something else. Would you rather have lasagna? Kelsey was asking for that the other day.”

“It’s not that. Tash, take a breath and let me get a word in, okay?”

“Sorry.” She giggles. “I’m just excited.”

My heart hurts. “I know. I was too. Look, the chief just pulled me into his office.”

I fill her in on the new development.

“Oh.”

I hear the defeat in her voice and feel like shit.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“I know. It’s not your fault.” Her voice is hollow. “We’ll just see you next week.”

“Well, that’s my usual week on, so it’ll likely be another two weeks.”

There’s a pause. “Right. Of course.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be silly.” I hear the tears in her voice. “It’s your job, Sam. These things happen, especially when you’re the new guy. It makes sense they’d want you to fill in for vacations and stuff after you had to wait so long to go out there. They probably had to wait for their time off.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figure, too, but I should have thought of it. I’m an asshole for not realizing.”

“It’s okay.” She clears her throat. “We’ve already made it one week. We just have to do this twice more and you’ll be here. No big deal.”

It’s a big deal. I can hear in her voice that she’s full of shit.

It’s a big fucking deal.

“Tash—”

“Oh, I’ve got another call coming in I have to take. Thanks for letting me know, Sam. Love you.”

She clicks off.

Fuck.