Courage by Kristen Proby

Chapter 20

~Sam~

“Sorry it took longer than I thought,” Liam says with a cringe. “I know you just got back. This could have waited.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I shake my head as we walk out to my truck. “Are we on for the big game this weekend?”

“Hell, yes,” he says with a grin. “Why do you think Ellie and I came back to town? They don’t exactly celebrate this sacred holiday in England the way we do here.”

“Imagine that.” I laugh and clap him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you. It’s good to be home.”

“How are things in Spokane?”

“It’s been interesting.” I rub my hand over the back of my neck. “It sucked at first. I was damn homesick for Tash and the kids, but I found a rhythm there. A routine. The job is great, and I’m learning a lot. So, I think I’m finally over the hardest part. And Tash has been a superstar. She just has everything under control and assures me that everything’s fine.”

“That’s awesome,” Liam replies. “I’m damn happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’d better get back to the house and spend some time with her.”

“I’ll see you on Sunday.” He taps the hood of the truck and turns back to the house as I pull out of the driveway and make my way down the mountain and back to town.

I’m so fucking proud of Natasha. I know it can’t be easy taking care of everything on her own, but she never complains. I’m going to strip her naked and thank her in a thousand, sexy-as-hell ways.

I pull into the driveway and get out of the truck, then walk through the front door and pause at the sight of several bags sitting in the middle of the living room.

“Are you going somewhere?” I ask Tash with a raised brow.

“No.” She clears her throat. Her eyes are flat as she stares at me. “You are. That’s all of your stuff. I’m sure there are at least a half-dozen different places you can stay if you don’t want to just head back to Spokane.”

“Hold up.” I raise a hand and narrow my eyes at her. “Talk to me.”

“I can’t do this,” she says softly and rubs her hands over her face. “None of what’s happened in the past month is what I signed on for.”

My stomach knots up and my heart starts to race. “I remember someone telling me that we’d be fine as long as we were together.”

“We’re not together.” She stares at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “If you consider everything that’s gone down in the past month as together, you’re delusional.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My car is dead, so I can’t drive anywhere. I walk the kids to school. I have groceries delivered.”

“I told you to get a different car.”

“Right.” She nods and starts pacing the living room. “Because it’s just that easy, right? That’s not even the worst part. The kids are doing horribly. They’re angry and moody and sad. They’re acting out at school again, and I get called at least three times a week. They miss you and ask for you. And you always manage to call when they’ve just gone to bed. What the hell is that about?

“We were so sick just a few days ago. I could hardly get my ass out of bed. I had to walk them to school that first morning, and then I just sat on a bench and hoped that hypothermia took me, so I didn’t have to walk home. Luckily, Fallon saw me and brought me home. I haven’t been that sick in years. And then, just a couple of hours later, the kids got it too, and I got called. Gage was here, thankfully, helping me out, and I told them he would pick them up.

“That was a huge no-go. So, I had to get my sick ass out of bed and go collect the kids. We just lived in my bed for a few days, miserable together. Thank God for my brother, Sam. I couldn’t have done it by myself.”

I’m just listening and shaking my head as her words hit me like little bullets.

“Why is this the first that I’m hearing of this?”

She whirls on me, her eyes shooting daggers. “Because you don’t answer my fucking calls!”

Her chest is heaving, her eyes full of tears.

Thank God they’re not flat anymore.

“Tash—”

“No. I don’t want your excuses. I call, I text, and I tell you that I need to talk to you, but you don’t respond.”

“I did respond,” I reply, keeping my voice calm. “I asked if it was urgent. You always say no.”

“That doesn’t mean you never call me back, you big jerk.” She scrubs her hands through her hair. “It means finish what you’re doing and then call me. But what it boils down to is really simple, Sam. You don’t want to call. If you did, I’d hear from you more than a few times a week when you’re falling asleep. You didn’t even kiss me when you walked in. I don’t feel close to you at all. And if I’m going to be a single parent and muddle my way through angry kids and broken cars without you here, I’ll do it as a single woman. Because I’ve been miserable this month.”

“You never said anything.”

“I did. You didn’t listen. You were too wrapped up in what was going on there to take a minute and ask me if everything was okay. Out of sight, out of mind, right?”

Her laugh is humorless as she reaches for her purse and keys.

“Where are you going? We need to talk about this.”

“Sure. Yeah, that works. But I have to go help Fallon with some things first, is that okay?” She tosses my words from this morning back at me, rolls her eyes, and slams out of the house.

Fuck.

Jesus, have I been that selfish?

I stare at the bags in the middle of the room. I’m not fucking leaving. I’m not moving out. If she thinks she can just break up with me like this and that I’ll leave without a fight, she’s the delusional one.

And just where does she get off coming at me like that? She’s the one who insisted that I go to the damn job in the first place. Now she’s going to change her mind, and all of this is my fault?

Screw that.

We’re going to sit down and have this out, and I’m not waiting for her to come home. I’ll go find her. She couldn’t have gotten far. She’s on foot, for Christ’s sake.

But when I open the door, Gage is standing on the other side, his fist raised to knock.

His eyebrows climb in surprise. “You’re here.”

“Hello to you, too. Natasha isn’t here.”

“Good.” He pushes his way into the house and stares at the bags. “Wow, I didn’t think she’d actually kick you out.”

“I don’t understand what the fuck is going on here.”

“Yeah, communication hasn’t been your strong suit.”

I glare at him and cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t particularly like that she’s been telling you all of the details of our life but hasn’t talked to me.”

“Maybe you should answer a damn call once in a while.” He rocks back on his heels and tucks his hands into his pockets. His eyes are angry, but his voice is calm. “She’s had a shitty time of it since you left. If you called to actually talk to her, you’d have known that.”

“We did talk.” I shove my hand through my hair. “I asked how the kids were, how everything else was going. She said it was fine.”

“Fine.” He laughs and shakes his head at me like I’m the dumbest asshole on the Earth. “Don’t you know when a woman says it’s fine that it’s not really fine? Did you ask for details?”

I think back on it and sigh. “No, because by the time I could call, I was in bed and exhausted.”

“Look, I get it,” Gage says. “I was in the Army, and we were busy as hell. I couldn’t always call out and didn’t want to. I was exhausted. I imagine it’s the same for you and what you do for a living.”

I nod, but he keeps going.

“The difference here is, I didn’t have a woman and kids waiting around to hear from me. I didn’t have to worry about a family. So, it wasn’t a big deal that I didn’t check in with anyone. I could be selfish.”

“I’m not a selfish man.”

“If you were, Tash wouldn’t love you,” he says. “Doesn’t mean that your actions weren’t selfish. It’s easy to let her deal with everything when you’re gone and busy with another life. Not so easy when it’s shoved in your face how badly you screwed up by avoiding what was going on at home.”

“I didn’t consciously do that.” I blow out a breath. “Maybe it is easy to let her deal with it. I honestly thought she was handling it.”

“She’s a strong woman,” Gage agrees. “But everyone has a breaking point. I think being sick and alone a few days ago was it for her. She needed you, and you weren’t here.”

“You should have called me.”

He stares at me coldly. “No. I shouldn’t have.” He steps around me to the front door. “Oh, by the way, you can’t stay with me.”

He leaves, and I stare at the closed door and then laugh.

I’m staying right here—in my own damn home.

I walk back to the bedroom and take a deep breath. It smells like her. There’s still a framed photo of us next to the bed.

She hasn’t given up on us entirely.

She’s frustrated, and I see now that she should be.

If I couldn’t get her to answer the phone, I’d be frustrated, too.

I was afraid of this. Of all of it. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t think I should take the job in the first place. I should have listened to my gut and stayed put.

For all our sakes.

I pull out my phone and make the first call, which goes pretty much the way I thought it would.

I’m damn grateful.

And then I make the second call.

“Fire hall,” the chief says when he answers.

“It’s Waters.” I sit on the end of the bed. “I know this is going to put you in a bind, and I apologize, but I’m not coming back, sir.”

There’s a brief pause. “What happened?”

“My life fell apart while I was gone. And, frankly, as much as I love the job, I love her more.”

“Diego always tells everyone that they can’t have a family and the job,” Chief says with a sigh. “I say that’s bullshit. It’s hard, but you can find the balance. I’m disappointed to lose you because you’re fucking good at your job. But, if I were in your shoes, I’d do the same. My life doesn’t work without Lorraine.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“I assume CFFD took you back?”

“I just got off the phone with them,” I confirm.

“Good. I’ll make some calls of my own. Good luck to you, Waters.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I hang up and get to work unpacking my bags, putting everything away. And then I make a call to the garage that fixed Tash’s car last time.

After I make it clear that I’m not happy with the work and that I’ll be letting others in town know, I’m assured that a tow truck will come to fetch the SUV and get it back in working order.

I have my mother’s famous spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove before I head back to take a shower.

I’m going to win her back.

There is no other choice.