Swallow Your Pride by Sarah Blue
YOU’RE NOT MY DADDY ANYMORE
The work weekcontinues with no mention of the kiss cam, and Aiden goes back to being a hermit in his office. Is it wrong I wish there was some other tragic phallic-looking sticker ordeal to spend more time with him?
No… bad Jessa.
If he were interested, he would have said something at the baseball game. He didn’t, and he’s my boss. It’s time to look for affection somewhere else. Of course my phone rings, and I’m so fucking frustrated I finally grab it and go out of the office.
“What?” I answer the phone.
“Come home, baby, Daddy didn’t mean it.”
“Tell me, Sean. How do you fuck your student and not mean it?” I say angrily.
“Don’t be like that. I know you need me, Jessa. Where are you even living? You left most of your things here. I know you’re coming back to me.”
“I’m not coming back. I don’t want to be with you, and I’m living somewhere else.”
“Come back home now and I won’t be mad,” Sean says with all of his arrogance. It’s what initially attracted me to him, and now I hate it.
“No, Sean. We’re broken up. You’re not my boyfriend, and you’re certainly not my fucking daddy anymore.”
“Don’t make me lose my temp—” I hang up the phone and slide down the side of the building, my ass connecting to hot as fuck concrete, making me jolt up.
There’s a slight gasp to my left, and I’m mortified to see Penny standing there with a vape to her lips.
“Um, I can act like I didn’t hear anything,” she says sheepishly, and I wave her off.
“It’s fine, I’m not embarrassed about what I like.”
She smiles at me and leans against the wall next to me. “You know, if that’s what you’re in to, there’s a place called Avalon.” I tilt my head at her, and she continues. “It’s a sex club, pretty posh, membership only. But they are having an event this weekend to try and get some new members.”
I blink at her. “And you know this because you go?”
“I haven’t grown a pair of lady balls big enough to go yet, but you should check it out. Nothing like getting over an ex like getting under someone new.”
I smile at her and nod. “I think it would help. I mean I’m over Sean. I think I was way before I found him cheating, that was the thing that just pushed me to leave, you know?”
“But you miss the lifestyle?” she says, more curious than anything.
I shrug my shoulders before speaking. “I like being taken care of in that sense. It’s been hard being on my own.”
“Then you should go! If no one catches your eye, you can just leave. But who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone interesting.”
“Maybe I’ll check it out.”
“You’ll have to report back if you do,” Penny adds in and I laugh.
“Of course.”
“Now, can we go get a sandwich? I’m fucking starving,” Penny whines and I laugh nudging her shoulder.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
* * *
I’m at the copier, minding my own fucking business when I notice Tabitha strutting her stuck-up ass around the office and heading toward Aiden’s.
For someone who seems to be into my half-brother, she sure does spend a lot of time trying to get Aiden’s attention.
It irritates me.
Luckily for my irrational jealousy, he isn’t in his office, and Tabitha storms off, her nose high in the air as her heels click and her ponytail swishes behind her.
“She gone?” a soft voice says behind me, scaring the shit out of me.
“Fuck,” I whisper to myself as I clutch a hand to my chest.
Aiden laughs and his hand squeezes my shoulder before retreating. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“That’s okay,” I say softly, holding on to the copier as the papers shoot out. “Not a fan of Tabitha?”
He gives me a look like he wants to tell me the truth, but then remembers that he’s my boss. “She complains a lot,” is all he says, and I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth.
There’s a dark bitchy side of me that wants to say maybe she would stop complaining if she wasn’t with someone like Zach, but I swallow it. I hate being that person, but I can’t say that it’s a total lie.
“Maybe we should give her more bats to take stickers off of, and see how much she complains then,” I say, and Aiden smirks at me. He shakes his head and looks down at the documents coming out of the printer.
“Are these your branding ideas?”
“Yeah,” I say in an airy tone. I don’t even recognize my voice.
“I’m excited to see them. When did you want to go over everything?” he says, not disturbing my papers, and my heart starts beating rapidly under my rib cage. It’s a mixture of fear and excitement. I think my ideas are great, but what if he hates them? There’s also the fact that I’ll be in his office with him, staring at his hands, watching his expressions and thinking about how dreamy he is.
Why couldn’t I have had an ugly boss?
“I have time on Friday,” he says, and I nod my head.
“Friday works.”
“Looking forward to it,” he says with a smile, as he heads back to his Tabitha-free office. I really wish Aiden would start being a dick to me. His kindness is giving me mixed signals, and I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through this meeting without combusting.
* * *
Did I sleep last night? Certainly fucking not. The thought of this presentation has been running through my head all night. Being in Aiden’s office with him, and the dirty thoughts I keep having about him don’t help.
The thought of leaning over his desk to reach for a stapler and his hand creeping up the back of my thigh. Fuck, I even thought about him fucking me bent over the desk with his office door wide open, Tabitha staring with wide-eyed jealousy. Yeah, this isn’t helpful. At least I have Avalon to look forward to on Saturday, so maybe some of this pent-up tension will get released then because my vibrator sure as hell isn’t getting the job done.
I put on more makeup than usual, covering my under eyes and giving me a hopefully brighter appearance than I feel right now.
When Aiden calls me into his office, I feel like every nerve ending is firing off, but I grab my portfolio, ready to impress him as I sit opposite his desk.
He gives me a soft smile, and maybe I’m deluded, but I haven’t seen him smile that way toward anyone else in the office.
“Let’s see it,” he says, holding out his hand and accepting the papers.
“My idea is Kemper’s standard logo is fine, but needs to be incorporated more into each division. Right now, there’s nothing in the baseball line that matches with the skateboard line. And while that’s great because there are major differences between products and buyers, we still want people to remember the Kemper name. There needs to be some uniform representation in the branding.”
He smiles again, flicking through the pages, and I feel proud of them. Is this the work I want to do for the rest of my life? Hell no. But I feel proud of the direction and the work I put in, and when I look at Aiden’s face, I can tell he is too.
“You’ve done a great job, Jessa,” he says, looking at my designs and marking up which ones he loves or isn’t sure about. “I’m—Collin would have been proud of this,” he says, swallowing and looking back down at the files.
It feels like everything falls back to his relationship with my father and the current situation we find ourselves in—me being his employee. He leaves me notes and tells me again how proud he is of the work I’ve done. There’s something soft in his eyes as he says it, and I still feel like something is lingering between us, but I let it go. I need to find an outlet for these feelings instead of imposing them on him. If he felt the same there would be a clearer sign.
* * *
It’s Saturday night and I’ve RSVP’d for Avalon’s open event. It’s black tie, and I have my tight-black dress on. It hits me in all the right places, and I feel confident even if I’m still nervous. I have small gold hoop earrings with butterflies on them and my hair is in loose curls down my back. I feel beautiful, and my new tan from living on the beach doesn’t hurt either.
I’m not usually someone who is into casual. Not that I would ever judge someone who is, but for me and what I’m looking for in a sexual dynamic, there needs to be trust, and you can’t just earn that overnight. Avalon does offer a sense of security that going out to a club or bar doesn’t offer. Picking up a stranger, you lose the safety that somewhere like Avalon offers. Not to mention most people here have some idea of kink etiquette and the chances of finding someone who matches my interests are higher.
I wouldn’t be able to pay the membership fees right now, but I wonder if there are any discounts for single women. I’m getting way ahead of myself, per usual. But, I at least have tonight. I think Penny is right that being with someone else will really put the nail in the coffin that was my relationship with Sean.
Avalon isn’t far from the office, and it’s around sunset when I arrive. The entrance is a mix of black and gold, not in a cheap way. It feels lux and formal with dimmed lighting. I sign in at the front of the desk and check my purse and phone into their secure lockers. I almost feel naked without my phone, there’s nothing to hide behind.
My heels click on the black marble as I join the woman—Clara—who will be providing our tour.
“After the tour you can sign up for membership or ask questions. You can engage in everything except sexual activity, since we need STI screening for our members. But touching, if welcomed by one of our members, is permitted.”
There are two couples along with me on the tour, and I can’t help but feel out of place. I’m not sure if I could join a couple or not. No, I know for a fact I couldn’t. I wish I was that bold, but I would want to be the center of attention and that’s not possible when you have to take two people into consideration.
“Avalon prides itself on being a clean, safe, and unique place for you to indulge in your fantasies. We take our members’ privacy and safety above all else. If you decide to sign up, your information will remain confidential and cameras are not permitted on the premises.” She walks us through the halls and there are a series of closed doors.
“There are individual rooms you can rent with other members or pairings, but our biggest features are the areas for voyeurism, exhibitionism, and experimentation.” As we walk farther we’re greeted by a massive room, decorated the same as the foyer with black and gold. There are pairings of people and groups all throughout the large space.
Most of the seating are sectional-like black couches and chairs, with people engaging in various sexual acts and scenes. I’m fascinated as I watch a woman who is on her knees between a man’s legs. They are both fully dressed, but she just touches him and looks at him like he’s the only person in the room.
Fuck, I need that.
She looks up at him like he’s the center of the universe and this deep longing is yanking in my chest. When he cups her face gently and then wraps a fist in her hair, I can’t help but to be undeniably turned on. It’s a mixture of envy, arousal, and intrigue that keeps my eyes locked on their performance. He’s gentle, but firm with her, everything that I like. When I get a good look at the man, my first thought is that he isn’t as attractive as Aiden. Jesus Christ, I have it bad. I need a man to take the reins and let my brain shut off just for a little while. I force myself to look away from the couple and re-engage with the group.
“This is the main area, clothes optional, and mostly anything goes for activity,” she says, continuing to usher us through the space. I can’t stop glancing back at the woman on her knees, but I’m forced to as we enter an area with a stage that is currently vacant. “We have multiple shows a night, some are paid professionals who give training or explain certain kinks. We also have days where members can sign up and perform on stage.”
The couples in my tour group are chatting animatedly as she takes us to a few more rooms. They have a wax room and some others set up for specific bondage and impact play activities. Some of the rooms smell like leather and cleaning products which makes me scrunch my nose, but I understand the need for everything to be sanitary.
Clara makes sure to reiterate the rules for the night as she drops us back off at the main area. I get one free drink for attending the event, and I order myself a lemon drop. I take the cocktail and take a seat at one of the sectionals.
Even if nothing happens for me tonight, just being around like-minded people helps. The woman who was kneeling for the man earlier is gone, which is a shame. I could have happily watched them all night long. It’s early in the night so most of what’s happening around me is kissing and gentle touching, conversation making up most of the noise in the room.
There are multiple security officers around the room and I take note of where they are, just in case. I’m wishing I had my phone so I could hide away in my corner, when a man comes and sits down next to me. He’s a little younger than what I would go for, but his suit seems expensive and his smile is charming.
“May I take a seat?” he asks even though he’s already halfway to sitting down.
“Of course.” I gesture to him and he takes a seat.
“Lincoln,” he says, holding out his hand, and I shake it.
“Jessa.”
“I haven’t seen you here before,” he says, and I smile at him, though it feels forced.
“I’m here for the tour and to possibly join.”
“Is there anything I could do to sway your decision?” he asks with a smirk. It’s then that I really look at his face. Something about him seems so familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it.
“I have pretty strict rules being a visitor,” I joke, and he smirks. That familiarity rings in my head, and I still can’t place it.
“There are so many ways to make you come without fucking you, sweetheart,” he says, and I swallow thickly.
“That’s true.” I can’t decide if I’d be interested in him or not, he seems a little too cocky for what I’d usually go for, but I am just here for a good time. “What would you suggest?”
“I could—” Suddenly Lincoln is being gripped by his lapels and no longer sitting across from me. The man who grabbed him whispers in his ear and Lincoln smirks at me before waving goodbye. “I could just head over and get a drink. Nice speaking with you, Jessa,” he says as he walks away. I trail his descent with my eyes, but quickly turn to face the man who made him leave in the first place.
Aiden.
He sits down next to me and there’s a huge elephant-sized silence between us before he speaks. “Sorry for my brother,” he says, clearing his throat. Of course that’s who he reminded me of, in a more boyish type of way.
“He wasn’t bothering me,” I say, and Aiden rubs his jaw.
“Should I tell him to come back?” he asks, and I want to shake the man in front of me.
“No, I don’t think Lincoln and I have the same interests.”
Aiden unbuttons his jacket and sits back, taking a more relaxed stance on the couch, his arm behind my back and his ankle resting on his knee. I’m not sure what should be more attractive to me: the fact that Aiden is here and potentially into some of the same things as me, the way he ripped his brother from speaking to me, or how fucking hot he looks in a suit.
“And what are your interests?” Aiden asks, taking a sip of his whiskey and licking his lips as he looks at me. My gaze travels from his lips to his eyes and he smirks at me.
“I have multiple, but I think it would be more fun for you to guess,” I say, feeling bold and picking up my cocktail and taking a sip. Maybe I wasn’t wrong, and Aiden wants this as bad as I do, but he doesn’t know if the risk is worth it or not.
Maybe it’s because I’m impulsive or needy, but I don’t really care for the repercussions at the moment.
“I think that’s a dangerous game, kitten.” He eyes me hungrily and shifts his pants. I can’t help the small smile that takes over my face with his use of a pet name.
“I like a little danger sometimes,” I say, knowing how stupid I sound, but I hold back my own grimace.
He smirks and leans forward into my space just a little more than what would be considered friendly.
“I think you’re looking for someone to take care of you, who tells you what to do, who takes your pleasure into their hands.” My breathing hitches, and I nod my head. “I think you want even more than that, but I don’t think we should get into that right now.”
I look into his deep-green eyes that are so full of want, and honestly, it takes everything not to just crawl on his lap and tell him not only do I want those things, but I want to make someone feel good, needed, and cherished too.
Licking my lips instead, I respond, “And what do you want?”
“I want a lot of things I shouldn’t have.”
“Shouldn’t being the keyword?” I ask and he nods his head. He takes out his wallet and leaves a tip for the waitress—who hasn’t even stopped to ask us if we want anything—as he stands up and fixes his jacket.
“Lincoln isn’t what you need, you’re right. I don’t know many people suited at Avalon for what you’re looking for. You probably shouldn’t spend the money on the membership,” he says, walking away. I’m quickly on my feet and following him. I grab his arm and he spins around on his own accord as there’s no way I could manhandle him even if I wanted to.
“Aiden,” I start to speak, and his hand is around my throat and my back is pressed against the wall. His touch isn’t threatening or rough, more like he’s trying to ground himself and the only way he knows how to do that is by touching me. It’s tender, and it has me pressing my thighs together as my eyes meet his.
His thumb is rubbing my jaw in a tender caress as his hand is lightly holding me still. “This can’t happen,” he says, and I blink at him a few times.
“Why not?” I ask, feeling a little petulant.
“I made some promises I intend to keep.”
I roll my eyes, loathing my dead father for cock-blocking me at the moment. “He’s dead,” I say, and I don’t mean for it to come out so coldly, but it does. Aiden’s hand dropping from my throat instantly when the harsh words are out. The warmth of his hand and body leaving my own as he blinks at me before walking away.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” he says in a low tone before heading out of the club’s doors.
This was definitely not the evening I had in mind.