Between Never and Forever by Brit Benson

12

“Thank you so much,South Beach. We’ve had a blast playing for you guys this weekend.”

Clapping. Whistling. Cheering. It’s just a popular beach bar, but it feels like Hard Rock Stadium, and I can’t hide my happiness. I glance over my shoulder at Mabel, and she’s grinning just as wide as I am. I lean back into the mic slowly, panting to catch my breath. I’ve never been this full of energy, and I try to keep my cool when I speak.

“Once again, just so you don’t forget us, we’re Savannah Alt. That’s Mabel on the drums, Jonah on the guitar, Torren on the bass, Sean on the keyboard, and my name’s Savannah. Have a great night!”

This show was phenomenal. It was the best one yet. I’m bouncing with excitement at how well it went. The bar was at capacity, and the guy who has been talking to Torren and Sean about possibly putting us on a small tour up the coast sent some random guy to come and record bits of the show on his phone.

That’s got to be a good sign, right?

We played six originals. That’s five more than we usually do, but the crowd clapped so loud after the first that we decided to try another one. After the second, they kept asking for more. My songs were a hit.

Lyrics and music I wrote.

Songs I sang.

The crowd loved them, and I loved it. I’ve got a notebook filled with more to share.

I’ve never been the focus of so much positive attention before, and it’s been growing with each show. Even when I was busking in Nashville, I always had to read the crowd. Watch for cops or annoyed pedestrians. Once I had a whole soda dumped on me by an angry businessman in a suit.

Such a prick. It’s always the ones who appear respectable that turn out to be the biggest assholes.

When the lights shut off and I put my guitar back on the stand, the only thing I want to do is jump off the stage and rush to Levi. No matter what happened during our show, every time my eyes landed on him, his were on me.

And his attention?

It was better than anything else.

I want to run straight to him, but I need to talk to Torren and Sean first. I have shit to say, and they need to listen. I chug the rest of my water bottle, hold up a give me a minute finger to Levi, then turn to face the stage.

I can’t find Sean, but Torren is standing just off the side of the stage, texting someone on his phone. His hair is sweaty from the set and pushed back on his forehead, exposing dark eyebrows slanted in concentration. I don’t know if the black eye and fat lip he’s sporting are from Levi or Jonah, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel a little better about this whole thing.

I take a deep breath and walk up to him. We haven’t spoken since I got here. He tried to apologize, but I shut him down. Told him we’d talk after, so here I am.

“Hey,” I say, making him look up from his phone. “Got a minute?”

Torren nods and puts his phone in his pocket. `“Yeah. Want to talk out back?”

He looks so sad and nervous. Like a scolded puppy. It almost makes me feel bad. Almost. I tell Torren to lead the way, and I follow him through the door and into the alleyway where Jonah’s van is parked. When the door shuts behind us, muffling the sounds coming from inside the bar, he puts his hands in his front pockets and lowers his eyes.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Savvy,” he says, but he’s talking to the ground.

It pisses me off. It feels like a cop out. I use my booted foot to kick some rocks in his line of sight.

“Say it to me, Torren, not the damn gravel.”

He drags his eyes to mine, and I keep my face hard. When he doesn’t speak, I wave a hand between us, prompting.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what happened. I just saw Levi wailing on Sean.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, my irritation flaring hotter.

“What happened is that you got us high, and then Sean tried to grope me. I trusted you guys. I know he’s your brother, but you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am, Savannah. I swear. But it wasn’t like that with Sean.”

“Yes, it was! He twisted up my shirt and bra. He had my shorts undone—”

“He thought you were into it—”

“I said NO! I remember. I said no, Torren.”

He drags a hand over his face, embarrassed or ashamed, I can’t tell.

“God, Sav, I just...Sean says you said yes. He says you wanted it. He wouldn’t do this.”

I gasp, and my jaw drops.

“I tried to shove him off me! I kneed him in the gut. I was crying.”

The words strangle my throat, and I feel like I might start crying again. It’s strange, saying all of this out loud. Watching him react. Realizing that it actually did happen. I didn’t misremember it. I was high, and someone I trusted took advantage.

“Savannah, I’m sorry. He would have stopped.”

“That’s a lie. He stopped because Levi made him stop, and now you’re defending him? Even after I’m telling you what happened? You’re taking Sean’s word over mine? God, Levi was right. You don’t care about me at all.”

Torren’s face turns angry, and he shakes his head.

“No, I didn’t even know what was happening. I just saw your friend attacking Sean, and Sean is my fucking brother. He practically raised me, Savvy. But now, this Levi dick has to come in and pretend to be some gallant hero saving you from danger. It’s Sean, Savvy. He’s not a rapist. Your friend overreacted.”

I take a step toward him, pointing right at his chest. It’s taking all of my strength not to yell. Not to smack him. I’ve never been good at curbing my temper. Now’s no exception. When I speak, my voice is shaking.

“You don’t get to rewrite what happened, just so you feel better about it. You sure as hell don’t get to talk shit about Levi. I don’t care Sean’s your brother. The truth is the truth. Sean forced himself on me, and Levi did what he did to protect me. Unlike you, and you gotta sit with that.”

Torren’s jaw pops as he clenches his teeth. His nostrils flare. He closes his eyes briefly, then opens them and sets them on me. I don’t know what to expect. If he’s going argue some more or apologize again, but I’m fifteen seconds from saying fuck it and leaving him in this alley. I’m so busy glaring at him, that when his phone rings, I actually jump.

His face wipes of the irritated expression and it’s replaced with excitement. A bit of fear. He goes a little pale as he pulls his phone from his pocket, locking his eyes on me as he answers.

“Mr. Hammond. What’s up, sir?”

My ears perk at the name. Hammond. That’s Torren and Sean’s contact. The man with the phone camera’s boss. I watch Torren’s face as he listens. I read into every muscle twitch. Every eyebrow dip. When his lips start to curve into a smile, I find mine mirroring his.

Oh my god.

Oh. My. God.

“Thank you,” Torren says into the phone. “Thank you so much, Mr. Hammond. We’ll be there first thing Monday morning. Yes. Okay. See you then.”

He hangs up and slides his phone into his back pocket, then turns his smiling attention on me, one eyebrow arched playfully.

“Hey Savvy. Wanna go on tour?”

“Oh my god, are you kidding me?” I yell, then clasp my hands over my mouth to smother my uncontrollable giggles. “We’re going on tour? We’re really going on tour?”

Torren nods, looking like an excited doggy bobblehead on a dashboard.

“Starting next week if we can get our shit in order. Three months. Miami all the way up the coast to finish in New York City.”

I squeal, move to launch at him in a hug, and then halt myself. His face falls, the picture of remorse, and I wince. I feel bad, but not enough to follow through with the hug. I clear my throat and gesture to the door that leads back into the bar.

“I’m gonna go tell Mabes.”

I don’t wait for his response. I just rush into the bar and tackle Mabel in the hug I almost gave Torren.

“Whoa, babe, what’s up?” Mabel rasps with a laugh. I pull back and give her shoulders a shake.

“We’re fucking goin’ on tour, Mabes, that’s what!”

“What? Tour?”

“TOUR!” I kiss her cheek and move to step away. “Go find Torren. He’ll tell you about it. I’m out of here tonight, though. Levi leaves tomorrow. I’ll call in the morning, okay?”

Mabel groans and grabs my hand, tugging me back in for another hug.

“Don’t be lame! Come hang and celebrate with us!”

“I can’t,” I say with a laugh. “Tomorrow, okay?”

“Ugh, fine, bitch. Tomorrow.”

I smile and start walking backward.

“We’re going on tour,” I call to her, and she squeals, clapping her hands.

“Tour!”