Between Never and Forever by Brit Benson

13

I’m bouncingand grinning like an idiot when I get to Levi’s table.

He’s frowning down at his phone, so I pluck it away and shove it in my bra. He turns his body to face me and when his brown eyes meet mine, they’re full of amusement and mirth and something else I can’t quite name but want more of.

It’s because of that last thing that I don’t tell him about the tour.

“Brat,” he deadpans. It’s a term of endearment disguised as an insult, I’ve decided.

“Leviticus,” I croon, stepping between his widespread legs so our faces are only a foot apart. “Want to get out of here?”

I don’t let him answer. I just grab his hand and lead the way, and he follows behind. He never lets go. When people stop me to tell me how much they liked the show, his fingers tighten around mine and my heartbeat kicks up. When I look up at him, he’s looking back at me. Always.

“Where are we going?” he asks once we’re outside in the humid night air.

“Where do you want to go?”

He shrugs and gives me a small smile.

“I want to go wherever you’re going.”

I roll my eyes playfully to try and hide the way I want to melt into a quivering puddle of goo.

“What time do you have to leave tomo—”

My sentence cuts off as another memory from last night fades into focus.

Tomorrow. Levi’s voice. Whispered and warm. Goosebumps prickle my arms and legs.

I want you.

Then still want me tomorrow.

My gaze flies back to his, and he’s watching me curiously. I bounce my eyes between his. Silvery gray dancing with chocolate brown. Then still want me tomorrow, he said.

“Let’s go back to my place,” I say, nerves racketing in my chest and throat.

He can tell something’s up, but he doesn’t ask. He just nods and takes my hand once more as I order up a ride on my phone.

“You guys were great tonight.” His low voice cuts through the silence as we wait, and I beam at the honesty I hear in his words. “I can’t get over how good you are, actually. You’re really talented, Sav.”

I can feel the tips of my ears heat under his praise. I bite my lip and shrug it off, elbowing him in the side.

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’m capable of being good at something,” I tease, and he sighs.

“Trust me, I am well aware you can be good at something. You’ve always been able to master anything you touch. Skateboarding. Drag racing. Kickboxing. Pickpocketing, apparently, too. Hell, even math, despite the fact that you refused to let it show.”

I scoff playfully.

“I was a C student.”

“You were a C student by choice, not ability.”

I wave him off and he chuckles as the car pulls up and we climb inside.

“What I’m saying, though, is that when you’re up on that stage, you’re beyond normal good. You’re just, kind of, I don’t even know how to put it.”

“Mega good?” I offer with a laugh. “Super good? Fan-freaking-tastically good?”

He rests his head on the car seat, then looks at me. His expression is serious enough that my smile slips a little. I lock eyes with him and wait.

“You’re good enough to be something big,” he says slowly, his voice full of emotion. “I can feel it. You, with your electric guitar and your raspy voice—you’ve got star power. Just don’t forget all about me when it happens, okay?”

I nod and swallow back a lump in my throat, my tongue suddenly tied and heavy. I bump my leg into his and give him a small smile.

“I could never.”

The minute the words leave my mouth, Levi’s grin grows until it’s stretched over his face, and for a few seconds in the back of this car, he looks just like the boy I left behind.

We sit in comfortable silence the rest of the drive, and when we’re pulling up to my house, my head is resting on his shoulder and my hand is clasped in his. He slides out of the car first, then holds out a hand to help me. I let us into the house using my key and we walk to my bedroom. The house is quiet because my roommate is probably staying at her boyfriend’s place. It’s so quiet that I wonder if Levi can hear how fast and hard my heart is pounding.

He turns to me awkwardly and leans on the doorframe to my room.

“Well, what did you want to do?” He glances at the watch on his wrist. “It’s pretty late, and I’m leaving with the guys tomorrow afternoon, so maybe you and I can—”

“It’s tomorrow,” I blurt, cutting him off. He looks at me quizzically as I lick my lips and try again, more softly this time. “It’s tomorrow...and I still want you.”

The moment what I’m saying registers in his head, the confusion is erased. His jaw tenses, and he swallows hard. His eyes burn on my skin as I walk slowly toward him.

“Savannah,” he warns, whispered low and full of need.

I stop in front of him, six inches apart, and look up into his handsome face. I take my fingers and run them over his lips, and his eyes flutter shut as he sucks in a shuddering breath.

“It’s tomorrow, and I still want you.”

His eyes fly open, and he searches my face, the lingering disbelief making my mouth turn up into a smirk. I’ve said it twice, and he’s still surprised.

“Ask me,” I tease, and I know the minute he understands.

He takes one hand and places it on my hip, then cups his other hand around my neck so his fingers thread into the hair at my nape and his thumb caresses my jaw. I bite my lip, shivering a bit at his touch.

“Savannah. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

His lips are on mine in an instant, soft and tentative at first, then harder and more urgent. I open for him, inviting him in, and I moan when he once again tastes like citrus and whiskey. It makes the memories from last night—the kissing and touching—more real, and I revel in it. I fist my hands in his shirt and pull him into me, then pull him with me as I walk backward toward my mattress.

I’m a hurried, fumbling mess. Feeling everything everywhere. I tug at his shirt, and he leans back just enough to pull it over his head and toss it on the floor. Then he makes sure mine follows. My torn and cropped AC/DC t-shirt already exposed my stomach and flashed by red bra, but Levi still presses hot kisses to my collarbone as if it’s a new discovery.

I put my hands on the waistband of his shorts, and a low groan rumbles in his chest as I undo the button. Slowly, with his forehead pressed to mine and his rapid breaths ghosting over my lips, I push his shorts over the curve of his ass and down his thighs until I hear them drop on the floor at his feet. Then I take his hands, drag them down my heated skin, and place them on the band of my pants.

“Are you sure?” His question is whispered, and he lifts his eyes just enough so he can peer into mine. “We don’t have to.”

God, the way my heart squeezes at his words. At his concern and care for me. No one has ever cared about me the way Levi did. Does. The way Levi does. I force a smirk to hide just how emotionally wrecked I am.

“Just take off my pants, Leviticus.”

He huffs a laugh, then does as I say. He slips his thumbs into the band of my skin-tight distressed jeans, and carefully shimmies them down over my ass. When he gets my jeans to mid-thigh, I have to take over or risk toppling backward. I stifle a squeak as I struggle, and when I finally get the pants to my ankles and kick them to the side of the room, I’m heated through with embarrassment.

“Talk about sexy,” I groan jokingly, but when I meet Levi’s face once more, the sarcasm dies on my tongue.

He’s staring, devouring every inch of my body with his eyes, and then I turn red for a different reason.

Men look at me lustfully all the time. It’s quite literally my job. I dance and get half naked while they watch. I don’t care about their opinions. I don’t care how they see me. But with Levi? It’s an entirely different experience. I care how he sees me. I always have. And the way he’s looking at me right now?

It’s completely and utterly reverent.

Spurred on by his reaction, I undo the front clasp on my red bra and let it fall to the ground. The breath he sucks in goes straight to my toes. My clit throbs. My nipples harden the longer he stares, to the point that it’s almost painful. I need to be touched.

“You’re absolutely beautiful,” he rasps, eyes roving my body and hands clenched at his sides.

I glance down at his gray boxer briefs and my eyes widen, nerves and butterflies warring with each other in my stomach. I knew from the lap dance that he was probably going to be big, but this? I worry my lip and furrow my brow.

“Are you okay? We can stop.”

“No,” I say quickly, forcing a smile. “It’s not that. I’m just nervous, is all.” He huffs out an awkward laugh and nods. I slip my fingers into the sides of my thong, then meet his eyes. “Together?”

“Yeah.”

Levi matches my movements, sliding his fingers into the band of his underwear and pulls them down his body. I stare. I can’t help it.

I can’t stop staring.

As if in slow motion, a tuft of dark blond hair comes into view followed by the thick base of his dick. My mouth goes dry as more and more of his shaft becomes visible. It looks smooth and solid, with light purplish veins that make my throat tight and my core throb. And it feels like it never ends. When the head of his dick springs free from the fabric, my breath catches. It’s just as smooth and solid and pulsing as the rest of it. It’s intimidating, but also really fucking sexy, and I don’t know what to do with that.

“Fuck,” I breathe out, dropping my panties to the floor, eyes still trained on his hard dick.

“Fuck is right.”

When I drag my eyes from Levi’s cock to his face, he almost looks like he’s in pain, stuck somewhere between pleasure and agony. He forces a hard swallow, his attention on my pussy, which is already throbbing and wet. When he wraps his hand around his shaft and squeezes, I have to press my thighs together to relieve some of the ache.

“Can I touch you?” he asks, and I nod.

“Please.”

He steps forward and runs his palms down my arms, then up my torso. He thumbs the undersides of my breasts, making me whimper, before brushing featherlight caresses over my nipples. I drop my head back, and his lips find their way to my neck.

“Yes,” I whisper, gripping his biceps before dragging my hands to his waist, working up the courage to grip him there.

Levi’s hands move from my breasts to my ass, squeezing, then he brings one hand between my legs and cups me. I gasp.

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” His voice is a low rasp as he runs two fingers through me. “Fuck, Sav.”

He closes his mouth over mine, swallowing a cry as he rubs lightly on my clit. Desperate for him, for more, for all of it, I wrap my hand around his hard dick and stroke. I groan into his mouth at how silken his skin feels, how hard he is. As his tongue attacks my mouth, I rub my thumb over the head of his dick, swiping at something wet, and rubbing it over the tip.

When Levi growls into my mouth, I almost lose it.

“Fuck, Savannah.”

“You like that?” I pant against his lips, and he thrusts in my hand.

“I’ll like anything you do.”

I smile against him, then squeeze and stroke some more, loving how ragged his breathing gets. How rough his soft lips treat mine. I press closer to him, so my breasts graze his body, rubbing my hard nipples over him. He drags his mouth from mine, bites and sucks on my neck, then drops to his knees in front of me and takes my nipple into his mouth.

I cry out, the sensations of his lips on my nipple and his hand on my pussy is more than I have ever felt before. He laves his tongue around me, sucking and grazing me lightly with his teeth, as his fingers move from my clit lower, circling my entrance, already soaked and tingling.

“Oh my god.”

He hums around me, then looks up at me with eyes that take my breath away. I swallow hard around the strange desire to cry and run my fingers through his hair. He presses a kiss to the dip between my breasts, then licks around my other nipple, eyes never leaving mine.

“Do you have a condom?”

His voice is so rough that for a moment, all I can do is nod. I bend down and kiss his lips, then step away, walking backward toward my door.

“Just, um, stay,” I say with a giggle.

God, he looks so fucking sexy, naked and on his knees, hard cock jutting out from his body.

“Don’t move. I’ll be just a second.”

His expression is confused as I turn and rush into the hallway. Thank god no one is home. I sprint into my roommate’s room and go straight for her top dresser drawer. Please, please, please let there be condoms in here. When I open the drawer, my shoulders sag with relief.

“Jackpot.”

My roommate teases me all the time. If you ever decide to bring someone home, don’t forget a condom! I don’t want to have to rent the room to you AND a baby. I’ve got some if you don’t.

I always laughed her off until now. I grab one, then turn to leave, but stop myself. I turn back to the dresser and survey the box in the drawer. I think it over for just a second before I snatch the whole box and take it with me. Better to be safe, right?

When I get back to the room, Levi is sitting on my mattress with his long legs stretched out on the floor in front of him and his upper body propped on his forearms. Even in the darkness, he looks like sculpted perfection. To say I’m shocked would be an understatement.

I walk to him and toss the condom box on the bed, then climb onto the mattress next to him. He wastes no time, kissing me once more with a hunger I’ve only heard about in songs. His palms caress my skin, tugging and rubbing, as he lays me down on my back. I part my legs so his body can fit between them, and when his hard cock rubs against my wet, sensitive skin, I moan.

“You’re so perfect,” he rasps against me. “You’re so beautiful.”

I reach between us and palm him. When he thrusts into my hand with a groan, my chest tightens. When I speak, my words are whispered against his lips, into his mouth.

“Levi. You’re so...Is it...Do you think it will hurt, much?”

He pulls away slowly, surprised eyes scanning my face.

“You’re a virgin?”

I bite my lip and try to shrug off my immediate embarrassment. I huff out a fake laugh.

“I mean, don’t look so surprised.”

“No,” he says quickly, kissing me again. “It’s not that. I’m just...I’m honored is all. To be your first.”

I dig my fingers into his sides and lick my lips, bouncing my eyes between his.

“Have you, um, have you done this already?”

The way he winces guts me. Disappointment I never expected shoots from my head to my toes and makes my eyes sting. I want to double over from the force of it.

“Once. Just once.”

“Oh.”

Before I can stop, I picture her. The girl he gave his virginity to. His once.

Someone from college. Someone from a good family. Someone who doesn’t strip for money. Someone with a halo and wings to match his. I bet his mom would like her. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and perfect in every way. Like him.

“If I had known...” he says, pulling me from my thoughts. “If I had even thought there was a chance—” he cuts off and kisses me again, then presses his forehead to mine.

“I wish it was you, Sav. I wish it was you.”

That whispered confession does enough to loosen all my muscles, to calm the pain in my chest and soothe away my need to cry. I tell myself the other girl meant nothing. Pastor’s kid rebellion. This time is what counts.

I nod and give him a small smile.

“I’ll get you ready, okay? I’ll make sure it feels good for you.”

Slowly, he kisses his way down my body, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his lips, until he’s situated between my thighs and his hot breath fans over my pussy. I’m wet and throbbing, and when he licks me the first time, my whole body jerks. He uses his forearm to press down on my hips and does it again, this time circling my clit with his tongue and sucking.

“Oh, Christ,” I groan. “Oh, Jesus Christ.”

He chuckles against me, intensifying my arousal.

“I thought you weren’t religious, Shaw?”

“I thought good Christian boys weren’t supposed to do wicked things with their tongues,” I pant back, tightening my thighs around his head.

He licks and sucks again, and I buck against him.

“Oh my god, are you all like this?”

He stops and lets out a low growl, vibrating from his mouth over my pussy.

“You don’t talk about other guys when my mouth is on you. Understand?”

The authority in his voice, the absolute dominance in the command, shocks me in the most delicious way. I usually find this side of Levi irritating, but right now, I’m melting for him. I’ll do anything he tells me to. I clear my throat before answering.

“Yes. Understood.”

“Good.”

He quirks his lips, glistening with my arousal, into a sinful smile.

“Now stay still so I can make you come.”

I laugh, but it quickly transforms into a moan. Levi’s mouth and tongue have me seeing stars. When his finger probes into me, I release a strangled cry.

“Relax, Sav,” he croons against me, rotating his finger and sliding in deeper. “Relax for me.”

I feel a sting, a tightness, and then he’s lapping at me again, flicking and sucking at my clit in a way that makes the pressure feel blissful. When he presses another finger into me, I move against him. Against his face and hand, until I’m panting.

“Oh shit, Levi,” I say, tightening my grip on his hair and my thighs around his head. “Oh my God, is that...is this...”

And then I’m detonating, sparks of electric sensation shoot through my body, turning me to a panting, twitching mess. I don’t even realize he’s moved back up my body until he’s kissing me again. I can taste myself on his lips. He’s propped on one arm, his other hand resting on my rib cage and caressing me with gentle strokes of his thumb.

“Are you good?” he asks as I gasp for breath.

“Oh my God. Just once? You sure just once? Because that was...that was...”

He laughs.

“This was actually my first time doing that.”

I pop my eyes open and gape. I can’t tell in the darkness, but I would bet money that he’s blushing just from the smile he’s sporting. Adorably bashful, yet full of pride. He laughs again and jerks his shoulders in an awkward shrug.

“Porn.”

I bark out a laugh, and he rolls his eyes.

“Leviticus Noah Luke Paul Jesus Cooper! You perv! You do not watch porn!”

He buries his face in my neck and blows a raspberry on the sensitive skin below my ear, making me giggle and squirm. I shriek and push at him.

“Ewww!”

He pulls back up and looks down at me, smile stretched wide.

“You’re such a brat.”

I bite my lip, then slowly arch my hips upward, bumping his hard dick with my wet pussy. Immediately his smile disappears, and it’s replaced with hunger. Lust. Need. He flexes his hips, so he rubs against me, and my breath hitches.

The way he’s looking at me, searching my face, like I’m the only thing worth seeing. I’ll never find anyone else who will look at me that way. I know it for certain. It makes my heart ache.

“I’m ready.”

Levi nods and reaches for the box of condoms. I watch as he fumbles with tearing one open and rolling the latex down his shaft. He’s so big that my fear spikes again. He must see it in my eyes because he presses a slow kiss to my lips.

“I’ll make sure it feels good for you,” he says against me, and I believe him.

I trust him wholly. He’s the only person I’ve ever trusted.

So, when he positions himself above me and kisses me, I relax. I get lost in the way his mouth moves over mine. I feel him swipe the head of his hard cock through me, pressing lightly on my clit before doing it again.

I grab onto his biceps and breathe deeply through my nose as slowly, gently, he presses into me. I wince at the sting, at the tightness of the stretch, but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. When Levi reaches between us and rubs my clit, the discomfort almost disappears, until he’s fully seated inside me.

“How do you feel,” he grinds out, breathing hard.

I wiggle a little, mentally taking inventory of my body parts and the shape they’re in. When I flex my pussy, Levi groans.

“Fuck, Sav, don’t do that yet, okay?”

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

He chokes out a laugh and drops his forehead to mine, eyes squeezed shut.

“The opposite of hurt. But if you want me to last more than two seconds, you have to give me a moment to adjust.”

I giggle, and he groans again.

“Sorry,” I say, but I flex again anyway.

“Brat,” he chokes out, and his amusement is mixed with enough pain that I take mercy on him.

This time, tentatively, I start to move on him. Little thrusts upward to get used to the feel, testing it out.

“I feel good,” I say honestly, answering his earlier question. “I feel really good.”

“Yeah? Can I move?”

“Yeah. You can move.”

He starts to thrust into me, slow and gentle at first. When I start to thrust back, marveling at the way his face twists in pleasure, he speeds up.

“Better,” he says as he moves. “So. Much. Better.”

My voice is raspy and breathless, somewhere between a whimper and a moan, when I respond.

“Better than what?”

“Everything.”

He drops his head to my shoulder, speeding up until he’s hitting me somewhere inside that makes sparks flash inside my head and every sensitive part of my body throb.

“You’re better than everything.”

I kiss him. His cheek. His neck. His ear. I kiss every part of him my mouth can reach as he pounds into me until he finally brings his lips back to mine. I hum, tangling our tongues in time to the rhythm of our bodies, every movement a perfectly-orchestrated chorus, until he speeds up.

“Sav. Touch yourself for me.”

It’s a plea as much as it is a command, and I obey, snaking my hand between our bodies, flattening it on my pelvis as his grinds into me, and I rub my clit the way he did. I moan and feel myself clench at the contact, and he grunts.

“I’m going to come,” he blurts out.

It sounds almost apologetic, but I don’t say anything. I just clench harder around him and match his thrusts in a way that makes his mouth fall open and his eyes clamp shut.

“Oh, fuck.”

Levi’s movements turn jerky, and he captures my lips once more, moaning into my mouth as he comes inside me. When he starts to slow our kiss, I follow suit. I’m covered in sweat, my thighs and butt are wet and sticky, and I’ve never felt so exhausted, but I’ve never felt so happy, either.

He pulls out of me and props himself back up on his arm beside me.

“How do you feel?” he asks, and I grin at him.

“Perfect.”

“Sorry you didn’t....that I didn’t...”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, lips turning into a rueful grin.

“Next time, I’ll make sure you come first.”

I laugh. It’s airy and giddy despite my exhaustion. I don’t point out that technically I did come first because the idea of there maybe being a next time already has me squirming.

“It’s a deal.”

Levi rolls off the bed with a “be right back” and wanders down the hall to the bathroom. When he comes back, he drops down on the mattress next to me and scoops me into his arms. I snuggle into his chest in spite of the heat, his breath tickling the naked, sweat-slicked skin on my collarbone.

I have to swallow back a giggle.

I just gave my virginity to Levi Cooper, and I’ve truly never been this happy. I’ve never felt this cherished. This important. This loved.

I’ve never trusted anyone enough to even care much about sex. I’ve never felt safe enough. But with Levi, it’s different.

He’s special. He’s gentle and kind, and he cares about me. He’d never hurt me. I trust him more than anyone else in the world. I trust him more than myself, even.

The fact that he was my first makes me giddy, and even though I wasn’t his first, I know that this was just as important for him.

This time, with me, is the one that matters.

It was perfect. He is perfect.

I’ll never, ever forget it.