No Chance by Lisa Suzanne

CHAPTER 11: HANNAH

How do you decide what to pack for three months on the road? I don’t have three months’ worth of clothes, though I’d imagine we have access to laundry at some point. I don’t even know what to wear for something like this.

I’ll be traveling with superstars. Doesn’t that mean I should be dressed to the nines at all times? I have two pairs of jeans. One is the same ones I wore my senior year of high school and they have holes in the pockets and are frayed on the bottom cuffs. The other is slightly newer and in slightly better shape, so I guess I’ll be wearing those.

What am I doing?

Why do I think it’s a good idea to take this child on a tour bus with a bunch of strangers?

Oh, right. Because Dottie. Marbles. This shit hand of life I’ve been dealt.

I stop that thought. I won’t wallow. I never have, not even when I was in a foster home, separated from my sister and lonely and one of the older boys in the home chose me as his target. Instead, that forced me to grow up. To be strong. To figure out how to change my situation.

My only choice is to make a change. Again.

I’ve moved around enough that I can do this. I can pack a small amount and be fine. Packing for a baby, though—that’s never been my responsibility. I watched Brie enough to know his needs, but I’m not his mother. Just a poor substitute.

I have a million and a half questions for Brett, but he told me he’d take care of everything. I just wish I knew what that meant.

I find out when I hear a knock on my door an hour after my conversation with him. When I open it, a beautiful woman I’ve never seen before stands there. She smiles and offers a little wave. “Hi Hannah! I’m Danielle, fiancée of Tyler Caldwell from Capital Kingsmen. Brett sent me to help?” She says the last part like a question, like she’s saying do you know what I’m talking about and can you let me in? I do.

“Nice to meet you,” I say, color rushing to my cheeks as I find myself totally nervous around this woman who changed whatever plan she had for her day so she could be here to help me.

And it’s not just that. She’s the fiancée of Tyler Caldwell. You know, that guy who went on that competition reality show just to gain notoriety for his band. I guess it worked since Capital Kingsmen is everywhere these days...but it still feels a little shady.

It’s not just Brett I don’t trust when it comes to this band, I guess.

I close the door behind her, and she moves toward me. She gives me a hug. “I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. I can’t even imagine.”

And just like that, I feel like I have a friend. Then and there I decide to bury whatever feelings I have about her fiancé. I don’t know him other than the persona that was presented of him on national television, and if I’m really going to go through with this, maybe I need to have a tiny bit of an open mind.

“Thank you,” I murmur.

“Where’s the baby?” she asks.

I nod toward Brie’s room. “Napping.”

“He’s how old?” she asks.

“Nine months.”

She smiles. “Oh yes, I remember those days. I’ve got a two-year-old who thinks she doesn’t need to nap anymore. Take advantage of every single moment of baby sleep you can get.”

I force my lips into a small smile. I still haven’t actually been able to smile since my sister died two nights ago. I think genuine happiness is just some imaginary concept that’s not meant for everybody.

And it’s then I note that this woman is giving me parenting advice.

I’m not a parent.

“So Brett gave me his credit card,” she says with a grin. “Wanna go shopping?”

“Oh, that’s a nice offer, but I couldn’t do that.”

She shrugs. “You’re going to need a crib for the bus plus a travel crib for hotels, a chair for him for the bus, maybe a rocking chair, blankets and sheets and probably the next size up in clothes, formula, bottles, all the things.”

“Yeah,” I say quietly. I do need all those things, but I don’t know how to accept all this from a bunch of people I don’t know. It’s like I’ve won the lottery and lost everything at the same time, and I can’t quite figure out how to reconcile all the warring emotions.

“Brett’s his father, Hannah. I’ve never seen him like this.” Her voice gets a little passionate. “He wants to do this. He wants to start making up for lost time. And since you’re helping by taking care of his child, he wants to take care of you, too. He told me I’m not allowed to get any less than two weeks’ worth of clothes for you and for the baby, so if you want to pick out your own stuff, you should probably come with me.”

“Oh,” I say, not sure how else to respond.

“What else do we need to do? Have you spoken to your boss?  Your professors? Maybe an advisor at school can help. Have you talked to your landlord? What about a service for your sister? What can I do? Where should we start?” She fires off question after question and I want to answer them all but I can’t.

I’m frozen. Stuck in quicksand and sinking quickly. Not sure what the hell is going on.

“I...uh...” I sputter as I stare at this woman who is here to help me.

Nobody has ever helped me except my sister and I’m completely overwhelmed by the notion that this person, this absolute, complete, total stranger is here to help me.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice softening. “I know this is a lot. But I’d love to get you packed and ready for the bus by tonight. We leave tomorrow for SLC and there are just a lot of details to handle before then.”

“SLC?” I ask, because it’s the only thing I can think of to say.

“Salt Lake City.”

“Right.” I nod once. “Then the most important thing before we leave is that I need to say goodbye to my sister. I should talk to my landlord, too, just to find out whether I can store my things while I’m gone.” I don’t add that I can’t afford to pay rent for three months on this hole while I’m away. “I can handle everything else with phone calls.”

“Of course,” she says. She nods. “Do you have a start on that at all?”

I shake my head. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it a million times in the last two days, but I haven’t had the time. Besides, I don’t even know where to begin.

“Okay,” she says, and she points down the hall toward the bedrooms. “You pack what you need for you and the baby, and I’ll call the hospital and get a plan together. And while you work, I can call your landlord. Where’s the number?”

I set it out for her, head to my bedroom, cry a little, and pack up what I can. Chance starts crying a few minutes into my work, and I head to his room to get him out of his crib. I hear Danielle talking down the hallway. She’s rattling off some numbers, and I wonder who she’s talking to.

I change Chance’s diaper and bounce him around on my hip a minute before I start grabbing his clothes and all the spare diapers we have—one-handed, of course, since I’m holding onto him. I pause when I see Danielle standing in the doorway with a smile gracing her lips.

“Ahh I miss the days when I couldn’t get a single thing done because I was holding a baby all day.” She takes a step into the room. “May I?” She nods toward the baby.

“Oh, sure,” I say, and I hand him over. “This is Chance. Chance, meet Danielle.”

She makes silly faces at him, and he gives her giggles that sound like a totally alert baby, not one who just woke up moments ago.

“I talked to your landlord,” she says while she continues to make faces. “Brett prepaid your rent for the remainder of your lease, all seven months, so you’re free to leave whatever you want here while we’re on tour. I also spoke with the hospital and they offered a list of resources for a service. I have a few more calls to make and then we can go shopping.”

My jaw drops open as she talks. She just got done in less than ten minutes what I haven’t been able to bring myself to do for two days.

“Thank you,” I whisper.