No Chance by Lisa Suzanne

CHAPTER 9: HANNAH

Another day of me being a terrible student, but at least I attended class and didn’t dart out in the middle of it today. I drop my bag on the kitchen table at home before I head next door to pick up the baby from Dottie, and I take just a second in the apartment by myself.

I read over Brie’s letter to me one more time.

I wrestled with this decision all morning. If I leave here, I’m leaving everything I’ve ever known. I’m leaving behind my sister.

But if I don’t, well...I’m not fulfilling her final wishes. I’m not living by her code that life goes on.

I wander over to the bookshelf filled with photos—mostly photos I took. I picked up a love of photography a long time ago, and we scraped together enough pennies for me to buy a decent, used camera a couple years ago.

I taught myself how to use it with the magic of YouTube videos, and while it could use some refurbishing, it’s still in decent shape. I smile at one photo of Chance with Brie, the one I printed for her birthday present just a few weeks ago.

She’s holding him up in the air, and her eyes are crinkled at the corners with so much love and happiness. It was only two months ago that I snapped this photo at the park. They both look so happy—huge smiles on their faces, and it was a frozen moment in time I captured. Chance won’t have memories of his mother, but he’ll have this photo. At least I gave him that much.

I brush away the tears that tip over. I have to hold it together for Chance. If he sees me crying, he might start crying, too. He already misses his mom.

I do, too.

I draw in a deep breath and head next door to pick him up. I knock on the door a few times, but nobody answers.

“Dottie?” I call.

Nothing.

My heart rate picks up speed just a smidge, but I’m sure everything’s fine.

“Dottie?” I call a little louder this time.

Still no answer.

I pound on the door a little harder.

Nothing.

What the hell?

I try the knob, and the door opens. In a split second, I curse the security around here just as I find Dottie asleep on her easy chair and Chance crawling around on the floor. He’s knocked over a vase, and the little glass marbles that were in the bottom of it are all over the floor around him.

He holds one in his hand, and it’s halfway to his mouth when I yell, “No!”

I rush over to him and bat the marble out of his hand. He immediately starts crying because he thinks I’m being mean rather than saving his life, and that’s when Dottie decides to wake up. She squints at me for a beat and seems pretty foggy.

“Thanks for watching him,” I say snidely, and then I take the baby and dart out of Dottie’s place.

I don’t hide the tears this time—I can’t as I realize that I could’ve just lost Chance simply because of our circumstances. Life isn’t fair, but I can’t dwell on that. Instead, I realize how very much we can’t live like this.

This isn’t working.

It looks like I have exactly one option.

I pick up my phone to call him, but I realize I don’t know what the hell to say. I decide to get to packing while I think it over. I take Chance into my bedroom with me, mumbling about how I can’t do this. I swipe at the tears that continue to fall while Chance crawls around the small area between my bed and my dresser. I pull out the old suitcase Brie and I have shared for years—the same one that made the trip to Poland with Brie and now will make the trip across the US with me—and start tossing my clothes into it. It’s a meager collection, not enough to even fill the small suitcase, but I realize I don’t really need much and I probably won’t have much room anyway.

I have no idea how this is going to work. The logistics make no sense to me, but I was offered something and my only option is to take it.

He’s the one who offered. He can help figure it out. And if I hate it, hate him, hate everything, well, surely it’s temporary and then I’ll walk away with a little more cash in my pocket to try to find a better situation. And hopefully I’ll still end up with Chance in my life.

A few days ago, I didn’t think I’d need to worry about any of this. And then a distracted driver changed the entire course of my life. Of Chance’s life. Of Brie’s life, a life taken far too soon. Maybe even of Brett’s life, and the other men in Brett’s band, and who knows who else and what sort of ripple effect each and every decision any of us make might have?

I’m getting deep in my own head.

I still need to plan some sort of goodbye for my sister, but between school, work, and Chance, I haven’t had a moment to really think about it. I’ll take Brett’s offer to pay for it, but pay for what, exactly? The paper she left behind with her intentions for her son doesn’t mention anything about her final wishes. It’s not something we ever talked about.

We’ll do a burial, I suppose.

I can’t believe I’m weighing whether to bury my sister or not.

A fresh wave of tears plows into me, and that’s when my phone rings...a phone I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep without my sister’s full-time salary to pay for it.

I glance at the screen. It’s Brett.

I try to draw in a deep breath, but I feel like I’m suffocating.

I am suffocating. This is a lot of weight for anyone to bear. And maybe Brett can help lighten that load...or maybe he’ll just put more weight on me and make it even heavier. Only time will tell, but I can’t risk losing Chance because he choked on a marble while Dottie fell asleep next door because I can’t afford better childcare for him. My hands are tied.

I don’t draw in that deep breath since it won’t come. Instead, I simply accept the call with the word that will change our lives. “Hello.”

“It’s Brett.”

I can’t help a huff of a chuckle. I know who it is. Every time he’s communicated with me, I’ve known who it was.

“Have you, uh, made any decisions?” he presses.

“Yeah. I’ve made a decision.” My voice is soft as I realize that once I tell him yes, there’s not going to be any turning back.

But was there any turning back anyway?

Of course there wasn’t. It’s his kid. What choice did I have? Brie wanted to tell him, and even tried via social media...but she had no way of getting in touch with him or of knowing whether her messages were actually getting through to him.

It should’ve been her bumping into him at the meet and greet at her company’s anniversary party that night. It was fate when the invitation for the party arrived and we spotted the band who’d be performing. It was supposed to be her moment to finally tell him.

Instead, it was my moment to tell him.

“And?” he asks.

“I don’t know logistically how this is going to work, but we’ll—”

He cuts me off mid-sentence. “You’re coming?” He sounds surprised.

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “I took him with me to the bar last night for my shift and my boss wasn’t happy about it. My eighty-seven-year-old neighbor watched him this morning when I went to school and he was seconds from choking on a marble when I walked in and woke her up after class. I can’t do this. I can’t raise my sister’s baby here. It’s just not a stable, safe environment. I don’t have the resources to change it and I don’t have any other choice.”

“There’s always a choice, Hannah,” he says, and his voice is low and full of promise. The fact that he’s the one saying that to me tells me that he has choices here, too. And he’s choosing to accept us into his life...for now, anyway.

“So now what?” I ask. “What does this all mean?”

“This is all new to me, too,” he admits. “We’re on tour for the next three months, so I guess for now let’s just see how it goes. If it’s not working after the first few days, then we’ll figure it out.”

Traveling the country with a rock band doesn’t sound half bad, to be honest.

I just wish it didn’t have to be at the expense of my sister’s life.