No Chance by Lisa Suzanne

CHAPTER 37: HANNAH

He’s retreating just like I knew he would. He’s told me he self-sabotages, so I’ve been waiting for the signals.

This is it.

I draw in a deep breath. Either I let him sabotage what we’re starting by running away or he’s going to be mad I’m pressing. Both choices leave a lot to be desired, but at least this way I can try to get to the bottom of what he’s feeling. “Don’t give me that,” I say softly. “I know you’re not fine.”

His brows shoot up in surprise as he draws his gaze from the window to my eyes.

I tilt my head. “You can tell me what’s bothering you. Sometimes it even helps to unload it.”

He just stares silently at me a beat, so I add more.

“I know this is you pulling away, Brett.” I reach over and grab his hand. “And I won’t let it happen. Not when we had such a good day yesterday and such a good morning today.”

He sighs and squeezes my hand before he diverts his eyes to the window again. “You know, I was just sitting here debating whether or not to talk. I took the easy route.” He glances at me quickly before looking out the window again, but the little bit of wonder in his eyes didn’t escape me in that quick glance. “But somehow you knew that.”

I nod. “I like you, Brett,” I say softly. “And Chance likes you. And as scary as that is, and as terrified as I am, I finally turned a corner. Life goes on. She told me that all the damn time, and I deserve to be happy. I want to put in the work with you, but I can’t do it alone.”

He presses his lips together and nods. “I just...I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “I got anxious when he was late.” He jabs a thumb toward the bedroom where Tommy is now. “My mind went to the worst.”

I press my lips together. “I get that. Believe me.”

His fingers tighten over mine, and his eyes move to our joined hands. “I know you do. And that’s why I was hesitant to unload that onto you.”

I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly, mainly because a little bit of anger pulses in my chest at his words and I don’t want to pop off with words I can’t take back. “I can handle it.”

“I’m not suggesting you can’t. But maybe it was my way of protecting you.”

I shake my head and purse my lips. “Don’t do that. Don’t you dare blame my history for pulling back from me.”

He stares at me with surprise, and then he blinks. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t let it happen again.”

He chuckles. “I think I like this side of you. Can you bring her out again but when we’re naked?”

I can’t help my laugh at that. He leans in for a quick, soft kiss that only serves to set off fireworks in my head, and then we enjoy the quiet five hours toward Detroit without a peep from Tommy’s room.

In the span of the next ten days, we tour the Midwest with seven more concerts. I take pictures at all of them, and if we stay at a hotel we always find time for just the two of us and we enjoy cheese danish on balconies each morning after as we bask in the glow of growing closer. And as we grow closer, the divide seems to widen between Brett and Tommy, but he makes no mention of it.

We continue on the road through two stops in Pennsylvania and Washington DC, and then onto North Carolina and finally into Florida, where we’ll stay for nearly a week with three different stops in Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, and Miami.

Bus call from Tampa to Miami is shortly after the Tampa show since we’ll be in Miami for two nights. It’s a short, four-hour drive and since it’s happening overnight, we’re sleeping on the bus. The guys have a mid-morning radio interview in Miami along with a fan meet that’s taking place in the studio, so we need to get there in time for that.

Tommy has basically ignored my presence unless I’m in his way, which feels pretty often given the size of our bus. Brett has assured me Tommy likes me and holds nothing against me, but it feels like there’s more to it.

It feels like I’m coming between brothers. It’s not why I’m here, and it’s not in any way what I intended. I didn’t mean to fall down this path where I developed real feelings for this guy. In fact, I wanted little to do with him before I met him...but I was stuck. Not telling him about his kid was never really an option for me, and just handing over Chance wasn’t, either.

We’re on the back half of the tour now. The band has played nineteen shows. There are only eighteen more to go, and then it’s over.

And then what?

I still don’t have the answer to that question. I’m too terrified to ask, but I’m sure it’s been on both our minds even though it’s not something either of us has brought up.

Will Capital Kingsmen continue to employ me as their photographer? Will Brett still want to figure out how to make this work once there’s distance between us? Will he invite me to Los Angeles to have a home base somewhere closer to him? And what will I do there? I don’t have a degree. I have interests, and I have hobbies...and I have Chance.

I keep thinking optimistically that somehow we’ll figure out how to make this work even when we’re not on tour, but those negative thoughts still manage to edge their way in every now and then. What if he takes Chance and ends things with me? Where will that leave me?

Back in my apartment in Phoenix...except now without my classes, without my bartending job, and without my sister and her son?

It’s a real possibility that I have to prepare for.

Because after all, there are zero examples in my past where I didn’t end up abandoned by the people I loved most at the time.

First my parents.

Then my sister.

I still have Chance, and I cling tightly to him at every turn even though he’s technically not mine to cling to.

And now there’s a new person on the list who’s starting to fill the role of someone I love.

I just don’t know how I’ll pick myself up and move forward if Brett Pitzer leaves me in the dust like all the others have.