No Chance by Lisa Suzanne

CHAPTER 39: BRETT

I stay in the bedroom until it’s time to emerge for soundcheck. I listen to music as loudly as my noise-cancelling headphones allow, but the loud metal music does nothing to block out my thoughts.

I shouldn’t have blown up at Hannah. She didn’t deserve it.

But this is all happening too fast for me.

I never wanted kids. I never wanted a relationship.

But Tommy oh-so-kindly reminded me this morning before I even left the bus that I jumped headfirst into both, so I guess my automatic and rather ingrained response was to push back on that shit.

He ushered me off the bus before I got the chance to tell her I was leaving, and in the car on the way to the radio station, he reminded me how much I’ve given up.

I’ve barely smoked a blunt since the night she walked into our meet and greet. I haven’t gotten really good and fucked up since around that time, either. I haven’t fucked a random woman in a random location in months.

I’m not myself anymore.

Tyler and Dustin argued that these are good changes. Tommy begged to differ, and I think I tend to side with him on this.

Who am I?

I don’t know anymore.

I was never the guy who gave a fuck about anything. I never made waves, and most especially not with Tommy. I’m laid back and I go with the flow and I don’t have a strong opinion about much of anything.

But then a woman with a painful history walked into my life with a kid who has my eyes, and everything changed in an instant.

Did I ever really have a choice besides stepping up to father my kid? I wanted to ignore him and her and move on with my life, but something pulled at my chest and told me I couldn’t.

Instead, I went and fell for them.

Both of them.

I love that kid.

He’s creative and funny. He’s smart and handsome. He’s only ten months old, but he’s about to start walking and he’s already flirting with the ladies with his killer smile.

And Hannah...

I sigh.

She’s incredible. Smart, passionate, kind, gentle, innocent, simple, gorgeous, real.

She’s all the things I never knew I wanted, and over the course of the last few weeks, I have fallen in love with her.

And love is not part of my vocabulary. Not where either of them is concerned.

They’re better off without me.

That’s what my father taught me, anyway. Everyone must be better off since I’ll only be a disappointment.

I knew who I was for the first thirty years of my life. It was simple. I was the kid whose parents never found him to be good enough, and I worked my ass off to prove myself that whole time. I grew into an adult who wanted to gain the kind of success that would blow them away, and they never gave a shit. Their personal belief was that I needed a job that would provide me a stable future.

I guess a net worth in the neighborhood of fifty million isn’t stable enough.

They wanted me to become a doctor like my father.

I’ve never been one who liked to take care of other people. He never was, either, I suppose, but I didn’t want to be anything like him.

I still don’t.

And yet...I am.

Lashing out at her for no reason.

Making her feel like shit.

Wanting to return to my old habits even though I’m probably better off without them.

All shit that reminds me of the man I never wanted to be like, and the list goes on.

And it wasn’t just Tommy’s reminders on my way home.

There’s a little more that has turned my mood sour today.

It’s not her fault the female deejay who spends her mornings hosting Miami’s most popular morning show is best friends with a girl I apparently fucked over a couple years ago.

It’s not her fault the best friend holds grudges, and it’s not her fault that Mallory, the deejay, pulled me aside this morning to let me know her friend was planning to fuck me over right back. I don’t know why she told me, but I appreciated the warning. At least now Karl can work with our agent and publicist to get in front of the story.

It’s not a big deal. Photos are released all the time, but these are apparently particularly incriminating. She claims she has pictures of me doing a line of coke and others of me naked lying in her bed. It wasn’t my finest moment, and obviously I’m usually smarter than to allow photos, but we were in the privacy of her bedroom and I didn’t know she was taking pictures.

I’d asked her why she’s releasing them now, after years have passed, and her answer was simple. “Let’s see if you still hold a grudge after a couple more years pass.”

So I’ve got that upcoming shitstorm to deal with. I’ll need to issue a statement talking about how we all make mistakes when we’re young but I’ve grown and yada yada.

I haven’t touched coke in a couple years, so I have grown. Tommy and I watched a friend have a pretty bad trip on it once and it turned me off. But I’m always the guy who says never say never.

Except now I have a kid.

Now I need to be a good example.

I don’t want to be a good example.

I want to get high and I want to get drunk and I want to bang on my drums and I want to fuck wherever I want to fuck. I don’t want responsibilities and I don’t want to be tied down. I’m not tamable.

Hannah gave it a good try, but as it turns out, it’s time for me to start backing away.

Besides, this tour ends in a few more weeks. It’ll all be over then anyway.

Right?

When I finally emerge from my party for one because it’s time to get to soundcheck, Tommy’s already out of his bedroom. My hackles rise a bit at the thought of him alone with Hannah.

It’s only then I wonder where Chance must have napped today. I was hogging the bedroom and probably scared her off from coming in with him, which will surely fuck up his whole schedule.

It was a selfish move on my part, but it is what it is. It is whoI am.

And when I open the door from Tommy’s room into the front cabin, I can hardly believe my eyes.

Hannah laughing.

Tommy sitting across from her...laughing.

Chance on the floor between them holding a gummy bear and—you guessed it—laughing.

The scene before me should make me smile. My best friend and my girl are finally connecting. Tommy either tossed a gummy bear on the floor or gave one to the kid. This is progress all around.

Except it doesn’t make me smile.

Instead, it pushes an already volatile man over the edge.

“What the fuck is going on?” I hiss.

Hannah’s surprised eyes lift to mine at my language, her smile slipping. She’s never once scolded me for swearing in front of the kid, but she’s also never used such language in his presence. It’s clear from her look that she’s judging me. “Chance just stole one of Tommy’s gummy bears.” Her tone still holds that laughter in it, but it feels a little forced now as she takes in my clear accusation.

Tommy’s eyes twinkle with that laughter. “The kid just up and took it right out of my hand.” He glances at my child with affection. Five minutes ago this asshole was going on and on about how I don’t need this in my life. He was so convincing that I actually agreed with him.

And now, from where I stand, anyway, it appears that he’s trying to swoop in and make it his.

“You two gonna go back to your bed and share a fuck next?” I ask, keeping my tone casual even though the words are sharp swords intended to cut.

Hannah’s brows draw down as the smile finally falls off her face. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Oh, you know, just walking in on you two having foreplay in the front of my bus while I’ve been prepping for tonight’s gig.”

“Dude, relax,” Tommy says, and my knuckles tighten into fists. “That’s not what this is.”

He’s been asking for this for weeks now, and I don’t know how to stop myself. “That’s sure as hell how it looks.”

“What difference does it make even if it is?” Hannah asks. “You made it perfectly clear earlier that I’m not yours anyway.”

I stare at her a beat. I guess I did say some things in the heat of my anger earlier that I shouldn’t have. I should probably apologize.

I don’t.

Instead, I grab the bottle of Jack from the liquor cabinet along with a fat blunt I keep on the top shelf and I stalk off the bus to enjoy my vices in peace.