No Chance by Lisa Suzanne
CHAPTER 42: HANNAH
We’ve toured through Texas and New Mexico and now we’re onto Vegas. We’re here for five nights with tons of appearances plus two sold-out concerts, and then it’s onto San Diego and finally Los Angeles for the final two stops of the tour.
As time marches forward, I hate how far apart we’ve grown. Brett hardly talks to me. He barely even looks at me. He occasionally picks up Chance or talks to him or interacts with him, but he seems like he’s buried himself in work.
When we’re on the bus, he’s often by himself at the table on his laptop, or he’s in the bedroom doing who knows what. When we’re at hotels, he spends more time in Tommy’s room than in ours. He wasn’t like this at the start of the tour. I don’t know if this is typical tour behavior or not, but it sure feels different than the first few weeks did when we seemed to have unlimited time together.
We’re almost at the end of this tour. I’m still taking pictures each night, and I still study them afterward. When he plays, I expect some of his energy and enthusiasm to return...but it just doesn’t. He’s going through the motions, but that’s about it. I see the distance in his eyes, and I feel it hanging all around me like a sad cloud.
It’s clear that the end of this tour will be the end of my relationship with him, but I don’t know what it means for Chance. And I’m terrified about that.
I hate that I won’t get to see Danielle and Amanda as often. They’ve become my best friends—my only friends, really, and they’ve both admitted to me that they’ve seen a change for the worse in Brett.
But they’ve also told me he’s not out trolling for women. I wonder about the perfume I smelled that one night, but I don’t mention it. I choose to believe them instead.
It’s the one thing I cling to in this darkness. Maybe he’s just doing it out of respect for me since I’m still along for the ride, but even if that’s the case, then fine. I’d much prefer not to hear about his conquests anyway.
It’s our last day in Vegas before we board the bus toward San Diego, the final state on this tour, when I finally broach the topic with him. He only stopped by our hotel room to change his clothes and check on Chance, and I sort of blindside him with my question.
“Can we talk?” I ask softly.
He glances at me, and it seems like it’s the first time his eyes have met mine in weeks. It’s comforting, and it’s only then I realize how lonely I’ve felt without his hand in mine even though I’m surrounded by people. “I need to get back to Tommy’s room. We have an appearance—”
I cut him off. “The appearance isn’t for hours and I know you’re ducking out to avoid me and that’s fine. But I need to know what comes next. I need to know what you’re thinking so I can prepare to deal with whatever it is.” I glance up at the ceiling as I try to ward off the tears burning behind my eyes. “Are you...” I choke on my words before I force out the rest of the question. “Are you taking him from me?”
He stares at me for what feels like forever, and my heart thumps loudly in my chest—so loudly I’m sure he can hear it across the room.
I’m terrified of his answer. I become more and more panicked by the silence with each passing second.
And then he finally says, “I’m not a good man, Hannah. I’m not right for you, and I’m not right for him.” He shakes his head. His voice is soft and, surprisingly, a little vulnerable. “I can’t separate the two of you, so I’m planning to sign over custody rights to you.” He ducks his gaze away from me. “If you want them. I’ll support the two of you financially. You’ll never have to worry again. But you’re better off without me.”
The tears I tried to ward off a second ago tip over as that old familiar feeling of grief kicks in again. It’s so familiar at this point that it’s like an old friend coming back to visit, except it’s not a friend, it’s the worst kind of enemy. My stomach is in knots and my chest aches and how the hell could he think we’re better off without him? Just being without him when he’s in the next room, so close yet so far...it’s been pure torture.
I can’t imagine not seeing his face every single day. I can’t imagine not seeing Chance light up at the sight of him. Even though he’s backed away, he’s still been there.
And now...he won’t be.
Another important person to just disappear from Chance’s life. From my life.
My heart hurts, and I think it’s physically breaking.
It shouldn’t hurt this bad. Not when we’ve been apart for weeks now, and not when I had time to brace myself for this very moment.
But to hear those words out of his mouth, that he’s just going to sign rights over to me if I want them...it’s too much for me.
My little tears turn into a gasp of a sob, and then I turn and run into the bedroom of yet another suite—one where Chance is currently napping, so I try to be quiet—because I don’t want Brett to see me like this.
I don’t want him to see how much he’s breaking my heart.
Because if he thinks we’re better off without him...well, he’s probably right.
And it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s clearly already moved on, so it’s probably time for me to do the same. I just have no experience with relationships, so obviously I was more invested than him.
I have to blame these intense feelings on that. It’s my only choice.
I still had that glimmer of hope that we’d find some way to work things out, that we’d overcome these obstacles because somehow we were meant for each other.
It sure felt like we were meant for each other...but again, I guess that’s just my inexperience talking.
The preciously short few weeks we had are weeks I’ll hold forever in my heart.
But as I cry by myself in a hotel room in Las Vegas, staring down at the bright, blinking lights of a street I never thought I’d see in person with my sister’s baby a few feet away and my heart cracked into a million tiny pieces...that final glimmer of hope is extinguished.
