No Chance by Lisa Suzanne
CHAPTER 43: HANNAH
I stay on tour to fulfill my commitment to the band through the final two shows in Los Angeles. This should have been the time Brett took me back to his house, a place where I’d learn more about him and his way of life outside of the tour, but instead he reserved me a hotel room and sent a car to usher me to and from the concerts.
Karl invites me to a band meeting the next morning at Tyler’s house, which cuts close to my flight back to Phoenix, but I need to return Dustin’s camera and the laptop Karl let me borrow to download and edit last night’s pictures.
I meet Jo, Brett’s cousin and the assistant he splits with Tommy. She lives near here in Los Angeles, and she came to the meeting, too, even though she wasn’t on tour. Some other people are here as well. I assume they’re with the record label or some sort of executives. I’m introduced to Trevor, an executive from Ashmark Records, as well as Miranda, an agent of some sort, and another agent named Clay, but their names leave me as soon as they’re spoken. It doesn’t matter. I’m not part of this group anymore. I won’t be seeing them again, so their names aren’t important for me to remember.
Instead, I’m just trying to hold it together.
Brett and Tommy look supremely hungover even though Karl waited to start the meeting at eleven. It’s the morning after the last show of the tour, and Danielle made it sound like traditionally it’s a pretty big party night for the guys...but I wouldn’t really know since I wasn’t invited along.
Karl starts the meeting by addressing me. “Thank you to everyone for an outstanding tour. We’ll get into the logistics in just a bit. We’ll start with Hannah since she needs to get on a plane and her car’s already waiting out front. I want to thank you, Hannah, for your incredible photos. Because of you, we have the types of images that will not just fill social media for the next decade and give us promotional material for years to come, but that will inspire people in so many different ways.”
Everyone nods their agreement with Karl’s words. Well, I think they do. I don’t actually look at Brett to see if he shares the same sentiments.
“Thank you for inviting me to be part of your circle,” I say softly. “It was an amazing adventure and I was honored to capture just a shred of your talents in those little moments of time.”
“You’re crazy talented,” Tyler murmurs.
“Thank you.” I don’t say more because I can’t speak over the lump in my throat. I take that opportunity to return Dustin’s camera to him while I try to swallow my emotion. I clear my throat. “Chance and I need to get to the airport, so I better say goodbye.”
The tears start as I hug Danielle and Amanda, who promise to keep in touch. I wonder if they really will. I’m not a part of this inner circle anymore, and I can’t help but think our friendship lives and dies with the band.
Dustin and Tyler give me hugs. Tyler high-fives Chance, something he taught the little boy, and he calls him his “little buddy” as he tells him he’ll miss having him around.
I mourn for the fact that it’s Tyler who’s treating him this way instead of his own father. I’m devastated that we couldn’t find that connection with Brett.
Tommy basically pats my back without getting too close, and Karl gives me a hug and tells me he’ll miss having me around, something surprising to me considering we rarely connected.
And that’s it...except for one final goodbye. Brett presses his lips together. “I’ll walk you out.”
He carries my suitcase and the diaper bag—the two things I can manage while flying solo with a baby. He’s already shipped the rest of our things to my shitty apartment in Phoenix, all those things Danielle and I shopped for before I joined the tour. Back when life was hard for different reasons.
It’s only now I think about how I’m returning home to the apartment I shared with my sister. She’s been gone now for over three months, but the last time I was there it had been days since I lost her. I don’t even know how to return to that place without seeing her everywhere along with the reminders of losing yet another important person in my life.
I don’t know how I’m just supposed to pick myself up and move forward.
He puts the suitcase in the car along with the duffel bag, and my broken heart crumbles further as I wonder whether this is the last time I’ll ever see his face. He doesn’t want to be a part of our lives, and while the checks he’ll send will be helpful, I realize now that money doesn’t buy happiness.
I’ll have money in the bank, which is a nice security, but I won’t have him. I don’t have my sister.
All the money in the world can’t make either of those things okay.
I hand Chance over to Brett while I secure his carrier into the backseat of the car, and he squeezes the little boy until Chance lets out a little squeal of protest. Tears fill my eyes as I watch this father say goodbye to his son. How can he do this? How can he just...let Chance go?
A tiny voice inside my head tells me why.
It’s because he loves us, too. He has to.
He wants Chance and me to have the best life we can have, and he’s convinced that letting us go is better than being around.
I’m convinced of the opposite.
He presses a kiss to Chance’s cheek, and it marks the first time I’ve ever seen him express his love for Chance through a kiss. He straps Chance into the carrier, and then he turns to me.
He reaches out for me and runs his hands up and down my biceps, and then he grips them and pulls me into him.
I’m surprised at the force of his hug, but I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze back. We hold each other tightly for an achingly beautiful moment that’s far too short, and then he slackens his hold on me.
He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead before he lets me go. “Take care of him,” he whispers, and then he turns to go back into the house.
That’s it.
His final words to me.
Take care of him.
I cry the entire way to the airport with his final words echoing in my head.
