Envy by Eve Marian

11

Natacha

I stared at the picture in the corner of my mirror, and my heart ached. I didn’t want to go on this trip for several reasons. One, this would have been the perfect opportunity to explore Giancarlo’s house without him there. Two, watching Giancarlo defend and then take care of his sister softened me toward him. The feeling made me queasy. Somehow, I felt disloyal to Chase. I even felt disloyal to my father. He would be disappointed in me. He never brought his feelings into any of his cases. All those nights he would recount them to me, it was always about getting the job done. Until now, I was the same.

I rarely spent much time on a case and I’d never gotten involved with the people in it, either. I just followed them, took pictures, and dug into their past. I’d never spent time getting to know them, and definitely never took trips with them.

There was something in Giancarlo’s eyes when our gaze met tonight. I didn’t think it was because he was interested. Perhaps he just saw me as more than a cook for the first time. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing for the case. I preferred to stay under the radar, but I couldn’t just stand there while Luca insulted me. I didn’t regret that for a second. Nor Giancarlo kicking him out. I cheered in my head when he did that.

I wanted to help Sienna, but I had a job to do.

Perhaps I could use this time to get closer to Giancarlo. It was what the Crawfords wanted: more information about him and the reason his mother had abandoned him. I really couldn’t expect to find a piece of paper with that information. Maybe if I talked to him, I could get him to open up about his mom and the night Chase died.

It felt underhanded, but it was what I had signed up to do.

A little while later, my phone rang. “Hey, Dad.” I sat on my bed, staring at my red luggage.

“Are you all set?”

“Yeah, everything’s packed.”

He sighed. “I hate that you’re leaving with him. I don’t trust the guy and I know wherever he goes, danger follows.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“Promise me you’ll back out if you feel you’re in trouble. I don’t care about the case. I care about you, Natacha. You understand?”

“Yeah, I do. But I can handle myself. I won’t take any unnecessary risks and I’ll get out if I feel there’s any trouble.”

“Good.”

“I better go.”

“Love you.”

I smiled. “Love you, too.”

I grabbed the handle of my small carry-on luggage and stopped in front of my mirror. Pressing two fingers to my lips, I touched his face.

“Goodbye, Chase.”

*

The cab dropped me off near the tarmac and my legs trembled as I approached the plane. My chest tightened and I could hardly breathe as I counted the steps to the plane’s open door. I hated flying.

I usually took medication to knock me out, but I didn’t want to be unconscious in this case. Usually, I was with Chase and he would take care of me while I slept. Made sure no creep took advantage.

Today, I was on my own.

My stomach turned, but I swallowed my nausea.

Sienna saw me first. She wore a wide-brim black hat and sunglasses, which looked very Jackey O. I smiled and waved at her. She left Giancarlo and Vito behind and ran toward me.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “Giancarlo and Vito are the worst shopping buddies.”

I grinned. “I’m not sure I’m any better, but I’ll do my best.”

“As long as you don’t ask how much longer, you’ll be just fine.”

She pulled me toward the staircase, and I hesitantly followed.

“Good morning.” Giancarlo’s deep voice soothed my nerves. But then his brow creased. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I lied.

“It doesn’t look like nothing. You’re pale, like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

I rubbed my neck, hoping to massage the tension from my shoulders and help me calm down. “I get a little nervous flying. I’ll be fine once we land. How long is the flight?”

“Not long. Just over an hour.”

My stomach dropped and I stumbled on the first step. Giancarlo grabbed my elbow and waist to steady me. “Whoa,” his breath fanned my cheek. “Let me help you.”

I straightened my shoulders. “Thank you, but I’m fine. Just missed the first step.”

Sienna was at the top, waiting for me. She watched as I slowly climbed the steps. “Are you all right?”

I wished everyone would stop asking me that. “Yup. Just great.”

The plane was spacious inside. There were four cream leather seats facing each other on one side and a table on the other. I took a seat closest to the window, hoping the view would distract me.

Sienna watched me closely, her frown impossible to ignore. “Gianni, sit next to Natacha. Planes make me sleepy and I think she needs someone to talk to.”

He glanced over at me and my cheeks heated. This was so embarrassing. “I’m fine,” I said.

“Well, I have to sit somewhere, and Vito wouldn’t be my first choice.”

I smiled. His joke was cute.

He unzipped his jacket, revealing a tight black T-shirt. I’d never seen him work out or go to a gym, but his physique would say otherwise.

Stop staring at his chest, Natacha. It won’t hold any of the answers you’re looking for.

I grabbed my earbuds from my purse. I prepared a playlist of relaxing music for take-off because it was usually the worst part of the trip for me.

The engine rumbled beneath my seat, and the wheels turned. I watched through the window as the pilot steered the plane toward the runway.

“Ready for take-off,” a voice boomed across the speakers. My heart pounded and I closed my eyes.

Despite the violin playing through my speakers, my body felt the rush of the plane as it raced toward the end of the runway. I searched for the armrest but there was nothing there, so I clutched the leather seat instead.

Then I felt it. A soft touch next to my hand. Fingers lightly brushed my skin, from my cuticles to my knuckles. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I knew it had to be Giancarlo, but I didn’t want to acknowledge that I needed this.

If I kept my eyes closed, it wouldn’t be real. Just a calming, reassuring illusion.

His hand clasped mine and I squeezed it tightly. The strength of his grip comforted me and my chest filled with gratitude.

He held my hand while the plane pushed forward and up. We were flying and my thoughts were scattered to the wind. How could I be comforted by a man who could be responsible for Chase’s death?

I tried to pull away, but he held on. His thumb caressed mine and my heart ached.

The violins reached a crescendo and I inhaled as emotion stormed through my chest.

I felt weak for needing Giancarlo but at the same time, so incredibly grateful. I squeezed my eyes and his hand at the same time and prayed Chase would forgive me.

*

The hotel Giancarlo booked was straight out of a movie. After stepping inside the Presidential suite, I worried I could never go back to a three-hundred-square-foot hotel room again. There were soft slippers and bathrobes in the walk-in closet. Full-size shampoo and conditioner bottles. A selection of newspapers was left on the table along with a tray of fruit.

I spread open the white curtains and the view took my breath away. We were nearly as high as the empire state building, shrinking the people below to the size of ants. I spotted the Chrysler building and the Brooklyn Bridge immediately. But there was so much more to see.

“Do you need time to change before we head out?” Sienna’s voice interrupted my exploration.

I looked down at the jeans and black sweater I wore. “Maybe just my shoes if we’re going to walk around.”

“Great. I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

True to her word, ten minutes later, we were taking the elevator down to the lobby.

Vito and Giancarlo were waiting for us there. “We have a few people to meet with, but we’ll keep dinner open,” said Giancarlo, looking around the hotel, finally landing at the restaurant next to the elevators. “That looks like a decent place. Is seven good for you?”

He turned to me. Surprised he had directed the question to me, I stuttered. “Uh… yeah, that’s fine with me.”

“Sienna?” he asked, turning to his sister.

She pursed her lips in thought. “Yes, we should be done by then.”

It was nearly eleven. How much shopping did this girl plan to do?

Giancarlo reached for his wallet inside his jacket. “Take my card and buy whatever you want. This one’s on me.” Sienna smiled and plucked the card from his hand.

Turning to me, he lowered his voice. “That includes you, too. You’re here as my guest.”

I shook my head. “That isn’t necessary.”

“Of course, it’s not necessary. That’s why it’s a gift. And you should be gracious enough to take it.”

The air in the hotel felt dry. As I licked my lips, he watched me.

I pulled on the collar of my sweater.

Damn.It was hot in here.

I cleared my throat. “Thank you.”

He nodded once. “See you later.” Then, he walked away and I stood in the middle of the hotel wondering why my head was a mess. Why did I care that a mafia boss included me? I didn’t usually care about gifts, but he recognized my discomfort and wanted me to treat myself, anyway. He was abrasive yet still thoughtful.

Ugh.

The contrast bothered me throughout the day. Even when Sienna dragged me lingerie shopping. “I won’t buy anything from here with your brother’s money. That just seems wrong.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. He never checks his card. He won’t know.”

“What if he asks what I bought?”

“We’ll get some shoes or a purse you can show him. This one will be just for us.”

Sienna tugged me through the aisles, and I groaned inwardly.

She stopped to feel a satin kimono robe and I marveled at how quickly she bounced back from her breakup. Sure, our circumstances were different, but it had been more than a year since I’d lost Chase and I still thought about him every day.

Stepping closer to Sienna, I whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

She pouted. “Why? Because I’m going to get this robe?”

Grinning, I shook my head. “No. Because you’re taking this break-up really well. You haven’t mentioned Luca once.”

Sienna rubbed her lips together and turned away. Crap, I hope I didn’t make it worse by mentioning him. But I wanted her to know she could talk to me.

“Look, I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I only want you to know I’m here if you need me.”

She ignored me, and I should have let it go, but stupidly, I didn’t. “Maybe we can go to a club later and dance until our feet hurt.”

“That’s not a good idea,” she murmured.

“Oh, I thought Giancarlo mentioned on the plane how much you like a particular club in New York City. That you used to go all the time before you’d met Luca.”

She walked away from the robe display and fumbled with some panties in a drawer along the wall.

Something was wrong.

Placing my hand on Sienna’s shoulder, I turned her toward me. “I might be the last person to tell someone they need to move on, but I think doing the things you used to love is a good step toward healing and—”

“I can’t go to the club.” She jerked her body away and slammed the drawer.

“Why not? I’m not the best dancer, but I think we’ll have a great time. We—”

Sienna closed her eyes. “Just stop.”

Her lips trembled and she pressed them tightly together.

“What is it?” I whispered.

Exhaling, she opened her eyes but looked down at her hands. “I didn’t break up with Luca. I spoke to him this morning. He knows where I’m at, and although he’s not happy about it, he knows I’ll be good while I’m here.”

I must have heard that wrong. “You’ll be good?” I repeated back to her.

She shrugged. “Yeah, I won’t flirt with any guys.”

“And what happens when you get back?”

“We go back to the way things were.” She picked up a bra, pretending to examine it.

I pressed myself in front of her.

“Is that what you want?”

She hardened her face. “Yes. I know you’re judging him, but we both go off sometimes. He’s not always like that. He can be sweet.”

I grabbed her hands. “Sienna, I don’t care about the sweet times. It’s the other times I’m worried about. You can’t let him treat you like that. You shouldn’t have to accept the bad for the good. It doesn’t have to be that way.”

She bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling. “I love him.”

My heart broke because I knew how that felt. To love someone so much that you couldn’t see what was best for you, even when you knew you should move on.

“I don’t doubt that you do. But he’s not good for you. Not like this. What would you say if it was me? Would you tell me to go back to the guy that bruised my face?”

She inhaled, and her face hardened. “That’s not fair,” she said through clenched teeth. “Of course not.”

“Then why would you?”

She shook her head and pushed me away. “You don’t know me,” she said, “and you don’t know him.”

She was right, but in my line of work, I knew the situation and it never ended well.

I ran after her. “Hey,” I called but she didn’t turn around. Instead, she walked out of the front doors. I chased after her. Reaching her just out front, I grabbed both her hands. “I’m sorry, okay?”

She pursed her lips, holding back her emotions. I wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness. It didn’t matter. I didn’t want to upset her further.

“I won’t say another word about it. I promise. You’re a grown woman who can make her own decisions. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. No matter what. No matter the time. No matter the place. You got that?”

Her eyes watered, but she looked up quickly and sniffed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s go back in there and get you that robe.”

She smiled and let me walk her back inside with my arm over her shoulder.

I knew from past clients that it took many attempts to leave a bad relationship before it finally stuck. I also knew in my heart that it would happen again before she left for good. But I would be there for her to help pick up the pieces of her shattered heart.

*

Sienna and I squeezed through the small space between tables at the hotel restaurant. I wasn’t sure how Giancarlo snagged a reservation at the last minute, but I was relieved.

The hostess seated us at a table furthest away from the crowd, hidden behind a row of fake hedges.

I hadn’t noticed Giancarlo and Vito at the table until we turned the corner.

“Ladies,” Giancarlo, wearing his usual dark gray suit, greeted us. He stood and pulled out a chair across from him while the hostess did the same for Sienna, who sat next to me.

“I’m sorry we’re late,” Sienna said, picking up the menu. “We needed to drop off our bags in our rooms and freshen up a bit.”

Giancarlo smiled, unfazed by our tardiness. “How did it go?”

“Fabulous,” Sienna grinned. “I had to force Natacha’s purchases on her, but she got some great pieces.” His smile widened, and his straight white teeth gleamed against his tan skin. He genuinely seemed to enjoy spoiling his sister.

Why’s that so endearing?

“You should see the black lace teddy Natacha bought. Holy shit, it—”

My eyes widened and I gasped in shock. “Sienna!”

“What?” She turned to me, her eyebrows pulled together. Did she not know how embarrassing it was to talk about my underwear to two strange men? Well, they weren’t strangers, but we weren’t besties either.

Vito coughed and hid a laugh with his hand, but Giancarlo’s smile disappeared altogether.

He stared at me. His eyes held mine. Briefly, they flickered down my neck to my chest, then recovered quickly.

I closed my eyes, mortified, and strangely felt myself blushing all over my body.

Giancarlo cleared his throat. “We had a good day, too.”

“The best,” said Vito. “We may even celebrate afterward.” He nudged Giancarlo’s shoulder with his own and grinned.

“Let’s order,” Giancarlo said, ignoring his friend. I wondered what he’d meant by celebrating afterward. It obviously wasn’t something he wanted to share with his sister or me. And that made me want to know more. I was just about to press Vito about it when Giancarlo interrupted.

“I hope you don’t mind; we ordered some appetizers to start.”

“Not at all.” My stomach growled its approval and I dropped my napkin over it.

The appetizers arrived shortly after we ordered. The server set down crab cakes, burrata, and fresh bread. Steam rose from the bread when Sienna broke her piece in half and the fresh yeasty smell nearly made me groan.

I had to get Nonna to teach me how to make fresh bread when we got back. I’d mastered the pizza dough recipe she showed me, but she said making bread was a little trickier.

I ordered the filet mignon for my main dish with a salad on the side. Giancarlo and Vito had the same, while Sienna went with the seafood pasta.

It was all too much, yet so freaking good. I couldn’t even complain about feeling full. “This was great, thank you, Giancarlo.”

“Yes, thank you, Gianni.”

His deep voice was soft, yet raspy. “It was my pleasure.”

Sienna grabbed my hand that I’d rested on the table. Squeezing my fingers, she whispered. “Thank you. I know this getaway was your idea, and I appreciate you being here. And especially your kindness to me today. It meant a lot.”

The warmth of an overcrowded restaurant and the tenderness of Sienna’s words overwhelmed me, and I had a difficult time swallowing past the lump in my throat.

From the corner of my eye, I caught Giancarlo staring at our clasped hands and a look crossed his face. I couldn’t read it, but the emotion behind it made my throat tighten. His chest rose and his eyes searched mine.

I couldn’t breathe.

“Excuse me,” I said, slowly rising from the table.

I needed some fresh air. I hoped the lobby would be enough so I didn’t have to run down the streets of New York trying to catch my breath over one look.

I’d just turned the corner of the restaurant’s entrance when my phone beeped.

Luke: How’s it going?

I hadn’t spoken to him in a while, not since Nonna started helping me.

Me: Good. I’ll fill you in on Monday. Can’t talk right now.

Luke. OK

“Are you all right?”

Giancarlo’s voice startled me and I nearly dropped my phone. Clutching it, I turned to him.

He’d removed his suit jacket, probably because the restaurant was so hot, and the white shirt clung to the contours of his arms and chest. I hadn’t noticed his arms before. But I couldn’t take my eyes off of them now. They looked strong and capable of holding me tightly.

I pushed my phone into the pocket of my black dress pants.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just needed some air.” I brushed my hair off my neck, and the cooler air from the lobby felt incredible. I’d worn an off-the-shoulder top, but it wasn’t enough to keep me cool.

I closed my eyes briefly, and when I opened them, I was staring into a pair of warm brown eyes.

“Are you sure?” His voice was lower than usual, the tone vibrated in my ears.

I simply nodded.

How could this man make me feel so flustered? How could I let him? He was dangerous. He’d been shot recently. He could be responsible for Chase’s death. I shouldn’t feel anything but animosity toward him.

Except I didn’t feel that at all.

I felt hot.

It was so fucking hot, I couldn’t breathe when he stood this close to me.

I greedily gasped for air, but all I smelled was him. The scent of cedar and spice. It surrounded me and confused me. Made me feel heady around him.

He stepped forward and I stepped back. We were close to the elevators; a large plant blocked the main lobby from my view.

Two more steps forward, and two more back until my butt and shoulders hit the wall.

“Are you running away from me?” A smile tugged on his lips.

My eyes flew open. “No.”

He stood still. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

I hesitated. “Yes.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

I blinked and nodded, but the word that escaped my lips startled us both. “No.”

He inhaled sharply and wet his lips. “I wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank me?” I squeaked.

“For what you said to my sister. I don’t know what it was, but it helped her. And she means the world to me. So, yes, thank you.”

My chest flattened with my exhale. “Oh, well, that. It was nothing.”

His hand moved slowly toward me. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if he tried to kiss me. I would move, of course.

Yes, of course I would.

But he didn’t kiss me. Instead, his fingers reached for a strand of hair that had fallen over my bare shoulder. He brushed it aside, his fingers caressing my sensitive skin.

Goosebumps rose along my forearms, but I wasn’t cold at all.

Not even close.

Then his hands moved closer to my face, cupping my jaw while his thumb caressed my cheek.

My traitorous body reacted. My nipples hardened and my stomach clenched.

One touch and I was ready to give up everything.

How could I be so weak?

I should push him away; tell him to back off.

I should…

I should let him kiss me and know if my lips could still move in sync with another’s.

I hadn’t wanted to in more than a year. My heart didn’t want to either, but my body, well, my body wanted to very much.

He had this aura about him. As though he could make a woman feel pleasure from her head to her toes. It was an energy that drew me closer until our lips were nearly on top of each other.

“Hey, Giancarlo!”

Vito

Thank God for Vito.

A growl rumbled in Giancarlo’s chest and I cheered a little at his disappointment, even though I overwhelmingly felt relieved.

I wouldn’t hate myself in the morning, at least.

“Come on,” he said, “let’s go celebrate.”

Vito turned the corner and caught me standing less than a few inches from Giancarlo. His eyebrows pulled together. “Unless you’ve already started.”

“Excuse me.” I ducked underneath Giancarlo’s arm and ran away. There was no other word for it. I ran. Because I needed to get away from my conflicting emotions.

I returned to the table and found Sienna on her phone. “You ready to go?” she asked.

“Um, maybe another drink. I’m not ready to go to bed yet.”

She smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

As I sat staring across the lobby, I caught Giancarlo looking back at me. I’d just realized what Vito had meant about celebrating, and an inexplicable feeling washed over me.

Giancarlo could sleep with whomever he wanted. It had nothing to do with me. But I couldn’t help feeling replaceable or even disposable.

Shake it off, Natacha.

I didn’t need to sleep with a man with no scruples and regret it the next day. Not after what I had.

Chase was good and sweet and kind.

That was my type. Not Giancarlo.

These feelings were purely carnal because I hadn’t been with anyone in so long. They meant nothing.

Because if I were to give in to them, to give my heart to a man like him, what would it say about my moral compass?