Envy by Eve Marian

13

Natacha

He had asked me to stay, so I stayed and waited for him to come back. But I needed to keep busy until he showed up. For the first time since I started nearly a week ago, I wanted to quit. I wanted to run away from this confusion. He was a mobster and a tyrant. But he was also a protective brother, grandson, and friend. Was it possible that everyone was wrong about him? That he wasn’t this terrible person everyone said he was. Was it only a reputation he maintained?

I fisted my hands in my hair and pulled. I just couldn’t make sense of it all. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. But then I remembered the woman in his home the second day I was here, and again last night. He wasn’t exactly boyfriend material either. But I didn’t want to be in a relationship with Giancarlo.

Did I?

Nonna popped her head into the kitchen. “Ciao, Natacha. I’ll see you later.”

I smiled. “Bye, Nonna. Thanks for everything.”

She blew me a kiss and left.

Pulling out my notebook, I ran my finger down the list of ingredients. I needed to stop thinking about this, and since I couldn’t use the time to search his home, I would make something sinfully sweet.

I cracked an egg and carefully separated the yolk. I did this five more times. Then, using a mixer, I whipped up the egg whites until they turned frothy.

While I thought following a recipe would take my mind off of things, it still wandered to piecing together the mystery of who was Giancarlo Rossi.

Just last week, I’d asked his assistant Pete if he’d ever heard of a man named Chase Glendale. He twisted his mouth, then shook his head. He’d said the name didn’t ring a bell.

It was a risk mentioning the name, but I had gotten nowhere searching Giancarlo’s home.

So, I pressed Pete further. But he only became more frustrated, saying that Giancarlo hardly confided anything in him anymore. As though he no longer trusted him.

I wondered if Giancarlo had become more guarded after being gunned down. Did he blame Pete for that? It didn’t seem likely. If he did, he probably would have fired Pete by now.

I hadn’t heard him come in when he said, “Thanks for waiting.”

My heart jumped in my chest and sugar flew across the counter, having dropped the bag at the sound of his voice.

Placing my hand to my heart, I scolded him. “You scared me.”

He frowned. “I tend to have that effect on people.”

My lips twitched. Was he making a mafia boss joke?

Dusting off my hands, I turned to grab a paper towel to clean up the mess. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. “Now that we’re alone, it seems stupid.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

He sat on a stool at the edge of the island, watching me as I combined the sugar, egg mixture, and mascarpone cheese into one bowl.

“What are you making?”

“Tiramisu,” I said, grabbing the pack of Ladyfinger cookies and a pot of cold coffee. I poured the coffee into a bowl, dunked a cookie, and raised it. Coffee trickled back into the bowl and I quickly placed the soggy cookie inside my baking pan.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed him rubbing his forehead.

“Is Nicky your boyfriend?” he asked.

I scoffed. “No.”

Why would he think that?

Shit. Because I told him we spent the night together. I’d forgotten about that.

“What about last night? Was he a rebound guy?”

Last night?What was he talking about?

“I have no idea what you’re asking me.”

I laid the last cookie to fill the bottom of the pan and poured the first layer of cream on top.

“I’m just trying to understand if that was a usual thing for you, or if you’re just going through something. Because if you’re not into casual sex, then—”

“What the hell?” I couldn’t hold back my shock. Did he really just say that? I couldn’t believe he would go there with no warning. “My sex life is none of your business.” My heart was racing now and I didn’t understand if I was upset that he was asking me about casual sex or flattered.

He swore under his breath. “I know. I know. And I never get involved with anyone I employ in my home, but yesterday, in front of the elevators…”

Yes, in front of the elevators, you nearly kissed me, I wanted to say.

But if that was true, then how could he just turn around and sleep with someone else?

“It was nothing,” I said more to myself than I’d meant to say out loud.

He nodded and rose from his chair. “All right. I just wanted to clear that up. And you’re right, your sex life is none of my business. I guess I was just confused.”

“Confused? About something I said?” This man was speaking in riddles. It was him that was confusing.

Our eyes locked. His jaw ticked and a strand of his dark hair fell forward. He scooped it up angrily.

“Why him and not me?”

The question threw me and I stepped back. The intensity of his gaze jumbled my brain, and I couldn’t think straight.

“I saw you with him in the hotel bar. You whispered something in his ear and then you both got up.”

His words brought me back to the restaurant and the man that had come to my table. We spoke for a bit, but then I told him I was tired and he walked me to the elevator. That was it. Unlike what I spotted across the lobby.

“How dare you ask me about him, when I saw some girl paw your butt.” My voice was louder than I’d expected and the beating of my heart reverberated in my ears.

Placing both hands on the counter, he said, “You shouldn’t settle for a one-night stand.”

I crossed my arms. The hypocrite. “But it’s all right for you?”

“I’m different. I don’t expect anyone to care about me, but you should expect more. You deserve more.”

I leaned on the counter, mimicking his stance. My face was only inches from his. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I want. But you’re right, I deserve more. I want more.”

“Then tell me,” he said, and my stomach dropped at the sound of his raspy voice. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

“Why?” Why would he want to be with someone like me? I hadn’t shown any interest in him, had I?

Well, neither had he, but here I was panting for him.

He licked his lips. “Because for the last few days, all I’ve wanted to do was pull you into my arms. I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to know if you want it, too.”

His hand reached for my face and I stared at his mouth. “Do you want this, Natacha?”

I wanted so many things, but my mind went blank. The only thought in my head was, what would it taste like to kiss him?

I bit my lip, wondering if I could take this leap. “I want…”

Our breaths were the only sound in the room, except for the pounding of my heart.

He swallowed, and his nostrils flared. “I can give you what you want. Just say it.”

Like jumping off of a cliff, I closed my eyes and thought of nothing else but the adrenaline racing through my veins. “I want you,” I said.

Curling his fingers in my hair, he pulled and pressed his lips to mine.

I gasped, but he caught the sound with his mouth. Moving his lips over mine, he slowly explored. My flesh tingled wherever he touched me, his fingers softly caressing my scalp, then moving down my neck.

It felt as though I was falling, drifting away. I threw my hand down onto the counter to steady myself, except I hit the bowl. The splatter broke the kiss. My fingers were sticky with cream and I stepped away to wash them.

Giancarlo grabbed my wrist to stop me. He held my gaze, then slowly brought my fingers to his mouth and licked. He started from the base of my pinky all the way to the tip. His tongue circled between the valleys of my hand, and I closed my eyes at the unexpected pleasure.

He brought his mouth back to mine, and I could taste the sugary cream in his kiss. I wanted more and I wanted him to feel as deeply as I did.

Dropping my arm, I found his hand and brought it to the bowl. Grasping his middle finger, I dipped it in the cream as far as it could go.

He smiled and then turned to me. His smile faded as he watched the intensity on my face.

When I put his finger into my mouth, he inhaled sharply. A soft growl escaped from his throat, and the sound vibrated through his finger and into my mouth.

He dropped his forehead, touching mine. “Fuck, Natacha. I want you so badly. If you don’t want this. Leave now. And don’t walk. Run.”

Hallowing my cheeks, I stared up at him and the heat from his eyes made me sweat. Just one look and I was a hot mess.

Did I want this? Yes?

Would I regret it? Probably.

But I couldn’t think further than that. I hadn’t been with anyone in more than a year and hadn’t even thought about sex until this week.

But now, with Giancarlo’s flesh inside my mouth, my body ignited, and I wanted more.

“Take me upstairs,” I said, barely making the words out in one breath.

He bent slightly and lifted me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on as he climbed the staircase.

He put me down next to his bed. “Don’t move,” he ordered. He walked over to his dresser, opened the top drawer, and pulled out a pack of condoms.

I should have been relieved that he’d thought of protection, instead of curious, wondering how many packs he had in there. Chase and I had been each other’s first. And I hadn’t been with anyone else since…

Don’t go there. Not now.

No one had made me feel alive inside in a very long time, and selfishly, I didn’t want this to end.

Giancarlo threw the package on the nightstand and without breaking his stride, reached for my neck and pulled me into his arms. Our mouths crashed together, but his lips broke the fall, landing on soft, pliable flesh.

He kissed me until I felt drunk, and the world spun. When his lips left mine and drew a wet trail down my neck, I shivered from the cold. His hands rubbed my arms, and I leaned closer to him, pressing my body next to his, absorbing his warmth.

Finding the buttons of his shirt, I slowly released them one by one. He was incredible. Like a photo from a magazine, except one that I could touch and feel. My hands explored his strong pecs, caressing down to his taut stomach. His abs flexed as my fingers drew circles over the scar on his side. “Does it still hurt?”

He shook his head. “The only thing that hurts is below that.”

He grabbed my hand and brought it lower. “I need you,” he whispered hoarsely. “But tell me if I get too rough. I don’t usually hold back, but I will with you.”

I widened my grip and then squeezed. “Don’t hold anything back. I can take it.”

I had no idea if I could, but I would rather die than not know everything this man could give me.

He fisted the front of my blouse and ripped it off, scattering the buttons across his hardwood floor.

I gulped. Fear momentarily seized my chest. It was one thing to know he could do something like that and another to experience it.

Gently, he caressed my waist, outlining my tattoo with his finger, he read it out loud. “When you have nothing left, have courage.” He looked up at me.

Swallowing, I explained, “I needed those words in my life a few times.”

He nodded. “They’re beautiful. Just like you.”

I licked my lips. “Thank you.”

When he reached for the button of my pants, I stopped him. He watched as I unzipped and pushed them down my legs. He sat on his bed, his arms on top of his thighs, and stared. “Take off your panties and bra.”

My fingers shook as I hooked them on the seam of my underwear and pulled. I tried to be sexy, keeping my legs straight as I shimmied them down.

He watched the entire time. His eyes never strayed. They snapped back up when my hands fumbled to the back of my bra.

I unfastened it and let the straps fall. Holding up the bra and my breasts with my arm crossed over my chest, I waited. Unsure if my small breasts would satisfy him or make him turn away. I was well endowed below, but not so much up top.

Here goes nothing.

I let the bra fall to the ground and stood with my shoulders back. I was twenty-six years old and I wouldn’t be ashamed anymore.

I waited for him to nod, smile, frown—anything. But he just stared at me. His nostrils flared and finally he inhaled sharply. “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?”

Relief washed over me, and my knees nearly buckled. I sure as hell felt beautiful at that moment. Like Helen of fucking Troy herself.

Raising his arm, he beckoned me to come closer. I stepped between his thighs and rested my hands on his bare chest. Leaning forward, he took my nipple into his mouth. He sucked gently, and the sensation nearly took my knees out for good. But he held me at the waist as he continued to swipe his tongue over the bumpy flesh, hardening it to an aching peak. Then he turned his head and did the same thing to the other side.

My body trembled as sensation overtook every part of my brain and nerve endings.

While his mouth surrounded my breast, his hand found my ass and squeezed. He inched his hand between my thighs, rubbing and begging for access. I stepped wider and let him in.

Thanks to his attention on my nipples, I was already wet and he groaned finding me that way.

“That’s a good girl,” he whispered when my nipple popped from his mouth. I don’t know why he praised me when he was the one who’d done it.

When his finger found my clit, I jerked forward and grabbed the back of his neck. My fingers crawled up his nape and I fisted his hair and pulled.

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Instead, he swiped his tongue between the valley of my breasts and squeezed my waist, lifting me off the floor.

He threw me onto the bed and dropped his body on top of mine. He kissed me deeply, his tongue tangled with mine as we fought for control. I loved how I didn’t have to hold back with him. In the past, I worried about coming on too strong. I didn’t think that would be possible with Giancarlo.

Or if it was, it would only turn him on more.

Because whenever I grabbed him or pushed him or caused him any pain, it would only spur him on.

He had removed his pants and was fumbling with the condom wrapper when I sat up on the bed.

“I only come when I’m on top,” I said.

I wasn’t sure why I was being this honest with him. Maybe because I felt like I had nothing to lose. He wasn’t my boyfriend. Hell, he wasn’t even someone I planned to see a few months from now. I could be as shameless as I wanted to be. God knows he wouldn’t judge me for it.

He laughed. “We can try it a bunch of different ways, then you can decide which one made you come the hardest. But let’s try it your way first.”

He kneeled back on his haunches and pulled me on top of him. The position surprised me, as I’d expected him to lie back and let me do the work.

He pressed on my backside, urging me to move and take him in. But I knew it was too soon for that. It never worked out well that way.

Instead, I used his shoulders as leverage and pressed myself against him, rubbing his shaft against my clit. He watched me as I squirmed and wrestled against his body.

Placing both hands on my face, he steadied me. “What are you doing?”

Ugh, men.

“I’m just going through some foreplay. If you penetrate me too soon, you’ll come and I’ll be left high and dry.”

I’d slept with Chase for years before realizing he could never make me come. It wasn’t his fault. I got into my head too much and unless I was the one in control, I couldn’t find my pleasure. So, I learned how to pleasure myself first before we had sex.

I ignored Giancarlo’s confused face and struggled to find release.

“Baby, baby, stop.” He lifted me off his lap, but kissed me as he crooned softly in my ear. “You don’t have to do that. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

He laid me gently down on the bed and kissed my neck. My body shivered as he sucked on a sensitive spot below my ear. My legs curled up, and I wrapped them around his waist.

His mouth left a warm trail wherever he kissed, from my breasts to my belly, to the throbbing clit between my thighs.

One swipe and my hips flew off the bed. Boy, it had been a long time.

He nuzzled and kissed me until my head spun and I had no idea what was up and what was down. So I closed my eyes and tried not to make sense of it all.

When my leg shook, I knew I was close. But then he pulled away. I nearly cried from anger. No!

“Please, don’t stop,” I begged shamelessly. “I need this. I need you.”

“I know, and I will give you what you need. Just stay with me, baby.”

His hands circled my nipples as he raised his body over mine. He found my entrance and pressed himself inside. We both groaned from the pleasure. His face fell to the side of my face, his warm breath caressing my neck.

“You’re so fucking tight.”

He pressed in and pulled out slowly, the friction deliciously erotic. “I want to fuck every part of your body,” he whispered, and the coarse words lit up my core. “I want to fuck your pussy and your mouth.” He kissed that mouth, flicking his tongue in and out. A tingling sensation built up inside of me, like a dam ready to break.

He lifted my leg higher on his back and the change in position sent a jolt of pleasure to my stomach and below. “Yes,” I moaned.

Grabbing my ass cheek, he squeezed. It was painful at first, but then as his hips pounded against my clit, I couldn’t feel anything but excitement. He slammed his body against mine, harder and harder until I could barely catch my breath.

My emotions wrestled and intensified, reaching a level of angst I’d never felt before. I wanted to shout. I wanted to scream. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

When Giancarlo thrust inside me again, the dam of emotions broke and I dove into ecstasy, with tears streaming down my face.

After my release, he groaned harshly and dropped his body onto mine. My muscles ached and my clit still throbbed.

But when Giancarlo gathered me into his arms and kissed my wet cheeks, nothing hurt more than my heart. “That was incredible, baby,” he whispered in my ear. His arms and body surrounded me.

I’d come harder than I ever had before, spilling a dam-full of emotions I’d kept bottled up for so long.

That wasn’t incredible. No, that was unbelievable. Better than anything I’d ever experienced before.

Tears streamed down my face again, only this time, I identified the emotion.

It was guilt.