Envy by Eve Marian
26
Natacha
My body felt numb despite my shivering. I couldn’t stop my teeth from chattering, no matter how hard I ground my back molars.
I’d never seen anything like that before. I’d never experienced death, especially not right in front of my eyes. It was so quick. One moment, I feared he would rape me, and the next, he lay bleeding at my feet. I wasn’t sure which messed me up more.
Giancarlo hadn’t hesitated. He shot steady and sure. It looked so cool in the movies when the hero took down the villain. But in real life, it was loud, fast, and terrifying. Everything moved so quickly, and my mind couldn’t process what my eyes had just witnessed.
I felt so cold sitting on that floor. When he pulled me into his arms, I wanted to cocoon into the warmth of his body and rely on the strength of his arms to hold me up. To hold me together.
I was glad when he suggested his home. I didn’t want to be alone in mine. And I definitely didn’t want my father or Charlotte to see me this way. Not until I stopped shaking.
Despite the blankets and the electric fireplace on the wall, I couldn’t warm up. My fingertips were icicles and small tremors still racked through my body.
Giancarlo hadn’t left the room. He was still pacing in the corner, turning to assess me every few minutes.
“I’m fine. You don’t have to stay,” I murmured.
“You’re not fine. You’re still shaking.”
A particularly strong tremor passed through me just as I opened my mouth to speak. “I’mmm not.”
He stopped pacing and stared at me with his arms crossed.
I pulled the blankets up to my neck, but my teeth started chattering again.
He dropped his arms. “Fuck it.” He strode across the room toward me.
“What—” I began.
He pulled the blanket open and removed his shoes. “I’m not watching you suffer like this.” He pulled my body up against his and wrapped his arms and legs around me.
Heat encompassed every inch of my body, and it spread to my fingers and toes. My teeth stopped chattering, but the tremors were still there.
He squeezed me tighter, as though I were someone precious to him, and I closed my eyes. There were so many sides to this man that my mind struggled to make sense of it all. I’d never met anyone like him. Someone who could terrify me and make me feel safe all in the span of an hour. Someone who could save my life and take another just as quickly. Right and wrong were always clear in my eyes. There was never any gray area. Killing was wrong. No matter what. Except, when that man slithered toward me, I would have killed him with my bare hands if I could have.
He pulled his arms away, and I reached over and grabbed him. “Where are you going?”
“You stopped shivering.”
“Yes. Because of you. Don’t leave.”
He wrapped himself over me again, and this time, I held onto his arm, keeping him in place.
His breath tickled behind my ear. “I’m sorry, Natacha.”
I closed my eyes. “What are you sorry for?”
One breath. Two.
“For getting you involved. For making you see what I truly am.”
I inhaled deeply, breathing in his words. Taking it all in. “I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy to watch.”
“I know that. I’m so sorry.”
“Are you sorry you killed that man?”
His chest rose and fell as I waited for his answer. “I wish I could say yes,” he whispered. “But there’s no part of me that regrets it. Only that you had to witness it. I know what that makes me.”
I was silent, weighing my words. “When he crawled toward me, I wanted to kill him. What does that make me?”
“Smart. But you didn’t, and that’s what makes you good.”
“I’m having such a hard time figuring this all out. Figuring you out.”
“There’s not much to figure out. It’s pretty simple. I won’t hesitate to do terrible things to protect the people I love.”
My breath hitched, and my heart pounded against my chest. “Are you saying…” I turned my body around to face him. “That you love me?”
He closed his eyes and I couldn’t resist running my fingers across his slashed eyebrows and down his rough stubbled jaw. His chest rose on a large intake of breath. “What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“The truth is that it doesn’t matter. I am who I am. I saw it in your eyes when you asked me about your boyfriend. You blamed me for his death.”
“I did,” I whispered.
He licked his lips. “I may not have killed him, but I’ve killed others.” His voice dropped at the end. He wasn’t talking about today.
“How did you do it?”
His eyes met mine. “Do what?”
I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I could only muster one. “Vito.”
He closed his eyes. “I didn’t.”
My heart stopped and then raced again. “You didn’t?”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t. I told him to leave town. Leave the country. And that if I ever saw or heard of him again, I would kill him. And I meant it.”
He didn’t kill his best friend. My chest loosened and I smiled. “That’s good.”
“No. It’s not. I’m not good, Natacha. I was a coward and I’m not proud of it. But you saw what I am capable of, you saw it first-hand tonight.”
“Yes, I saw. You didn’t hide it. You don’t hide who you are.”
“Exactly. I am who I am. And that makes me all wrong for you. Once you’re feeling better, you should leave.”
“No.”
He pulled back to look me in the eye. “Excuse me?”
I didn’t shy away. “I’m not leaving you. You may have ordered me out once, but I won’t let that happen again.”
His eyes crinkled at the sides. “Why would you want to stay?”
Running my hand across his cheek, I said, “Because I love you.”
He placed his hand on my chest, between my breasts. “Your heart’s racing. That’s the adrenaline talking. You’re feeling thankful right now and believe you’re in love, but you’ll change your mind once you’ve had a chance to reflect.”
“Is that what you think?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He looked down at his hand on my chest. “Because experience has taught me that.”
“And you paint me with the same brush as everyone else in your life?”
“You’re nothing like anyone else I know.”
“Then don’t treat me like it.”
He opened his mouth, but then shut it. Licking his lips, he finally said, “I’m not right for you.”
Ugh. I was tired of him pushing me away. He needed to understand. “You know what? I thought Chase was right for me. I thought he was the perfect boyfriend. But in the end, he cheated on me. He lied to my face and betrayed me. You’ve always been honest with me, even when you found out who I was. The world sees Chase as the perfect boyfriend and you as the villain, but I know you’re complicated, and you do bad things, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. At least not in my eyes.”
“You’ll feel differently in a week or a month.”
What was I going to do with this stubborn, wounded man? He traced the stitching on my T-shirt collar. His brow creased and his mouth turned down at the corners. I tilted his face to look at me. “In my line of work, I see a lot of infidelities, lying, cheating, and downright dirty behavior. Not a lot shocks me anymore. I’ve hesitated to get into another relationship because I’ve seen what’s out there and I don’t want that. But with you, it’s different. You don’t hold back, the good or the bad. I may not like everything you tell me, but at least it’ll be the truth.” Licking my lips, I added, “I want that.” Then I pressed my mouth to his. “I want you.”
A gasp escaped his lips, along with a strangled noise. Abruptly, Giancarlo stood from the bed and rubbed his eyes and face.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?”
He ran his hands through his hair and stared up at the ceiling.
His face contorted and I worried he would break down. “Talk to me.”
Still looking up at the ceiling and avoiding my eyes, he said, “No one has ever done that.”
The agony in his voice scared me. I didn’t understand what I’d said. “Done what?”
He pressed his lips together, but a single word escaped. “Fuck.”
I waited patiently, somehow knowing this one response would reveal more than an entire conversation with him.
He exhaled. “No one has ever wanted me.” He dropped his chin and stared at me. The look on his face broke my heart. He bit his lip and the muscle at his jaw spasmed.
I rose out of bed and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest.
Strong arms clutched me tighter.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked in a low voice. “It’s not too late to back out. I’ll understand.”
My throat tightened. His wavering voice sounded nothing like the man who stormed through that warehouse, but that’s why I loved this complex man.
“Yes. I’m sure.” I smiled into his chest. “In fact,” I raised my head, staring up at him. “How do you feel about moving in with me?”
Watching his solemn face instantly turn—his eyes lighting up, and his mouth smiling—was beautiful. He even laughed. “I don’t think I can fit all my stuff in that apartment of yours.”
“You won’t need much,” I said, running my finger down his chest. A growl rumbled beneath my hand.
“No. I won’t. But I want you to have it all. I want to take care of you. You don’t even have to work if you don’t want to.”
“I like to work.”
“I’ll find some paperwork for you to do here. Hell, I’ll give you Pete’s job.”
The thought of crunching numbers gave me a headache. “I like my job. I like nailing those lying, cheating assholes to the wall.”
His laugh made me laugh. It was spontaneously loud and uninhibited. He wiped the tears from his eyes. “You’re right. You’re too bloodthirsty for my line of work.”
I smacked his chest and he pulled me in for another bear hug, this time lifting me off my feet. “I fucking love you so much, Natacha.” He kissed my neck, my cheeks, and my ear. He held me lovingly and I’d never felt so appreciated in my entire life.
“I love you, too.”
I pressed my lips to his and held on tight to the back of his head. I never wanted to let go.
The gentle kiss turned hungry, and soon Giancarlo’s hands wrapped behind me and lifted me. Straddling my legs around his waist, my body throbbed to be with him.
“We don’t have to do this. I know you’ve been through a lot today.”
“That’s exactly why we need to do this. I don’t want this day to end with those memories. Let’s make new ones.”
He nodded only once before tearing off my T-shirt. “Giancarlo, I’m sorry for everything. You know I would never lie to you again.”
He laid me down on his bed and kissed between my breasts. The stubble on his jaw tickled and I squirmed. “I’m sorry I asked you to leave. I regretted the words as soon as I said them.”
He pulled down my jeans and panties and licked his lips.
“Are you sorry you fired me the first day?”
“No.”
I laughed and closed my legs. He frowned and looked up at me.
“Really?”
“Yes. You were a terrible cook. But that wasn’t the only reason.”
“Then why?”
“Because I wanted to do this since the first time I saw you.”
He bent down and swiped his tongue between my legs. I groaned.
“No, you didn’t,” I said with my eyes closed as he continued to lick and tease me.
“The fuck I didn’t,” He growled, then wiggled the tip of his tongue over my clit. Over and over. My eyes rolled back and my hips jumped off the bed. But he held me down.
“Do you want to know what else ran through my mind when I watched you walk back into the kitchen that first night?”
“W-what?” I stammered as he blew a tantalizing breath over my sensitive flesh.
“This.”
He flipped me over and lifted my hips. His hands rubbed my cheeks and then he spread them. I was shocked when I felt his tongue there. I jumped away. “What—What was that?”
“That was my tongue on your hole. You don’t like it?”
It was unexpected—something I’d never thought someone would do. That hesitation inside of me, I was unsure if I didn’t like it or well, felt embarrassed. I felt my cheeks heat up. “I—well… Um, do you?”
“Very much.” He rubbed the side of my legs. “I want to taste every part of you. But we’ll go at your pace.”
“I’ve only ever done vanilla. You know?”
He smiled. “Baby, that was vanilla. Maybe French Vanilla but still vanilla. But we can take it slow. Show me what you like.”
I pressed my lips together. I’d never done anything like this before. I wasn’t shy in bed, but I had never been this open about my pleasure before. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
“Don’t hold back,” I said. “If something doesn’t feel right, I’ll tell you, but right now, I don’t know what I like. I don’t have enough experience to decide. I want to try it all.”
He sucked in a breath, and his nostrils flared. Looking up at the ceiling, he pressed his lips together and swore softly under his breath. “You rip open my chest with your trust. I won’t betray it.”
Nodding, I laid back down and widened my legs. My heart raced with excitement and love. Giancarlo made me feel alive and spontaneous. He crawled over me and used his tongue to explore every inch of my body. He started with my toes and legs. I was ticklish and didn’t enjoy that. I shook my head when he looked up.
He moved across my hips, avoiding my center. “You missed,” I said.
He smiled. “I know that spot. Now I want to explore the rest.”
My heart jackhammered against my chest as he moved his mouth along my body. My pelvis bone, my stomach, the valley between my breasts. When he lapped at my nipple, I arched my back and moaned. “That’s it,” he cooed, but continued to explore. He kissed my neck and that felt nice and warm. I wrapped my arms around him.
“Turn over,” he breathed into my ear. I complied right away. The soft sheets rubbed against my breasts as he pushed me higher onto the bed, causing a small moan to escape.
He explored the back of my knees and cheeks, but when his lips touched the middle of my back, I sucked in a breath.
“Ah,” he sighed, but didn’t stop kissing. He pressed his mouth to my shoulders and I groaned. “Found a couple more spots.”
Gently, he pulled me up, pressing my back to his chest. Then he held my hands and brought them around to the back of his neck. “Keep your hands here, no matter what.”
I felt exposed in this position. With my back slightly arched, my breasts pushed forward. After warming up inside the bed, the cool air hardened my nipples. Or maybe it wasn’t the air. As I sucked in a breath, anticipating Giancarlo’s next move, I allowed myself to feel and not worry about how I looked, but focus on what I felt.
Sitting back on his heels, Giancarlo adjusted himself until I felt him at my entrance. I looked down, but his hand tilted my face back up. “Close your eyes, and don’t think about anything else but finding your pleasure.”
It was as though he’d read my mind. Shutting my eyes, I waited. Slowly, inch by inch, Giancarlo pushed inside me. The angle was magnificent as his cock pressed against my G-spot.
He pressed his lips to my shoulders and I gasped. I never knew I was so sensitive there. He ran his tongue along my flesh as his hands reached forward and caressed my breasts.
“Holy shit,” I whispered while pleasure ripped through my body, radiating from my nipples, back, and core. I felt everything all at once and even though it was overwhelming, it was exhilarating, too. Giancarlo rocked his body into mine, and I laced my fingers tighter behind his neck.
Tiny tremors rippled through my body and I shook from my legs to my breasts.
“You feel so good, baby. Every inch of your body tastes and feels so good.”
“Yes,” I mouthed, unable to catch my breath.
He rocked his hips faster and pressed on my breasts harder, pinching my nipples. Pain and pleasure rushed through me and I gasped, my mouth wide open.
All my nerve endings lit up as I raced toward the highest peak I’d ever climbed.
“Come for me,” he whispered in my ear, then blew a breath at the back of my neck. My skin tingled and the sensation threw me over the edge as I orgasmed and jerked on his lap.
“Fuck,” he whispered, “lean forward on all fours.”
He nudged me forward and I barely registered his words. Panting into the sheets, I turned my head to watch him position himself behind me. He was still hard and throbbing.
This time, he wasn’t gentle. He found my opening and pushed himself inside in one motion. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yes!”
“Good. Because I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time.” He grabbed my hips and pounded his body into mine. His fingers pressed into my flesh with each thrust and I couldn’t believe it when another wave of pleasure passed through my body, weakening my knees. My forearms fell onto the mattress and I rested my head on my hands as sensations shook me again and again. “Fuck.”
My eyes flew open at the word. I’d never said that during sex before. It was never this good.
“God, Natacha. Tell me you’re okay. Tell me or I’ll stop.”
“Don’t fucking stop, or I’ll kill you.”
My words inflamed him because his hips slammed against mine without inhibition. My breasts bounced, and my mouth opened but couldn’t produce any sound. All I could do was feel and it felt fucking amazing.
Then Giancarlo grabbed my shoulder, massaging the muscles there as he used my body as leverage to push his cock deeper inside of me. Once. Twice. Three times, over and over again. There!Oh, God. I couldn’t take it anymore. My body shook and I collapsed from the pleasure. Another orgasm, this one took every ounce of strength I had and I fell flat onto the bed.
Behind me, Giancarlo let out a hoarse groan and collapsed on top of me. I reached behind me and awkwardly caressed his cheek that pressed against the back of my head.
“I think you found a few new spots,” I said.
“Yeah,” he panted. “I feel like fucking Christopher Columbus.”
I laughed and he groaned behind me. “I love you, Tacha.”
“I love you, too.”
He slid down beside me and pulled me into his arms.
“That was incredible,” he panted.
I smiled, replete, and loved. “Definitely.”
He held me as my mind raced with the possibility of sharing my life with this man. How our worlds would mesh together. For the most part, I knew we’d figure it out, but there was one thing that made me nervous.
Caressing my face, his finger lingered on my brow. “What are you thinking? I can feel you’re worried about something. Tell me.”
“I’m thinking I’m not looking forward to the next part.”
“Don’t stress about the move. I’ll take care of everything.”
I raised myself on his chest, onto my elbows, and kissed his lips. “It’s not that.”
Running his fingers through my hair, he asked, “Then what is it?”
I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes.
“You have to meet my father.”
He stared up at the ceiling and pulled me in closer. “I know. I’m ready.”
His soft voice soothed my nerves. I was happy to hear him say that because I sure as hell wasn’t.