Wrong Side of the Tracks by Ashley Zakrzewski

ChapterSix

I try to ignore the looming end date to us being together. Liam is spending most nights at my place, and we spend time together when I’m not at work. He drives me to get my car, all fixed up and ready to be used again, and he holds me close at night. I’m getting used to his warm body next to mine as I sleep. There’s still time, and I don’t want to waste it by worrying about it being over. I knew what I was getting into. I knew Liam was leaving. I just have to be an adult about it, and take it for what it is. Temporary.

Liam invites me over to dinner at his mom’s place one night, and I happily accept. I see his mom, Amelia, around town every now and then. But we haven’t really spoken much since we broke up all those years ago. I guess she must have noticed that we are spending time together again and asked that Liam invite me over. I can’t imagine him involving his mom in a temporary arrangement otherwise.

The house looks exactly the same as it did fifteen years ago, only with a newer TV in the living room. Amelia pulls me in for a hug as soon as I step through the door, her flowery perfume hitting me as I’m surrounded by her.

“So good of you to join us, Eva,” she says, pulling me along out to the dining room. “I was so happy to hear that you and Liam are…” She pauses. “That the two of you are friends again.”

I exchange a look with Liam, who isn’t even looking at me. I guess I was right. Inviting me over hadn’t been his idea. I get it, he knows as well as I do that this is temporary, so why involve his mother in it? But I can’t help but feel a slight sting at the realization that he probably would have preferred that I didn’t come tonight.

“I made lasagna,” Amelia says and tells me to sit down at the table. She has really pulled out all the stops tonight. I recognize the plates as her and her late husband’s wedding china. Who is she trying to impress? Me? I smile at her, pushing away my swirling thoughts.

“Lasagna sounds great, Amelia.”

She tells us to just relax and disappears out to the kitchen. Liam sits down next to me, an apologetic smile on his face.

“She’s really excited that you’re here,” he says. “Sorry if she’s a little intense about it. I didn’t tell her we were back together or anything.”

Ouch. “Right,” I try to smile, but I don’t think I’m being very successful. “Well, don’t worry. I’m not reading anything into this. Let’s just enjoy dinner, your mom has gone through all this trouble.”

Liam nods and opens his mouth as if to speak, when his mom returns carrying the food. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“It smells really good, mom,” Liam says and helps her put the lasagna on the table.

“Let’s eat while it’s still warm,” Amelia says and gestures for me to start.

The lasagna is really good, but that is just about the only thing good about the evening. The conversation is stale, and I’m having a hard time relaxing. It’s so obvious that Liam’s mom is hoping for us to get back together, and while I love her for it, it only cements the fact that we’re not. Liam barely speaks during dinner, and I just want to ask him what’s wrong. He seems a million miles away, and I can’t figure out what’s going on inside his head. When he finally, finally takes me home, I say to him.

“Is everything alright?”

Liam nods, and reaches behind to squeeze my leg.

“Yeah, everything is great.”

Why are you lying to me? “You just seem kind of… I don’t know. Like there’s something on your mind.”

“Don’t worry about it, Eva,” he says and stops in front of my building. “I’m good, I promise.”

Okay then. I don’t get off the bike right away, I don’t want him to go back to his mom’s place. “Will you sleep here tonight?”

Liam looks at me, and nods. “Okay. If you want me to.”

“I want you to.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

My heart skips a beat when he says those words. I know he only means tonight. I can’t make this into something that it isn’t. Be grateful, I think to myself. You get to have him for a little while at least. That should be enough.

I know it’s not enough.

Things feel a little more normal once we are back in my apartment, Liam seems more at ease. He pulls me close and kisses my neck and I hold on to him. Want to be close to him. We go slow that night, taking our time with each other. There is none of the usual urgency when he pushes into me, and I try to stay in the moment. Try to enjoy his body, to enjoy his groans as he takes his pleasure and give just as much in return. But I can’t get the nagging feeling out of my head, that feeling that something has changed tonight. Afterwards, we’re lying next to each other in silence, and Liam plays with a strand of my hair. He’s miles away, I can tell. Is this it? Is this when it ends? I don’t even get the last few days with him before he goes back to the city? I want to ask him, and I don’t. Not ready to hear the answer.

“I start my new job tomorrow,” I say, just to say something. Liam’s eyes come back into focus and he smiles.

“I know. Are you nervous?”

“A little. But I’m mostly excited.”

He presses a light kiss to my forehead, and I wrap an arm around his body. “You’ll do great, Eva. I know you will.”

“I hope so,” I say and nestle in underneath his chin. “I hope everything will be okay.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. Just holds me firmly against him. I want this tension to go away. I want to know what he’s thinking about. I open my mouth, the words right there on the tip of my tongue. But instead of asking him what’s on his mind, something else comes out.

“Stay. Don’t go back to the city. Stay here with me.”

Liam pulls back and faces me. There’s a furrow on his brow and I know I made a mistake asking him. It’s written clear as day on his face. He doesn’t want to stay.

“Eva, I…”

“No,” I interrupt and get out from under his arm. “Forget I said anything. Just…” Fuck, I’m going to cry. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“It’s just…” He sits up, but he doesn’t meet my eye. “You want me to stay?”

“Yes.” No use trying to talk my way out of it. I do want him to stay. I want him to stay so badly it hurts. “But you don’t want that, and that’s okay.”

“Eva…”

“Don’t.” I get out of the bed and pull a shirt over my head and find my underwear under the nightstand. “Maybe we should just stop.”

“Don’t be upset.” He reaches for me, but I back up.

“I think you should leave,” I say quietly.

I wait for him to argue. I wait for him to hold me close and tell me that he wants what I want. He doesn’t. I just watch him get dressed and when he stops in front of me, unsure of how to say goodbye, I turn my face to the floor. I can’t watch him go. Not again. So I just hear his footsteps as he walks through my apartment. I hear the door open and close. I curse under my breath. I can’t think. Sinking down on the floor, I make a fist and pound it against my chest. The tears start running, and I curl in on myself. It happened. I knew it would, but at the same time I can’t quite believe it did.

He left. And I’m all alone again.