Tortured Sinner by Tessa James

Claire - 40

Today is the first day since I’ve been here on the West Coast that it rained.

And it seems fitting, as I stand here wearing a solid black dress, next to Bram, watching Johnny’s casket being lowered into the ground.

Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.

I wasn’t sure if I’d cry or scream or be completely numb.

I guess I’m all of them. My soul is yelling at the top of its lungs to turn back the clock, to give me a second chance to change the events that played out. To try to reshape this reality that I’m currently living.

Silent tears cascade down my face, and my heart aches fiercely.

Bram wraps his arm around my shoulder and gives it a firm shake. “You’re going to get through this. I promise.”

But how can he be so sure?

The last few days have been utter chaos, making all of the arrangements.

I was supposed to be planning my future with Johnny, not organizing his funeral.

There weren’t many calls to make, considering Johnny had no parents and his only close relative is currently stationed overseas.

A blacked-out SUV pulls along the lane and stops near us.

Josey appears from the driver's side and walks over to us.

Anger boils up inside of me.

“How dare you?” I yell and slap him across the face.

He takes the hit and wraps his arms around me while I pound my fists into his chest.

“How could you let this happen?” I blubber through my tears.

“I’m so sorry,” he genuinely replies.

Bram tries to pry me away from Josey.

I keep hitting Josey, like my brain somehow thinks I can fix things this way.

“Come on, let me get you home.” Bram finally breaks my hold and I stagger back.

I shake my head and sniffle. The rain picks up and my hair becomes matted to my cheeks. “I can’t…” I drop to my knees beside the hole in the ground where Johnny’s casket now lays.

The image of Johnny’s lifeless body bleeding out in my arms is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

How can I ever move on from this?

My heart aches, being torn apart by everything that’s happened.

“Let me help.” Josey’s large hands grip my shoulders in an attempt to raise me.

I flinch. “Don’t you dare touch me. You’ve done enough.”

“You heard her,” Bram warns while coming between us.

“I’m sorry, I never meant for this to happen.” Josey frantically tries to make me understand.

I shake my head, but before I can give him an earful, Bram interjects.

“What’s done is done. I think it’s best we go our separate ways now.”

I numbly allow Bram to guide me to his old pickup truck and slide into the passenger seat. I wipe at my face and glance at myself in the side-view mirror. My mascara is streaked, and my hair is completely wild and unruly.

Bram climbs into the other side. “One day at a time, okay?”

I bite at my lip. “Yeah.”

The drive into town is quiet, leaving me too much time alone with my thoughts. I replay the last few days over and over in my head, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.

We pass Bram’s diner, and I’m reminded of one of the many things I’ll be giving up.

Bram cuts the engine in front of my complex. “Are you sure leaving is the best option?” he asks me once we’re both out of his truck.

I nod. “I can’t stay here, you know. It hurts too much.”

“I understand.” Bram sighs heavily. “It’s not going to be the same around here, kid.”

I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight. In such a short period, Bram has become this monumental person in my life. I don’t want to walk away from him, but I have no other choice.

“Keep in touch?” Bram grips my shoulders firmly.

“Yeah.” I walk away from him, punching my code into the keypad of my mom’s building for what might be the last time. I stroll across the courtyard, remembering that moment from months ago that set off a chain of events I never could have imagined.

I climb the steps where Johnny had saved me from Griffin’s grasp.

I pause, glancing toward Johnny’s door one last time. So many memories in such a short period. My heart aches, but I know I must leave.

I unlock Beth’s place and slide the key off my chain and lay it on the counter. Taking my final glance around, I grab onto the remaining piece of luggage I have yet to put in the car.

I pull the handle and say goodbye to my temporary home.

Without bothering to change my clothes or fix my makeup, I make my way down the hall and into the doorway that leads to the underground parking garage under my mom’s complex.

I click the button on the bright red BMW and add my bag to the others in the trunk. I could have flown back to the East Coast, but I thought the drive would be good to clear my head and come up with a plan.

Luckily, my mom didn’t seem bothered at all to offer her car up for me to take. I guess she’s better at grand gestures than the little things. Regardless, I’m thankful for it.

I climb into the driver seat and push the button to start the engine. It roars to life, and I shift it into reverse to back out of the parking spot.

A few minutes later, I merge onto the interstate, glancing in the rearview mirror and watching the city that changed me become smaller and smaller the further I drive away.

“How was it?” His voice is soft but jagged.

I sigh, a mixture of relief and nerves coursing through me. “Terrible, you try going to my funeral and tell me how you like it. I slapped Josey.”

He laughs, which only makes him cough. “Think they bought it?”

I shrug and look over my shoulder at the beautifully broken boy laying in the back seat. “I sure hope so.”

Johnny holds the bandage wrapped around his torso and smiles. “Me too.”

There are so many uncertainties left dangling that could threaten to break us. Franklin finding out Johnny faked his death being a huge one, and the whole me poisoning Griffin thing being another.

But even if the world comes crashing down tomorrow, at least we’ll be together.

I don’t believe in much, but I believe in us.