Something Unexpected by Vi Keeland
CHAPTER 28
Nora
“YOUR HEARTBEAT ISslow, but that’s to be expected with this stage of your illness and after what you went through last month. That’s probably the reason you’re feeling a little sluggish,” Dr. Hammond said. “Well, that and the LA smog.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“How long ago was the heart attack?”
“It’ll be six weeks tomorrow.”
Dr. Hammond scribbled notes in my new chart. When he was done, he closed it and looked at me with a smile. “You’re really the spitting image of your mother.”
“My dad says the same thing.”
“How is your dad?”
“He’s okay. He acts like nothing is wrong, but I know it has to be tough on him to watch someone who looks like my mother go through what she did.”
Dr. Hammond nodded. “I’m sure.”
He’d been my mother’s cardiologist when I was a kid. While I wasn’t doing any treatments, I still needed a refill of the dozen medications I took in order to keep breathing. I thought it might be easier to go to someone familiar with my disease. Not every cardiologist has experience with it because it’s so rare.
“Everything else looks good.” Dr. Hammond shut my chart. “Your lungs are clear, blood pressure is stable with the help of the medications you take, and your EKG was unchanged from the last one your doctor in New York sent over.”
“Great.”
“You can return to your normal activities. Keep your exercise on the light side, and be mindful of becoming winded. You can also resume sexual activity and return to work.”
The mention of sex made my chest feel hollow. It had been a whole fifteen minutes since I’d last thought of Beck.
“Okay, thank you.”
“And I’ll see you back here in three months to see if we need any medication adjustments.”
Three months.
Lately every reference to a date in the future hung heavy in the air. Would I still be around then?
Back at the house, my dad wasn’t home from work yet. He’d left laundry in the dryer, so I folded it, then went to his bedroom to put it away. I looked around. This room hadn’t changed very much from when I was a kid—same dark walnut furniture, same white wooden blinds, even a dark brown robe hung on the back of the door that led to the small, attached half bath. The top of the dresser was lined with framed photos that hadn’t changed in twenty years. I picked up the first one that caught my eye. It was of my mom laughing, taken on her and William’s wedding day. A small pearl crown sat on top of her head, the veil that had been attached long gone since it was the end of their reception. She had cake smeared all over her face. I’d gone through their wedding album dozens of times after mom passed. There were pictures of them cutting a three-tier cake and Mom smashing a giant piece into Dad’s face.
Tears clogged my throat as I stared at the photo. So I set it back on the dresser and picked up another one. This one was of Mom and William walking on the beach, with two-year-old me on William’s shoulders. They looked so happy. Growing up without a mother wasn’t easy, but I was glad my mother had gotten to have a family—even if only for a short while. I’d always dreamed of having a bunch of kids, probably because I grew up an only child. But it wasn’t in the cards.
“You peed on my neck that day.” Dad’s voice startled me. I hadn’t heard him come in. He leaned casually against the bedroom doorway with a smile.
“I did not…”
“Yep, you did. We were walking along, and all of a sudden, I felt this warmth. At first I thought it was sweat. It was a pretty warm day out.”
“Why have you never mentioned that before?”
Dad shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess we never discussed that photo. But you were only two and a half and potty training early. It wasn’t a big deal. I just went for a swim, and we finished our walk.”
I stared at the picture for a few more seconds before putting it back. “Can I ask you something, Dad?”
“Anything.”
“Have you dated since Mom died?”
He nodded. “Here and there. It’s nice to have companionship once in a while, to go to a movie or a restaurant.”
I smiled. “I’m glad.”
I’d been thinking so much about my mom’s death since I moved back home. But I’d also been wondering about the aftermath for William. I was so little when it happened. I didn’t remember what it was like for him.
“It must’ve been tough for you after Mom died…”
Dad walked into the room. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “What’s really on your mind, sweetheart?”
“What do you mean?”
He tapped his finger to my temple. “You’ve been moping around, lost in thought since you arrived. I know what you’re going through is heavy and a lot to carry, but it’s more than that. I can tell.”
I leaned my head on my dad’s shoulder. “You’re always so good at reading me.”
“Is this about that guy, Beck, you told me about?”
I sighed. “I miss him a lot.”
“So go see him. Or have him out here. We have plenty of room. I think I might finally be okay abolishing the open-bedroom-door policy when a boy’s over.”
I smiled. “I can’t. I don’t want to make it harder for him.”
Dad shifted and looked at me. “Harder for him? Please don’t tell me you’re keeping away from a man who cares about you because you think it will help him heal easier someday.”
When I didn’t respond, Dad shook his head. “Nora, I would take a lifetime of sadness for one minute longer with your mother. Life isn’t a math equation that’s simple to figure out. Sometimes forty-two good days outweigh hundreds of bad ones.”
“I know…but if you and Mom had never fallen in love, you’d probably be married now and have someone to keep you company. You would have lived your life more fully.”
“And if I could do it all over—make a choice today to have four years with your mother and some loneliness in the years after, or no years with your mother but never be lonely—I’d choose your mother. It’s not even a question. I’d choose her every time. Your mother was the love of my life. Not everyone is lucky enough to find their person. I was, and for that, I feel lucky, not regretful.”
“Oh, Dad…” Tears welled in my eyes, and I threw my arms around his shoulders and hugged him. “Your love for Mom has been an inspiration to me. It’s beautiful.”
“Then let the inspiration guide your actions, sweetheart.”
“I can’t. It’s different with me and Beck. You were already married to Mom and head over heels for her when she got sick the last time. It was too late for you. It’s not too late for Beck.”
My dad shook his head. “I was head over heels the day I met your mother.” He stroked my hair. “You’ve made some pretty tough choices and expected everyone to honor them. But you’re not allowing this Beck to make his choice. You’re making it for him.”
***
The following night, my phone rang at eight o’clock. I smiled at the name flashing on the screen.
“Hey, Louise. How are you?”
“My ticker is still ticking. So I suppose it’s a good day.” She had her usual spunk in her voice, but there was something else off. Louise sounded almost out of breath.
“Are you wheezing?”
“Just my allergies,” she said. “Maddie and I worked on her garden badge today. The pollen count must’ve been high.”
“Oh.” I sighed. “How is Maddie?”
“Well, today she came home from school with a drawing. She’d drawn a bunch of people but only labeled herself, Princess Maddie. The teacher told her that for homework, she needed to label the rest of the people. So I was helping her. I pointed to the person standing next to her in the photo. The figure was twice the size she’d drawn herself, so I assumed it was her father. I said, ‘If you’re a princess, who might this be?’ She said it was her daddy. So I asked her what his title was if she’s a princess? Does that make him a king? She thought about it for a long time. And then answered with a dead-serious face. ‘That makes him a servant.’”
“Oh my God.”
“I laughed so hard, I nearly peed. Then I helped her spell servant so we could label him properly.”
I chuckled. “Of course, you did.” I was quiet for a few heartbeats. “And how is Beck?”
“He’s hanging in there,” Louise said. “Back to working too much. When he’s not at the office or on his laptop, he’s usually moping. I think he misses you more than he’ll say.”
The feeling was mutual. “I’m sorry he’s hurting, Louise.”
“No apologies necessary, sweetheart. I understand.” She started to cough, a dry hack that went on for quite a while.
“That doesn’t sound good, Louise.”
“It’s just allergies.”
“Maybe. But if it doesn’t get better by morning, I think you should go get it checked.”
She changed the subject without agreeing with me. “I got an email from Frieda, our Bahamian friend. She was checking in, but she also gave me a recipe for the sweet biscuits we liked when we were down there. They’re called Johnny cakes. You have to try them. I’ll email you over the recipe.”
I smiled. “Alright, I will.”
We talked for another half hour, but by the time the call was ending, it sounded like Louise had run a marathon.
“I really think you might need to get that wheeze checked,” I told her.
“We’ll see. I do have lung cancer, you know.”
“You might need something simple, like a steroid again.”
It was hard to push someone to go to the doctor when you weren’t getting treatments yourself. But I did my best. After we said goodbye, I was about to swipe to end the call, but I heard Louise yell my name.
“Eleanor!”
I brought the phone back to my ear. “Yes?”
“Neither of us knows when it might be the last time we talk, so I just wanted to tell you I love you.”
I swallowed. “I love you, too, Louise.”
The next morning, I decided to take a walk on the beach. I couldn’t shake the melancholy feeling I’d had since I left New York, so I hoped a little sunshine and ocean might help. I walked a few miles before coming upon a jetty of rocks. It was time I turned back, but I thought I’d sit for a while first.
I stared out at the Pacific Ocean and closed my eyes, forcing myself to think of all of the good things I had in my life while listening to the ocean crash against the surf. Doing that usually helped, but today I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. After a few minutes, I got up and started to walk again. When I was almost back to where I’d started, my cell phone rang with a Manhattan area code. I didn’t recognize the number, but I swiped to answer anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Nora?”
The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. “Yes?”
“It’s Jake Cross.”
I stopped walking. “Hey, Jake. How are you? Is everything okay?”
He was quiet for long enough to make my heart race.
“Jake?”
“Gram had another stroke, Nora. A bad one.”
“Oh no.” I clutched my chest.
“It’s not good. The doctors said there’s no brain function. They’re basically keeping her alive so we can say goodbye. We’re going to do it tonight, if she doesn’t…you know. The priest will say a few words and then…”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, so, so sorry.”
“Thank you. I know things between you and Beck are…whatever they are, but I thought you might want to come, to say your goodbye and to be here for him. And her.”
“Do you think Beck would be okay with that?”
“I don’t think Beck is in any condition to know what he needs. He’s the one who found her. He doesn’t even know I’m calling you, Nora. He’s a mess, and I thought…” He blew a rush of air into the phone. “I don’t know what I thought. But I felt like I should call you.”
“I’m glad you did. What hospital is she at?”
“Lenox Hill.”
I nodded. “I’ll do my best to be there.”
