The Vengeance You Crave by Tracy Lorraine

2

Peyton

Ichew on my nail as I sit in the parking lot watching the other students around me head toward the buildings ready for their first classes of the day. But I'm frozen. My stomach is in a tight knot with fear racing through my veins.

I'm a mess. Everything is a fucking mess and nothing makes sense other than wanting to hide. But that's not who I am. I'm stronger than that. Mom raised me to face my demons and to tackle them head-on, not to run like others… like her.

I lower my hand when I have no nail left to bite. It's a habit I thought I cracked in high school, but with everything that's happened in the past couple of months, they're as red and sore as they've ever been.

However, this could be the worst decision I've ever made in my life.

I know that Aunt Fee is right, that I can't just turn my back on everything I've achieved so far, but starting here, at MKU where I know he is. It already feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

As I stare at the smiling students as they catch up with their friends after the holiday break, the dread only gets heavier in my stomach.

I think back to Christmas Eve at The Locker Room and the look in Luca's eyes when he realized it was me. I expected the shock the first time he laid eyes on me again, but what I had hoped was that he'd have moved past what happened between us before I left Rosewood all those years ago, but the second his shock morphed into anger I knew it was only wishful thinking.

I blow out a long breath, my fingers wrapping around the steering wheel in front of me.

Maddison Kings University is huge. The chances of me bumping into him are slim. That knowledge is one of the reasons why I allowed Aunt Fee to convince me to fill out the transfer papers.

"You can do this," I tell myself. "Mom would want you to do this."

With my head held high, I climb from my car, dragging my purse with me and throw it over my shoulder.

I studied the campus map before leaving the house this morning so I think I know where both of my classes today are.

The huge, imposing Westerfield Building looms before me as students funnel through the huge double doors at the front. All my classes this semester are here. Seeing as I was starting over, I decided to make my life as easy as possible and choose classes in my comfort zone. English.

Reading and writing have been the only things that have allowed me to get out of my head these past few weeks, and without them, I have no idea how I could have come through it all.

As the majority of the students inside head for the elevator, I go for the stairs. I don't have time to work out so I've got to get exercise in, wherever I can. My job requires me to be in top form because my boss is a pig and I can't risk losing it.

He's already taken a risk by allowing me to start working before I turn twenty-one, the last thing I need to do is piss him off by adding an inch to my waist.

I make quick work of the two flights of stairs and I'm soon approaching room 305 for my morning class. I follow the other students inside and find myself a seat about halfway back.

I scan every face as I climb the stairs. I don't know why I bother, I already know he's not here. I'd feel it if he were. Just like I did that night.

I felt his presence as I worked the room, clearing empty glasses and taking orders, but I refused to turn around and discover who was causing that kind of reaction within me. Nothing good could come from someone paying me as much attention as I knew the man behind me in the shadows was.

When Bry, the bartender, passed me over his order, I almost refused to take it over. But knowing I didn't have a choice if I didn't want to draw attention to myself, I swallowed down my apprehension and turned his way.

I knew that at some point it was likely to happen. I wasn't going to move to his territory and get away without him finding out. But this was the last place I was expecting to discover the ghost from my past.

I applied for the job on a whim, thinking it was probably one of the only places surrounding the university where students might not hang out. How wrong was I because not even a week into my position and there he was. My old best friend, the boy who used to know me better than I knew myself, was sitting there mentally imagining all the ways he could make me leave as fast as I had the last time.

Only, he's going to be disappointed because this time, I'm not going anywhere. I need to be here. I've got people depending on me not to screw this whole thing up.

My life has changed in ways I never could have imagined since Mom packed up mine and my sister's shit and drove us out of Rosewood without looking back.

I understand why she did it. She thought that getting Libby away would help to put her on the right path. She had no idea that the months and years that would follow would only get worse.

I pull my notebook from my purse and rummage around the mess for a pen as I keep an eye on all the students who continue to stream into the room.

There was a time when I wouldn't have needed to even think about what class he might have taken. I knew everything there was to know about Luca Dunn. I knew his dreams, his fears, I knew exactly what made him tick, until I confessed what I had discovered and I realized that maybe I didn't know everything about him after all. Or more so, that he didn't know me because I thought he knew that I'd never lie to him. That no matter how hard something was to tell him, that I'd always do it if I thought it was the right thing to do. Turns out, that wasn't how it was because instead of accepting what I'd said as the truth, he fed into every one of my insecurities and turned against me.

I wished so hard that what I told him wasn’t true. But I knew in my soul that it was and that no matter what his reaction was to it, that it was going to change all of our lives. And I couldn't have been more right because only days later, I returned home from school to find Mom packing up our belongings and the three of us drove out of town, never to return.

To this day, I have no idea if it was the right thing to do, but I understand why she did it.

She wanted to protect us. Our safety was more important to her than anything else.

But a part of me wished she'd handled it differently.

I wished we could have stayed and fought for what was right, to stop it from happening again. Maybe if we'd have stayed, I wouldn't have been in this position now.

Eventually, the stream of students comes to an end and our professor joins us before setting up his presentation and starting the class.

The second he starts talking, even if it’s to lay out what we can expect from the course this semester, I forget about everything that's falling apart around me and focus on him.

This is my safe place, my escape from reality. I soak up every single word he says, and already I can feel the tingle of excitement when he talks about the assignments we're going to be expected to complete. Anything that involves me tapping at my keyboard immediately makes me feel lighter.

* * *

Folding up the campus map and sliding it back into my pocket, I walk around the corner of the building. The scent in the air makes my mouth water.

The sight of the beans on the sign hanging above the door makes me smile and without a second thought, I head inside.

Thanks to classes just ending, the line is almost out the door, but I join the line prepared to wait until my next class if it means getting my hands on the biggest cup of coffee this place has to offer.

Much to my relief, the line moves quickly and before I know it, I've got a cappuccino in one hand and an oatmeal raisin cookie in the other.

I walk through the seating area in the hope someone is about to leave so I can sit. It's not all that cold outside but I'd rather be in here, ideally at the back of the room so I can watch the people coming and going, but there's nothing.

Balancing my cookie on my takeout cup, I pull my purse up higher on my shoulder and take a step to leave. I guess it'll have to be a bench outside after all.

"You can sit here," a soft female voice says from behind me, making me look over my shoulder to see if she's actually talking to me.

Spinning around, I find a petite blonde smiling at me and pointing to an empty chair at her table.

"A-are you sure? I don't want to interrupt."

"Of course not," her friend says, clearing away some of their trash from the other side of the table to give me space.

"Thank you," I say sincerely, looking between the two of them.

"I'm Ella and this is Letty," the blonde says, tilting her head to her dark-haired friend beside her.

"H-hey, I'm Peyton, and this is my first day," I add, in case it's not already abundantly clear that I have no clue what I'm doing.

"We guessed," Letty says as I lower my ass to the chair.

"I transferred from Trinity Royal," I explain.

"Ah, South Carolina, right?"

"Yeah." I pull a chunk of my cookie off and throw it into my mouth. Neither of them asks why I've moved here and I don't offer up any information either.

"I only started at the beginning of the year. I was at Columbia before that."

"Oh wow, Columbia."

"Yeah, it was pretty incredible, but things… things didn't work out."

"Life doesn't always turn out as we expect, huh?" I ask, more to myself than anyone else.

“You got that right,” Letty mutters, lifting her coffee to take a sip.

“So,” Ella asks. “What classes are you taking this semester?”

The three of us fall into easy conversation and before I know it, we’re having to clear our table and head to class. Ella and I walk back toward the Westerfield Building while Letty heads elsewhere.

"Where are you living? In dorms or…" Ella asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence as we get ourselves set up for class side by side.

Making friends here wasn't all that high up on my to-do list. Surviving has been my most pressing issue the past few months, but I can't deny that having someone beside me, who I think could potentially become a friend, doesn't feel incredible.

It seems like forever ago that I could let my hair down and have a night with the girls without the stress of real life weighing me down. And although I may have found a couple of possible friends, I still can't see a carefree night out happening any time soon. I've got too many responsibilities now, too many people relying on me.

"I'm actually living with my aunt off campus. Well, she's not actually my aunt but…" I trail off realizing that Ella probably doesn't care about the finer details of my life. Well, not bullshit like that anyway, I'm sure she'd more than happily listen to the dramatics because even after living through it all, I still find it unbelievable as if I'm living out a freaking movie.

"That's good though, it'll save you a ton of money."

"Y-yeah, it will," I agree because she's right, and if it weren't for Aunt Fee, then there's no way I'd be able to be here right now. She really is a guardian angel. I dread to even think what my life might be like right now if she didn't reach out and offer to help me.

"The Kappas are having a toga party Friday night to kick off the new semester. You're in, right?"

"Uh," I hesitate. "Actually, I have to work."

"What?" she says, but I can tell from her face that she understands. "That sucks."

I shrug. "Yeah, but I need the money."

"Fair enough. Where do you work?"

Thankfully, our professor follows a couple of latecomers into the auditorium and immediately demands all of our attention and puts a stop to me having to answer.

I won't lie about my job. I'm a waitress in a bar. I might just skirt around the name of said bar because even from only being here a few weeks, I know that the girls who work at The Locker Room have a certain kind of reputation. To be honest, from the things I've both heard and seen, most of them warrant it. But I'm not like them. Yes, I'm there because the pay is better than any other bar in Maddison County, but I have zero interest in the extracurricular activities that can come with the job. I might want the money, but not that bad.

Much like my morning class, I lose myself in the lecture and everything the professor has to say about the course and I eagerly write down our first assignment, already excited to get some words down onto paper to argue my case about whether fraternities promote misogyny, an interesting topic seeing as I was just invited to a party where we all have to wear nothing but sheets, of which I'm sure would cover up as little skin as possible.

"What classes do you have tomorrow?" Ella asks as we make our way out of the building surrounded by others who are equally excited to get out.

"Um… I've got a morning lecture, then I'll probably spend the rest of the day in the library."

"I'm in all day, but do you want to meet us for lunch? I'm pretty sure Letty is free in the afternoon, maybe she could study with you."

"I don't need babysitting." My voice comes out harsher than I intend and Ella's brows pull together, her shoulders dropping in disappointment.

"No, no. I know. That wasn't—fuck. I'm sorry. It's just… you seem like our kind of girl, you know. I didn't want you to be lonely."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just not used to…" I gesture between us. "This."

"I know I can be a little full-on at times. But when you know, you know. You know?" She wiggles her brows in amusement as a small laugh passes her lips.

"Yeah, I know." Although really, the only one I thought I knew that with, turned on me, so maybe I'm clueless. "Lunch tomorrow sounds great."

"Yes," she hisses. "And see if you can get Friday night off. It's gonna be a banging party, and I know a few guys who'll love you."

"Oh, no, no. I'm not—"

"I'm not setting you up, don't worry."

"It's fine. Just… just tell me they're not football players," I beg.

She studies me for a beat, one of her eyebrows lifting in curiosity.

"Some are, yeah. They're good guys though."

I can practically hear her silent question, but I speak before she gets a chance to ask.

"I'll take your word for it. Listen, thank you for today. I really appreciate you taking a chance on me, but I really need to head out."

"Work?"

"Yeah."

We quickly agree on a time to meet tomorrow and after Ella taps her number into my cell and calls herself to get mine, she leads me toward the parking lot.

Feeling much more positive about this fresh start than I did when I pulled up this morning, I head home to grab some food and check-in before heading to work.

* * *

I stare at myself in the mirror in the staff bathroom at the bar. I hated the dress code—if it can even be called that—from the moment I first stepped inside the building and saw the girls. I knew what to expect from the internet but still, seeing it in real life was entirely different.

But equally, I knew that if the manager would give me a chance that there was no way I was going to turn it down. People do much worse than show a bit of skin for extra tips. Hell, I could be doing a hell of a lot worse for it. But I draw the line here. The paycheck means I get to do fewer hours and hopefully continue with college.

Win-win—I hope.

But since seeing him here that night, I seem to spend all my time looking over my shoulder. He warned me that I wasn't getting away, yet, but by some miracle, I was able to slip out of the back door unnoticed at the end of my shift, which incidentally I spent at the other side of the bar so I didn't have to serve him again.

I lied to Bry, told him that Luca was an ex that I didn't want to be anywhere near, and thankfully, he allowed me to switch with another waitress for the rest of my shift.

Touching up my lip gloss, I tuck the loose strands of hair from my updo behind my ears and square my shoulders.

He's not been here since, much to my amazement. He seemed pretty adamant that night that he'd wanted something from me, but it was also clear from his glazed expression that he was drunk.

I convinced myself more each day when he didn't show his face that it was just the drink talking and that just like the day I confessed what I knew, that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I'd hoped that when the time came, that if he turned his back on me once more that it wouldn't hurt as much as it did the first time. And while our time apart and the distance between us has softened the pain somewhat, knowing that what we once had has well and truly been severed, still sends a searing pain through my chest.

I thought Luca was the one. I truly thought we were going to live out everything we'd planned over the years. We were going to go to college, he was going to go into the NFL, we'd get married, have two kids, two dogs, and live happily ever after. We'd even chosen the style of house we wanted. The only thing we never pinned down was the location. Luca had a few top teams he was desperate to be signed by, but he was sensible enough back then to keep his options open. His dad, however, had other ideas and wanted him to follow in his footsteps and join the Atlanta Falcons. Luca was open to it, but he hadn't put all his eggs in one basket, or he hadn't back then. Everything could have changed now.

But two weeks from that night, and I'm still waiting—hoping—that he might show back up and follow through on his threats. I've lost count of how many times I've planned what I might say to him when we come face to face once more, but now that time is closer than ever, I'm questioning everything.

I want to believe that time's a healer and that we can move past what happened. I'm not stupid, I know we'll never have the kind of relationship we did when we were kids. What he did when he walked away from everything we had is something I'm not sure I'll ever truly forgive him for.

Shoving my purse into my locker, I tuck the key into my bra and head out.

He's not been back—at least not when I've been on shift—since that night, so I have no reason to think that he'll be here tonight.