Team Changes by Erin R Flynn

11

Kristof

My heart withered when she spoke of the visions. None of us knew that they physically hurt her that way or did such damage to her. It made sense that such a gift from Aether came with such a high cost but… She’d paid the price of so much already. It killed me that she kept having to pay for so much when all it did was help others.

And here I’d been such a bastard focused on myself and being upset she went off with Vitor to handle it and left me behind. All she was dealing with and I was selfish with her.

Again.

I came to terms with that as we ate, watching my beautiful wife as she enjoyed each bite and was so grateful for what she had. I paid attention and saw how tired and beat up she looked, flinching when people came out or shrank away when nobles she didn’t know sat a few tables over.

And all I felt was shame. I’d been so focused on the big picture, I’d taken my eyes off of her for too long. Listening to her cry in her sleep and watching her all night was like hours of smacks upside my head. I’d needed the reality check and to see how much our selfish wedding had worn on her.

All of what our lives had become did.

I decided to handle a few things as her husband when Nick came out to check on how she liked the meal. “From now on, the princess will take breakfast privately out here as well if the weather is good; otherwise, it will be the sunroom. Others can use it before or after. Also, dinner in her dining room with only her husbands, guards, or knights. Lunch will still be in the dining hall or wherever she is for the day.”

“I can do that?” she asked, not hiding her shock… And hope.

“You can do whatever you want, My Princess,” I promised.

She worried her lower lip before glancing at Nick. “You don’t mind?”

“Not at all. It gives us a chance to try some fun that we want you to sample that maybe we don’t want to display in front of everyone,” he told her.

He lied to her. He didn’t care about that, but he wanted her to have a non-selfish reason to do it, and that was why I liked the wolf.

She gave him a relieved smile. “We like fun. Thanks, Nick.” She glanced at me when he walked off. “Thanks. That sounds nice.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”

She focused back on her plate and shrugged. “We’re all busy.”

I cupped her cheek and didn’t say anything until she looked at me instead of making her, reminding myself to always let her have the choice. “We are, but a lot of times we put what Aether wants before what you need, and that’s not okay. I don’t want to do that. I love you. She is my Goddess, but you are who I choose. I’m sorry I haven’t done better, and I will work on it.”

“Thank you.” She turned her head and kissed my hand before going back to breakfast. She cleared her throat and shot me a quick, nervous glance. “Is there anything you want too? Need, I mean?”

“This,” I admitted after a moment. “I’ve needed this. Taking the time to hold you overnight and a quiet breakfast to simply be and stop everything else to see my wife. I get so swept up in the lists because I don’t want to fall behind and fail anyone that I forget to breathe.”

She let out a huff. “I know, right? It’s like all I do, and when the ghosts are going on, I feel like I just get bounced all around. I can’t keep up with any of it, and I feel like we don’t enjoy any of it anymore. We used to… I don’t want to sound like a brat, and I’m glad things are better, but I’m tired. I’m tired all of the time, and I’m tired of it always being so hard. I don’t want to just keep surviving.”

My eyes went wide when she broke down crying right there, just covering her face and crying. Even with my shock, I reacted on instinct and pulled her to me, hugging her tightly as I held her on my lap.

“I know. I know, my love,” I whispered in her ear as I rocked her. I kissed her hair and looked up when I felt Jaxon nearby. I couldn’t even hold back the look of hate I gave him for how he’d hurt her. I knew we were all struggling, but what he’d said last night wounded her so deeply… The pain I’d felt flourish in her truly made me worry she might hurt herself to end her anguish.

That was why I had reacted so desperately and not left her alone. She’d been in such pain, and it was getting so much deeper and darker that I was scared she was going to give up and simply let it swallow her again.

And I hated the three of them for doing this to her. Even if I understood how we were all upset and dealing with too much, they were injuring and beating up the woman I loved more than my own life. I’d done it too, and I deserved their ire but… I still always came to hold her, even when she was upset with me. They walked away, and I only did because my upset scared her.

How could they not see the difference and what they did to her?

“I’m so sorry,” she rasped when she was done, mopping up her face. “I don’t know what that was.”

“I do,” I said gently, giving her a look not to lie to herself but that I wouldn’t push it.

Her lower lip quivered. “Have I changed so much that he can’t love me?”

“I don’t think you’ve changed all that much,” I answered instead of what she wanted. “We’ve all adapted and I’ve changed too.” I tucked some hair that had fallen out of her bun behind her ear. “But I still see the same Inez that would have given me anything I wanted to protect the ones she loved. That’s what all of this stems from. You did this to protect the ones you love. That’s you being you. The rest is stress.”

“Less stress sounds nice,” she mumbled as she snuggled closer.

And more sleep. She needed a lot more healthy sleep. Not shit sleep for weeks with visions and crashing after using too much power. She needed more real rest, and it needed to be a serious priority, or it could injure her permanently. I’d felt how drained she was holding her all night and even now.

As much as I didn’t like James’s love for her as it wasn’t healthy for her, it was amazing that he’d figured out us changing who slept with her during the night hadn’t been helping. Now that the visions had stopped, one of us staying all of the time might be what she really needed.

I knew I would stay every night, the whole night, for the rest of our lives if it made her feel the littlest bit better than she did right then. I hated how fragile she seemed and felt. I couldn’t take it. I would stare at her all night or the damn wall in the dark.

Fine, I’d have one of the Begleys load books on Kindles for me, but same principle.

I cleared my throat and took a chance. “I’d like to schedule more quiet like this, have more to look forward to. I miss…” I smiled. “Let me show you. Let’s finish breakfast and I’ll show you a part of me.”

Everything felt perfect in my world when she angled her head and smiled up at me. “I’d like that. I’d really like that.” She sniffled and quickly wiped her eyes. “A lot. Thank you. Thank you for not leaving me.”

“Never. I’m never leaving you, Inez.” I hugged her again and hated them for hurting her, abandoning her when she needed them most.

Something Jaxon clearly realized from the way he turned away, his shoulders shaking as he silently cried. Darius looked just as destroyed as he had been for too long now, but he’d done it to himself. We’d done so much to try and pull him out of his spiraling, but he hadn’t wanted the help.

I’d tried to be patient with the younger vampire, I truly had. He’d lost everything when the bombs had hit his home coven as he’d had a loving family and lots most of us never did.

But that should’ve made him appreciate what he’d had right in front of him even more instead of ever risk it. Something he maybe realized too late.

A mistake I wouldn’t make.

And something I was going to pound into Cerdic later. He’d helped Inez see I was doing my best and not being a jerk when my actions seemed that way, and I was going to repay that favor by beating the shit out of the idiot before he lost her.

We finished eating and—like always—Inez made a point to thank the kitchen staff and praise them. Next, was quickly checking in with Hope and where Inez had to be when the ghosts started. Then, it was time for what I wanted to show her.

I sent up a silent prayer it went well and swallowed my nerves as I picked her up. No more delaying as I had for months. I’d wanted to show her this part of me for a while now, but I’d been scared to… Be boring. She liked interesting and new, fascinating and fun, and I was anything but.

We arrived too fast for my anxiety, but I wasn’t going to risk slowing down and making the journey any rougher for her. I set her on her feet and simply nuzzled her neck, comforting myself that this was the right thing to do.

“It will be okay,” she breathed, giving me a soft kiss before stepping away.

She had no gifts that sensed emotions or thoughts, but she cared so much she was always paying attention to others. It amazed me.

She amazed me.

Inez gasped as she locked on what we were there to see. “Did you find us a romantic hunting lodge tucked away?” She beamed at me in a way that my heart skipped a beat. “I love it! It’s so perfect.”

“Yes,” I blurted but then shook my head. “I mean, no.”

She slowly frowned. “Which is it?”

“It’s my house,” I answered. I mentally groaned when she flinched. “From before. My home is with you at the castle, of course. This is where I lived before.”

“Ohhhhhh!” She rolled her eyes as if at herself like she was a goof to get confused. She glanced back at the house and then at me. “It fits. It really fits you.” She bounced over to me and grabbed my hands. “Wait, this is what you wanted to show me? I get to see where you lived? I’ve never seen any of your houses or who you were before meeting me. Did you build it or did—”

I leaned in and mashed my mouth to hers. She melted against me and I slid my hand in her hair as I wrapped my arm around her. Then I lifted her up, holding her lush ass as she wrapped her legs around me.

“Yes, I built it. Yes, I’ve wanted to show you this for so long. It’s ours now, my love. We’re married and everything that was mine is now ours. It can be our romantic hunting lodge or anything you want.” I brushed my lips over hers when she went to speak. “I built it long before you were born, but now I know I built it for you and the smile you gave me just now. Let me show you.”

She nodded and then pressed closer. “Maybe show me the bed? I want to make out with my husband on his old bed.” She flinched then. “As long as other women haven’t been on it.”

I wanted to lie to her. I truly did, but she deserved better than that from me. I only wanted to do it because I didn’t want to upset her when she’d taken so many hits. I didn’t have any reason to feel guilty, but I still would. “One. One, long ago.”

She flinched. “That shifter you loved? The one you thought you could have a life with?”

“Yes.” I swallowed loudly when she didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I am,” she sighed. “I wasn’t even alive. I have multiple people I’m with now. I just…”

“Feel fragile,” I muttered.

“Yeah.” She hugged me tighter. “I’m ruining this.”

“No, you’re not, and I’m glad we can talk about these things. I’m sorry I didn’t—should I have gotten a new bed or not told you?”

“No!” She leaned back and met my gaze. “No, I want us to be honest. I want to know the truth and who you really are. You had a life before me. I don’t ever want you to lie to me.”

“But?”

She slowly licked her lips. “But I don’t feel solid enough emotionally to go in there and see a bed where you made love to another woman you loved and wanted a life with. That’s not just hookups or sex. You showed this to someone else and that’s fine, it is. I just can’t handle it right now.”

I nodded, unsure of what to do then and how fast this was taking a dive. I was fairly sure she understood how I was feeling and my disappointment.

“Can you show me the outside and surrounding area?” she hesitantly asked. “Maybe now that I know, you could change the bed and freshen up the inside? Let’s have dinner here next week or something, and I can really see it? Please?”

I would have agreed to that in a heartbeat, but I would always give her anything when she added that soft “please” when she was worried it was stupid. “I’d love that. Truly, I would.”

She beamed at me but then cleared her throat and moved, so I set her down. I did, and she glanced around as she crossed her arms but then dropped them. “I want to ask for something, but I’m not sure I should. It seems crass given what’s happened.”

“I know you don’t ever try to hurt anyone,” I hedged. “I would hope you would want me to ask even if I mess up. I want our relationship to be in that place we can ask.”

The sigh of relief she gave made me glad I chose my words carefully. “Yeah, I’d like that too. It would be nice. I mean, that’s what I thought being married would be like.” She winced but then cleared her throat and glanced around again. “I told Bahati’s coven I would destroy the physical location. I don’t… Would you go with me when I do it?”

I was struck speechless. The change in topic threw me as much as how nervous she was. Here I was begging for her to let me in more and not leave me behind, and she was scared to ask me this?

“Please?” she rasped when I couldn’t make my mouth work.

“Of course,” I blurted, taking her face in my hands. I lowered my forehead to hers. “Of course I will, my love. Thank you for asking me. Yes, I will absolutely go with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Please don’t go without me. It kills me you would have to do that alone.”

“I don’t want to,” she choked out. “I can’t keep doing it alone.”

“Don’t leave me behind,” I begged in the same destroyed tone. I pulled her to me again and felt whole again that we were back on a better path.

A path together.

After several minutes of simply realizing we were on each other’s side, we got ourselves together and I gave her a tour of the outside and surrounding area. The awe in her eyes when I showed her the small mountains I’d made over time and what had grown over them in the hundreds of years made my heart swell with pride. She was excited to spend time at the haven I’d made for myself.

Made for us now.

I wanted to show her everything, but I understood why she wanted things changed inside, and the ghosts were going to start soon. There were things she needed to tend to, and we left so she could.

The ghosts weren’t too bad compared to the level she had been at, but she hadn’t done any in the weeks before taking on Bahati, so it was a fairly rough go. I could tell it helped that I was there, and I made a promise that I would always be there for them. One of her husbands should be. It was what we’d promised her in our oaths.

Apparently, life had been getting in the way of that and we couldn’t let it.

She needed more energy than they gave her to handle the list of what people needed and not fully drain her. I could feel how that frustrated her, but it also saddened her. She wanted to give herself to help, but people always asked more.

So many months of that, and it hit me that she was feeling… Taken advantage of? For granted? Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

And it wasn’t something she’d push back on when people needed the help. But less needed to be on the lists going forward. If she could add extras, great. This level of demand was demanding, and that wasn’t okay.

“Drink from me, my love,” I offered after I brought her somewhere quiet. “Taste me, and I want to taste my wife. Let me see your glorious breasts, touch them as you drink from me, and let me taste your sweet heaven, Inez.”

She shivered, loving when I talked dirty to her, but I was not a romantic, flowery man that when I was with her, it set her on fire. I’d figured that much out on my own no matter how big of an idiot I could be. I was a dick and gruff with everyone… Everyone but her.

“Step outside,” I told her guards when she hesitated. “I want my wife alone.”

Another piece of what had been going wrong fell into place when she beamed at me. We weren’t treasuring her enough. In letting her know we were fine with who she wanted, we were being too open like we didn’t value her.

But then we got jealous and said things that hurt her.

In other words, we were assholes, and I had no idea how she didn’t run screaming from us most days.

I was rock hard as she shyly peeled off her crop top and took off her bra for me. She held me off and fully undressed for me, shimmying out of her panties the way that drove me crazy.

She looked at me from under her lashes, nibbling on her lips as she squirmed a bit. “Your wife got naked when you wanted her to, and we’re all alone. What now?”

“Now I please her,” I growled. I kissed her and laid her down on the cleaned table of the toilet paper factory she was supposed to fix. I took my time with her sweet lips before teasing her ample breasts the way she loved. I bit her there and took the tiniest sip just to set her off and be cheeky that I didn’t even ask or check first to bite. She loved when I was demanding with her.

All it took was one stroke of my finger over her clit and she came with a cry of my name. And I needed to taste it. I needed to taste all of her. I kissed down her body and spread her legs wide, moving them over my shoulders and licking every inch of her before attacking her sweet pussy. I brought her again and again as I rubbed my blood over her soft skin.

“Please, please, Kristof,” she whimpered as her body twitched.

I didn’t even need to ask what she wanted. I knew. I knew in my soul she wanted us to make love in that python position she liked best for us. I liked it best for us as well.

Mostly because she did, but it meant a lot to me as well. I had my shirt off and pants down in a flash, lowering her onto my fat cock before moving her completely around me. I leaned down and grabbed onto the table as I rocked us so I hit the best spots inside of her. She came with the most gorgeous gasp of my name and then sank her fangs in my neck.

I came so hard inside of her, she moaned as she felt it. I stood with her and ran my hands over her body possessively.

She leaned back and ran her fingers along my face before teasing my hair and then my scruff she loved. The look she gave me was perfect as she gasped for air. “You are irreplaceable to me, my love. What we have is—no one could be you to me. I don’t get what’s going on, but you were more upset I was with Vitor than I went after Bahati. Please hear me that there is only one of you to me. Ever.”

“Thank you,” I rasped, rubbing my nose against hers. I was honestly upset about both, but my pain about Bahati was how I failed her as a husband that she couldn’t come to me to shoulder the burden. I was hurt she’d turned to another man and let him in instead. It was separate, but both weighed heavy on my mind.

And my mind was a scary, scary place.

“They were good to you?” I checked, wanting to make sure since both of them had issues. We all did but theirs were… I didn’t know them, and I wanted to make sure.

“Very.” She cleared her throat and looked away. “There’s some competition between you and Vitor, right? He made a point to—he made sure to do things you do that I like and said he could do them better.”

“Oh did he?” I bit out, trying to curb my upset.

Except the minx gave me a heated look. She seemed a bit shocked by it as well, but her eyes glazed over as she licked her fangs. “Do you want to know what he did to me? What he tried to do better than my husband does to me?

“Tried?” I checked.

She snorted. “I love you. Of course you do it better.” She slowly licked her other fang. “You should prove that if you’re worried.”

“I should.” I pulled out of her and set her on the table. “What did he do to my wife?”

“Lots,” she teased, running her hands over her body. “He fucked me so hard my joints ached. They came on me. They drank my blood.” She moved her hand to my chest when I growled and leaned in. “He fucked me with his fingers like you do. It was so fast that I couldn’t even think. I just orgasmed for minutes. It felt like forever.” She spread her legs wide. “Do that to me? With your blood?”

“Yes,” I hissed against her lips. “And then I’m going to do the same on my cock and fuck you even harder. I’ll make you ache and beg for me to make you feel so good again.”

She shivered; her perfect nipples completely hard. “Prove it.”

The words barely left her mouth and I was on her. She couldn’t even get the air in to scream before she orgasmed with my fingers inside both of her holes. Her body went wild, completely at my mercy and desperate for more of what I was giving her.

So I did. I flipped her over and fucked her until she was completely spent. She sent out the energy needed to turn on the toilet paper factory and passed out from the loving I gave her with a smile on her face.

I used my shirt to clean her up enough for the moment and then redressed us. I brought her home and tucked her in bed, glad when Simon was willing to take a nap and watch over her. He might be young, but he was loyal and would die for her. That was someone I would trust at her side.

And I didn’t plan to be gone long.

“Why are you ruining your chance at happiness?” Cerdic demanded as I reached the bar, his tone harsher than I was used to.

“Oh fuck off, you git,” Cerdic slurred. “You don’t give two shits about my happiness.”

No, the second was Cerdic and the first was Ceawlin. Interesting.

Very interesting. I stayed just outside and listened, able to see most of what I needed to.

“I do,” Ceawlin admitted after a moment. “I don’t… This isn’t about me. It’s about you, and you’re ruining your shot. That’s not like you. You had everything you wanted. You’re not an immature tosser like Jaxon or Darius. You knew what you were getting into and who she is.”

“I did,” Cerdic agreed, not sounding convinced. “I do?” He shook his head. “Go away.”

“No, because this is the one time I am the right person to talk to you,” Ceawlin argued. He let out a slow breath. “I was never going to rehash the past, and I’m not trying to now. Maybe one day, but the point we need to resolve is the one Inez brought up.” He grabbed Cerdic’s arm when his twin snorted. “I did not know Bahati was going to do what she did.

“I did not know she accepted you to court her. That was not the plan. It was supposed to be one night of flirting and you find out she already accepted me. It was a stupid, cruel, childish prank and I regret it, but it was just supposed to be that. One prank of young idiots. Not where she took it to. She went much darker than I thought and I… It was too late for me then. I was trapped with the darkness.”

“You signed your check and—”

“Yeah, I did, and that’s on me,” Ceawlin accepted, shocking us both from the way Cerdic set down the bottle he was holding. “I’m not asking you to—this isn’t about us. I just want you to accept that one fact that things went way further than I had agreed to. I’m sorry I ever did any of it, but that was not what I planned.” He waited until Cerdic nodded. “Then hear me now—you are signing a check as well.”

“I am not,” Cerdic whispered, not sounding all that sure.

“You are, Brother. You are. I know you’re upset but she… If she saw half of what Bahati was up to then your princess had to be shitting a brick and still suffering. You don’t have a clue how dark Bahati truly was. I did every underhanded trick I learned at her court to buy you time to get stronger so you didn’t feel her wrath and power. I’m monumentally grateful Aether heard me and told Inez.”

“Why do you care?” Cerdic snapped, shoving Ceawlin away. “You can’t have Inez. This is totally different than how you were at the wedding.”

“I know,” Ceawlin whispered. He sighed and reached behind the bar for a bottle as well. He seemed happy with his choice and opened it. Then he took several chugs that shocked both of us. “I know. Everything is different though, and I feel like I’m watching the worst sort of car wreck that I can’t stop. There’s been so much I couldn’t stop or I was blind to. I was so blind to.” He took another swig. “Like Father.”

“You witnessed it?” Cerdic checked, taking his own gulp when Ceawlin nodded. “How could she not tell me? How could she be so numb that he did that, and she just ignored it and didn’t tell me?”

“You’re a git,” Ceawlin grumbled. “You want your princess, who was dealing with all she was, to stop everything and tell you that Father pressured her for sex and then injured her when she denied him? Are you having a laugh? She was a damn saint to kick it back to Mother.” He took another long drink. “And Mother is not doing well. She’s a damn mess over it when I visited. It’s bad.”

“I didn’t know.”

“No, of course not, but I just wanted you to know. It was upsetting to see as clearly Mother had no clue.” He was quiet a moment. “I doubt Inez was the only one. Mother maybe found out more.”

“I knew Father was a bastard, but the one thing I thought I knew for sure about him was how much he loved Mother, and he wouldn’t betray her. I did my best to ignore him after he gave me an earful about Inez not being worth my vow.”

Ceawlin slowly looked at him with wide eyes. “He did what?”

Cerdic snorted and took another drink. “Yeah. The git told me she was a babe who would fail or be adopted, and then I’d be stuck. That Mother was backing her for me, and I was a terrible son to put her in that position, especially after the misunderstanding with Olivia getting sick. I walked away before I punched him. I have no idea what that was all about but now…”

“I was blind to it all,” Ceawlin whispered. “My mistakes are mine, but I thought… Father was the only one who ever seemed to see more in me. He pushed me to be… Fuck that git. I cannot believe I listed to his shite for so long.” He shook his head. “That’s what’s changed. I had the curtains pulled back on lots. Him. Olivia. I knew Bahati was dark, but not from the beginning, and she lied to me.”

“I’m sorry you lost the one you loved,” I said as I joined them, worried about this point with Ceawlin and the others.

“Thanks, mate,” Ceawlin rasped as he turned and wiped his eyes, shocking Cerdic again. He took another long swig before closing the bottle and setting it back. “The woman I loved was all a lie, and I’m grateful to Inez for setting me free from it, but the pain is still there.” He looked to me. “So I’m not a threat to her.” Then he focused on Cerdic. “So don’t lose the chance at happiness you have like I did.”

And then he left.

I gave him a lot of credit for trying and pushing his brother no matter their issues and past. They might never make up and forgive each other, but he wasn’t a complete rat bastard if he tried to help Cerdic right then.

Which I also did.

“And you need to know she’s suffered a lot more than we knew,” I told him firmly. “She was hurt you didn’t come to her about what your Father did, and that was solely my fault.” I shook my head when he went to argue. “She loves you so much that she managed to push her trauma aside and accept your vow. You have no idea how hard that must have been for her. It was moments before, Cerdic.”

He swallowed loudly. “I can’t get my feet, mate.”

“I know, but if you don’t at least figure out something now, you will lose her. She did what she did to save us and a lot of it specifically for you. You won’t have the time she would have given Darius.” I let out a slow breath and admitted the truth. “I’m worried you might already have lost her with your reaction. Jaxon probably has.”

His eyes went wide and he set down the bottle. “What the fuck happened with Jaxon?”

“He said something he never should have within these walls and she heard it,” I answered, shaking my head as that was all I would say. “Get it together and be there for our wife, my friend. She’s about to fall over the edge, and I’m scared I can’t help her on my own. If you all fail her and I lose her, I’ll kill you. You swore to love her more than yourselves, and I need you to do that now. She’s drowning.”

And then I left too, wanting to return to her side. I lay next to her and did something I never thought I would do.

I prayed to Aether.

I prayed to our Goddess that She lessen the burden on my wife, the love of my life.

And She give it to us.