Team Changes by Erin R Flynn

9

Unbeknownst to me, there was something special planned for dinner. I couldn’t hide my confusion when the normal buffet wasn’t set up, but people I wasn’t used to seeing in the castle were waiting off to the side until we all sat down. I glanced around until I found Nick, the wolf shifter that was the head chef of the castle and my court—which was a big deal and honor, apparently—and gestured to what was going on.

He bit back a chuckle and simply smiled. “There is a family of vamps who have guest status with the coven that would like the chance to push their application to the front of the line. They’re proposing a specialized, savory bakery that would work for the coven and make for all the territories.”

“I’m not sure we would have phrased it like that,” a female vamp said as she frowned at Nick.

“No, probably not, but I’m also not wrong,” he replied right back with a shrug. “Our princess is too busy for anything but blunt. I will also be blunt and tell her you’re magicians at your craft, and I hope she agrees simply so we have access to your tart and pie crusts here at the castle for desserts. Yours are better than mine.”

I couldn’t hide my shock. That was a huge praise coming from Nick. He very, very rarely said that about anyone.

He simply shrugged. “I’m a prideful man when it’s deserved. They’ve been making them hundreds of years longer than me. Honestly, I’m jealous of their quiche, and I want to spend a day learning from them.”

The woman was no longer miffed and dipped her head to him. “We would be honored to teach the head chef who feeds our princess any of our family secrets.”

We sat down, and a woman who looked a lot like the one who had taken charge served me first, everything about her happy as she gave me quiche Lorraine. Apparently, that was a staple of quiche… And here I thought maybe I’d had a quiche now that Nick spoiled me, but I wasn’t even sure.

For some reason, it made me feel woefully inadequate. Like I was lacking because I didn’t know about quiche or that quiche Lorraine was a staple. Stupid, but the woman was irking me as well. She was so, so happy. She smiled and served quiche like it was the best thing in the world. I watched her soak up the praise and thank people for the compliments.

And I was jealous.

I had no idea why, and I did my best to shake it off and focus on the food in front of me, but it all settled heavily in my stomach. I listened to the idea of getting a place back online they had found in New Orleans. It was perfect for what they needed, and they could provide pie and tart crusts for the coven, plus premade quiche and meat pies.

They liked the clans there and had no desire to be in charge as long as things kept going as well as they had been. They wanted to keep raiding and helping, working towards better now that New Orleans was completely cleared of corrupted. All of it sounded great.

So why did I want to deny them?

Something was off, and it wasn’t until about ten sample pieces into dinner that it hit me, and hard. I was jealous because they were happy with their new life and I wasn’t. They were free of Safie and had all these new possibilities and options… And I felt more trapped than ever.

I was jealous of that woman because she was bright and shiny and smiling like I’d been once when we’d found wheat and I’d made bread. I’d made breakfast for everyone, and I’d been her soaking up the praise and simply happy we could have that and the promise of better.

Now I simply felt trapped and going through the motions of what I had to do.

And I resented her for it. Them.

Maybe all of them.

I was getting a huge helping of what made princesses so bitter and twisted up instead of quiche and meat pies. When that hit me, I stood too fast, slapping on a fake smile when it got everyone’s attention. “Sorry, I just realized I promised to handle something I forgot about. This is all great, and if Nick is on board with the plan, let’s get it on the schedule and make it work.”

Then I left before anyone could say a word. I went straight to the armory and started loading up weapons, noting when a few others did too, glad when they didn’t push.

I turned to see Petre there and went to him. “Take me to where corrupted are. Please.”

He couldn’t hide the worry in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything otherwise, nodding he would before he picked me up. Tian sighed—as Tian always did—but at least he was geared up as well. Moon joined us, and Sisay was still on my detail, so the five of us went hunting.

But not my husbands.

One was currently scaring me.

One was probably drinking his liver dead.

One was angry at me and I was fairly sure ignoring I existed.

And one, I didn’t want to try to work things out with.

This marriage and vows thing was stupid and I hurt.

It left me jealous of the woman making quiches with her family, even if I seriously liked the smoked bacon, mushroom, onion, and cheese blend one. Yeah, my head was about to explode with the crazy.

I wasn’t sure where we ended up, but I went right for the first building I felt them in and was thrilled there were a lot of them. It was a huge open lobby that was dark enough for them to be able to run towards us even if it was still light outside. I started shooting and barely noticed that they didn’t turn and eat their buddies once they were injured, but only focused on me.

That was new.

I didn’t really care right then. Too many were suddenly on me, and I didn’t care about that either, Tian spinning me out of the way and getting the majority of them so I had less to deal with. It was enough that it was challenging and made me realize I’d been too spoiled lately and getting out of shape.

Something I couldn’t ever risk doing with how many hunted me and the danger I was always in. Once the building was cleared, I realized I wanted to use the crazy for something good and went to a structure across the street that was full of corrupted heading for the door. They were more than willing to come out into the sun to get me, even if my blood wasn’t the lure.

I waved off the others and focused on the concrete, wanting to combine both aspects of what my power could do. It took a few tries, but right as they reached the door, I let out a huge chunk of charge and turned everything into energy beads.

Including the corrupted inside.

I got lightheaded and sank to one knee as I watched it all happen. I blinked at Vitor as he held out his hand to help me up. “Can you do that to buildings and just leave the corrupted to like drop out? I mean we’re spending time checking every closet and basement. Is that the best use of time?”

“No, but we didn’t want to waste raiding potential,” he muttered as he squatted down when it was clear I wouldn’t let him help me up yet. “You can remake servers but not the information on them. There is a lot we don’t want to waste.”

I nodded. That was fair. I glanced at the building I’d just handled. “What was that place? What did I just mess up?”

“Nothing. A bank,” Sisay told me. “Bank records would be useless now. So yeah, there were servers to repurpose, but you can remake fresh ones. It’s a good plan for buildings we’d spend more time checking every corner of and really, it’s full of office equipment mostly.”

Vitor nodded after a moment. “We’d have to try it with a house or something smaller first. I’m not sure how it would work with organics in it. We’ve been clearing those and corrupted out. If that makes a difference in what I can level effectively, the time to clear might be worth it.”

I nodded, knowing they wouldn’t want me to just level everything since I could do any of it. There was only one of me, and we had to delegate better than that.

“Let’s head back,” Vitor muttered when I stood.

“I’m good. I want to hunt,” I replied, brushing past him.

And Tian sighed. Of course he did. I was so used to it, I didn’t even notice anymore. Well, not really, but I was better at ignoring it.

I kept going past when I should have and be safe. They did everything they could to thin the group, but I went right for the most grouped together. They let me until one tried to sink its teeth into me. Vitor stopped it from fully biting, but I did have a scratch from its teeth, and it was enough to make me bleed.

Which set the corrupted off into an even bigger tizzy.

I didn’t even have time to blink before I was out of there and probably miles away. Vitor gave me a hesitant look as he set me on my feet like he was worried he was about to get yelled at.

I didn’t, nodding he was right and it was time to stop. “I need to keep in better shape. That was too fast for me to get that tired. I want to do better but yeah, I wasn’t trying to get hurt.”

He was kind and didn’t bust me on how close to a lie that probably had been, instead simply bringing me back to the castle. Sisay said he was off shift and offered to take my guns and katanas to the armory and clean them for me.

I thanked him and handed them over, getting they wanted me done for the night. We’d been gone a bit and yeah, I wanted a shower and bed. I muttered that I wanted water from the kitchen and I was calling it a night before Tian peeled off as well with their gear.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one thirsty, Jaxon leaning in the open fridge and staring into it as his father stood behind him.

“You are going to lose your princess,” Sebastian said quietly, his voice hard.

“I know. I know, okay?” Jaxon snapped, letting out a shaky breath. “You’re right. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t—I can’t keep up and get my footing. She just went off and—”

“This is what princesses do. You grew up around this,” Sebastian chastised. “They make the hard choices. They do what needs to be done. You know this.”

“She was different than all of that,” Jaxon argued. “She wasn’t going to be like other princesses. This wasn’t how…”

“You pushedher to be a princess and how she needed to be to lead and protect a coven, and now you’re upset she did. None of you deserve her then if you won’t support her. She was absolutely right, and you all moved too fast to swear yourselves forever. You didn’t learn who she was enough and latched onto fantasies because of the apocalypse instead of—”

“I know that!” Jaxon bellowed as he spun around. “I know she was right and it was too fast. I look at her and don’t think I even know her sometimes and it…” He went pale so fast when he saw us standing there, it was eerily visible from across the kitchen with the light of the fridge.

Sebastian spun around and flinched, neither of them having realized we were there, they were so focused on their fight. The look of pity he gave me shattered the last of my heart.

I didn’t even realize I was crying until my vision went blurry, hurrying to try and wipe it away, but only spreading corrupted blood over my face like an idiot.

“Inez, wait,” Jaxon choked out.

But I didn’t. I turned on my heel and fled before the situation could get any worse.

Not that I could think of how that could be.

I was so lost in my head that I didn’t even remember reaching my tower or the elevator ride up, simply being in my shower with the water running all over me… While I was still dressed. I peeled off my clothes and curled in a ball. Tears didn’t even come after those first few, shock clearly setting in as I realized all four of my marriages had fallen apart.

And not even a year after they’d started.

What was so wrong with me that I couldn’t make them happy? Was Jaxon right and I wasn’t Inez anymore?

Hadn’t I thought that same thing before, and during the weekend weddings to Cerdic and Kristof? But they had all sworn they loved me as I was.

But if I’d changed, it wasn’t really their fault they didn’t love me anymore, right? This was on me?

Was that why I wasn’t happy as well? Was that why I was jealous of the woman making quiches who was so damn happy? Could some people simply be incapable of being happy?

I wasn’t sure, and I knew I wasn’t going to come up with the answers in the shower, but I wasn’t going to waste water when it was still such a gift. We were never going to be in a position where it was ever okay to really waste utilities, especially when most of the world was still without them.

That was something the old Inez had cared about. Had I changed that much when I still cared about things like that?

I hurried to clean up, not bothering to condition my mane and just wanting my bed before I spun out anymore. I didn’t bother drying and simply threw on fuzzy jammies and crawled in bed. I felt the gazes of Vitor and Petre, who probably wanted to offer to cuddle, but I honestly wanted to be alone and see if I could manage that way.

It seemed that would be my future, so it was best to just embrace it.

But someone climbed in with me not long after I closed my eyes. I didn’t need to open them to know it was Kristof.

He cleared his throat and moved closer. “I’m sorry about earlier. I should have paid better attention to you. They said I was hurting you, and I knew I wasn’t.”

I gave a slight nod, trying to figure out how to tell him I wanted to be alone without anything blowing up. Instead, I mentally sighed as he took that as a sign he could do more.

He slid his arm under me and pulled me to him so my head used his arm as a pillow. “I love you, Inez.”

Did he? Did any of them really?

Or did they love the idea of the woman I’d been? The woman who hadn’t been like other princesses… And now I was?

I didn’t know what to say or do, so I did nothing. I was… Numb. Tired.

So fucking tired of it all and hurting. Well, that seemed the opposite of numb, so maybe that was shock.

Oh fuck it, I had no idea what was going on with me.

“Please stop ignoring me,” he rasped as he kissed my hair. “I can’t take you slipping away from me. I got desperate and lost my head. I’m so sorry. I am. I should have checked and—I’m sorry. Please stay with me.”

He had said that before when he trapped me. I hadn’t realized that until he said it again. “I haven’t been ignoring you.”

He didn’t reply right away. “You did all today on the boat, Inez. You were right there fishing on the other side from me, close enough I could touch you, and you never once looked my way.”

I swallowed a groan. I hadn’t known he was even on the boat… Which was the last thing I could say.

“Please stop ignoring me,” he begged as he pulled me closer.

“I’m not,” I muttered, wanting to push away but too tired for the trouble it would start.

“You did. All day. You’re not saying anything now.”

“You won’t like my reply,” I whimpered when he got annoyed, quickly flipping over when he flinched. I scooted over so there was space between us and my head was on the bed instead of his arm.

Which only upset him more.

“You have to stop,” someone demanded. “Her fear just went through the roof and she’s shaking.”

“I know that,” Kristof hissed before taking in a slow breath and letting it out. “I’m trying. I cannot help how sensitive she is to our upset. I cannot become numb and never be upset.”

“Then walk away,” that voice snapped.

“No. No, I will not walk away when she is so hurt and in pain. She is my wife, and I will hold her when she needs me,” he argued. He leaned in and kissed my hair but didn’t push to come closer. “I’m not leaving, Inez. I love you as you are.”

“Look, you don’t know what just happened with Jaxon and—” Vitor argued. It was Vitor talking.

“I heard,” Kristof seethed. “Stop telling me how to behave with my wife. You are nothing to her. You are the itch she scratched, and I’m the one she loves. Stop trying to get in the way of our marriage so she can be free to help you. This is about her and not—”

“Yeah, right. This is about you and your jealousy that she won’t give you all you need if I’m in her life too,” Vitor snapped.

The shouting started, and somehow I worked past the mind-and body-numbing fear and fled. They were both so pissed that it was like a pressure trying to smash me. It was worse than all of the ghosts in the world trying to come at me.

Which was how I ended up at my shielded room on the top floor. Maybe? It made sense logically. If it could block out the energy of ghosts, then maybe it could hide me from the pressure my body felt from pissed super old vampires.

Probably not, but I was fairly impressed I was so logical when that panicked.

I managed to lock myself in and curl up on the seat, burying my face in my knees. I didn’t feel cramped in the one-person room but cocooned in a safe place. I hadn’t had to use it yet for ghosts, as we’d always been on top of it, but I’d always known it was there if I’d needed it.

I simply hadn’t thought this was why I’d need it.

Hugging myself as I calmed down, I wasn’t sure how long I was in there before it worked and I didn’t feel fear clawing at me. I let out a yelp when there was a knock, but I was only startled, not scared again. My room was my safe place.

Which apparently I said out loud, or had been muttering that from how Kristof handled the situation.

Fuck.