It Started with a Bang by Piper James

Chapter Thirty-Four

Ryder

You stupid, mother-fucking asshole. You idiot. You blew it. You fucking blew it, and now it’s too fucking late to fix it.

I cursed myself the entire time I walked down the road, waiting for Chase to arrive. I’d texted him for a ride as I packed my things, then, knowing my presence was only bringing Belle more pain, left on foot with my duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

I didn’t try to talk to her again. I knew there was no point with her being in the ragged state she was in. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I took one look at her defeated posture as she sat on the back steps, shook my head with regret, and walked out the door.

I was a fucking coward. I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve made her listen. Even if she refused to believe me, at least I’d know I’d done everything I could to make her see the truth.

The truth was, I’d fallen in love with her. But there was no way I could tell her that now. She’d see it as another lie. A ploy to stay in her good graces so I could get everything she assumed I wanted.

At the sound of a car engine, I looked up to see our truck rumbling down the road toward me. I stopped to wait, everything in me dreading getting into the cab. I’d have to explain this to Chase. I’d have to admit what a failure I was, and that I’d broken Belle. Ruined her life on what began as a fucking whim.

When the truck rolled to a stop, I opened the passenger door to find Noah, Ethan, and Daniel in the backseat. I squeezed my eyes shut, not ready to face all of them. But I had no choice. At least with Daniel being in the truck, I had time to figure out how to explain all of this. No one would want to discuss how badly I hurt his Aunt Annabelle in front of the kid.

Chase gave me a sympathetic smile as I climbed in. Without a word, he made a U-turn and headed back toward town. No one spoke as we drove, even though Daniel was wearing earbuds and watching a cartoon on his tablet. Even Noah remained silent.

When we got to the hotel, Chase took Daniel to his room to get him all set up with his show and a snack while Ethan and Noah herded me into Ethan’s. Noah got on his phone and called in a pizza order while Ethan grabbed four beers from a cooler in the bathroom. He passed them out, giving Chase his as soon as he walked into the room.

Nobody spoke as we took our first drink. Then Noah sighed loudly and pinned me with a hard look.

“What happened?”

“I fucked up,” I said, picking at a string on the hem of my shirt.

“No shit, Sherlock,” he said. “Why else would you be back here so soon?”

“Noah,” Ethan chastised.

“No, it’s okay,” I said.

“Tell us everything,” Chase said, “and we’ll help you figure out a way to straighten it all out.”

I gave him a grateful smile before slumping even further down into my chair. The three of them listened raptly as I explained what happened with Jaxson and how I’d kept it from Belle last night, opting to make love to her instead so we’d have one last night of normalcy. I told them how I planned to tell her today, but Jaxson called demanding an answer with her in the room, unbeknownst to me. The conclusions she jumped to. Her accusations and my lack of rebuttal. The fact that she found out I never needed the money she offered to pay me for this whole farce in the first place.

Noah let out a low whistle when I finished, confirming what I already knew—I was well and truly fucked.

Ethan tilted his head, studying me with those bright blue eyes for a moment before asking, “Why does it matter so much?”

“What?” I asked, confused by his question.

“This whole thing was always temporary. Sure, it’s ended sooner than you expected, but it was never going to turn out any other way. So why are you so upset?”

“It didn’t end the way it was supposed to,” I argued. “It was supposed to end with Belle getting what she wanted. That didn’t happen, and it’s my fault.”

“I’d argue that it’s her father’s fault, but I have a feeling that’s not really what has you so upset, is it?” Ethan probed.

“What do you mean?” Noah asked, looking from Ethan to me and back again.

“He means our brother messed around and fell in love,” Chase said, his eyes widening with realization.

I didn’t deny it. I couldn’t. So I just took another long swig of my beer and waited for the eruption. It didn’t take long.

“Bullshit!” Noah shouted. “He’s only known her for a few weeks, for God’s sake.”

“Look at him, Noah,” Chase said. “He has heartbreak written all over him.”

“He is right here,” I deadpanned.

“Are you in love with her?” Ethan asked softly.

“Yes,” I admitted. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. I broke her, and she’s never going to speak to me again.”

“Maybe you should write her a letter,” Ethan suggested. “She can block your number, but the mailman always delivers.”

“That doesn’t mean she’d open it before tossing it in the trash,” I grumbled.

“You have to try, man,” he insisted.

“It’s not going to work,” I said. “You didn’t see her face. You didn’t hear the pain in her voice. I meant it when I said I broke her. The only thing I can do now is leave her alone so she can heal. I owe her that much.”

Ethan looked like he wanted to argue further, but Chase stopped him with a shake of his head. We sat in silence until the pizza arrived, and the others ate quietly while I finished my beer and opened another one.

I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t know if I’d ever be hungry again. I couldn’t feel anything but guilt and depression as the image of Belle’s devastated face flashed before my eyes again and again.

I should’ve told her the truth last night. We could’ve worked through the problem and come up with a resolution. I’d still be there now, in her bed with her in my arms, instead of here in this dump of a motel drinking the pain away.

Finally, Ethan broke the silence, saying, “Belle will come around, Ryder. She’s hurt and angry now, but when she realizes you haven’t actually taken the job at Parker Industries, she’ll calm down and look at this a little more rationally. She’ll give you a chance to explain.”

“And if she doesn’t?” I asked, not feeling at all optimistic about the situation.

“If she doesn’t, we’ll figure something else out,” Chase said confidently.

He held up his beer, and I tapped the neck of mine against it. I knew he meant well, and I didn’t want to crush his optimism, but I knew it really was over between Belle and me. I’d hurt her too badly.

And all I wanted to do was drink myself into oblivion so I didn’t have to think about it for a while.