Whipping Girl by L. Jacobs
Chapter 13 – Ally
I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I brush through the long strands of my wet hair. My green eyes are mascara-less and tired, I look like I could use a goodnight sleep and I am almost giddy with the possibility of sleeping in tomorrow.
I replace my brush into my shower caddy then head back to the room, humming quietly under my breath as I place my key into the door and push it open.
I freeze.
I’m standing in the doorway, staring into a room that should be empty but it’s not because sitting on my little blue and yellow bed is a man that I haven’t seen in way too long. Five years to be exact. My heart beats wildly as I observe him, I can’t move so I just stand there, watching him breathe, his black t-shirt moving with each deep inhale and exhale. He keeps his head down, staring at a photograph that I usually keep on my dresser –one of many photos in our room-it’s a picture of Josh and I at a concert from a few months back, in it he is kissing my cheek as I smile widely at the camera. I still haven’t moved, taking him in as if he’ll disappear if I blink. He hasn’t changed so much that I wouldn’t recognize him but at the same time he has changed so much that he no longer resembles the boy that I once knew. He’s bigger, more muscular than I’ve ever seen him, his black t-shirt stretching over the bulges of his chest and biceps. His hair is a little bit longer on top but still short on the sides. The biggest change, however, is the overall hardness that I can feel emanating from him, a dangerous aura surrounds his outline like a live wire.
“Alexander.” I say almost inaudibly. I’m fighting to remember to breathe, light headed at the sight of my one and only love. Sitting on my bed. A sight I have hoped and prayed for night and day for too long.
“Who is he?” His voice is so much deeper than I remember, the dark rasp in his tone completely unfamiliar, he doesn’t even look at me with his question, keeping his head down while he continues to stare at the photo. It takes me a moment to respond, my brain registering the question too slowly in my excitement.
“Uh... In the picture? That’s a friend of mine, his name is Josh.” My voice is shaking. I can’t believe he’s actually here!
“Friend of yours?” He asks darkly, his nostrils flaring when he finally looks up from the photo. His dark eyes land on mine, creating a cold chill that runs along the back of my neck. They’re no longer the melty, dark chocolate that I once loved, they are no longer the endless pools of warmth that I used to crave. His dark eyes seem empty now, hollow, nothing in them showing the love and devotion that he once held for me.
“Yes.” I whisper, unsure of where this animosity is coming from.
“Just a friend then?” He asks again, nostrils flaring.
Does he think I’m lying to him? I’m debating that as Alexander stands, turning toward my bed he pulls the comforter off, revealing the sheets underneath, he thoroughly looks them over before walking to my dresser, pulling out drawer after drawer, turning them upside down, dumping all of my clothes and items onto the floor then sifting through them. I stand there, stunned and unsure of what is happening as I watch him then walk to the closet, rifling through that as well, uncaring that he’s dropping clothes from the hangers. He finds my cardboard box, pulling it out so he can peek inside, his brow furrows as he brings it over to the bed and dumps out hundreds and hundreds of letters, some of them falling to the floor.
“What is this?” His empty eyes come back to mine as he points toward the pile of papers. I’m still standing in the doorway, in shock I think, but his question snaps me out of my mental paralysis, I walk toward him slowly taking in his large frame, no longer a boy, he is definitely a man. A beautiful, dark, dangerous man. I need to touch him, I need to feel him so I know this is real. When I’m finally standing in front of him I raise my hand to touch the dark stubble on his cheek but he grabs my wrist in a vise before I make contact. “I asked you a question, Ally. What is this?” He indicates once more towards the letters, he’s breathing heavily, his minty breath flowing over my face, it takes me a second to regain myself.
“Letters.” I whisper. “I-I wrote you letters... but I couldn’t send them.” I search his narrowed eyes, unsure of why he’s being this way. I haven't seen him in five long years and he’s stopping me from touching him? “Why are you being this way?” Do you not love me anymore, I want to ask but too afraid of the answer.
“What way is that, Allyanna? What way am I being?” He uses the hold on my wrist to pull me into him then starts backing me up, heading towards the still open doorway, when we are within reach he kicks it closed. Hard. Then presses me up against it. “I won’t ask you again, who was that boy that you were with?” I’m breathing heavier now, fear and anger mixing, a tornado of emotions swirling inside me.
“I already told you! He’s a friend of mine, Alexander!” I yell up at him, pissed off at his strange behavior. What is happening, why is he being this way?
“Check your fucking tone. Who do you think you’re talking to?” His dark rasp is scary, I’ve never had a reason to fear him but this might not be the same Alexander that I once knew, my body reacts to his nearness all the same, my nipples pebbling against the thin cotton of my tank and my lower half growing warm and tingly from just his voice alone.
“I’m s-sorry.” I stutter. “He’s just a friend, I swear.” The possessive gleam in his eyes burns through me, making me feel needy in the ways that I’ve only ever wanted him.
He’s jealous. The realization has me softening a little in his hold. I was never really talked to by other males while I was at The Guard, it was frowned upon for the other Guardian’s to speak to another’s Gift, we have never been in a situation that he would have felt threatened by another man’s attention to me. I had no idea that he would react this way. Why does that both excite and cause nervousness? He may not be the exact same Alexander that I used to know but he’s still my Alexander, and I’ll take him any way that I can get him. Dark jealousy and all.
“Hey. Who do you think you're talking to?” I smile a small, nervous smile, trying to soften him a little. “I’m yours, remember? I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time... please let me touch you.” I beg.
I watch his dark eyes soften minutely, the hold on my wrist is released and he drops his arm to his side. I immediately bring both of my shaking hands up to his face, running them through the dark stubble on his strong jaw, over his cheeks then through his hair, pulling it slightly so he bends to me so I can wrap my arms around his neck. He stiffens for just a heartbeat then wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me off of my feet, walking us toward my small bed, he lays us down as soon as we reach it, keeping us completely entangled, him mostly on top of me. I can’t believe he’s here. Please let this be real.
“You waited for me?” He asks into my neck. I start crying then, massive tears flowing down my cheeks while he breathes into my neck. I can’t speak so I nod my answer. “I watched you tonight. I came to the dorms just as you and your roommate were leaving, I wanted it to be just us when I finally approached you so I followed you and I waited... I saw you and that boy. The two of you lookedso happy and carefree together. I don’t like you talking to him.” He followed me? I felt like I was being watched earlier and I was right.
“I felt you.” My brows scrunch with my realization then I clarify. “I felt you watching, I think.”
“I know.” He doesn’t add to that, he probably saw me searching.
“He’s just a friend, Alexander, nothing has happened between Josh and I.” I pull my face back just enough so that he can look into my eyes, he once told me that I can hide nothing from him as long as he can see into my eyes. I want him to see my truth, I have nothing to hide from him. Nothing. His corrugated brow evens out after a moment and I feel his body relax completely for the first time since we touched. We sink further into each other. If I had been expecting an apology from him I would have been disappointed, he doesn’t offer one and I am too happy to finally have him here with me to care.
“I’ve miss you so much, Angel. You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to come for you.” He whispers, unwrapping an arm from my waist, he brings it to my face and gently runs a finger over the freckles that he has always loved. “You have more now.” His eyes run all over my face, like he’s trying to find and memorize any new traits that I might have.
“Where have you been? What have you been-”
“Don’t.” He taps my lips with a finger. “I wouldn’t tell you even if I could, all you need to know is that I did everything that I had to do to be with you.” I’m frustrated that I can’t know at least some of the details, I was here waiting for him, don’t I at least deserve to know why we had to be apart for so long?
“Are you out? Are you done with that... place?” I ask with bated breath, hoping more than anything that we can move on.
“I’m out,” he pauses, searching for words, “mostly.” I don’t like the way this is sounding. “I can be with you now but there will be times when I have to leave for a few days... but I will always come back.” Disappointment runs through me at his words.
“I just- I thought you would be free of that place, I wanted us to build a life together. I pictured-”
“That’s enough, Ally. Don’t get worked up over something that we can’t change. I’m here, we will be moving forward with our life together, I’ll just need to take a short trip every once in a while.”
“But you’ll still be in danger!” I say in vexation.
“I won’t warn you again about your tone. That’s twice now, Allyanna.” His eyes darken in warning. I bite my lip so I don’t start crying again, he’s never liked to be questioned but he seems so much harder now, I don’t fear him physically but there are other ways that you can hurt someone.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you.” I say slowly. “I just always had it in my mind that we would be free of that life once you came back.”
“I did too originally. Link is dead.” I gasp at his words but he continues before I can ask questions. “There is a whole new order to The Guard now, I’ll no longer be forced to follow orders blindly but I’ll still be taking contracts on occasion. That might not be the magical outcome that you had wished for but we can be together now and I won’t have to worry about them trying to come for you. That’s all I ever wanted Ally, to have a life where we could be together and you would still be safe.”
“But you will still have to kill people-“
“It’s all that I know.” He cuts me off, his eyes growing impossibly darker. “You can’t come back from that.” I close my eyes tightly, hating what was done to him. I know that he’s right... he can’t fight what he was forced to become. What did I expect? That he would stop killing people and become an architect or an accountant or something? I know what he is, I know a small portion of what he has done and still it doesn’t change how I feel about him, he’s still everything to me. “We can discuss all of that later.” He smiles slightly, it’s not the one that lights up his entire face but it is the first that I’ve gotten tonight.
My eyes stray toward his lips, I’ve always loved his mouth, full and beautiful with a full set of perfectly white teeth. There is no one in this world that could compare to Alexander, he’s strong and handsome, protective and smart, and when he looks at me with those dark eyes he makes me feel like I’m incomparable too. He and I were conditioned for each other, we know that but this thing between us goes far beyond that.
“Can I kiss you?” I whisper softly, barely able to get the words out over my fear of rejection. His eyes light up in amusement and I feel my cheeks warm with embarrassment. I don’t take my question back though, I need it too much.
“You never have to ask for that. Anything you want from me, you can have. You can take it all, Angel.”
He doesn’t wait for me to respond, he swoops down and claims my mouth with his own like it’s his right. And it is. I’m stunned at first, unsure of what I should be doing, he’s the only man I’ve ever kissed and I don’t want to do it badly. His soft lips are tender, gentle as they explore my own, the hand that was exploring my face only moments ago rises up and runs through my hair, grabbing a fist full to tilt my head back, making me gasp at the unexpected move, he uses it to his advantage, swiping his tongue across mine in long, slow licks that leave me breathless. It’s the first time that he has ever taken our kiss this far and I feel like my heart could beat out of my chest as I slowly mimic his movements with my own tongue, loving the feel of his warm mouth orchestrating our movements. I move my hands to his broad shoulders, gripping him to me, feeling the muscles bunch under my hands and loving the power that I can feel emanating from his strong body. He’s kissing me so, so slowly, as if we have all the time in the world, as if nothing would dare to interrupt this moment between us. He pulls away suddenly, breathing heavily while staring into my eyes, I’m looking back in awe of him, desperate to have his lips back on mine.
“I have to know. Have you... been with anyone at all, while we were apart?”
“What?” I ask, my mind is still jumbled from our kiss but I snap out of it after his question finally registers. “I already answered that.” Unresolved insecurity and jealously rear their ugly heads, making me lash out with my own cruelty. “Have you?” I ask boldly. I’m angry. How dare he question me when he is the one that messed around in the past. I have been exemplary, I’m not about to put his mind at ease unless he’s willing to do the same. Alexander’s nostrils flair but his eyes don’t leave mine as he answers.
“It seems my girl has grown daring since I’ve been gone.” Nothing about the smile he gives me is warm, it’s cold and sinister as he stands from the bed, seeming to need some space. “I haven’t fucked anyone in five years, Angel. I told you that things were different now, I’m no longer their whore, and I’m only taking contracts for male targets.” Oh god. I blink my eyes several times to keep the tears from falling at his explanation. It’s hard to remember that those women weren’t his choice but it’s even harder to think about anyone else touching him, I hate the thought of another woman having any part of him. He’s mine.
“I’m sorry. It just makes me crazy to think about you with-“
“Don’t think about it.” My scoff seems to anger him further. “You think I liked it? You think I wanted to give them any part of me –no matter how insignificant- knowing that I only ever belonged to you? I fucking hated it, Allyanna. I’ve always been told that sex was supposed to feel like this great release but it’s never meant anything to me because I knew- I fucking knew that I was betraying you in one of the worst ways imaginable but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, Angel.” His face contorts with the guilt. I know him, I know he wouldn’t have just given in without any thought, he was trying to protect me. That fact doesn’t stop my jealousy but it does help my heart from splintering in two.
“I haven’t been with anyone, I already told you that I’m yours.” He visibly relaxes at my statement, blowing out a harsh breath.
“No kissing? No touching of any kind?” He clarifies.
“No. Nothing.” I say with conviction. “Come over here, I need to feel you against me.” I pat the bed where he was earlier but he doesn’t move.
“I need a minute.” He runs both of his hands over his face then through his dark hair, mussing it up in a sexy way that makes it extremely difficult to give him his minute. I move my hand, dropping another letter onto the floor and I remember the mess that he had made of my room.
“What were you looking for?” I ask as I take in the room, it looks like a tornado came through here.
“Proof.”
“That I was lying?” I ask, affronted.
“That you were telling the truth... you’ll never understand the hell that I have been through imagining you finding a nice boy and falling in love. Five years is a long time to wait and I never deserved you to begin with.” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of the thought, I think. Silly man.
“Your minute is up, come here.” He purses his lips at my demand but walks over to me as I sit up on the edge of the bed. I pull him closer to me, laying back down while bringing him with me so we are almost in the exact same position as before. I run a finger over his plump lips as I speak to him, injecting as much candor into my voice as I can. “I would have waited forever, Alexander. The only thing that I have ever been sure of in this life is that we were meant to be together, if I had to do it all over again I would, just to have met you.” He’s smiling softly before I even finish, his breathing becoming faster and deeper with each word out of my mouth.
“Tell me you still love me.” He demands.
“I still love you.” He closes his eyes as he soaks up my words, the sight making me melt into him. My Alexander is still in there.
“I love you too.”