Whipping Girl by L. Jacobs
Chapter 27 – Alexander
It was stupid to let her watch what I did to Peter. I know that. In the heat of the moment I thought it would be a good thing, a way for her to find closure not only for him kidnapping her but also because of what he did to Candace. Ally had felt guilty when she found out that Candace had been abused and I had promised her that I would make that fucker pay, I kept that promise and I was stupid enough to let my non-violent, innocent girl witness it. Jesus.
It’s hard to remember that not everyone grew up with guns and knives in their hands, it’s difficult to understand things like conscience and empathy when they were beaten out of you when you were a young boy. Anyone can try to judge me for what I did but I was just trying to show my girl that I will never tolerate anyone trying to take her from me –in any way- and that I will never lie to her when I tell her that justice will be served.
“Babe, you have to eat something.” I sit on the edge of the bed, setting the tray on her lap but she continues to ignore me, staring out the window. It’s been a difficult several days since we’ve been back, a man with no patience and a woman who could test the limits of a saint wouldn’t normally go well together. Lucky for me, we aren’t normal. I sigh when she doesn't even acknowledge that I’ve spoken, much less that there is a sandwich on her lap. I take out my cell phone and hit the speed dial button with a grimace.
“Hey, Boyfriend! Already on my way, be there in two.” She hangs up before I’ve said a word but instead of being annoyed, I’m grateful, Molly has been my biggest ally and the only way my girl will eat for the last six days. Six fucking days of this.
“Molly is on her way.” I say softly, tucking an escaped tendril of hair behind her ear. She takes a shaky breath at my touch, unable to stop herself from responding to me even now. I want to grab her, I want to shake her silly and demand that she talk this out with me but the guilt is what stops me. It’s my fault that she was kidnapped, drugged and forced to watch things that no innocent person should ever see. It’s my fault that she’ll never look at me as anything but a monster ever again.
I didn’t protect her, I let her down, and how is she ever supposed to feel safe with me again? I deserve to suffer for what she went through, so even though it kills me to see her so physically and emotionally distanced from me, I’m trying to give her the space and time to process everything. It may not seem like much, but I hope that she at least sees the self-control that I’m holding onto for her. Loud knocking has me taking my attention away from Ally’s gorgeous face as I stand and walk to the door, pulling it open for her noisy friend as she barges past me, Zeke following closely behind.
“Oh. My. God! You’ll never believe what I have to tell you, Ally, not in a million years!” Zeke rolls his eyes at Molly’s proclamation and after offering him an appreciative nod I look back toward the bed to see my girl’s reaction to her friend, it feels like a stab to my heart when I see a small smile lift her plump lips as she listens. “Josh proposed to Ivy!”
“What? But they've only-”
“I know, right?” Molly cuts her off. “I told him it was crazy, and he just said ‘when you know, you just know’, he’s a dreamer.” She takes her jacket and bag off and throws it to the floor as she walks toward the bedroom then sits on the edge I’ve just vacated. “Anyway, Ivy said no.” She says casually as she picks lint off of her fuzzy yellow sweater.
“Oh no, poor Josh!” Ally looks distraught until Molly waves a hand at her dismissively.
“Don’t worry about it, they’re totally fine. Ivy told him to ask her on their one year anniversary.” She giggles. “You should see the ring though... fucking gorgeous.” She sing songs making Allyanna laugh softly, the sweet sound is enough for me not to correct her friends language.
Shit. I haven’t even bought Ally a damn ring yet… I’m completely failing at this protector/provider thing.
“Let’s let the ladies have some privacy, man.” Zeke says, grabbing my arm to physically remove me if need be. I shoot him a glare but concede when he thins his lips as if to say ‘don't be a dick’. I glance once more to my girl but she seems to be in deep conversation so I reluctantly nod my head at Zeke.
“I’ll be back, Angel.” I feel like a kicked puppy and it’s fucking embarrassing. She finally looks in my direction, barely acknowledging me with a short nod then turning her attention back to her friend.
We’re barely out the door before I’m grabbing for the earpiece in the inner pocket of my suit jacket, placing it inside of my ear as we walk toward the elevators. Zeke gives me a judgmental look but I ignore him as I listen in on the girls while we board and descend. We no longer have an outside threat on our hands so I am comfortable enough to leave the room but I know myself well enough to know that I won’t be able to leave the hotel when we’re not on good terms, Ally is the threat to our relationship now. I can’t trust her emotional judgement at the moment.
“I know you’re pissed right now, or whatever, but seriously? That man looks like he’s been photoshopped. YUM!” Comes through the earpiece. I know that I’m attractive but I eagerly wait for Allyanna’s response anyway, I’m disappointed when there’s nothing from her. “How long do you plan on punishing him, friend?” Molly asks gently. Like I said, she’s my biggest ally right now. I don’t even get headaches when she enters the room anymore.
“You think I’m punishing him?” Ally barks out a sardonic laugh. “You weren’t there, Molls… you don’t know-”
“I wasn’t there.” She cuts Ally off. “But Zeke was, he’s told me everything. I was scared at first when he explained what they do for a living… about their jobs. But I also realize that not everything is black and white, sometimes people don’t deserve to live and from what Zeke has said, Alexander is one of the good guys in their messed up world.” I’m buying that chick some fucking flowers. Zeke tries to speak when the doors to the elevator open but I physically stop him by placing my hand over his mouth then hit all of the buttons for each floor to give me more time.
“What the fuck, Alex?” Zeke asks as if he thinks I might be losing my mind. Maybe I am.
“Shut up.” I bark as I continue to listen with rapt attention.
“He may have told you what happened, Molly... but adding color to their black and white world still wouldn’t make it a rainbow. It’s fucking scary.” My jaw clenches with the curse word, she knows better. “You were told what happened but I was actually there, I lived and witnessed it all.” She sobs once and I can tell that she’s trying to hold in her tears by her breathing, just like the last six days. “Molly, I liked it.” She whispers so quietly that I barely hear her but once it registers, my brows pinch together in confusion. “I watched him turn from hero to monster, I saw the shift in him and not only did it not scare me but I reveled in it! I felt sick to my stomach with disgust and also more excited than I had ever felt before… and that’s terrifying.” She does this little laugh/cry and I can no longer stand it, I exit the elevator at the next stop, knowing that it will be stopping at every floor and run to the stair case. I hear Zeke’s confused voice call out behind me but I don’t stop listening to the girls long enough to answer.
“So, you’re scared that you enjoyed watching men die that would have happily done the same thing to you, and most likely even worse? Ally that’s insane! Like you said, I wasn’t even there and I’m over the damn moon excited that they’re dead!” Molly exclaims. I’m buying her flowers and a fucking house. I love her.
“You seriously don’t see anything wrong with-” Ally starts out in disbelief but gets cut off once again.
“No! You crazy, crazy girl.” I hear the rustling of fabric before Molly continues. “I would think there was something wrong with you if you hadn’t felt at least a little relieved. I mean, you said you felt disgust with it as well, it’s not like you’re going to suddenly become a mass murderer or something… you’re not, right?” She asks in mock apprehension.
“You're ridiculous.” Ally giggles. She actually fucking giggles and I pick up the pace as I run up the stairs. “I wasn’t punishing him. I’ve been feeling sick to my stomach at my reaction to it all. Alexander makes everything better, he always has… I’ve just been punishing myself.” She says with another small sob.
“I know.” Molly says on a sigh. Flowers, a house and I’m going to make sure that Zeke treats her like a goddamned queen.
I rush through the door, the two of them curled up in a spooning position -Ally being the little spoon- they look up in surprise at my entrance but resume lying in their comfy state, I walk to the side of the bed and bend down to cup both of Molly’s cheeks, I plant a loud kiss on her squished cheek then pick her up bridal style, ignoring her surprised squeal as I hand her off to Zeke as soon as he walks through the door.
“You ever hurt her,” I point my finger at his panting, dumbfounded face. “I’ll slit your goddamned throat.” I shoot a wink to Molly then usher the two out of our room as quickly as possible, they look at me like I’ve grown two heads as I shut the door in their faces.
She’s sitting up when I turn back toward her, her face in the same expression as our departed friends before she finally registers what happened.
“You were listening.” She rightfully accuses. I can’t deny it so I don’t. I shrug off my suit jacket, carelessly dropping it to the floor as I walk back over to the bed and take up the position that Molly was in, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her small body as close as possible. “You know, some people would say that privacy is a basic human right.” She says wryly.
“Then those people have never loved anybody the way that I love you. You didn’t give me a choice when you shut me out.” I kiss the back of her blond head to soften my words. “You had me thinking the worst. That I was never going to be able to gain your trust again, that you would never be able to look at me without seeing a monster... it was my fault so I allowed you your damn space but I’m not going to sit here and do nothing while you punish yourself for your reaction to the death of your would be rapist.” She starts shaking with her tears as she finally lets them out, I turn her in my arms so I can kiss them all away.
“Stop. Stop trying to make this better!” She cries out. She tries to pull away but it only makes me hold her closer and pull her tighter against me.
“Never.” I say with promise, her cries loud in my ear as I hold her effortlessly while she struggles. She can be as pissed at me as she likes, rage at me, hit me, I don’t fucking care as long as she forgives herself.
After several minutes she exhausts herself and finally gives up the fight, burying her face in my chest and soaking my shirt with her tears. Her nails dig into my chest through the thin cotton of my black button up but at least she’s holding me to her instead of pushing me away.
“Is that what it’s like for you every time? Do you like it?” She asks after several minutes. When she pulls her face back, another tear rolls down her flushed cheek and I watch its trail while I contemplate my answer.
“Not every time. We usually get a backstory for our targets,” I start carefully. “In the past the crime didn’t always fit the punishment, but I wasn’t given a choice. Now I get to choose whether or not I want to take the contract. That feels pretty damn good.” I offer a semi apologetic grin and her eyes light up with curiosity.
“What kind of contracts do you usually accept?” I blow out a breath at her question, deciding to answer her honestly. Maybe it will help her sort out her own feelings.
“I have a special request for targets who harm woman or children,” her eyes go wide and I smile at the approval I see there. “I also take contracts for terrorist organizations, I’ve worked with the American Government on a few different occasions to help weed out certain people who’ve planned to do them harm.”
“Wow. So you are kind of like a Super Hero.” A proud smile lights her face and I can’t stop myself from smiling back at her. I am definitely not a hero, I’ve killed people who far from deserved it and I can’t even remember half of their names. But I’m not going to correct her when she has that light in her eyes, the one that tells me that I am her world, I live for that light.
“I don’t know about that, but I’ll never deny anything that puts that smile on your face.” I tuck her hair behind her ear as I stare into her eyes. “Molly was right, you know, it’s okay that you didn’t cry and beg for their lives while they died. They were scum, and the fact that you even feel guilty for enjoying it proves that you’re a good person.” I don’t tell her that I don’t feel even an ounce of quilt, there is not even a molecule in my body that tell me that what I did was wrong. They deserved to die, I killed them. The end.
“I just felt conflicted about everything, Alexander.” She cups my jaw, running her hand along the stubbled skin as she bites her luscious bottom lip. “I still don’t know how I feel about it all.”
“We have time.” I close my eyes as I turn my head and kiss the soft skin of her palm. “I love it when you touch me, I could barely stand it when you wouldn’t.” I don’t want to push her for more when she’s clearly feeling vulnerable but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t aching to be inside of her.
“I wanted to. I just needed time to get-”
“Molly to tell you that you’re crazy?” I finish for her, chuckling when she smacks my arm.
“Maybe.” She says haughtily, pushing me onto my back then sitting astride me. “What’s the matter, baby?” She mocks me after feeling me hard and thick underneath her. “You need me?” I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not desperate for her, completely and shamefully so but I can’t let her win this. So instead of the serious begging that my body wants me to give to her, I act nonplussed, bringing my hands up and behind my head as I give her a smirk and raise my eyebrow in challenge.
“I’m not really sure. What have you got for me?” I tilt my pelvis up, hearing a hitch in her breath that she tries to hide when she feels how hard my cock is against her core. She raises a brow of her own even as she catches her breath, knowing my game but unwilling to give up so easily.
“You want to play it that way?” She asks. Leaning down to my lips so they are barely touching, she licks my lower lip seductively then speaks directly into my mouth. “I’ll give you two choices then, my warm mouth… or my hot pussy.” Fuuuuuck. I flip her over onto her back before her next breath, grinding myself into the warmth that I can feel even through our clothes. She’s blushing bright red and giggling when I pull back to look at her face but her shyness only makes me hotter.
“Mm… I can feel how hot you are and I haven't even taken your clothes off yet, little girl. I think it might be you who needs me.” I place my mouth to hers, taking her lips slowly as I slid my hand down to her leggings, running my finger along the top slowly when she squirms for more. “So impatient, Angel.” I tease. I pull the stretchy material down her legs, kneeling so I can take it all off along with her white cotton panties. I unbutton my shirt as well, stripping it off quickly then working my pants down over my straining erection.
“Alexander.” She writhes, licking her lips as she takes me in but instead of jumping her like she expects, I offer her a mischievous grin then lay down beside her on the bed.
“I want both.” Her brows pinch in confusion and my grin turns seductive. “I want your warm mouth on my cock and I want your hot pussy riding my face. Now, take off your shirt and get to it.” I can see her blush come back to her cheeks but she does as I ask by shedding her shirt then kneeling beside my head, her embarrassment has her hesitating but I’m not having any of that shit right now. I need her. I grab her, pulling her over me then maneuvering her so she’s facing the foot of the bed, her little hands go to my chest as she leans forward a bit and I hear her breath start coming in little panting bursts. I open her pink pussy for a quick view before I give a long slow lick from her sweet little opening to the hard button of her clit, swirling my tongue around it and lapping up the delicious cream that I can’t ever seem to get enough of. Before long she’s moaning and writhing over me, I hold one of her hips so I can keep her where I want her and with my other hand I reach up to her neck and encourage her to lay down all the way so her face is where I need it, she takes my dick in her hand, stroking it a few times as I continue eating her like I know she loves. She swirls her tongue around my tip once before taking me into the wet warmth of her mouth, making me lose all train of thought at the blinding pleasure. I groan into her pussy and she cries out from the vibrations of it so I do it again then tongue her tight, little entrance as she takes me all the way into her mouth and throat.
Fuck.
My hand leaves her neck to make a fist in her hair so that I can set the fast pace that I want, it’s not going to take her long to go over the ledge, it never does when I have my mouth on her, and I want to be there with her when she does. I nip at her clit making her cry out around my dick as I move my hand from her hip, sliding it so that it splays over her backside, my middle finger finds her little asshole and I message the little bud in the way that she will never admit that she loves. The tingling in my spine lets me know that I’m getting too close so I add pressure to both my finger and my tongue, trying to time our orgasms perfectly.
Just as I’m about to lose the battle on holding out, I feel her tremble and groan out her release, allowing me to finally let myself go, shooting myself down her throat as I continue to lap up all of the sweet honey that her orgasm produces. I lick her until she finally stills her hips and sighs with satisfaction then I gently move her onto her back and crawl on top of her, wrapping my arms around her so her entire body is ensconced by mine. We lay there like that for what feels like hours but probably only a few minutes, her touch almost lulling me to sleep.
“Alexander?” She’s so quiet that I can barely hear her.
“Hm?” Just as quietly.
“There is another reason that I’ve been feeling a little conflicted the last few days.” I feel my body tense, upset that she felt the need to hide anything more from me but I keep quiet, waiting for her to finish. “I didn’t get my period.”
“What?” My eyes open but clearly I’m running slow because it takes me a minute to get her implication. Her period it late. I lift up on my forearms so I can see her clearly before asking. “You’re... pregnant?” I can’t help the slow smile that spreads over my face at the thought of her carrying my baby. My baby.
“I don’t know, I just know that it’s late. I’ve been too scared to talk to you about it and with everything else going on it just felt like too much to deal with, you know?” I feel my eyebrows pinch together in irritation at that.
“I left you alone for a few days because I knew that you had a right to be angry with me, I let you down and I deserved to suffer for it. But you can’t keep shit like this from me, I won’t allow-”
“Oh, so it’s just you that’s allowed to keep stuff from me? Tell me about how you were conceived.” She says, knocking the wind out of me. I start to question how she knew about that but then realize there is only one person that would have let it slip.
“Fucking Ivan,” If he weren't healing in the hospital right now I would fucking kill him for this. “How am I supposed to tell you something like that? You, the pure angel that was gifted to a boy who took his first life at ten years old so he could earn her. How do you expect me to open my mouth and tell you that there are more reasons that I don’t deserve you?”