Whipping Girl by L. Jacobs
Chapter 5 – Ally - 9 years ago
“You’re 11 years old, Ally, when are you going to grow up and stop living in a dream world?” Candace says in her stuck up tone. She always acts like she’s so much older than the rest of us, but unlike the other girls, I don’t just hang my head and take her abuse, it’s why she picks on me the most.
“Shut up, Candace. You’re only 12, stop acting like you know everything.” I pretend not to care that she’s getting to me but I really dislike her and all of the things that she’s always saying. I just want to eat my lunch in peace, is that too much to ask? I turn toward Mia, Andrew’s Gift, to start a conversation but Candace doesn’t let it go.
“I know that we are all a bunch of glorified whores!” We gasp at her language, and I watch as Candace’s Handler comes running over, yanking her out of her seat but Candace continues screaming at us as she’s taken from the room. “You guys think you’re so much better than me but you’re not! You’re just sluts that they gave to a bunch of killers so that they would behave like good little doggies!” The door to the cafeteria slams closed after them, the silence afterward is deafening. What was she talking about? We weren't given to killers... were we?
“What was she talking about?” I look around at the other three girls, none of them meeting my eyes.
“You need to talk to Alex about that, Ally.” Mia says softly.
“I don’t think that she’s all there in the head... I hear her talking in her sleep sometimes and it’s a lot of crazy talk. I don’t know where she came from but I don’t think she had a good start in life.” Savanna, Toby’s Gift, says. I don’t like feeling bad for Candace but that really sucks if she came from something terrible, she’s not a nice person but maybe it’s just hard for her to be nice because she doesn’t know how, maybe she was never taught?
“We shouldn’t be talking behind her back, it’s bad enough that she’s probably being punished right now.” Jessa, Seth’s Gift, and the only one who gets along with Candace at times says. “It’s easier for us because we have our Guardians, can you imagine being here like this without having that connection with them? Her and Zeke don’t work, so try not to judge her because she wasn’t as lucky as we were.” All of us become quiet while we think over Jessa’s statement. She’s right, the only thing that matters to me in this place is Alexander, if I didn’t have him then this life would be miserable but I’m still not sure what we’re supposed to do other than ignore Candace’s abusive behavior. If she’s miserable why doesn’t she talk to us, make us her friends instead of lashing out like that?
“You might be right, Jessa. Why did she say that we were given to killers though?” I ask them. They all start eating again, ignoring my question. I wouldn’t say the other girls are necessarily friends of mine but they are the only other people that know what I go through on a day to day basis, most of us get along pretty well but deep friendship to anyone other than our Guardian is deeply discouraged so we all have to keep it pretty casual.
The next day Peter comes to bring me to Alexander, he leers at me the entire walk to the room and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Why can’t he be more friendly like Ivan? Less creepy at least.
Alexander is changing, I can feel it in every part of me- his temperament is different, he snaps at me at the smallest provocation, he demands complete obedience and that’s not all- His physical appearance changes each time I see him, he’s been getting bigger and growing hair on his face. I talked to Mia about some of it and she said that Alexander was going through puberty... I sure hope it doesn’t last long, I miss my boy. Alexander and I have five days together this time. I don’t mention Candace’s outburst until day two but he shuts me down pretty quickly when I ask him about what she had meant.
“Jesus Christ, Ally... I said just to ignore her, how many times do I have to say it?” I gasp at the shortness in his tone, I don’t know how to deal with this side of him, it had never been directed at me in the past and I hate it. His dark brows furrow and he turns away for a moment, seemingly trying to gain patience with me. He turns to face me once again, still irritated but a lot more calm than a moment ago.
“I just wanted to know why she would say that.” My lips tremble as I try to hold back my tears. He takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before slowly releasing it.
“I’m trying to be patient with you, Angel. I know that you’re still young but I’m going to tell you again- I only tell you what you need to know, it’s for your safety… and for mine.”
“But all of the other girls know more than me! They don’t tell me but they-“
“I don’t care what they know!” He yells, nostrils flaring. I shrink back, hating that I’ve angered him this way but unsure how else I’m supposed to get any answers. He breaths heavily then squeezes his eyes shut, when he finally opens them his face is softer, shame filled eyes finding mine. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I shouldn’t have done that.” I start crying at his gentler tone, unable to stop my stupid tears. He walks the small distance between us and pulls me into him. “Don’t. You know I hate it when you cry.” I wrap my arms around his middle without thinking about it, trying to find comfort from the boy that I call mine but his words make me angry so I push him away with all my strength. The shocked look on his face spurs me on.
“You have a funny way of showing it, Alexander! You don’t like it when I cry? Then stop being the reason for it!” I break one of his rules when I turn away from him, I know the outside door is locked so I go to the small bathroom instead, slamming the door behind me, it doesn’t have a lock so I drop to the floor to hold it closed. I bring my knees to my chest and cry, big tears falling onto my black scrub pants. I only know that he is right on the other side when I hear a faint bump on the door right near my head.
“I don’t know what to say to you, Angel.” I hear him through the wood, he’s quiet but I listen attentively. “I can’t tell you everything but even more than that I don’t want to tell you anything... at least not about my life outside of you and me. I don’t want you to change the stories that you’ve made up about me, ‘the masked crusader that saves innocent lives!’” he chuckles but I don’t hear any humor in it. “I love being the hero in your stories, please stop trying to make me change that.” The sadness in his voice is what gets to me more than his non-apology, I hate more than anything when we fight, it’s not normal for us and it makes my heart hurt. I stand, unable to be away from him a second longer and when I open the door, Alexander falls onto his back, making me giggle when I note that he had been in the exact same position I was. He doesn’t move from the floor, he just opens his arms and I fall into them, holding him tightly so he doesn’t turn back into mean Alexander.
“You are my hero, nothing you ever tell me will change that. Not just in my stories but in real life too.” I tell him honestly.
“Do you still love me?” He asks. “Even if I make you cry sometimes?” He tightens his hold around me like he never wants to let go and even though it makes it harder to breathe, I don’t ever want him to let go either.
“People only cry about things that they care about, Alexander. You don’t need to ask me if I love you unless I stop crying over you.”
“When did you become so mature? Where is the six year old girl that thought she was Rapunzel and I was Finn?” I laugh at the memory. I told him many stories, some of them from the Disney movies and others that I had made up or drawn on paper. Rapunzel is the one that always sticks in his mind though for some reason.
“It’s Flynn. I’m Rapunzel and you’re Flynn, get it right.” I tease while drawing patterns on his shirt.
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he playfully tugs on my blonde locks. I lift my face to him, propping my chin onto his expanding chest.
“Is that why you won’t let me cut it? You want it to grow so long that you can climb into a tower to save me?” I smile teasingly. He grins, showing off his straight white teeth.
“No. If you're ever put into a tower… it was probably me that had put you there.” He smiles, turning my necklace so the heart is facing the right way.