Forever by Janie Crouch

Chapter Eleven

Ethan

One of thefew good things about being in the middle of nowhere in a moderately undeveloped country was the fact that there were a fair number of abandoned buildings to hide in, like the barn we currently occupied.

It was falling apart, and wouldn’t make good shelter if the weather turned nasty, but it was good enough to keep us out of sight during the daylight hours. It was midafternoon, verging on evening. Isaac would be leaving soon to go scouting. Landon had just gotten back.

I didn’t like that we were only half a mile from the small town. Too many opportunities to be accidentally spotted. But it was also our best bet for finding some transportation and getting out of here quickly. The backup evacuation site was nearly twenty miles away.

Landon sat up against the wall of the barn, resting after his turn out surveilling.

“It’s not good,” he said quietly. “Radu’s soldiers are everywhere, going door to door. Getting around them to the backup site isn’t going to be easy.”

Radu wasn’t giving up, and I wasn’t surprised. If he was hoping to ransom three people to wealthy families, that would be a huge amount of money—well worth trying to find them. And if he was the contact for buying the stolen research, that was even more reason to hunt down Jess and her friends.

But if it was Russell or Susan, why hadn’t they given the research to Radu already?

Isaac crossed his arms over his chest. “We need to split up.”

I scrubbed a hand down my face. He was right, but I didn’t like it. “I agree but it complicates things.”

A group of eight, especially with four civilians, one wounded, was basically a fucking circus and drew so much attention. Impossible to keep covert. Splitting up was the only viable option.

But splitting up also meant dividing our manpower, weapons, and resources.

“What’s the car situation?” Isaac asked Landon.

“There are some, but in a town this size most stolen vehicles are going to be quickly noticed.”

Isaac nodded. He was about to leave for recon. “Okay. I’ll see what I can find.”

We needed a vehicle. Twenty miles was a long way, especially for Alena and the beating she’d taken. Jess would make it. Susan and Russell . . . I hadn’t gotten a good reading on their mental and physical fortitude yet.

“I’ll take outside lookout for a while,” Landon said. “You and MacQueen stay here. Take turns on watch from the south.”

I heard the unspoken implication: watch MacQueen while they couldn’t. I nodded.

Landon turned to everyone else. “You guys rest. We’re going to move once it gets dark, so conserve as much energy as you can. Eat and drink.” They’d already handed out the calorie-dense nutrition bars they’d brought. They’d found a stream on the way toward town and filled up their water bottles using purifying tablets to make sure it was drinkable.

Landon and Isaac both disappeared out of the front of the barn. Landon would be hidden, watching for anyone coming our direction from the town, and MacQueen and I would take turns watching out the back. MacQueen didn’t say anything as he crossed the space to take up the post, claiming the first stretch. That was fine with me.

I moved to an empty corner and sat. From here, I had a good vantage of the entire space, and the shadows allowed me the most privacy that I was going to get right now. Of course, my eyes immediately went to Jess, and I wished that they hadn’t.

Russell was once again far too close to her, trying to help her clean the deep scrapes on her wrists she’d gotten escaping her restraints. The fact that she’d been able to do that made me damn proud. But the wounds still needed attention.

Russell was attempting to use the wipes and bandages from the first aid kit we’d brought to tend to Jess’s wrists. Coddling her. Being too gentle. The guy couldn’t see her growing annoyance with being treated like she was fragile.

I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. Even from across the room, Jess’s frustration with him was obvious. Her shoulders were tense and lips were tight. Jess liked to do things herself—even when it wasn’t the easiest way—because her brain liked as much information as possible. She learned better by doing.

But Russell hadn’t learned that, and the way he was currently babying her was getting on her nerves. He probably thought that was what women wanted and liked. And maybe most women would, but not Jess. Not my woman.

I snorted when she gently but firmly pulled Russell’s hand away from her arm and put it in his lap, quickly finishing wrapping her own wrists and putting everything back in the kit.

The smile she gave him looked real, and to anyone who didn’t know her, they’d probably be dazzled. But it wasn’t her real smile. I knew her real smile intimately, and this wasn’t it. She got up and moved to the other side of the barn to sit with Alena and Susan. Refuge.

I smothered a laugh at the look on Russell’s face—that bemused, hopeful expression. He had no idea how hard he’d just been rejected.

That laugh died in my chest when Russell looked at me, then headed over. I got it. He didn’t want to sit there alone.

There was no part of me interested in chatting with Russell Kramer. I knew I could get up and make an excuse that I had to keep watch to get out of it. But my gut told me not to do that.

Right now was an opportunity to do what I did best. Listen. Observe. Analyze. Maybe I’d get some insight as to whether Russell was the one who’d stolen the research.

Maybe I’d get some insight into the man who was trying to make moves on the woman I’d been in love with for more than fifteen years.

Russell sat down beside me with a sigh. I wasn’t going to speak first. One of the things I’d learned early was that silence made people want to talk. If you kept quiet, everyone around you wanted to fill the space with words, to the point that they didn’t always realize what they were saying.

“So you’re Jess’s cousin, right?”

Thatwasn’t what I’d expected him to fill the silence with. “Excuse me?”

“Jess mentioned that she had a cousin in the SEALs. Or . . . she said her aunt and uncle’s kid. That’s a cousin, right?”

“Right,” I said without elaborating.

Jess did consider my parents her aunt and uncle. Everyone in our extended Linear Tactical family circle were aunts and uncles. But apparently, Jess hadn’t corrected Russell on his assumption that she and I were related. So even though it burned me alive, I didn’t correct him either.

Her cousin?

In the SEALs, my code name had been Saint. Partly because I wasn’t a partier, and I usually ended up as the designated driver whenever the guys wanted to have a night where they got a little out of hand. And because, unlike my fellow sailors, I never used my SEAL status to score women. I wasn’t interested in anyone who wasn’t Jess.

But they’d also given me the code name because I didn’t lose my cool. I stayed focused and calm despite whatever was thrown at me. It was that focus and determination my superiors had seen, allowing me to start and complete BUD/S when I was still a teenager—something nearly unheard of—and why they’d sent me on to become a field medic.

But being called Jess’s fucking cousin? I could kill Russell Kramer right now in about a dozen ways with my bare hands, and no one in the room would even notice until it was too late. And fuck, I was tempted.

Her cousin. The word burned in my chest, anger and jealousy filling me with sharp energy that I had to shove down to keep contained.

“How do you know Jess?” I asked, hiding the effort it took to keep my voice even.

“Oh, we’re in the same fellowship program in London. The Vandercroft Biotechnology Fellowship. Jess has been there a lot longer than I have. But I’ve been there for about two years now. Honestly, we didn’t know each other that well until six months ago. We’re on the same team now.”

I took a breath in and let it out. “So you work closely together?”

“Yeah,” Russell said with a laugh. “But I think that basking in Jess’s greatness would be more accurate. She’s pretty amazing, though sometimes hard to read.”

I grit my teeth. “Yeah?”

“I was interested in her right away—who wouldn’t be, right? But I don’t think she knew I existed until around her birthday a couple months ago. And then, bam, she’s flirting with me like crazy. I couldn’t believe it.”

I felt like I was choking on my own voice. “Yeah? You and my cuz dating now?”

If he said yes, I wouldn’t fall apart. I would handle it. It was always in the back of my mind that this could happen.

Because of her mind and her intellect, Jess needed to push her boundaries in every way. The same could go for dating. And as much as I hated to admit it, just because I’d never had the desire to so much as look at another woman, it didn’t mean things were the same for Jess.

If Jess was going to be mine, it had to be because she wanted it. Not because it was the default setting she’d known her whole life.

That didn’t mean I didn’t want to let out a roar right now and tear this entire structure down.

But everything in me released when Russell shook his head. “No, we’re not dating. She’s actually kind of . . . strange?” He scratched the back of his head like he was trying to solve a puzzle. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she’s been at the project since she was really young. I’m not sure she knows how to act around men.”

“Yeah?” Thank God this dude was willing to spill his guts to a complete stranger.

“Could have sworn that she was interested. But it only ever goes up to a certain point. If I get too close, make any sort of real move, she completely shuts me down.” He turned to me. “Is this weird me saying this to you, since you guys are family?”

Jess was my family, that much was true. “No, it’s fine. Continue.”

Russell shrugged. “She’s never even let me kiss her, let alone anything else that I might have wanted. Sorry man, that has to be weird for you.”

No, not weird. What it was, was sweet, cool relief. Russell had never touched her, and Jess had never asked him to.

Like she’d heard me call her name in her thoughts, Jess looked over and met my eyes. No doubt she wanted to know what Russell and I were talking about.

It wasn’t long before Isaac reentered the barn, followed quickly by Landon. He had a bag with him and dropped it on the floor in the middle of the room. “More food. Water.”

I hadn’t eaten anything all day but let the civilians get to the fresh food first. They were burning more calories than us, thanks to fluctuating cortisol levels from stress and fear.

Jess hung back too, letting her friends eat first before grabbing some fruit. I stepped to the side to listen to Isaac’s report, still keeping an eye on everyone else.

“I found a vehicle out in one farm’s field that might not be noticed for a while,” Isaac said. “But it can only fit five.”

Not ideal. “So we split five and three?”

Landon nodded. “A group of three would be easier to conceal. Get to the next town and steal a vehicle there so we’re less conspicuous.”

The next town was five miles down the road. Doable, at the very least.

“How are we going to split?” MacQueen asked.

Landon glanced at me, then Isaac. “Ethan can go with the four civilians.”

“No,” MacQueen responded instantly. “I’m not leaving Russell. I’ll take them.”

There was no way in hell I was going to let that happen. “Fuck that, I’m not leaving Jess.”

I would leave her with Isaac or Landon but I definitely wasn’t leaving her with MacQueen.

Isaac held a hand up. “Ethan, you’ll take two of the civvies and get to the next town to steal the vehicle. The rest of us will take the car.” He looked at me hard, and it wasn’t difficult to make the leap.

Two noncivilians needed to be with MacQueen in case he was in on this. Landon and Isaac had worked together long enough to know how to communicate silently. They were the logical choice to watch MacQueen together.

I didn’t mind stealing a second vehicle in the next town. Five miles wasn’t far. “Understood.”

MacQueen didn’t argue either.

“All right,” Isaac called quietly, but loud enough for everyone in the barn to hear him. “Bunk down and get some rest. We’re moving in a few hours once it gets dark and the town settles down, and you’ll need all your energy.”

I nodded to MacQueen. “I’ll take watch.”

We traded places at the back of the barn, and I scanned the tree-covered horizon. Nothing suspicious. For now. Behind me were the quiet sounds of people trying to get comfortable when there was little comfort to be had.

One shuffle was a little louder, and I glanced back to find Jess near me. I didn’t move, since it was clear she was trying not to draw any attention, and she didn’t stand until she was close.

And she was close. Standing so near that I could feel her heat on my skin. I itched to touch her, but I folded my arms instead. There was too much between us to skip right to where I so desperately wanted to be.

I managed a smile since I could feel her gaze on me. “Hey, cuz. Is that what I should call you now?”

I took my eyes off the horizon for a second and found her blushing. “It’s not what you think, Ethan. I promise.”

I sighed. “You sure about that?”

“Yes. Russell is—”

“I came to London for your birthday,” I said quietly, cutting her off. “I got leave and came to surprise you.”

“What?” Shock laced her voice.

“Yep. Got there just in time to see you fawning all over Russell. Dancing.” I nodded over my shoulder in Russell’s directions. “You looked . . . cozy.”

“It’s not what you think,” she said again.

“I know we have a lot to talk about, but I just need to know one thing.”

“Yeah?”

I turned toward her. “We’re splitting up.”

“What?” Her voice dripped with panic. “No. No, I don’t want that. Please. I’m sorry. I—”

Shit. She thought I meant the two of us splitting up. Not the mission. “Jess, I mean when we leave here. The group has to split up because we can’t all fit in one car.”

“Oh.”

“Two of you will go with Isaac, Landon, and MacQueen. Russell is one of those. The other two will come with me. So you have to choose. Do you want to go with Russell? Or stay with me?”

A moment passed, and Jess’s jaw dropped. Her voice was a shocked gasp. “I can’t believe you have to ask me that.”

I couldn’t believe I had to either. Before two months ago, the thought would never have crossed my mind. I would have been sure of her answer.

Now I wasn’t, despite Russell’s overshare that they hadn’t so much as kissed. But I didn’t say any of that out loud, because I still needed her answer.

“I want to go with you,” she said. “Always you.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“But . . .” she said. “We do need to talk, Ethan. There are things that you don’t know.”

Before I could respond—not that I knew how to respond to that—she went back to her spot by Alena and lay down, curling onto her side and doing her best to get comfortable.

There were things I didn’t know. That’s exactly what I was afraid of. With Jess, I’d always known everything. We’d been sure.

Not knowing where we stood felt like being without an anchor in a storm. It wouldn’t take much to lose my footing and drown.

I took one last look at her on the ground, wishing I could hold her. Holding Jess was a constant I was familiar with, and I ached for it.

How the hell had we gotten to the place where I couldn’t?