Avenging Angel by Naomi Porter

2

Storm

I rode my Harley down one gravel dirt road after another, reliving the night my life changed forever. After what felt like forever, I wound up at a lake I’d never been to before. It was after eleven o’clock. No one was out this late, just me and the night critters.

I fuckin’ felt slashed open, bleeding out of my chest. To add insult to injury, a storm crashed down on me. I nearly skidded into a ditch twice. Lightning lit up the sky.

Just like that night.

As the rain poured on me, I was transported back to the day I killed Tommy. I wasn’t at Lake Garrison–drunk off my ass with Toby, wanting to get laid on grad night. But it felt the same. Rain and thunder used to trigger me, sending me spiraling back to that day. It took some time but I’d worked through that shit. Compartmentalized it. When the anniversary of Tommy’s death rolled around in June, I’d let myself grieve. I’d drink myself stupid and drown in the guilt that I never got over. Knowing who Madeline really was made me weak. It broke me.

All the memories roared back at the club’s party. Gut-twisting guilt I’d lived with for over a decade shredded me to pieces, right in front of little Maddy Hamilton. She witnessed my destruction. As I rode my bike, I only sunk deeper into the depths of hell.

I was a fucked up man.

Rain always brought my demons to the surface. It put me in a foul mood. Why did it have to fuckin’ rain on the night I discovered Angel was the sister of the boy I killed?

Why did the universe have to suck some major ass?

I faced the lake, squatting before I dropped my ass onto the soggy grass. How did I not know the woman I’d fallen in love with was that little firecracker?

Well, she sure as hell didn’t look anything like the skinny little kid who used to follow me around with stars in her eyes. Fuck no. Little Maddy had grown into a beautiful, effervescent woman.

Thinking about it now, little Maddy had been quite the smartass back in the day. A stubborn, determined firecracker exactly like my Angel.

How did I not see the similarities?

I hadn’t told her my last name and she hadn’t told me hers. Was that normal? Why hadn’t it ever occurred to either of us?

If I had known from day one, would we be where we were today? Hell no. I killed her brother. I wouldn’t have had sex with Madeline or fallen in love if I knew her true identity. I sure as hell wouldn’t have put my mark on her or made her my old lady.

Fuck. I had to do something.

If I’d known who she was in the very beginning, Angel wouldn’t be mine. I would be the same guilt-ridden, angry, empty man I was before she appeared on stage beneath the bright spotlight.

It fuckin’ killed me to imagine never being with her again. How could I, though? Not after what I’d done to her brother, her family… to her.

A renegade tear slipped out the corner of my eye. I flicked it away as the roar of motorcycles disturbed the quiet I desperately needed. I’d only been here a short time. Maybe thirty minutes. I knew my brothers would come for me after the way I took off.

Sugar had followed me to my bike, begging me to talk to her, begging to know what was going on. But I couldn’t deal and told her to leave me the hell alone. Not my finest moment.

Since I had my phone, my brothers could easily find me with the tracking app all club members were required to keep turned on. I couldn’t disappear like I wanted to. Shoulda left my phone to get some fuckin’ peace.

Not long after the engines shut off, I heard boots sloshing through the wet ground. I was sure Track was one of them. He was my closest brother and would always find me. Go to the ends of the earth, if needed.

Two sets of boots appeared, one pair on each side of me. Track and Lynx sat on the wet grass and exhaled relieved breaths.

My brothers gave me time and space to process. It was what I needed most. I appreciated their understanding.

“Tell me what you need, brother.” Track pushed a flask into my hand.

I removed the cap and took a long pull, welcoming the burn. “Don’t need nothin’.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed.

I took another swig of whiskey. Track knew the guilt and shame flowing through my veins. My other brothers didn’t know all the details about the first person I killed. Uncle Matt had said they didn’t need to. Maybe if they had, they wouldn’t have revered me as much. They’d know what a savage piece of shit I really was for ending the life of a young boy.

We sat in silence for a while as I drank. There wasn’t anything to say. My past finally caught up with me, just when I found a woman who meant everything to me. Who loved me unconditionally. I had peace and happiness for the first time in twelve years. Now I had more torment than ever before.

“You need to talk to her.” Lynx’s irritated voice cut through the quiet like a chainsaw.

“No.” I ground my back molars.

Track tapped his thumb on his knee. “She’s worried about you.”

“She doesn’t need to be.”

Lynx elbowed me. “Don’t shut her out, man. She’s a good woman. The best woman any one of us assholes has ever found.” He snorted and elbowed me again. “You don’t give someone like her up. She loves you, brother.”

I tried to ignore Lynx, but the fucker always talked sense. It made it hard to tune him out.

Did Madeline love me? It felt like she did, but we never said the L-word. Until tonight, I never thought we needed to. I claimed her and put my mark on her. She was my Angel. The only woman I wanted to share my life with. Who I wanted to have my babies. Her sweet voice swirled in my ears while I thought about her confession of stopping her birth control. She could be pregnant right now.

Track tapped out a message on his cell phone. “Raul wants to know what you want him to do with her. Her brother and girlfriends are still with her. Sugar too.”

“What do you mean, do with her?” I kept my gaze on the lake so my brothers didn’t see my glossy eyes. Even with them sitting beside me, I felt empty and alone.

Track put the phone down. “You want him to let her stay at the club? In your room?”

“She’s my ol’ lady. She bears my mark, for Christ’s sake. The clubhouse is her home.” I squeezed my head between my hands.

“But if you want her gone, he’ll get rid of her. Make her leave,” Track went on. I nearly punched him in the mouth.

“She didn’t deceive you, man,” Lynx cut in.

“I know…” I gritted out.

“Then what’s keeping you from going back to talk to her?” Lynx fisted his hands, getting defensive for Madeline. He had a soft spot for her. Hell, everyone did.

I turned toward Track. “I can’t see her right now.” I swallowed down bile before it got into my throat. The very thought of being face to face with Madeline made me nauseous. “I need time. Move her into a guest room and tell her not to bother me. I’ll call her when I’m ready.”

Track nodded and stood with his cell phone in hand. “I’ll handle it.”

“Stubborn motherfucker,” Lynx muttered. He didn’t know the half of it.

For a dozen years, I’d kept my emotions buried. Locked away under the weight of extreme guilt and regret so I wouldn’t experience any joy or happiness. I punished myself for Tommy’s death, believing I didn’t deserve anything good because of my greatest sin.

I hated myself for being the selfish little prick who was more concerned about getting laid than the fear in a boy’s eyes. I should’ve cared more about his well being. Cared more about his family. The little girl who adored me. My selfish actions destroyed a family and broke the hearts of four people I cared about.

Since then, I had kept relationships with anyone other than my brothers one-dimensional… Madeline changed everything.

I never considered love, marriage, or children… until Madeline.

I never needed a woman… until Madeline.

How could I live without her when I fuckin’ needed her more than the air I breathed?

I took another drink and fell onto my back like a drowned rat. I stared at the inky sky. A life without my Angel would be bleak and dismal.

Stupid-ass tears battled to be set free. I blinked them back, trying to hide how pathetic I was.

Madeline’s parents would never want her with me. When I killed Tommy, everything had changed, and I was shipped off to my Uncle Matt here in Minnesota. Seeing Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton would open old wounds. I didn’t want to hurt them any more than I already had.

I killed their little boy, for Christ’s sake.

Darkness swallowed me whole. I didn’t deserve the love of a good woman, especially not Maddy Hamilton’s. Even if she found it in her heart to forgive me and still wanted me, how could I let her? Being with me was dangerous. Now that I knew who she was, I worried I wouldn’t be able to love her right. What if something were to happen and I couldn’t think clearly enough to protect her? What if the monster I locked deep inside came roaring out of me? I didn’t know what I would do. Finding out who she was changed everything. I couldn’t put her in jeopardy. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton already lost one child because of me. No chance in hell would I let them lose another.

I loved Madeline more than life itself. She deserved so much better than me. It would kill me, but I had to let her go.

After two hours of drinking and sitting in silence, we returned to the clubhouse. All the partygoers had cleared out. No one saw my wet, weary ass trudging upstairs to my room. Even Sugar wasn’t around. I was confident she’d be back in the morning.

I stripped out of my clothes, leaving them in a wet pile on the bathroom floor. I hung my cut to dry on the hook behind the door. Turning on the water, I stepped into the shower. I washed off quickly, fighting away the memories of when Madeline and I showered together.

Feeling heavy, I toweled off and crawled into bed. My heart hurt something fierce as I crashed on the pillow. I turned on my side and punched the mattress over and over as I smelled her.

Everywhere.

In the air. On my pillow. On the blankets. It was as if Madeline was here with me. My gut twisted as a razor-sharp pain permeated my chest. I felt wholly destroyed. Pathetic. Like a loser.

I sucked in a breath, tossing back the sheet, and sat on the edge of the bed, gripping my head between my hands. I jerked when my cell vibrated on the nightstand.

It was her. She’d already texted a few times, but I hadn’t let myself read them.

But now I was a messed-up motherfucker. A glutton for punishment as I grabbed my phone and opened the messages.

Madeline: Please come back. Nothing will change between us. NOTHING

Madeline: I’m losing my mind. Please come back.

Madeline: Raul said you need space. My heart is shattered. Is it because I’m Toby’s sister? Why should it matter? What we have is real. Don’t throw it away.

Is it because I’m Toby’s sister?

Madeline didn’t know. She didn’t have a clue I was the one who killed Tommy. If she did, she wouldn’t want me. Why hadn’t her family told her?

Nausea hit me with a vengeance. I bolted for the toilet and threw up my guts. When Madeline found out I was the reason Tommy died, she would hate me forever.

I retched again into the porcelain, choking out tears.

My Angel would hate me and she wasn’t ready to find out why.