Reconcile by Nicole Dykes
“You okay? You seem a little . . .”Viv searches for the right word and lands on, “tired.”
I smile at her as I watch Audrey run down the hall to go find Baz. “I’m okay. Just . . .” I sigh, “Sawyer and I are working on being friends.”
She smiles but thankfully, doesn’t say what I’m sure she’s thinking. “Friends.”
I think about the way he held my hand last night and how we agreed to be friends. “Yes. Friends. I want to forgive him, but I’m afraid to forget the past and get crushed again.”
Her eyes are kind as she listens. “How long do you have before you need to leave for work?”
I may have been a little early today on purpose. “I have a little time to talk.”
She leads me to the couch, and we sit down. “Love is a tricky thing, you know? In order to love fully, you have to give that other person all your trust.”
“I, ummm . . .” I want to argue that I’m not in love with him, but at this point, I’m not sure it’s even worth it.
“We’re working on just being friends right now.”
“That’s a good start.”
“Yeah, I guess. He’s been really great with Audrey. Picking her up when Spencer is an asshole and makes me stay late, which is often.”
“You could always come work with Lola, Penelope, and me.”
I smile at her and shake my head. “No.”
“Come on, it’s gotta be better than working for a Ross.” She scrunches her nose up playfully. “Yuck.”
I laugh at that and joke with her, “You know my kid is half-Ross, right?”
“I do, but she has Sawyer Ross in her, and that’s a hundred times better than any of the others. I’m convinced he’s adopted.”
I’d agree if it weren’t for the physical similarities. “You know, we used to play this game when we were younger.”
“What kind of game?”
“We would ask each other what we would do if we weren’t a Ross and a Ward. The answer was ‘everything.’ We’d do everything. But then, it started to get more complex, and he’d make me name specific things.” I smile at the memory. “It started with fun activities, like water parks and amusement parks. Bowling. Things we never had time to do because we were always scheduled for academic things our parents deemed to be more important.”
“I can relate.”
I know she can. “Then, after he kissed me for the first time, when he’d ask me what we’d do and I wanted to kiss him, I’d say we’d make out. And we would.” My cheeks heat. “When I was ready to have sex with him—or so I thought—I said sex.”
She smiles at that as I blush.
“It was the only time he ever asked me if I was really sure about that being what I wanted. And I thought I was. I was such a fool, Viv.”
She shakes her head and turns her body to face me head-on. “No. You may have been young, but you knew how you felt. You were in love with him. Sounds to me like the only fool was Sawyer.”
“He never felt he was good enough. Ever. And his father only made it worse the older we got.”
“You make him better, Piper. You help him see the good in himself, and maybe he was scared way back then, but he’s stronger now. He knows what he wants, and what he wants is you.”
My voice sounds quiet and weak as I look at her helplessly. “I’m afraid.”
“Love is scary.” She smiles. “But it’s also so wonderful. You’ll be okay, Piper. You’ll find strength in each other.”
I’m not so sure about that, but I think I’m already past the point of denial.
I want Sawyer.
But I don’t know if I can give him my heart again.
