Reconcile by Nicole Dykes

We’re goingto tell Audrey she’s my kid. It’s actually happening. I don’t know exactly what I feel, but I think it’s as close to giddy as I’ve ever been.

We walk into Audrey’s room where she’s playing, and Piper sits on her twin bed, patting it. “Audrey, can you come here for a minute?”

My heart is beating way too fast. I think I’m too young for a heart attack, but who the fuck knows?

Audrey puts down the dolls she was playing with and studies her mom cautiously as she walks to her. “What?”

Piper smiles and pulls her onto the bed. Audrey giggles and squirms before finally settling next to her. “Do you remember what I told you about your dad when you asked me?”

Audrey thinks it over as I stand there with sweaty palms, still wondering if my heart is okay. “Yeah. You said he’s a friend.”

Piper nods her head slowly, her smile looking forced. I know this can’t be easy for her. “That’s right. He was.” She turns to look at me, Audrey’s eyes following and widening as something clicks. “Sawyer is your dad.”

Damn, she’s good at just ripping off the Band-Aid.

Audrey stares at me in shock. “Swearer is my dad?”

I smile and then nod my head, forcing my legs to move me closer to her. “I am.”

She turns to Piper. “Really?”

Piper lets a small laugh escape. “Yes, really. Is that okay?”

Audrey looks at me again. “Where were you?”

And yeah, I think I just died. At least a little piece of me did. Piper looks like she’s about to rescue me and take the blame, but I shake my head in her direction and kneel in front of Audrey. “I was, um . . .” I force a smile, even though a part of me is so goddamn angry at myself for my past actions. “I was an idiot. I needed time to grow up, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you and your mom.”

I can’t look at Piper. I can’t. I think it might kill me to see the disappointment on her pretty face. Audrey seems to be thinking it over. “You’re here now though.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. If you want me to be your dad, I’ll never leave. If you tell me to go away, I’ll just quietly stalk you from the bushes.”

Audrey giggles at that, and I hear Piper’s laugh, making me look at her. She has a pretty smile on her face as she shakes her head and then says to Audrey, “We won’t make him do that, will we?”

Audrey giggles again. “No. I like Swearer.”

Piper smiles and pulls Audrey into a side hug. “Me too.”

Fuck, if that doesn’t make my heart soar. “Can I call you ‘Dad’?”

Well, that’s it, I’m never getting my heart back. Not after this moment with Audrey’s big eyes looking at me. “Yes. Forever.”

“Can I call you ‘Swearer’ too?”

Fucking Baz. I laugh at that and pull her into a hug. “Yeah. You can call me that too.”

She laughs and then pushes me back so she can run back to her toys, going back to her day, as usual, even though mine has been changed forever.

Fuck, I love that kid.

Piper grabs my hand and pulls me toward her room. I go willingly, taking one last glimpse at Audrey before we leave. “Thank you.”

She smiles sweetly at me as she takes a seat on the bed. “Thank you. You earned that. You could have forced me into court and done all kinds of horrible things, but you let me have time.”

“I kind of blackmailed you into moving in.”

She laughs, “Well, you’re still an ass.” She grins at me as I walk closer to her. “But I’m glad you did.”

“Me too.” I lean into her, my lips brushing against hers, wanting to kiss her so fucking badly but not wanting to push her.

Sure enough, her hands move to my chest as she holds me back. “Sawyer . . .”

“I want her as my kid. I want to be her dad. But Piper, I want you too. I want us.”

She gasps at my words, somehow still surprised that I want to be with her. How? I’m not sure. Anytime she’s been in my presence even when we were kids, I couldn’t stand being away from her. “I can’t.”

“You can. We aren’t the same people, Piper.”

“What happened between us . . .” Her eyes fill with unshed tears, and I take a step back, allowing her some space, but refusing to leave. “It broke me.”

“Then let me fix what I destroyed. Let me try. I can’t live without you anymore, Piper. I’ve been a fucking zombie, walking through life in a daze, trying to convince myself I did the right thing when I knew the entire time that I’d fucked up. I knew it the second I saw you standing in the doorway at that party. When I saw that devastated look on your face, I knew I hurt my favorite person in the world.”

“I can’t do this, Sawyer. You did hurt me. Badly. Even if it was just to hurt Spence. Or you thought you were protecting me. A part of me broke that day. I haven’t trusted anyone since.”

I sit next to her on the bed, grabbing her hand and placing it over my rapidly beating heart. “Let me earn your trust back. You let me do it with Audrey. Let me do that same thing with you. I’ll fight for it for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

She lets out a choked sob. “Do you know how hard it was, to see her face, her eyes, and think of you every single time? To miss you and hate you at the same time for six years?”

“Why did you do it all alone, Piper? Why? Did your parents cut you off?”

“Not exactly.” She pushes her hair behind her ear, and I momentarily get lost in how beautiful she is before continuing the conversation we need to have.

“What do you mean?”

She sighs and turns her body to face me more fully. “When I told them at first, they were, of course, pissed.”

Not a shocker. “Especially when you told them who the father was?”

She shakes her head, which surprises me. Maybe she didn’t tell them I’m the father. That would make sense. “They were ecstatic. Well, at least my mother was, my dad wasn’t thrilled, but you know . . . A Ross and a Ward child. That’s a blessing.” Her voice goes deeper as she tries her best at an impersonation of her father.

“What?” I’m in shock. I go back to the conversation my father had with me right before everything went to shit. Her father hated me. He didn’t want my spawn growing in her belly. No way. “That can’t be right.”

“Trust me. They were thrilled. My mother started planning our wedding right away. Down to the people who would be invited and who would be the most jealous.”

I think my mouth is hanging wide open, but I don’t even care. “So, what happened?”

Her eyes grow darker, and it seems she’s lost in time, going back there with them. “I told them I’d rather set myself on fire than marry you.”

“Harsh, Pipes.”

She smiles. “Sorry. I’d just seen my sister naked on top of you. I hated you. Or at least I wanted to.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

She takes a deep breath, her voice cracking with emotion as she goes on with her story, “They were furious. Tried every threat they could think of so I’d come to my senses. Said they’d cut me off. Said they’d send me to a nunnery, but I didn’t care. I was eighteen, and I wasn’t budging.”

“So, you cut yourself off?”

She shrugs her small shoulder, looking young and vulnerable. “They couldn’t completely do that. You know, for image purposes. But I’d been accepted at Brown University, and they told me they wouldn’t allow that because they knew too many people there. That if I insisted on carrying a bastard child, I had to go somewhere inconspicuous. I couldn’t come home to visit and basically had to keep Audrey a dirty little secret.” My chest aches, seeing her pain as she wipes a tear away. “I knew I needed a college education if I wanted any shot at making a good life for Audrey, so I caved. I let them hire a nanny and pay for expenses while I went to a small private college. I know most girls in my position wouldn’t have even gotten that, but I refused to feel guilty. I needed to do whatever I could for her.”

“You’re amazing, Piper.”

She snorts, “I had a house paid for by Mommy and Daddy. An education paid for by them. A full-time nanny paid for by them. I was a spoiled brat even then. But I did try my best to stay with Audrey without the nanny’s help any time I wasn’t in class. I didn’t care. I wanted to be her mother.”

“You are. You were.”

“I didn’t want her raised by nannies.”

“Why didn’t you come to me? I’d have helped.”

She shakes her head. “I hated you. I didn’t want you to know about Audrey. I thought I was a fool who let you trick me, and I was worried the bitterness inside me would hurt Audrey. I wanted to do it by myself, Sawyer. When I graduated, I fired the nanny and moved here. I don’t accept anything from my parents, and I send them a check every month. I don’t want my education to belong to them. I don’t want to be indebted to them.”

“So, that’s why you lived in that small apartment despite making decent money?”

She confirms that with a nod. “I’m trying to pay it all back. I don’t want to owe anyone. I want Audrey raised the way I always dreamed of growing up. Happy.”

I smile and press a kiss to her lips. “I want that to. You’ve done an incredible job.”

She smiles too, not pulling away from me. “I’m sorry I hid her from you.”

“I’m sorry I fucked it all up. I love you, Piper.”

She gasps, “Sawyer.”

“Let me earn it back,” I breathe against her lips, and she nods her head slowly.

“Okay.”

Easier said than done. But I swear on everything, I will earn her trust and her heart back, no matter how long it takes.