Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton
Our senior yearof high school is supposed to prepare us for college. We're taught responsibility and being accountable for our own actions. For our own grades. But one thing that nothing can prepare you for is finals. And more specifically, finals while super pregnant.
I stare at the words on the page, but it might as well be complete gibberish. Nothing I read is sticking anymore. I read my own handwriting, and by the time I'm done, I cannot remember what the hell I just read and need to read it again. It's a vicious cycle that never ends.
Sleep calls to me like a siren. My eyes droop closed, and before I can stop it, I'm done for. I fall asleep with my face smushed into the page, not even caring if I wake up with pen on my face.
TYE WALKS INTO THE room, sporting an annoyed glare that could put anyone in their place. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one in a grumpy mood leading up to finals week, but Tye is frightening on her best day. When she's in a bad mood, take fucking cover.
“You can't just walk away from me,” Carter says as he follows her out of their bedroom.
“Really?” she asks sarcastically. “Because I just did.”
He scoffs. “You're being ridiculous.”
“No. Ridiculous is waking up alone for the third time this week because you fell asleep next door...again!”
“I told you,” he says, throwing his head back. “We were drinking and playing video games and we lost track of time. I didn't even realize I fell asleep until this morning.”
She puts a hand on her hip. “And how does Paige feel about your codependency issues?”
“She's known Jace and me since we were kids, and we don't have codependency issues.”
“Whatever.” She gives him a dirty look. “Why don't you just go live there? It would be easier than having to walk back here every morning to shower and get dressed.”
He rolls his eyes. “I'm not living with Jace.”
“No,” she says decidedly. “You are. Get out.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Take what's yours and get the fuck out!”
He tilts his head, presses his lips together, and then walks straight up to Tye, throws her over his shoulders, and starts walking toward the door. Tye kicks her feet and punches at his back, but he doesn't even flinch.
“What the fuck do you think you're doing, Trayland?” she shouts.
“Exactly what you told me to,” he answers. “Taking what's mine and getting the fuck out.”
I can't help but chuckle as that only seems to piss her off more. She maneuvers herself around and then sinks her teeth into his back. Carter hisses in pain and lands a hard smack to her ass. The action makes her arch her back enough so he's holding her straight up. He lets her slide down his body and then pins her to the wall. A hand comes to cover her throat, and in the same second, his mouth is on hers.
Making every effort to keep studying, I try to ignore the intense make-out session happening right across the room. But the second a pornographic moan leaves Tye's mouth, that's the end of it. I gather up my things as quickly as possible and almost run to my bedroom—gagging at the way Carter's dirty talk echoes through the house and groaning at the way my body craves someone to do that to me.
It's been way too fucking long.
I WALK OUT OFmy last final, feeling like the weight of the world was just taken off my shoulders. Easton leans against the wall as I turn the corner, and when he sees me, he smiles.
“How'd it go?” he asks.
“Ugh, let's just say I'm glad it's over.”
Chuckling, he drapes an arm around my shoulder. “You know what the end of finals means, right?”
My brows furrow. “I get to sleep at night?”
“Damn, Ken,” he says, releasing me. “Pregnancy's changed you.”
“You can thank yourself for that, Mr. I-didn't-feel-it-break.”
He exhales and turns around to face me while walking backward. “Okay, fine. I'll take the blame for that, but only if you come to the End of Finals party tonight at my place.”
Already shaking my head, I eye him nervously. “I don't think so. I'm showing now. I don't want to be that trashy pregnant chick who is still going to parties.”
“Okay one, you could never be that trashy pregnant chick,” he points out. “And two, as long as you're not drinking, who cares? You can even wear one of my hoodies to disguise your belly a little.”
The idea of a party does sound nice. It's been an exhausting past few weeks, and the last party we went to was Tye and Carter's housewarming. Plus, I can only imagine how many pictures Amelia is going to send me if I don't come—sad-face selfies all over the house.
“Fine,” I agree. “But if people start whispering to each other about me and I feel uncomfortable, I'm retreating up to your room for the rest of the night.”
“Deal!” He smiles at me teasingly. “I'll pick up some juice when I go to the liquor store later.”
My jaw locks. “I hate you.”
“You can't.”
Ugh, if that isn't the fucking truth. As we walk in sync with each other, an idea pops into my head. I turn to Easton, who is already texting on his phone.
“Hey,” I get his attention. “You should invite Tessa.”
His brows raise in surprise, but not total shock. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yeah. She was saying at the baby shower that Asher is away for the week with Colby Hendrix. Invite her.”
He stares back at me in awe. “Okay, I will.”
“Thanks.”
And somehow, I feel a little lighter. Like being okay with their friendship lets a little less weigh down on me. And in an unexpected twist, she's becoming my friend too—something Tye is more than excited about.
COLLEGE STUDENTS LET LOOSEall around me, relieved to be done with this semester and excited to get the summer off before we need to go back. Some are drinking because they're nervous about their grades, while others don't really give a shit. Regardless, the alcohol is hitting everyone tonight.
Everyone but me.
Zayn and Easton are in some intense debate with Jace and Carter about God-knows-what, but there's arm throwing and I can't count the amount of times Carter has pulled at his own hair in frustration. Tye and Tessa are talking about Safe and Sound, and Amelia is lost in a conversation with Paige. I just sit on the island, with my legs dangling as I drink fruit punch out of a solo cup.
Yeah, Easton wasn't kidding when he said he'd pick up juice at the liquor store.
“Wow,” a familiar voice sounds, and I look up to find Chrissy, our cheer captain. “I knew you were a shitty cheerleader, but I didn't think you'd be a shitty mom, too.”
I scoff. “Excuse me?”
She shrugs like she has no regrets. “Drinking while pregnant? That's pretty fucked up.”
Matching the look she's giving me, I tilt the cup until some of the fruit punch spills onto the floor. “Don't make assumptions, Chrissy. It never looks good when you're wrong. Then again, it never looks good when you're right, either.”
This girl has had an issue with me since last year, when she found out the girl Easton was talking to turned out to be me. She had been trying to get with him all freshman year, but he had zero interest. Even when she tried to get Amelia to hook her up with him, it was a no go. Amelia knew about my secret crush at that point and refused to help her. I'm sure she loved hearing that we broke up.
“Well, at least it doesn't take me trapping someone with a pregnancy.”
My jaw drops, but then all I do is smirk because out of the corner of my eye, I see she caught the attention of exactly who she doesn't want. Tye and Tessa come up on both sides of her, looking her up and down.
“What the fuck did you just say to her?” Tye sneers.
Chrissy goes to back away from Tye but ends up bumping into Tessa, and she's no less scary. “We must have heard her wrong, Tye. I'd hate to believe someone would dare to come into this house and shit talk our girl.”
“Get away from me,” Chrissy snaps.
They both shake their heads, and Tye wraps her arm around Chrissy’s neck in what to the casual observer would be a hug but I know is a precursor to a headlock. “Apologize. Now.”
Chrissy rolls her eyes. “Sorry you're going to fuck up your kid.”
Tye’s elbow tightens and her other hand comes down on a nerve in Chrissy’s neck in a manner that causes her to screech. “Try again, and use your nice words this time.”
“Fine,” she hisses, trying to keep herself as far away as possible from Tye. “I'm sorry. Can I go now?”
“I'd like nothing more,” Tessa says, and with Tye keeping a tight grip on Chrissy’s shoulder, they spin her around and the two of them escort her right out the door.
Amelia, who appeared next to me at some point between Chrissy showing up and Tessa and Tye taking over, snorts and shakes her head. But me? I can't stop smiling.
“They're like little tag team pit bulls,” I tell her.
She giggles. “I know. I love them.”
THE WARM BREEZE BLOWS across my face as I sit on the back deck. Some of the students come out here to smoke a cigarette, but for the most part, everyone is inside. It makes this the perfect place to escape to. The perfect place to get lost in my self-deprecating thoughts.
“There you are,” Easton says as he steps out the door. “I've been looking for you. What are you doing out here?”
I shrug and keep my eyes set on the backyard. “It just felt a little crowded in there. I needed some fresh air.”
He sits down next to me and sighs. “Now that's a lie if I ever heard one.”
Yeah. Yeah, it is. “Easton.”
“No,” he argues, shaking his head. “We agreed to do this as a team. I can't help you if I don't know what you need help with.”
“I don't think there is any helping this,” I admit. “I'm a twenty-year-old college student who has no business trying to raise a baby. He deserves better than me.”
Exhaling slowly, he puts a hand on my back and rubs up and down. “Kennedy, every decision you've made lately is with that baby in mind. You've made sacrifices and held your head high because you knew it was worth it. You are the best person for our baby.”
“You have to say that,” I murmur.
“Bullshit,” he claps back. “I don't have to say anything. I'm saying it because that's the God's honest truth.”
Running my fingers through my hair, I look up at the stars. “It's just so fucking scary, and I didn't let myself think about it before Chrissy made her stupid little comments.”
He snorts. “You're letting Chrissy get to you? Really, Ken?”
“I know,” I reply. “But she had a point. A few points, actually.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
“No, really. She did.”
“Okay. Like what?”
I finally turn my attention to him. “Like I trapped you with a pregnancy.”
That shocks him. “You didn't—”
“No,” I interrupt. “Think about it. You can't go out and find someone else. You can't date. I made the decision to keep this baby, even when you didn't want to, and because of that, you're stuck with me. I trapped you and I'm—”
My words are cut off as he presses his lips to mine. He kisses me with the same skill he always has, but this time there's more desperation to it. I don't stop him. Don't push him away. Instead, I place my hand over the one he has on my cheek and kiss him back.
After a few minutes, he pulls away and kisses my forehead.
“There are a lot of things I don't know,” he tells me. “But one thing I am absolutely fucking sure of is that you did not trap me in any sense of the word. If you hadn't gotten pregnant, I'd still be pining over you and trying to get you back. I was never going anywhere, so don't for a second believe anything that bitch says. She's just jealous of you because you're perfect.”
With that, he gets up and walks away—leaving me alone again with the lingering feeling of his kiss.
I want him so bad I can't think straight.
I SIT ON THE barstool, watching as Amelia and Tye put away the clean glasses. The bar isn't open yet, and it gives me the perfect opportunity to wallow in self-pity without judgment. After that kiss last night, I haven't been able to focus on anything else.
Half of me wanted to go back inside, pull him up to his room, and fall back into him the same way we used to. But before I could risk everything, I did exactly what he said I do and I put the baby first. Losing myself in him that way again is a risk I can’t afford.
“Why so glum, chum?” Tye asks.
Amelia snorts. “The old men that come into this place are getting to you.”
“Fuck off,” she sasses. “I'm just worried about our sad little buddy here.”
“Sad little...” Amelia shakes her head. “You're still drunk. Okay, great.”
Tye snickers. “Hair of the dog, Amelier.”
Amelia looks like she wants to argue it, tell her that the hair of the dog is simply having a beer to cure your hangover, not keep drinking, but before she can open her mouth, she stops herself. “Fuck it.”
I chuckle at their banter. “How is this place still running with the two of you in charge?”
“I wonder that every day,” the boss, Paul, says.
He rarely comes out of his office, but when he does, he's always fun to be around. He's kind and forgiving, though he has to be. When Amelia started, she broke almost every glass to the bar's name. And yet, he didn't fire her.
He walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “When is my best bartender coming back?”
“Hey!” Tye and Amelia say in unison, but he just laughs.
“You're the reason I have to order more glasses every month just to keep an adequate supply,” he says to Amelia and then turns to Tye. “And you've scared off more customers by threatening them than I can count.”
Tye shrugs. “Perverts should keep their comments to themselves.”
“Agreed, but that doesn't mean we threaten them.”
“No, that doesn't mean you threaten them,” she corrects.
He pinches the bridge of his nose and looks back at me. “So, best bartender. Coming back at some point, yes?”
When I told Paul I was taking a leave of absence, he looked devastated. I was prepared for him to try and fight to keep me, but he knows as well as I do that a pregnant bartender tends to look trashy and is bad for business. Thankfully, I’ve saved a lot of tips over the year I’ve worked here.
I smile warmly at him. “I can't make any promises, but after I have the baby, I'll try to work it out.”
Nodding, he grins. “Good enough for me.”
As he leaves, I drop my head on the bar and go back to dealing with my inner turmoil that is Easton Donovan. God, I want him, and not even just in a sexual way. I want his arms wrapped around me. I want to fall asleep with my head on his chest. I want the way he used to hold me as we watched a movie.
Plain and simple, I fucking miss him.
A glass is put down next to me and as I look up, Amelia smiles. “Ginger ale. Now talk to me. What's up?”
I almost tell her. I really do consider it. But I know what side she would be on, so I don't. “I'm okay. Just exhausted.”
She purses her lips. “So, it has nothing to do with the fact that E kissed you last night?”
“What?” Tye balks.
But my eyes stay focused on Amelia. “You know?”
“Of course, I know,” she says, like it's no big deal. “And not because he told me. He hasn't said a word, actually. I know because I saw you two.”
“And you didn't tell me?” Tye whines.
Amelia cocks a brow at her. “For this reason. Look at how you're acting about it. Tame yourself.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Tye pouts, but it only makes us chuckle because she's not the pouting type. Then again, she is drunk.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Amelia asks.
I shrug. “There's nothing I can do about it. Being with him, at least before the baby is born, it's risking everything. I can't do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because what if it doesn't work out? What if we crash and burn and can't get along afterward? This baby needs his parents.”
She puts her hands up. “Okay, stop. There is no part of you or Easton that would ever let shit get so bad that you can't co-parent, for one. And secondly, I don't think E would let anything get between you two again.”
Everything in me knows she's right, but there's still this suffocating fear when I think about it. Like if I make this leap, if I take this risk, I could ruin everything. But then I think about Easton, and the way he kissed me last night, and I feel like if he were to do it again, I'd lose all fight against him at this point.
My phone vibrates against the bar and grabs my attention.
Easton Donovan - 1 New Message.
Amelia raises her brows at me as I swipe it open and read the text.
Easton: Meet me at the lake. I have a surprise for you.
My heart starts to race as I read the words, knowing I stand no chance at telling him no. I flip it around and show Amelia, who coos.
“My favorite couple is going to get back together,” she says excitedly.
Tye chuckles. “Your favorite couple isn't you and Zayn? Does he know that?”
She narrows her eyes on Tye. “You mean your favorite couple is you and Carter? How narcissistic of you.”
Flipping her off, Tye goes back to stocking the bar. I stand up and take a deep breath as I give Amelia a helplessly nervous look.
“You'll be fine,” she assures me. “It was only a matter of time before this happened.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say with more calmness than I possess. “I just hope I'm making the right choice.”
I SHUT OFF TYE'S CARas I pull up next to the lake. Putting the keys in the cupholder, I climb out and look for Easton, but I don't see him. I don't see anyone, for that matter.
What the hell?
“Easton?” I call out, thinking maybe he's trying to scare me, but there's no answer.
That's weird. It's not like him to stand me up, especially when he just told me to meet him here. Maybe I should call him.
As I take out my phone, however, a sharp pain shoots through my head and everything goes completely black.
EVERYTHING IS HAZY ASI come to. I groan as I try to move, but I can't. My hands are bound behind my back, my ankles to what feels like the legs of a chair, and there's something covering my eyes. I start to shriek against the tape over my mouth as I try to free myself, but there's no use. I'm stuck here.
The sound of footsteps coming toward me has me freezing before the blindfold is ripped off my head, taking some of my hair with it. I shy away from the sudden brightness, but when my eyes focus, everything goes cold.
Alec.
And even worse, Alec holding a gun.
Next, he rips the duct tape from my mouth. I wince from the pain, but it doesn't stop me from immediately trying to get through to him.
“Alec, what are you doing?”
He grins menacingly. “Exactly what I should have been doing all this time. I'm taking what's mine.”
What's his?It all comes clear in a millisecond. Him confessing his feelings. Him begging me to leave Easton's with him after I found out about the coke he gave him. He's taking me.
His nose hasn't even healed yet, still black and blue from when Knox broke it. But the scariest part of his face by far is the dark, manic look in his eye. I'm in trouble.
“Please don't do this,” I beg. “I'm sorry I didn't go with you. We can talk about it, but you have to untie me.”
But there is no getting through to him as he starts to pace back and forth. He's running his fingers through his hair like he didn't completely think this through. It's almost as if there is a part of him that knows how wrong this is, but it's not the bigger part. And certainly not big enough to get him to release me.
“It wasn't supposed to be like this,” he says, looking anxious and angry. “This wasn't part of the plan.”
“What was the plan?” I ask with a certain carefulness in my tone.
“You were supposed to want me!” he shouts. “I came to NHU for you, and I thought it was so perfect because you were fresh off a breakup and you looked so excited to see me. We were supposed to be together. To be happy. I was finally going to get the girl I've been in love with for years!”
I swallow harshly, wondering if this is my fault. If I made him think that I wanted him too. But I don't say anything as he continues.
“It was all falling in place, but he still had his claws in you so fucking deep.” He turns to glare at me. “He even made sure to knock you up so I couldn't have you.”
“What?” I shake my head. “Alec, I got pregnant before Easton and I even broke up. I just didn't know it yet.”
Not listening to a word I say, he comes over and cocks the gun, putting it to my stomach. I shriek, and he slaps a hand over my mouth. Tears pour from my eyes as my whole body shakes, watching him hold my baby's life in his hands.
“I should just get rid of the problem,” he growls. “A bullet to the stomach would do the trick. We could still get our happy ending, you and me.”
I start to sob. “Please, don't.”
The sound of my voice is muffled against his hand, but it registers enough to grab his attention. He looks up at me and softens, pulling his hand away and wiping my tears.
“Don't cry, baby,” he coos. “I never want to make you cry. I love you.”
He moves the gun away from my stomach and focuses entirely on me. There's not a doubt in my mind that he's telling the truth. He's in love with me. I just hope the part of him that loves me is enough to keep me and my baby alive.