Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton

Another nightmare pullsme from a dead sleep and yanks me back into my miserable reality. Fucked up as it might be, I preferred when Tessa was the subject of the night terrors. At least that I was used to. I lived through it. Could tell myself how it ended. Instead, they've permanently switched to Kennedy, and they happen more often than not.

I get up from my bed and head downstairs, knowing I can't go to her. She's with Alec now. All moved on, loved up, and happy. If I had half a sense of selflessness, I'd be happy for her. She deserves to have everything she's ever wanted in life.

The doting husband.

The perfect family.

The white picket fence.

All the things I can't give her.

As I get to the kitchen, I head straight for the liquor cabinet. Beer isn't going to cut it this time. I need something stronger. Something that will rid myself of the pain I feel at knowing she's no longer mine. Knowing I fucked it all up. Knowing I lost her.

I grab the bottle of whiskey and bring it to my lips, telling myself she's better off.

She's so much better off.

THE CURTAINS GET THROWNopen, and the sun shines directly in my face. My head feels like someone threw a bunch of knives straight through it as I use my pillow to hide from the light. Zayn, however, isn't having it.

“Time to get up,” he tells me as he pulls the pillow away. “You've already missed two classes. Get your hungover ass out of bed and stop throwing your life away.”

“Fuck you,” I sneer.

He chuckles. “My bedroom tastes lean to a different Donovan.”

At the mention of my sister and their sexual activities, I jump out of bed and go to chase him, but he jumps just out of my reach. I grip my head as the room spins around me. The hard stuff may do the job better than beer, but man does it cause one hell of a hangover. I manage to stumble my way into the bathroom and grab a couple Advil from the medicine cabinet, swallowing them down by putting my mouth directly under the sink.

Turning on the shower, I step in and let the hot water encase me. It burns and runs cold all at the same time, and I just let it scorch my skin.

I deserve it.

WALKING THROUGH CAMPUS, Ikeep my head down. The Advil has done as much for my headache as the saltine crackers the school nurse gives you for a broken arm. If there's one thing I don't want right now, it's to make small talk with some shithead who thinks we're friends simply because Z and I throw the best parties.

My only mission is to get to my class, where I can fall back asleep listening to the monotone voice of my professor as he drones on about the fundamentals of programming and problem solving. And yet, when I get most of the way there, I quite literally crash right into someone else.

Books fly out of the girl’s hand and land among mine on the ground.

“I'm so sorry,” I say, but as I look up, I notice Kennedy staring back at me.

Shit.

I've been trying to stay out of her way. I mean, Tessa found happiness after me, and then I practically destroyed her by trying to get her back. I'd rather die than do the same thing to Kennedy, so if she's happy with Alec, I'll force myself to be happy for her.

She stares back at me, clearly in shock as I quickly pick up her books and hand them to her. As she takes them from me, our hands touch, and my body reacts to the feel of her skin on my own.

The same way it always has.

The same way it always will.

Seeing her now, my body hurts—literally yearns to pull her back into my arms and just hold her there, never letting her go. But I can't let myself do that. Not anymore.

I go to walk away, to leave her alone like I swore to myself I would, but she stops me with a call of my name.

“I actually need to talk to you about something,” she says with a sigh.

The air around me feels too thick, standing here with her, but I swallow it down. “Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess,” she mutters, looking anywhere except back at me. “I, uh...fuck.”

A part of me wonders if she's just trying to keep me around. Keep my attention on her. Like ignoring her the past week was drawing her back to me. But if I've learned anything the last week, it's that she's better off without me.

Where I can't ruin her life.

Letting out a huff, I know I'm going to hate myself for this. “Can you just say what it is you want to say? I have places to be.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “It's not that simple.”

“Sure it is. Your mouth forms words, and you say them,” I spit. “Just tell me.”

“Easton,” she breathes, and I'm even more sure she just wants to keep me here as long as possible.

I roll my eyes. “Fuck it, then. I've got to go.”

“I'm pregnant,” she announces, freezing up as she realizes the way she just blurted out that crucial information. “According to the doctor, about twelve weeks.”

Her words hit me right in the chest.

Pregnant.

She's pregnant.

And twelve weeks means it's mine. There's no way it can't be, unless she cheated. No. Kennedy is a lot of things, but a cheater is not one of them. That only leaves one person to be the father.

Me.

“Y-you're...”

Everything starts to spin as the reality sets in that I'm going to be a father. The nausea from my hangover builds in my throat and threatens to bubble over. I try to hold it back. Try to keep it in. But there's nothing I can do.

It all happens in a millisecond. I attempt to turn away but she puts her hand on my arm, keeping me in place as she looks at me in bewilderment.

I'm stuck.

There's nowhere to go.

Nothing I can do.

And that's when it goes wrong.

I bend over, emptying the contents of my stomach all over the ground and Kennedy's favorite pair of boots. She gasps, holding her books close to her chest and not looking down for a moment. She doesn't need to. It’s no mystery as to what just happened.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Kennedy, I am so sorry.”

“It's fine,” she snips, showing it's most definitely not fine.

As she takes a step away, I stop her. “At least let me help you clean up.”

“No,” she barks. “Trust me. You've done enough.”

With that, she practically runs back toward her dorm, not sparing so much as a glance back at me.

I fucked up again.

I TRY TO SIT through my class. I really do. But nothing the professor is saying even registers, let alone stays there. He might as well be speaking in a foreign language. The only thing I can think about is Kennedy. Granted, that's not different from most other days. That girl is always in the forefront of my mind. But the part I'm focused on today most definitely is different.

She's pregnant.

Knocked up.

Growing a miniature human inside her that's both half me and half her.

Christ, that's the last thing the world needs. A tiny human for me to destroy just like I've done to others. The mere idea alone is enough to scare the shit out of me.

I get up from my desk and grab my things. All eyes are on me as I walk out of the room without saying a word, but what would I say? Sorry, my ex-girlfriend dropped a pregnancy bomb on me before I puked on her, and now I have to get her to talk to me? Yeah, everyone’s better off not knowing that.

It only takes a few minutes to get to Kennedy's dorm building. The place is somewhat empty, with most students sitting in class right now. I push through the door and wave to the security guard as I head through the gates and up the stairs.

As I reach Kennedy's door, I stop and take a breath. There's no telling how this is going to go. Hell, for all I know, she could have just been fucking with me. Something to get me to talk to her since stopping cold turkey. Something to keep her on my radar, not wanting me but not wanting anyone else to have me either.

Barely a moment passes before she yanks the door open. She gives me a once-over and wraps her arms around herself. I can't tell if she's trying to shield herself, or the baby. Either way, I don't like it.

“Can I come in?” I ask.

“I'd really rather you didn’t,” she deadpans. “The smell of a distillery mixed with a frat house bathroom is still burned into my nostrils.”

“Please? I promise I won't vomit on you again. Pretty sure I don't have anything left in my stomach.”

It takes a moment, but she sighs and gives in, opening the door further for me to step inside. I look around the room that I've spent so little time in, despite being with her for most of the time she's had it. We always stayed at my place. It had her boyfriend and her best friend under the same roof. For Kennedy, it was a residential goldmine.

“If you're here to be a dick some more, you can see yourself out,” she snips.

Dropping my head, I nod. “I deserve that.”

“Ya think?” She sits down on her bed and curls into a ball. “I'm dealing with enough shit. I don't need you being an asshole on top of it.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

It goes quiet for a moment, the two of us just looking around the room and trying to figure out what to say. When did everything between us become so tense? There was a time not too long ago when being in her presence was my happy place. Fuck, I hate that it's come to this. And now adding a baby to the mix? It's a disaster waiting to happen.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, breaking the silence.

She shrugs. “Okay, I guess. Just can't believe this is happening.”

Walking toward the bed, I sit beside her and wrap her in my arms. Thankfully, she doesn't object. She lets me hold her as she cries, releasing all the emotions she's been trying so hard to hold back. I press a kiss to the top of her head and run my hand up and down her back.

“Just relax,” I tell her. “This is what you wanted, isn't it?”

She pushes herself away and looks at me like she wants to run me over. “Getting pregnant in the middle of my college education with my ex-boyfriend's baby? Why the fuck would you think this is something I wanted?”

“Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you waited to tell me until there was nothing we could do about it,” I growl. “We could have had options! We could have gotten rid of it! This didn't have to be happening.”

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water before she jumps off the bed and marches over to the door. “Get out.”

“Seriously?” Leave it to Kennedy to be this stubborn. “You never once considered that we're in no position to be parents? Not even for a second?”

She grabs me by the collar of my shirt and physically drags me to the door. “I said get out!”

“Just let me look into it,” I plead. “I might be able to find a place that will still do it. We can leave this nightmare behind us.”

In a split second, her hand flies up and she slaps me across the face, hard. A stinging sensation is left behind, so strong that I wouldn't be surprised if there's a handprint on my cheek. I'm momentarily dazed as she opens the door and quite literally pushes me out of it before slamming it in my face.

My whole body tenses and I try to breathe, but it does nothing for me. Instead, I clench my fist and drive it right into the wall.

The brick wall.

“Fuck!” I shout.

Pain shoots through my hand, but the only person to pay any attention to me is some chick with a staring problem. As I raise my brows at her, she scurries by. And Kennedy's door stays firmly shut.

MY PARENTS TRIED TO raise me to be a functional adult. They taught me how to stay out of trouble. What not to do in a stressful situation. Manners and being polite. It's funny that one of the only things that stuck is that a bag of frozen peas makes the best ice packs. It's not like anyone in this house will ever eat the things, but we still have at least four bags in the freezer for when one of us gets injured—which happens far more often than it should.

As the bag goes warm, I put it back into the freezer and start stretching my hand—opening it and closing it to make sure I didn't break anything. Thankfully, it doesn't look like I did any serious damage. If I had, Zayn never would have let me live it down.

Who the fuck decides to punch a brick wall?

Me. That's who.

The front door opens, and Amelia walks in with Tye. They both seem like they're in good moods as they chuckle about something as they saunter into the kitchen. Amelia goes straight to the fridge to grab a chocolate pudding, while Tye goes to the knife block.

“What the hell do you need a knife for?” I ask her.

She finds the biggest one we have and smiles at it before walking toward me. “You.”

I throw my hands up and walk backward until I hit the wall. “Okay, why don't you put that thing down before you hurt yourself?”

It's no use. Within a second, she pins me to the wall and holds the knife to my throat. I can feel the blade there, against my skin but not piercing it—yet. The slightest bit of pressure and it'll cut me.

“Tell me why I shouldn't slit your throat from ear to ear right now,” she hisses.

“What the hell did I do?”

“What did you not do? You barfed on a woman carrying your baby, you blamed her for still being pregnant, and you told Kennedy she should get an abortion!”

Shit. I glance over at my sister, who is sitting on the island, swinging her feet and calmly eating her pudding.

“Mila,” I whine, using her childhood nickname reserved just for me. “A little help here?”

“Oh, no,” she answers without looking at me. “The only reason I'm not over there helping her is because you're my brother.”

“Fantastic.”

Tye stays in place, watching me like some kind of psycho. There isn't a doubt in my mind that she'll actually cut me. She might not fully slit my throat, but she's not above doing some damage.

“I was pissed,” I confess. “She waited to tell me until it was too late to do anything about it!”

“She didn't fucking know, you dense piece of shit!”

Wait, what? “What do you mean she didn't know? She's three months pregnant!”

Tye pulls the knife away and knees me directly in the balls. My stomach tightens as I hunch over in pain, falling to the floor the second she releases me. The feeling like I'm going to vomit again starts to crawl up my throat, but I manage to swallow it back down.

“She just found out,” Amelia informs me. “Maybe a couple weeks ago. But she just went to the doctor yesterday. She had no idea she was so far along.”

Catching my breath, I sit up and lean against the same wall Tye just had me against. And still, the knife hasn't left her hand.

“I didn't know,” I tell them honestly.

“Because you didn't ask,” Tye claps back. “If you had, she would have told you. But no. You were too worried about keeping your life responsibility free. Do you even know the emotional damage that caused her? The girl is already terrified!”

The one thing I've never wanted is for Kennedy to be in pain—emotionally or otherwise. And the fact that I caused even more, at the worst possible time, is so much worse. God, why can't I just go a few days without fucking anything up?

“You're going to fix this,” Tye orders as she stares down at me.

I close my eyes for a second and nod. “I'll do whatever it takes.”

TESSA SITS BESIDE ME,her drink still halfway to her mouth as she stays completely frozen in shock. Safe & Sound, the non-profit she founded a couple years ago, is pretty much empty, but there are still a few people walking around. None of them matter right now to Tess, though. I'm not even sure anything is registering.

“Before you spill this all over yourself,” I say as I grab the cup from her hand and place it back on the table.

She shakes herself out of it. “There are a million things I thought you were going to say when you told me you need to talk, but that wasn't even on the damn list.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“A baby, Easton?” she balks. “You're going to have a baby?”

Tyeler steps into the room. After meeting Tessa at Carter's birthday party, they got to talking, and Tye felt strongly about what Tess is trying to accomplish here—helping people who have gone through traumatic experiences and need help from somewhere that doesn't consist of a couch and a shrink that just asks you how something makes you feel. It was only a week later that Tye started helping out around here, and the two of them have become pretty good friends, much to Knox's dismay.

“Did you know about this?” Tessa asks her.

Tye tilts her head to the side. “Which part? The pregnancy, or the dumbass move he made?”

Tessa whips her head over to me. “What dumbass move?”

“It's nothing,” I rush to add.

Tye scoffs. “Sure, if you consider blaming the mother of your child that she should have killed your baby sooner anothing.”

Tess's jaw drops as I roll my eyes. “I did not! I merely insinuated that an abortion might be a good idea.”

Before I can react, Tessa winds back and smacks me upside the back of the head. I wince in pain, but at least it wasn't as bad as when Tye got me in the balls. I put my hand on the point of assault to protect myself.

“Ow! What the hell is with all you women hitting me today?”

Tess looks over at Tye. “You?”

“No,” I answer for her. “She just held a knife to my throat and then crushed my balls to the point where I might not have to worry about knocking up anyone else.”

My ex purses her lips and looks over at her psychotic counterpart. The corners of her mouth raise as she goes for a fist bump. Of course she's proud. These two were a match made in hell. No wonder Knox is so against them being friends.

“Okay, I'm leaving,” I declare.

Before I can stand up, Tessa reaches out and puts her hand on my arm. It's enough to keep me in place. She gestures for Tye to go, and when we're alone, her expression softens.

“It's going to be okay, E,” she says softly. “You've made some mistakes, but not ones that have the ability to ruin everything beyond repair. Just talk to Kennedy. You two will come up with a plan. There's nothing you can't handle.”

Every word that comes out of her mouth is exactly what I should be hearing. The thing I should convince myself is true. The advice I should be taking without hesitation. But it's too late for that. I'm a monster who does nothing but break everything I touch. There is no helping me.

I lean on the table with one arm crossed over the other as I swallow my pride and speak the words that have been on my mind since I found out the news.

“I practically raped you and drove you to attempt suicide, Tess. I don't deserve her, and I definitely have no business being a father.”