Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton

There aremonumental moments in everyone's lives. The ones you can't avoid. The ones that have the ability to change literally everything, and there is nothing you can do about it. They're not meant to break you. They're meant to shape you. To transition you into the next chapter of your life. But that doesn't mean they're easy.

I walk down the street, clutching my purse to my body like it's holding all the money I have to my name. The store is only a short distance away from campus. A quick jog if I really felt like running. And yet, my dorm couldn't feel further away.

Every step feels like a lifetime.

Like swimming against a current or walking through quicksand.

It's heavy and uncomfortable, and deep down, I know why.

“Kennedy,” a voice calls just as I reach my dorm.

I stop in my tracks and close my eyes, because I know that voice. Sure enough, Alec jumps out of his car and jogs over to me. He runs his fingers through his blond hair and looks at me with nothing but concern.

“Are you all right?” he asks. “I haven't heard from you lately.”

“Uh, yeah,” I grumble. “Sorry. I've been busy.”

He cocks a brow at me. “Busy?”

“Yep.”

It's obvious he doesn't believe me as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Come on. Why are you avoiding me?”

My shoulders sag as he hits the nail on the head. I thought I was being discreet, acting like I was studying or writing essays. Anything a lot more productive than what I've really been doing. But there's no way I can tell him the truth.

The morning I came home and found Easton at my door, my heart broke. He looked so peaceful, sound asleep against my door, and yet still, something was burdening him. Something that made it so he couldn't sleep without me.

I was needed.

If Alec hadn't interrupted, I would've invited him in. Stopped playing the denial game and confided in him about everything.

My missed periods.

The nausea.

A feeling in my gut that tells me this isn't just going to go away.

But that's what happened.

Instead, it got worse.

I should've known that Easton would immediately think I was sleeping with Alec. After all, I thought that about Tessa because he was sneaking around to meet her. I wish he knew that isn't at all the case with Alec and me.

Alec knew I was having a hard time. Accepting that a relationship you were fully invested in is over isn't an easy feat. When trying everything else he could think of didn't cheer me up, he stuck me in the car and drove an hour to the town we grew up in.

Seeing some of my old friends was exactly what I needed. Granted, only a few of them still lived at home. The rest were away at college. But it was still nostalgic. We went to my favorite ice cream shop, drove by my childhood home that's now owned by a family with two little girls, and sat on the bleachers of my former high school.

It was a trip down memory lane, back to when everything was so easy. I didn't want to leave, but we had class the next day. So, Alec suggested we sleep at his parents' house and head back bright and early in the morning.

And that's what we did.

We slept.

In separate beds.

In separate rooms.

And I dreamed of Easton.

I always dream of Easton.

My phone rings in my pocket and snaps me out of my thoughts. Alec still stands there, expecting an answer he's never going to get. Without even looking at who's calling, I press ignore and shove it back in my pocket.

“Well, at least it's not just me you're avoiding,” he says.

I sigh and look anywhere but back at him. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be, but you know I'm here for whatever you need, right?”

“I do.”

He smiles sadly at me and nods before going back to his car. I don't wait around for him to drive away. Instead, I rush inside and up the stairs. Once the door shuts behind me, I press my back against it and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Pulling the box out of my purse, I stare down at it with both fear and apprehension.

Ready or not, here it comes.

AFTER I ENDED THINGSwith Easton, he still made little moves that showed he still cared. Text messages in an attempt to talk to me. Staring at me from across the courtyard. Even calling Amelia when he knew she was with me. It was the way I knew he was still there, but since the incident with Alec a week ago, he hasn't even looked my direction.

He's acting like he's fine, but I'm not buying it. I see Zayn watching him, like he's a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any given moment and take out everyone around him at the same time. There have been times I've considered trying to help, but I always stop myself.

He wants nothing to do with me anymore.

And that sucks, because things are getting really complicated.

I pull up to Casa Bronsyn-Donovan, and Amelia climbs in.

“Why haven't you been answering your damn phone?” she chastises.

I wince. “Sorry. I haven't been feeling well lately.”

“Well, I have news! Big news!”

Looking at her expectantly, I wait for her to tell me but she stays quiet. “Well, spit it out then.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. We're already on our way into work. May as well wait until we're with Tye, too.”

My eyes roll practically into the back of my head. “Fine, but I have news, too.”

Telling Amelia is something that scares me more than telling Easton. At least Easton is levelheaded enough not to have a coronary about it. Amelia, however, might actually slit my throat if I tell anyone before her—her brother included.

“Oh! Tell me!” she says excitedly.

The words are on the tip of my tongue, ready to blurt out and throw my secret into the open air. But it's better if I don't have to repeat the words any more than I already have to. And it's probably better to have Tye there when I tell Amelia anyway.

“I'll tell you and Tye together.”

The whole ride to work, my best friend acts like a five-year-old on pixie sticks. She cannot sit still, no matter how hard she tries, and the little smirk she's sporting does nothing for my tolerance of her.

“Can you stop bouncing?” I snap, my patience thin. “Sorry, you're just shaking the whole car.”

She stops and chuckles. “I'm surprised this hunk of junk is still moving.”

“Shh! She'll hear you!”

My 2005 Honda Civic is well beyond its lifetime, with almost 200,000 miles on it, and recently it’s been giving me some trouble. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the thing completely craps out on me and leaves me wheel-less.

I pull into the parking lot and hop out, cringing as the door squeaks when I close it. Amelia snickers under her breath and all but skips toward the door. It's like she's floating on a whole damn cloud right now.

My nerves build as we head inside, where we find Tye already there and wiping down the bar top. Amelia is already perched on a barstool by the time the door shuts behind me.

“I have news!” she sings excitedly. “Kennedy does too, but hers doesn’t look nearly as exciting.”

I sigh. “I told you; I will tell you and Tye at the same time.”

“Okay, well here we are! Spit it out.” She uses the same words I tried earlier to learn her big secret.

Honestly, she really should've told me in the car, because she looks like she might combust if she keeps it in any longer.

“Are you always this high strung?” I ask her.

Amelia smiles guiltily. “Patience is not my strong suit.”

A light chuckle comes from Tye as she watches us. “Well, I have something to tell you, too. So, on the count of three, why don't we all say our news at once?”

Amelia and I both nod, though hers is excited while mine is more reluctant. As Tye counts down from three, my stomach is practically in my throat. When I open my mouth, it's quite likely that vomit will come out rather than words, but I close my eyes and when she reaches one, we all confess.

“Carter and I closed on a house.”

“I'm engaged!” Amelia excitedly holds up her hand with a beautiful ring on a particular finger.

“I'm pregnant.”

They both turn to me, jaws slacked and eyes wide. I wrap my arms around my stomach, feeling exposed and vulnerable and scared. Hearing the words come from my mouth when I called my OB/GYN earlier was intense, but telling my friends makes it real.

I can't hide from it anymore.

This is happening, whether I want it to or not.

Amelia is the first to recover and starts firing off question after question. “How do you know? Wait, didn't you just have your period? Oh my God, is it Alec's? Please don't tell me it's Alec's. Does Easton know? Are you sure it's Easton's? How far along are you?”

“Can we go back to when you said you're engaged?” I ask.

She shakes her head, like the ring and her engagement are minor details. “Absolutely not.”

As she starts to demand answers that overwhelm me more than knowing there's a tiny human growing in my stomach, I glance over at Tye for help. Thankfully, she takes mercy on me and jumps in.

“Okay, Meelz,” she stops her. “How about we calm down a bit? One thing at a time, yeah?”

Amelia's shoulders sag as she catches her breath. “You're right. Sorry.”

Tye focuses on me. “Are you sure?”

I nod slowly. “Pretty sure. I took a few home pregnancy tests.”

“Okay,” she says quietly, then a little louder. “Okay. We can handle this.”

“We can?” Amelia and I ask in unison.

Tye squares her shoulders confidently. “We can. After work tonight, we're going to go back to Kennedy's, and we're going to figure out a plan.”

Amelia shakes her head immediately. “No. We have to go now. Call out or something.”

“All three of us cannot call out on a Friday night,” I tell her.

“Well, Zayn is coming here to hang out, and I suck at keeping secrets from him. It's like he's got a direct line to my brain or something.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, knowing what a disaster this could be. To my relief, Tye takes over. She puts her hands on Amelia's shoulders and looks her dead in the eyes.

“You have to, okay? Just focus on your engagement.” She grabs Amelia's hand and lifts it so the ring is center focus. “You're getting married! Isn't that exciting?”

“I'm going to be an aunt. That's exciting.” She stops. “Wait. I am going to be an aunt, right? It's not Alec's?”

Slipping onto a barstool, I put my head down on my arms. “It's Easton's. I haven't slept with anyone else.”

“No more pregnancy talk!” Tye declares. “We just have to get through tonight. One night.”

Amelia takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “One night.”

BY THE GRACE OFGod himself, she actually manages to make it through the night. Tye and I watched her like a hawk, making sure she wasn't alone with Zayn at all. It's not that we don't trust him to know, it's just that he would tell Easton before any one of us could even ask him not to.

If I know my ex as well as I think I do, he's not going to take the news well. He won't be as erratic as his sister, but he sure as hell won't be calm. I'd just rather have a handle on my own emotions before I have to tackle his.

The three of us walk into my dorm room, and I pull a shoe box out from under my bed. As I open it and place it on the desk, Amelia's brows raise in surprise as Tye laughs.

“I thought you said you took a few,” she drawls.

“I wanted to be sure.”

“And the first ten didn't do that for you?” Tye grabs a handful of tests and holds them up. “Kennedy, there are at least twenty-five tests here!”

Amelia picks one up and looks at it with awe before cringing and dropping it. “Ew, you peed on these.”

Tye shifts all her attention to Amelia. “How are you majoring in pre-law?”

She flips her off and comes to sit on the bed beside me. She wraps her arms around my body and pulls me close. I go willingly, resting my head on her.

“It's going to be okay, babe,” she assures me. “You just have to tell Easton. He'll be there for you.”

That's one of the main parts I'm afraid of—telling Easton. He hasn't so much as looked at me in the last week. I'm pretty sure he thinks there is something going on between Alec and me. If he tries telling me he's not the father, every part of me that I've managed to make whole again might shatter.

“I have a doctor's appointment on Monday,” I say. “I'll tell him after that.”

“You sure you want to wait?”

I nod. “I want to be 100% sure.”

Tye grunts humorously. “Piss on another couple dozen tests. Maybe then you'll be one hundred percent sure.”

Amelia grabs a pen off the nightstand and throws it at her. Tye manages to dodge it, but not by much.

“What?” she balks innocently. “I bet she cleaned out the drug store.”

Meelz just stares back at her, shaking her head. Me, on the other hand, I'd like nothing more than for my bed to swallow me whole.

SITTING IN THE DOCTOR'S office waiting room, I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. Not during my gymnastics competitions as a child. Not when I had to try a new stunt for cheerleading. Not even when I grew the balls to tell Easton I love him, only for it to be met with silence.

The room is filled with pregnant women in all trimesters. Some are dressed like they've just come from a corporate job while others are wearing sweats, choosing comfort over fashion. One thing they all have in common, though, is they're all much older than my twenty-one.

“You do have options, you know,” Tye says as she comes over with pamphlets. “If this isn't what you want, you don't have to do this.”

Amelia snatches them out of her hand. “You can't honestly be suggesting killing my niece or nephew.”

“Actually, no. That wasn't the only thing I was referring to.” She rolls her eyes. “There is adoption, too.”

“Oh!” Amelia coos. “Let me take him or her! I love babies!”

I drown them both out, staring into space and getting lost in thoughts of how Easton is going to react and what my future looks like from here.

Am I going to be able to finish school?

A college dropout wasn’t my career goal.

Am I ever going to sleep again?

Who am I kidding? Probably not.

“Lehigh,” the medical assistant calls.

I stand up and follow her, with Amelia and Tye right behind me. People in the waiting room share strange looks. Sure, my support system is a little unorthodox, but they're my best friends. My sisters, even. As intolerable as they may be sometimes, I wouldn't choose anyone else to be here with me.

When the doctor comes in, it all happens in a blur.

Going over the date of my last period.

Tye chuckling as she fills her in on how many pregnancy tests I took.

An embarrassingly exposing pap smear.

Finally, she walks us down to another room for an ultrasound. It's dark, with the only light coming from the hallway, the screen in front of the bed, and the ultrasound machine itself. I lie down on the table at the instruction of the technician and feel my heart jump as she rolls my shirt up and has me tug my pants down.

The gel is surprisingly warm as she squeezes some on my stomach. I reach over and grab the closest hand to me, which happens to be Amelia's. As the wand touches my stomach, we all try to make out what's on the screen until it comes into focus.

My breath hitches as I see it—the little alien-looking shape of a baby. Tears spring to my eyes as she takes her measurements, and when she points to the blinking little white spot and tells me that’s the heart, I lose it completely.

“Give me one second here,” she says calmly, clicking a few things on the machine.

What sounds almost like a horse gallop comes through the speakers, and Amelia covers her mouth in complete awe while Tye stays focused on me. I watch in amazement as I listen to my baby's heartbeat, and it's in this moment that everything calms.

All the questions and the unsure feeling in my stomach are answered.

This little alien just became my whole life.

My only concern.

My perfect baby.