Always Been You by Lily Miller

Thirteen

Olivia

I transferthe freshly baked peanut butter cookies that have been cooling on a rack in my kitchen onto a serving plate. My mother taught my sister and I to never show up for a dinner empty-handed, so I rushed back to my apartment after work and got started on the cookies. Ellie is here helping me, she insisted on it. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a flight risk and may possibly try to cancel on dinner tonight. She’s definitely in full support of Parker and I dating.

In my rush, half the cookies slide off of the plate and I frantically rearrange them, so they look somewhat presentable.

“Olivia, relax. You’ve got time. I don’t know why you are acting so fidgety. You are just going for dinner at the Bennetts’ and you’ve known them most of your life. It’s going to be fine. And besides, it’s hardly torture hanging out with all of those pretty faces. I’ve always wondered - do you think they sit around talking about how good looking they all are? I mean, with each other?”

“I don’t really want to know what happens in your brain, Ellie, because it seems like a scary place to be. Did you just hear yourself? You are ridiculous.”

“What? They’re all so damn hot. It’s not normal. What do they eat? Do you think it could be something they eat?”

“I’m not even answering that.” I roll my eyes and swat her with my tea towel.

“Listen Liv, I’ve been your best friend for a gazillion years. I know you. I haven’t seen you this happy in a very long time and Parker is clearly into you. Like, really into you, and it almost makes me envious. I mean, if I was actually into all that romance crap and wanted the same hot guy in my bed every night.” Ellie shakes her head, crossing her eyes in a silly face. “Seriously, he’s been so sweet to you and he really is trying. Don’t overthink this like we both know you tend to do with everything in your life.”

“I know, you’re right Ells. I’ve just fallen so hard for him and I’m really scared to lose him again.” My eyes look to the floor, feeling the weight of my confession. Admitting that out loud to Ellie feels like a big deal to me.

Ellie places her hand on my forearm.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He feels the same way, Liv. I know it. Just be yourself tonight. And if you really need me to bust you out of there, slip into the bathroom and text me our exit word ‘Pineapple.’ I’ve been working on new material ever since Kate began her speed dating escapades. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before one of the speed dater whack-a-dos insists on pulling out his joystick too soon and I need to bust her out of her date.”

“Joystick? Again, Ells Bells, your brain scares me sometimes.”

“Really Liv, Do I need to spell it out for you?” Ellie motions an alarmingly obscene hand gesture.

I try to shake the image out of my head, throwing my hands over my eyes and moving my head side to side.

“Come with me, Liv. Let’s get you changed for dinner. Parker is going to be here soon.”

I follow her to my bedroom and watch her rifle through my closet. I don’t really need her help choosing the right outfit but having Ellie here is a good distraction. We decide on a white silk blouse tucked into my nicest pair of skinny jeans. A touch of dry shampoo through my hair and some lip gloss and I’m ready.

“You look beautiful. My job here is done.” Ellie wraps her arms around me in a hug and I walk her to the door. I’m grateful she insisted on coming home with me. I fought her on it at first but having her here is exactly what I needed.

I throw a few things into my purse and check the time on my phone. There’s a notification from Parker. He texted to let me know he left the beach house and is on his way to pick me up. I’m anxious, so instead of pacing a hole in the floor in my apartment, I decide to wait for him outside. I toss my purse over my shoulder, juggle the plate of cookies and the fresh flowers I put together for Parker’s mom, and head out the door.

A light breeze touches my skin, easing the butterflies deep in my belly. I take a few deep breaths, attempting to further calm my nerves.

It’s been a long time since I’ve “met” the parents. Technically I know I’ve already met Parker’s family, but a lot of time has passed. It also doesn’t help that they know my past. They lived through it in a lot of ways with me. I’m praying it’s not a topic of conversation tonight considering I haven’t even discussed it with Parker.

Parker’s Audi pulls up in front of my building. He parks and rounds the front of the car to greet me. He has changed out of the suit he left the house in this morning and is now wearing a pair of jeans and a dark button up shirt. His hair is styled, and his jaw is covered in stubble. Exactly the way I like it. He may not be a male model, but I swear he could be. My girl parts agree with me.

He walks confidently and with purpose towards me. He always does. And when he looks at me, there’s an intensity - he’s got a hold on me and I can’t look away. It’s happening now, I feel his gaze sear right through me.

God, he’s gorgeous.

His smile widens as he approaches. “Hey babe,” he places his hand on my cheek and kisses me. “You look beautiful.” He wraps his arm around my waist and folds me into his firm chest.

“Thank you. You look pretty good yourself.” And by pretty good, I mean super-hot.

“Did you wear these jeans to torture me? You kill me in these. How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you tonight?”

“You will just have to manage. Do you think you can behave?” I tease him with a heated stare.

“Livy, you are too tempting and way too damn sexy for your own good. I can’t make you any promises I’m not prepared to keep.”

“You are so bad.”

“Who, me? Nah.” He winks then covers my mouth with his.

“Let me take these for you. Did you bake these? They smell amazing.” Parker reaches for the plate of cookies.

“I did. I hope your family likes peanut butter.”

“They will love them. When did you have time?”

“I quickly baked them after work. Ellie helped me. I didn’t want to show up empty-handed.” He takes the cookies and flowers from my hands.

“You are amazing, Livy. You’re hot and you bake.”

He flirts and I feel a giddy smile threatening to break free. There he goes again sweeping me off my feet. With anyone else it would feel like a line but with Parker it’s genuine. He puts the flowers and cookies into the trunk and then returns to open my door. Before I get in, he grabs me by the waist pulling me in for a kiss, our bodies pressed tight together.

“I’ve waited all day to do this,” Parker states in almost a growl.

“Was it worth it?”

“More than worth it, but I’ll need to kiss you again to be sure.” That definitely works for me.

We eventually settle into our seats. Parker pulls away from the curb and quickly reaches his arm across the seat and settles his hand at the nape of my neck. He has one hand on the steering wheel while the fingers of his other hand rub gentle circles on my skin, making it hot under his touch. His scent permeates the air around me. He smells so good.

“Nervous babe?”

“A little, but this is helping.” I close my eyes and rock my head back and forth against his fingers letting him know I appreciate his touch.

“Good. I’m really happy you said yes, by the way.”

I’m not sure how to answer that so I stretch my arm across the console to his thigh and give it a squeeze.

“Thank you again for the chocolates. That was really thoughtful of you. I’ve never had anyone send me something before. I have to admit I really liked it.”

“What kind of assholes have you been dating, Livy?”

“I guess I haven’t been very good at choosing men. Other than you, of course.” Parker is right. The men I’ve dated since him, and there’ve only been a few, have been more concerned with themselves than with me. I never felt like I was a priority with my last two boyfriends and they certainly never bothered to send me gifts. It’s a nice change to have someone always thinking about me.

“Thankfully you won’t have to look anymore. You’ve got me now.” I feel my smile widen at the thought. And while I’m scared to death that this could end between us at any moment, my heart squeezes at the thought that Parker could really be the one.

Ten minutes later, he pulls into his parents’ long driveway and parks behind three other cars.

“Looks like everyone is here.” It’s a reminder that it isn’t just the two of us having dinner tonight and I take a deep breath. He opens his door and walks around the front of the car to open mine, helping me to my feet. He must sense that my nerves are getting the best of me because he gently kisses my cheek and rubs his thumb over my jaw.

“You don’t need to worry about a thing. My family already knows and loves you. I promise.” I nod and reach for his hand. He lowers his lips to mine once more before drawing back with warmth in his eyes.

“Give me a sec, I’ll grab the stuff from the trunk.”

He walks to the back of the car and grabs the cookies and bouquet of flowers. I take the plate from his grasp and he carries the flowers. I feel his hand settle on the curve of my back as he ushers me to the front door. I’m pretty sure he has purposely placed it there to put me at ease.

We walk into the sounds of chatter and laughter coming from the back of the house where the kitchen is. We are greeted by Mr. Bennett as he rounds the corner by the staircase. His face lights up when he sees us, and the knots that have twisted in my stomach begin to unravel. He walks directly towards me and pulls me in for a warm embrace.

“It’s so nice to see you, Olivia.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Mr. Bennett.”

“I’ve known you way too long for you to be calling me Mr. Bennett. Please call me Michael.”

“I’ll try my best.” I smile as he directs us to the kitchen. Mrs. Bennett is busy at the stove and Miles and Liam are deep in discussion at the end of the long rectangular island in the center of the kitchen. Jules is the first to spot us.

“Yay, you both made it.” She jumps off her stool, where she is sitting next to a man I assume is her boyfriend and beelines it over to us. She gives Parker a quick hug. “Hey Parks.” She then turns her attention to me.

“I’m so happy you could make it, Olivia. It’s so nice to see you again.” She glances down towards the plate of cookies I’m holding. “Did you make these? They look amazing.”

“I did. I made them after work today. It’s really nice to see you too, Jules.”

She takes the plate of cookies from me and carries it to the counter. I’ve always loved her energy. She’s been upbeat and energetic since I met her when she was about fourteen. Even then she had a way of making you want to get to know her better, just to be in her presence. She has dark hair, like her brothers, that rests just below her shoulders, but her eyes are lighter. She’s a good mix of both her parents.

“Oh, my goodness, these look so good, Olivia! You didn’t have to do this but I’m glad you did because peanut butter is my favorite. Come here, honey, give me a hug.”

Parker’s mom draws me in for a hug and then does the same to Parker. She takes her son in with an affectionate smile. “Keep on doing whatever it is you are doing, Olivia, because my baby looks happier than he has in ages.” Parker chuckles and hands the flowers to his mom.

“Mom, these are from Olivia.” He hands his mother the bouquet and she dips her nose into the fresh flowers, enjoying the scent. Parker eyes me with a smile spreading across his face.

Mrs. Bennett wraps her arms around me and pulls me into another embrace. She thanks me for the flowers, and I offer to put them in a vase for her. It makes me wonder why I was ever nervous to come here tonight. That familiar welcoming feeling, the one I had come to know when we were kids, is already encompassing me. I take in Parker’s parents’ house: The happy family memories adorning the walls, fresh baked goods in cloches on the kitchen counter and this family that was built on love. My mind wanders, and I think about my family. There weren’t many memories made in the home my mother lives in now. The ones we did make there are mostly painful ones that I have tried hard to bury.

“Bring those cookies over here. I need one now.” Miles’ huge six-foot-something frame stretches over the counter reaching for the plate, pulling it towards him.

“God, Miles you are such a child. No one would ever think that I’m the youngest in this family because you act like a five-year old. I should get you a glass of milk to go with your cookie.”

“That would be nice, Jules. Thanks for making yourself useful.”

Miles takes a bite out of the cookie and smirks, a slightly devious smile.

I love their family dynamic, the way they are so easy around each other. Yes, they’re family but it’s something more. They joke and tease each other, but there is an unconditional love between them, and the banter is definitely entertaining.

“These flipping cookies are unreal, Olivia. Holy Shit!”

“Language, Miles.”

“Sorry, Mom.” Miles stands from his chair and gives me a hug, followed by Liam. They both remind me so much of Parker with their dark hair and athletic builds and wide smiles. They fill up a room when they are all together with their broad frames and big, endearing personalities. The three of them are all so incredibly handsome, it’s almost hard to take when they are all in a room together.

Jules introduces me to her boyfriend, Alex, who’s currently in med school. Jules is always so boisterous and outgoing, so I’m surprised to find that Alex seems quiet and kind of reserved. They seem like a bit of an odd fit, but Parker has mentioned that she seems happy with him.

“Let’s leave the women to chat and have a drink in the living room, boys,” Mr. Bennett suggests.

Parker hangs back for a moment, pulling me to his side. He kisses the top of my head, whispering into my hair. “Do you want me to stay with you? I don’t mind.”

I tilt my head up to look him in his eyes and let him know I will be fine. He kisses my cheek and pulls back with a grin. I can’t help but look at him and see the boy I fell in love with. He leaves me in the kitchen feeling light-headed and full of emotions. Jules hands me a glass of wine and I follow her to the kitchen island where Mrs. Bennett is working on dinner.

“You know, we are all really glad you are here. You are a good influence on my brother. He’s different around you. He seems so happy. Not that he isn’t usually happy, but it’s different. He’s relaxed and settled, less wound up.

“Jules is right, you know my boy is crazy about you. I’ve never seen him so smitten.”

I feel my cheeks warm and I know they’ve turned a bright shade of pink. “I’m just as crazy about him. It’s still so hard to believe that we are back together after so many years.”

“Oh honey, we are so excited for the two of you. It’s nice to have you back in our lives. I hope to see a lot more of you.”

“It’s good to be here.” I bring the wine glass to my lips to try to hide the enormous smile that is covering my face.

I turn my attention to Parker’s sister. She was just a kid the last time we spent time together and I genuinely would like to get to know her better. “Jules, I hear you work for your dad now. How do you like it?”

“I love it. I love what I do and it’s nice to see my dad every day, but sometimes the stresses of a family business can get to you.”

“Well, if you ever need a stress reliever, you could join me at my yoga class. You might like it. I go Wednesday nights with my sister and my best friend. You would love them. It would be fun.”

“That sounds great. I would love that. I’m free tomorrow if that works?”

“It works! I can pick you up and we can go together.”

“Great. I’m looking forward to it. Thanks, Olivia.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Parker pop his head around the corner, checking in on me. I turn my attention to him, and he mouths the words, You okay? I instantly feelmy body tingle at the gesture. I nod andhe disappears into the living room again, leaving my heart bursting.Parker’s family has welcomed me with open arms. It feels so nice to be included by them, almost as if I were a part of the family.

“Dinner is ready, girls. Jules, can you let the men know? And Olivia, do you want to help me bring the food to the table?”

“I’d be happy to.”

I help Mrs. Bennett carry the dishes to the table. There is a platter of perfectly grilled flank steak and a bowl of parmesan white wine risotto. A fresh caprese salad and warm buns are already waiting on the table and a platter of roasted asparagus completes the menu. She has cooked enough for an army. It all looks delicious and is plated beautifully, and the smell is out of this world.

I find Parker waiting for me at the table and he pulls out the chair beside his. I am seated between Parker and Liam, with Mr. Bennett at the head of the table, Mrs. Bennett at the foot and Jules, Alex and Miles across from me. Parker rests his palm on my knee under the table. I can feel the warmth from his hand though the denim of my jeans and it feels good. I rest my hand on top of his and he laces our fingers together.

He whispers in my ear. “I’m so happy you are here with me, babe.”

I look at him and whisper back, “Me too. Thank you for asking me.”

I feel like I’m in a dream, right where I’ve always wanted to be. The way Parker looks at me with love in his eyes, the way he keeps me close to him likes he’s afraid to lose me or can’t stand to be apart. It feels like the pieces of a puzzle are finally falling into place. I feel warm all over; I can’t remember being this happy in a long time.

“Help yourself everyone, but first, Michael do you want to propose a toast?”

“Sure, honey. To making your mother and I incredibly happy by all being here together tonight. We also want to welcome Olivia back to our home. It’s good to have you here. Now let’s eat.” I feel the room shift their gazes towards me. Parker’s grip on my hand tightens and I take a deep breath. We all raise our glasses, clinking them together with whomever we can reach and I’m relieved when platters begin to be passed around, taking the attention off of me.

“Mom, this looks amazing. Your cooking is what I miss most when I’m on set,” Miles says, scooping a heaping spoonful of risotto onto his plate.

“More than your mother?”

“Not possible, Mom, but you know how I love my food.”

“And ass-kissing apparently,” Liam grunts in between mouthfuls.

Mr. Bennett raises a warning eyebrow at Liam, a gesture he appears to have perfected with his children over the years.

I find myself imagining what it would be like sharing Christmas dinners together around this table, bonfires and clam bakes at the beach house, even the sound of little feet pattering around us. I stop myself. I can’t let my mind drift too far into the future. There are no guarantees. I should know that better than anyone.

Dinner passes quickly and the jokes and banter continue into dessert. I can’t help but think how long it has been since I enjoyed a family dinner. My life before Parker all of a sudden feels lonely and incomplete. In such a short amount of time, Parker has managed to change my perspective completely, and I realise now that I want someone to love, to share the good and the bad with.

We all chip in clearing the table and doing the dishes. I help Mrs. Bennett pour the coffees and after dinner drinks while the rest of the family gather outside around the fire pit. I can see Parker and his brothers from the kitchen window and my heart swells. He lights up around them. I love seeing this side of him.

“My three boys have always been close,” Mrs. Bennett says, interrupting my thoughts. “We raised them exactly the same, but they are each so different. Parker has always been the boy I’ve worried the least about. He’s always worn his heart on his sleeve, which made it easier to know when he needed me. He’s steady and grounded and has always stood up for the people he cares about. I still remember the time I received a call from his principal. He was eleven years old and he’d punched a classmate right in the nose. At first, I was shocked when they told me, because he had never been a violent kid. When I met him in the principal’s office, he was still angry. The story went that the kid he punched was making fun of a new child who was wearing thrift store clothing. The boy taunted this poor kid in front of a handful of other children and Parker told him to stop. It turns out the boy was almost a head taller than Parker, but that didn’t stop my son. The bully knocked the kid to the floor and that was all it took. Parker clocked him right in the nose. Instead of reprimanding him, I took him straight out for ice cream.”

“I couldn’t imagine the Parker I know hitting anyone, but that kid had it coming,” I told her. “You raised an incredible man. You must be so proud.”

“I really am. I’m proud of all of my kids. Olivia, I know relationships can be complicated and they require a lot of work but trust me when I say, he’s worth it. Just be patient with him. He’s going to make mistakes. Give him time and he will always make things right.”

“Thank you for your advice. I know he’s worth it and I can be patient.” Mrs. Bennett places her hand on top of mine and gives it a squeeze. Her warm eyes soften in an understanding way. It feels a little like I just received her blessing to date her son.

Mrs. Bennett lifts the tray of drinks and heads for the patio doors. I’m relieved I didn’t have to answer any questions about my dad. I follow her out but realize I left my sweater inside. I run back into the house to grab it, throw it on and reapply my lip gloss.

“There you are.”

I turn around to see Parker with a silly grin plastered on his face. He looks so happy and I can’t help but feel responsible for some of that happiness. Tonight has gone so smoothly.

Parker’s strong arms wrap around my neck and he nuzzles his nose by my ear. “My family loves you, you know. You’ve made quite the impression. Not that I’m surprised.”

“The feeling is mutual. I’ve loved my time here with them tonight. Your family is just as wonderful as I remember.”

He pulls back, finding my eyes with his. Those eyes that do crazy things to me. “You’re staying with me tonight at the beach house.” It’s not a question but a command. The answer would have been yes, of course. I couldn’t say no if I tried.

“Did you have something in mind for us when we get there?”

“I have a long list and I intend to spend all night getting through it.”

“All night? Are we forgoing sleep?”

“We might have to. Any objections?” Parker runs his thumb over the edge of my jaw. My skin heats under his touch.

“Not one.”

“That’s my girl. And for the record, in case there was any doubt, I’m not with you for all the incredible sex we have. Trust me, I’m loving every second of it, but I’m with you because you’re you. You put everyone before yourself, you challenge me and put me in my place and your kisses drive me out of my mind. I can’t go a day without seeing you. I’m lost in you, Livy.”

“I’m lost in you too, Parker.” I go up on my toes and kiss him. His lips part and we deepen the kiss. His tongue seeks mine and the kiss turns breathless. I don’t want to stop but this is not the time or place. I’m about to break it when I hear Miles’ voice interrupt us.

“Jesus you two. You haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other all night. I’m not blaming you, Parker. If I had a girl that looked like Olivia, I’d have my hands all over her too.”

Parker side-eyes his brother and laughs, quickly rearranging himself behind me to hide the obvious swell in his pants. He then quickly pulls me in close to hide my embarrassment from his brother.

“We are on our way outside. Give us a minute.”

“Don’t stop on my account,” Miles jokes, heading back outside.

We spend the rest of the night cuddled up under a blanket on a loveseat by the fire table, listening to stories about Parker and his siblings. It’s been a really long time since I’ve laughed so hard. Tonight is everything I could have hoped for and more, surrounded by a family who fiercely love and protect each other.

It’s just after ten when Parker announces that we need to be going and we give each of his family members a kiss and a hug. His parents walk us to the door. “We love having you home Parker,” his dad says before we leave. “And it was also our pleasure to spend time with you, Olivia. Hope to see you both soon.”

“Thanks. Love you both.” Parker side hugs his dad and kisses his mother on her cheek.

“Love you too, son, beyond the moon. I hope to see you soon, Olivia. Good night, you two.” Mrs. Bennett stands in the doorway watching us walk down the driveway.

We make our way to the car and settle in. The engine revs to life and Parker leans in close and whispers in my ear, “We still have that list we need to get to.”

This anticipation is almost too much. This perfect night is about to get even better.