Always Been You by Lily Miller
Fourteen
Olivia
I pullmy hoodie over my head and sit back on my mat beside the rest of the girls. Jules and I arrived together at Breathe Yoga, meeting Kate and Ellie here. They both greeted Jules just as I expected, like they had known her a lifetime.
I look forward to these weekly get togethers and I’m excited to include Jules in our girls’ night. We usually go for dinner and a glass of wine afterwards and get caught up on each other’s weeks. It crossed my mind to cancel tonight to be with Parker considering he will have to leave soon to go back to the city. But so much of my life is changing at the moment, it felt important to keep up this part of my routine and my commitments to my friends.
“Did you get any sleep at all last night? I bet you and your hot boyfriend had a steamy sex marathon.”
“Geez Ellie, did you forget she is Parker’s little sister? I am not talking about this in front of her. No offense, Jules.”
Could it really be that obvious? I woke up this morning in Parker’s arms feeling like I was on cloud nine. I barely made it to work on time and had to rush through a shower. Parker couldn’t keep his hands off me this morning, complaining that he wouldn’t get to see me all day and then tonight due to my yoga class. Two orgasms later, I was finally out the door on my way to work. He made me promise I would stay with him tonight and of course I said yes. I’ve become insatiable when it comes to him, which is a new feeling for me. I’ve always enjoyed being intimate but never needed it the way I crave it with Parker. It feels like I can never get enough of him and there is a part of me that worries about that. We have yet to figure out where our relationship is going and how we are going to ever make this work.
“As cringy as it is to think about my brother in bed with a woman, I’m just happy it’s you.”
“Thank you. I think.” We all laugh and start to stretch before class starts.
“Did Olivia tell you about the special delivery she received at work today from your stud brother?” Ellie asks.
“No, she did not. Geez, Olivia, I’ve never seen him act like this before. He is head over heels for you. What did he send?”
I release my arm I’m stretching across my chest. “He had the prettiest petite chocolate cake from my favorite bakery delivered to me. He knows chocolate is my weakness.”
“Is that not the absolute cutest? How do I find a guy like him?” Ellie groans.
“I know! There are two more Bennett boys that I believe are single. One for each of us, Ells. I’ll even let you have first choice. I’ll just take the other one. I’m a giver like that,” Kate jokes.
“Ew, these are my brothers you are talking about,” Jules squeals, covering her ears with her hands. “I can’t with this convo. Besides, those two are a long way off from committing to anyone for more than one night.”
“They just haven’t met the right girl. Look at Parker. There’s hope. He seems to have done a complete 180 since meeting Olivia,” Kate says, stretching her legs in front of her, reaching for her toes.
“It’s true and we are all happy you two have found your way back to each other. My mother is ready to start planning your wedding which is a little frustrating since she has never been excited to plan one for me.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Well, I’ve been with Alex now for over a year and she’s never mentioned an engagement, never mind a wedding. I know she likes him; she just doesn’t show much interest in our relationship.”
“Do you think Alex is the one? The one you’ll spend the rest of your life with?” I ask carefully, curious but not wanting to pry.
“I think so. He makes me happy. He’s not super affectionate but I don’t think most guys are. Med school keeps him busy too, so I try to give him his space.”
“How’s your sex life? I mean is he hot and steamy in the bedroom? Is he McSteamy or McDreamy? You must role play doctor-patient all the time.” We all cringe at Ellie. Jules is never going to want to hang out with us again.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s fine? What do you mean it’s fine?” Ellie chirps back, looking dumbfounded.
“He’s tired a lot from studying so we don’t see each other much unless it’s the weekend.”
“Okay, but when you do, how’s the sex? Do you make up for lost time?”
“It’s nice,” Jules replies quietly, then gulps from her water bottle.
“Nice?! Jules, nice doesn’t cut it. Are there fireworks? Mind-blowing orgasms? You shouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other.”
“Ellie, stop. Ease up on the psychoanalysis. It’s her relationship. It’s not for any of us to judge. She’s happy. I met Alex last night, he’s a really great guy.”
Thankfully our instructor starts the class, putting an end to the uncomfortable conversation. Jules didn’t seem too bothered by it and we all have a great class. I leave feeling relaxed and centered, but I know the feeling won’t last long. I’ve been putting off talking to my mom, but I know I need to do it soon. I decide that I also need to talk to Parker about it all, to let him in. He deserves honesty from me if we are going to have a chance at making this relationship work.
We end the night with dinner and drinks at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. I drop Jules off at her house and almost immediately my phones buzzes with a message. I laugh, thinking how in tune Parker is with me. He knows the minute my evening out has ended and I’m sure he’s excited for our night to begin.
I check my phone and am disappointed. It’s a text from my mom and as soon as I see it a pit forms in my stomach. I pull up the text and it’s her confirmation of my father’s release date, this Monday. She’s written it like it’s something we should all be celebrating. Like it’s an invitation to a party. I feel sick to my stomach. I drop the phone into my purse, unable to respond. My hands start to shake. I take three deep breaths and try to clear my head. I know I should be relieved that he’s finally being released; I guess a part of me is. However, I’ve worked really hard to rise from the ashes he left behind, and to take back control of my life. I’ve moved past the shame and the hurt and have found a way to carry on. I’m scared of starting our relationship over. I’m also scared to watch my mother take him back with open arms after all these years without asking for what she deserves. An apology, at the very least.
After several minutes, I start my drive to the beach house. I pull into the driveway in a fog, not even knowing how I got there.
Parker is waiting for me, leaning his shoulder into the doorframe with a gorgeous, smoldering smile. He looks so handsome in a faded grey t-shirt stretched across his muscular chest and black athletic shorts. I should be ecstatic to see him, but not even this beautiful man standing in front of me is enough to calm my nerves.
I get out of my car and walk towards him, closing the distance between us. It must be written all over my face because I watch his face drop as I get closer. He pulls me to him, and his strong arms feel like a blanket wrapped around me. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and try to hold myself together, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Baby, are you okay? You look sad. Did something happen with the girls?” Parker wipes the tear away with the tips of his fingers.
“No, our night was great. It’s not that.”
“Well then what is it? You know you can talk to me, Livy. Let me try to fix it.”
I lay my cheek on his warm chest and he kisses the top of my head. I feel safe in his arms and protected from the world outside this house. He continues to run his hands up and down my back.
“Come here, babe. Let’s go inside.”
He guides me into the living room and lowers himself to the couch bringing me into his lap. He has one arm behind my back, his other hand on my legs that are draped across his thigh.
“Talk to me, Livy. What’s going on?” Parker brushes the edge of my jaw with the back of his hand, his tone warm and caring, and it makes me want to melt into his arms.
“My mom just texted me with my dad’s release date. He’s coming home Monday. I know we haven’t talked about any of this, but I think we need to now.”
“I agree. I’ve wanted to bring it up but didn’t want to push you. You haven’t seemed ready to talk about it and the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.” Parker’s warm hand grips my thigh gently. “I’m here for you and I want to help you through this.”
“It’s not something I like to talk about. I don’t even bring it up with my mom or my sister. I carry so much shame over it and wish it would just go away. It all makes me so angry. It’s confusing. My mom lives in some crazy dream world. She pretends like he’s off on some vacation and will return to us like nothing ever happened. Doesn’t she see what he did to us? He ruined all of our lives.”
I feel so vulnerable in this moment with Parker, and that feeling is foreign to me. I have become so much stronger over the years. I’ve gotten used to not needing anyone. Until now.
“I’m so sorry, Livy. I wish I could take all of your pain away. Do you visit him?”
“I have, but not often. I go with my mom on holidays and special occasions and when I do, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. It’s awkward and I doubt our relationship will ever be the same. I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for the suffering and embarrassment he has caused us.”
“I think you need to talk to him. You need to hear him out and get his side of story. It’s not always black and white. Give him the opportunity. You will never know until you try.” Parker takes my hand in his and kisses the back of my knuckles. “You can’t live like this forever. You’re so tense, your whole body is rigid. It’s not healthy.”
“Parker, you saw what it did to our family. We lost everything because of him, and our name was dredged through the mud. It wasn’t fair to us. He should have thought about us before he did what he did. And don’t even get me started on that hoe he was doing behind my mother’s back. She was eight flipping years older than me. Eight!”
“I know. It was awful and my heart broke for you. Correction, it was awful and revolting. But he’s your dad. People make mistakes and deserve second chances. Forgiving your father doesn’t mean you are okay with his actions. It means you will no longer allow those actions to hurt your heart. Let me go with you on Monday. We can face it together.”
“I haven’t even decided if I want to see him on Monday.” I close my eyes, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Whatever you decide, I’m here for you. Take some time to think it over and when you’re ready let me know. It’s your decision, Livy, and you need to do what feels right.” Parker places his finger under my chin and tilts my head, so his eyes meet mine. “Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Parker.” I press a gentle kiss to his mouth. I am starting to realize that I need him more than I have been willing to admit.
“As much as I like your body on mine, let me make you some tea and run you a warm bath. Maybe we could take a walk on the beach afterwards? How does that sound?”
“Perfect. I would like that a lot.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek, his forehead and his jaw, followed with a kiss to his lips, showing Parker how much I appreciate him.
I follow him down the hall to the bathroom, and watch him run the water, filling the tub. He adds a handful of Epsom salts. Together we lift my workout top over my head and then I remove the rest of my clothes.
“Hop in, baby, I’ll go turn the kettle on.”
“Parker?”
“Yeah Livy? Is it too hot?” He spins around in the doorway before heading to the kitchen.
“No, it’s perfect. Thank you for this.”
“I want to take care of you.”
“I know,” I whisper. “You are. You make me really happy, Parker. One more thing, after our walk, will you take me to bed?”
I don’t need him to respond. The heated look in his eyes is all the answer I need.
Parker
I endmy call with Nelson and roll my neck to relieve the tension in my stiff muscles. Although plans were approved on the Cape May project, our architect is suggesting a change to our commercial space, which means more work and more headaches for me.
I’m also worried about Livy. Last night was a breakthrough. We needed to have that talk. I’m relieved her walls finally came down. I want her to feel like she can talk to me and really let me in. It’s a sign that she trusts me. I want to do everything I can to be there for her, to show her how much she means to me. I know now that a weekend away, just the two of us, is exactly what she needs. It’s what we both need. The next few days are going to be hard on her emotionally, so a distraction and an escape will help her to get her mind off of what’s coming.
I put in a call to James to see if his vacation home in Seaside is available for this weekend. Our dads are brothers and we have always been extremely close. We grew up living within miles of each other, spending weekends, holidays and vacations together. James lost his mother five years ago in a car accident and it crushed us all. It’s still hard to think about, but that loss was a painful reminder of how important family is and we’ve stayed very close and fiercely loyal to my uncle and cousins.
Thankfully his home is available this weekend, and James said he’s more than happy to allow us to stay there. It’s a beautiful spot overlooking the ocean and I can’t wait to take Livy there. The idea of spending a few days alone, with no interruptions, makes me feel happier than I’ve felt in a long time.
I make one more call to Ellie and run my plan past her, making sure she can handle the store without Livy for the weekend. I want to pull this surprise getaway off without Livy knowing a thing. Ellie loves my idea and thinks it’s perfect timing to get Livy away. She has no problem covering the shop with Leah’s help.
I walk into my father’s office with only one more thing on my to-do list. I need to clear my schedule for Friday afternoon. He’s seated behind his mahogany desk combing through a file. The sun pours into his office through the large window behind him.
“Hi son. How’s my boy?” He looks up from his paperwork, removing his glasses.
“I’m great, Dad. How’s your day?” I take a seat in one of the leather armchairs across from his desk.
“Better now that you squared away the retail space issue with Nelson. I still think you might need to take a trip out there to make sure it was the best decision. It’s smart that you go over the new plans in person.”
“I agree, I can make that happen next week.”
“That would be great. Wasn’t last night nice? Your mother and I had a great time getting to know Olivia again. She’s a wonderful woman and you seem to be really taken with her.”
“I am. That’s actually the reason I’m here. I was hoping it would be okay to take tomorrow afternoon off. I called James and his place in Seaside is free this weekend, so I am hoping to take Livy away. She has had a rough week finding out that her dad is being released from prison on Monday. I would really like to do something special for her to take her mind off of things.”
“Parker, I’m really proud of you. Your heart is in the right place. It’s definitely going to be a difficult time for her and she’s going to need you.” My dad removes his glasses, setting them on his desk, and leans back in his chair. His arms cross over his chest. “Things seem to be moving quite quickly with the two of you. Your mother thinks that she is the one for you. Is there a chance she could be right?”
“I think she could be. I love her, Dad. I don’t know if I ever stopped.” It’s the first time I’ve said those three words out loud and the admission pumps adrenaline through my veins.
“You have our blessing, son. Your mother and I think she is perfect for you. You picked a good one and we are really excited for your future together.”
“Thanks Dad. It means a lot.” I look at the blue skies outside, feeling hopeful.
I know what Livy and I have is real. I’ve never felt like this with anyone but her. I decide I’m going to tell her that I love her this weekend. I only hope she feels the same.