Made to Order by Brigham Vaughn

THIRTEEN

“Everything okay with him?” Lacey asked, nodding toward Tyler’s retreating back. Tension and worry radiated from every inch of his body, and Donovan wanted nothing more than to go after him. Comfort him.

“Just a friend he’s worried about,” Donovan said quietly. Truthfully, Donovan was concerned too. Tyler hadn’t said a lot about Eddie, but he’d said enough to reveal his friend was in real pain.

It was criminal how difficult it was for military people to reintegrate into civilian society. After being thrown into the worst of situations, there simply weren’t enough resources for them once they were home. Paul—the Marine he and Jude had played with periodically—was a prime example. From what Donovan had gleaned from Tyler, he hadn’t seen anything too terrible. Not that going to war was ever good, but it sounded like Tyler had stayed out of the worst of it. Paul, however, had been in the thick of it. And he’d had the scars to prove it.

Unfortunately, it sounded like Tyler’s friend was in equally rough shape.

Tyler’s safeword made a hell of a lot of sense now.

For a bit, Donovan had idly wondered if Eddie was the guy who’d sucked Tyler off when they were stationed overseas, but one night, after a call from Eddie had pulled Tyler from bed, Donovan had broached the subject. He hadn’t listened to Tyler’s conversation, but he’d been able to hear the rise and fall of his voice in the other room. When that had fallen silent and Tyler didn’t return to the bedroom, Donovan had gone out to find him.

He’d found him in front of the living room window, staring out at a dim parking lot.

“You okay?” he’d asked. He settled a hand on Tyler’s shoulder. He startled, but after a moment, he let out a sigh and leaned back against Donovan.

Swallowing hard at the gesture of need, Donovan wrapped his arms around Tyler’s shoulders and pulled him close. He hooked his chin on Tyler’s shoulder.

“How’s Eddie?”

“Drunk. Struggling.” Tyler let out a rough little sound. “Like usual. I hate not being able to help him.”

“I know.” The raw note in Tyler’s voice made Donovan’s chest ache. “I wish I could help you.”

“You are.”

Donovan squeezed a little tighter. “Good.”

They stood there in silence for a few minutes.

“Was Eddie one of the guys who blew you?” Donovan asked. He’d been wondering for a while now.

“Eddie?” Tyler laughed, his body shaking in Donovan’s arms. “Oh, God no. He’s straight as hell.”

“Well, you thought you were too, and clearly there’s some wiggle room.”

“Sure but … he has a wife. They were together then and he doesn’t fuck around on Andrea.”

He’d pronounced it with a little lilt. Ahn-dreyah, not the nasal, Midwestern Ann-dree-a.

“Eddie never cheated on her, never will,” Tyler said firmly.

Despite his firm tone, there was a softness to Tyler’s voice when he spoke of her. Of Eddie. Of the guys he’d known in the service. That part of his life was clearly important to him.

“Who was it? The guy you hooked up with, I mean.”

Tyler hesitated.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me if you’re concerned about outing him. I was just curious.”

“Oh, no, Frenchie was out. It’s just … it’s hard to talk about him.” Tyler swallowed. “Now that he’s gone. He died in Afghanistan.”

“Oh.” Donovan got it then. Understood Tyler’s hesitation. He’d lost his friend, and Eddie was on the edge now. That was a lot. “You don’t need to talk about it.”

“Thanks. I’ll tell you someday, maybe. But not right now.”

“You want to head back to bed?” Donovan asked. It was late—or early, based on the pink tinge of the sky along the horizon.

“I don’t know if I can sleep.”

“Want me to wear you out?”

Tyler turned in his arms and looked up at him, expression hurting in a way that made Donovan’s chest ache. “Would you do that?”

“Give you what you need?” Donovan asked. “Of course. All you ever have to do is ask.”

And now, Donovan was pretty sure this was going to be another night like that. He didn’t mind; it just concerned him. Tyler could handle it. He knew that. It just hurt to see Tyler so worried about his friend.

And while sex and a good scene would give Tyler a break from the anxiety, it would do nothing to fix the situation.

* * *

After they unloaded everything from the event and returned it to where it belonged at the tavern to be dealt with tomorrow, Tyler sagged against the bed of his pickup. “I’m not sure I’m gonna be up to anything big tonight. I know we planned to do a pretty intense scene but …”

Even in the light from the streetlamp, Donovan could see his exhaustion.

“Okay,” Donovan said. “Well, it’s up to you. If you want to just come back to my place to shower and crash, that’s an option too.”

Tyler tugged at his baseball cap. “I called Rach earlier to see if I could get the day off tomorrow. She was cool with it so I’m heading up to GR to see Eddie.”

“That’ll be good. This is just an offer, but would you like me to go with you?”

Tyler blinked. “Why would you?”

“Moral support?”

“Oh.”

“You’re welcome to say no,” Donovan said carefully. “I just thought I’d throw it out there.” Not that Rachael would be thrilled about both of them being gone the same day, especially since he was supposed to be in extra early to supervise cleanup after the event and make sure everything was prepped for brunch. Max could take over for him if need be. If Tyler wanted him there, Donovan would figure out a way to make it work.

Tyler stepped forward, sliding a hand against Donovan’s hip as he fit their bodies closer together. “That’s nice. I don’t think I’m going to take you up on it, but I appreciate it.”

“I want to be a good … friend to you.” The word felt awkward and clumsy in Donovan’s mouth because he didn’t feel particularly friendly at the moment. He felt protective. A Dom wanting to wrap up his sub and shelter him from the shit that was raining down on him. And he couldn’t. Because Tyler wasn’t his submissive.

Oh, he bottomed. He even grudgingly submitted at times. More easily these days. But he wasn’t out. He was fine embracing in a dark, deserted parking lot because no one would ever see them where they were tucked behind the building. But Tyler wasn’t ready to take Donovan’s hand in a public park and maybe he never would be.

Donovan hadn’t pushed for Tyler to call him Sir during a scene because he knew it was one step too far. He’d erred on the side of caution, and now it hit him how much he wanted that. How much he wanted to see Tyler in that role. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to wrap Tyler up and keep him safe. Feel him soft and yielding in his arms. And yes, he loved the combativeness that still filled some of their scenes, but he was starting to ache for the tenderness of a full, deep D/s dynamic too, and that was about to get him in real fucking trouble.

“I won’t push,” Donovan said, swallowing back his own desires in favor of doing what was best for Tyler. “You said you aren’t up to something big. If you don’t want to come over tonight, that’s fine. If you don’t want me to go with you tomorrow, that’s fine too.” And he meant that. It ached, but he understood. “Just know that if you want anything from me, I will do whatever I can to make it happen.”

“Thanks.” Tyler squeezed his hip and settled a little closer. He pressed his nose—cold at the tip—to Donovan’s cheek. “That means a lot to me.”

“Of course.” Donovan slid his hand up Tyler’s neck to cup the back of his head, the recently trimmed hair prickly-soft against his palm. “I’m here for you, Tyler. However you need me. Or want me.”

“Actually, now that I think about it, do you know what I really want?” Tyler asked.

“No. Tell me?”

Tyler sighed, a big heaving breath. “I just want to let go. Like I said, not … not a big scene or anything, but I want you to make everything in my head go quiet. I’m too tired to fight and wrestle and struggle and take a shitload of pain but if you can make things quiet without that, I’d really like it.”

“I can do that,” Donovan promised. “If you have the energy for a smaller scene, I’d be happy to give it to you.” Ideas were already whirling through his mind and he considered them and dismissed them. Nothing too strenuous. Something Tyler could just sink into and relax. Nothing that would require him making any effort tonight …

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Tyler drew back, licking his lips. “Can we do it at my place tonight? I don’t know why, it just …”

“Sure,” Donovan said, surprised. Because of Donovan’s stash of toys, they’d never played at Tyler’s place before, but he didn’t mind that at all. He was creative enough to figure out something on the fly.

“Thanks.” Tyler shot him a tentative smile.

“Anytime.” Donovan pulled Tyler close and pressed his lips to his forehead. When Tyler let out a shuddering sigh and softened even more, the warmth in Donovan’s chest felt suspiciously like something he’d experienced in the past.

Something that he knew Tyler might never return.

Oh, you are in for a world of heartbreak, you idiot, Donovan thought to himself. But he couldn’t find it in himself to stop it.