Made to Order by Brigham Vaughn

FIFTEEN

Donovan awoke to Tyler slipping out of bed. “Where’re you going?” His voice sounded rusty and unused. It was early still, and it felt like he’d barely closed his eyes.

Tyler froze and turned back to face him. “Heading to Grand Rapids, remember?”

“Right. Of course.” Donovan sat up, dragging a hand through his hair, knowing it would do little to tame the unruly strands.

Tyler lifted a hand, a faint smile on his face, as he brushed some of it off Donovan’s forehead. Last night had been unusually tender for them. There was a pang in Donovan’s chest as he wondered if Tyler would freak out and bolt. Of course, they were at Tyler’s place. He wasn’t likely to go far.

Still, he didn’t seem to be pulling away so Donovan would take it as a good sign.

Donovan cleared his throat and reached out, pulling Tyler in toward him until he straddled Donovan’s thighs. “How’d you sleep?”

Tyler’s smile was soft, his eyes sleepy. “Like the dead. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Donovan swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Whatever you need.”

“I had this thing wrong, didn’t I?” Tyler asked.

“Hmm?” Donovan cupped Tyler’s cheek in his hand, running his hand up Tyler’s broad back. “Had what wrong?”

“How this kink thing worked. I thought it was all me giving you what you need.”

“It should be both,” Donovan said honestly. “It should be the two of us meeting each other’s needs. Last night you needed me to take care of you. I gave you what you needed and let you get out of your head. You gave to me by allowing me to take care of you. Trust me, we both got everything we wanted.”

The lump in Donovan’s throat grew bigger. That had been the problem with Jude. Donovan couldn’t switch, so Jude had never had the outlet he truly wanted.

Oh, they’d tried. They’d brought in other men, switches or submissives who could take Donovan’s orders and submit to Jude as well. But neither random, casual encounters nor regular play partners had solved the issue. Because what Donovan had wanted—truly wanted—was a sense of ownership. He’d wanted Jude to belong to him. Not in a selfish, toxic way, but in the truest, deepest sense of dominance and submission.

Donovan knew there were people out there who could have made what they did work. Who could have found happiness in open relationships or in triads, but that had never been him.

“Why do you look sad?” Tyler asked.

Donovan smiled faintly. “Just thinking about my past.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m glad last night helped you.”

“It did.” Tyler’s relaxed expression grew troubled. “I’m nervous about seeing Eddie today.”

“Why is that?”

Tyler licked his lips. He sighed and settled a little more heavily against Donovan’s thighs. Donovan made slow, sweeping passes up and down Tyler’s back, his skin cool against the warmth of Donovan’s palms.

“I’m afraid I’m failing him.”

Donovan took a deep breath. “It isn’t your job to hold your friend together, Tyler.”

“There’s this motto in the military. ‘No man left behind.’ It feels like the government has done that to Eddie. I can’t do it too.”

The ache in his eyes and his voice made tears prick at Donovan’s eyes. This was love. Not Donovan’s for Tyler, but Tyler’s for Eddie.

Tyler loved his friend with the kind of fervor that made Donovan’s chest feel tight. It wasn’t romantic, but it was powerful and deep, and Donovan hated how much Tyler hurt right now.

“Then you do your best,” Donovan said simply. “You go there and talk to him. You let him see how much you love him.”

“Is that enough?”

“I don’t know,” Donovan admitted. He brought his hand to Tyler’s face and cupped his cheek. “But you’ll do what you can for him.”

Tyler let out a deep trembling breath and rested his forehead against Donovan’s. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Donovan brushed his thumb against Tyler’s lips. He pursed them, brushing them against the tip in an almost-kiss that made Donovan pull him even closer.

“For this.” Tyler drew back and looked him in the eye, expression conflicted. “What we’re doing now sure doesn’t feel like what we started out doing but …”

“It isn’t,” Donovan agreed. “But I’m okay with that if you are.”

Tyler hesitated, then nodded once. “I’m okay with that.”

“Good.” Donovan snuck a kiss and smacked Tyler’s ass. “Now, go get ready. I’ll make you coffee and breakfast before you head out.”

“I was going to say you could stay here if you wanted. I trust you to lock up when you’re done. I know you have to work tonight, and we didn’t get a lot of sleep. If you want to go back to bed, I totally understand.”

“I’d rather cook breakfast for you,” Donovan said.

“Okay.” Tyler got up with a reluctant-sounding groan. “Dunno how hungry I am. My stomach is in knots.”

Donovan stood too, smiling a little. “Good thing I’m very skilled at untangling rope.”

* * *

The rhythm of the restaurant kitchen soothed Donovan’s frayed nerves as he waited to hear from Tyler how the day with Eddie went. He found himself checking his phone far more than usual and Max teased him about it.

“You seeing someone or what, Chef?”

Donovan hesitated. “It’s complicated.”

“Hmm. Isn’t it always?” His sous chef rolled their eyes.

“True enough.” Donovan deftly plated three seared pork medallions on top of the mushroom sauce, then sprinkled them with fresh herbs.

“I’m sure whatever you’re worried about will be fine,” Max said.

“I hope so,” Donovan said with a sigh as he slid the plate along the pass for the server.

They were nearing the end of the lunch service, and he was looking forward to heading out for the day. It had been a long, exhausting morning on top of a long, exhausting day before it.

“Chef?”

Donovan looked up to see Teri with a hesitant expression on her face. “Yes?”

“There’s a guest at table eight who’d like to see you when you’re available. I don’t think he’s upset or anything. He seemed to enjoy the appetizer he ordered. He just wants to speak to you about something.”

Donovan stifled a sigh. “Okay.”

He didn’t usually mind chatting with diners. It was nice to connect with the people enjoying his meals. Today he wasn’t sure he had it in him to schmooze with anyone, but it was part of his job, so he’d have to do his best.

He surveyed his appearance, then slipped his coat off. He prided himself on keeping himself tidy, but he’d been distracted plating a seared salmon salad earlier and a rogue piece of arugula had landed on his sleeve, leaving a smear of vinaigrette.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” he said. “I’m going to make sure I’m fit for the public first.”

Max grinned at him. “You’re never fit for the public, Chef.”

Donovan managed a smile back. “Watch it there, Max.”

They just smirked as they resumed assembling a meatloaf sandwich and plating it next to some parmesan herb fries.

Donovan ducked out of the kitchen and into the service hallway. He slipped on a clean coat, then neatly folded back the sleeves. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and grimaced. He smoothed his hair down and tidied his beard but it did nothing to fix the tiredness in his eyes. It wasn’t the lack of sleep either. He was used to that.

Worry for Tyler churned in his belly as he walked toward the front of the house.

His steps slowed as he approached table eight. The diner there sat alone and the tall, straight back, golden hair, and taut forearm made Donovan swallow hard.

God, please tell me it’s not …

But it was. Donovan came around the side of the table and his worst fears were confirmed. Fuck. The guy’s head was tilted down but Donovan would know the shape of his face and those eyebrows anywhere.

“Jude?” he forced out.

Jude Maddox lifted his head from his phone and smiled broadly. “Donovan. So good to see you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Aww, that’s not a very friendly greeting. No ‘I’ve missed you’?”

Donovan swallowed hard. “Well, you know how I feel about lying …”

Jude winced. “Ouch.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Donovan let out a sigh. “That was unkind. I’m just surprised. I don’t remember you being very impressed by Pendleton before, so I never expected to see you here.”

They’d visited the town a number of times in their ten-year relationship, going to dinner at Grandma June and Grandpa Harold’s place for holidays and other visits. Jude had always preferred to go farther afield for vacation though. Indianapolis or Chicago. Ann Arbor. Detroit.

“Well, things change.”

“They sure do.”

They stared at each other for a long time. Jude was as fit as ever, body perfectly sculpted through long hours at the gym. He had a movie-star-handsome square jaw dusted with golden stubble and eyes the color of the worn blue denim shirt he wore.

He was still handsome too. Sure, there were a few more lines on his forehead and around his eyes, but he wore his thirty-six years well. But his looks did nothing for Donovan anymore. There was only a pervasive feeling of guilt and melancholy.

“This place is great,” Jude said, finally breaking the tense silence.

“Thank you,” Donovan said stiffly. “I’m quite proud of it.”

“You should be.” Jude reached for a pint glass and took a sip of the pale ale. “You own it?”

“Half share,” Donovan said. “The entire tavern is owned by Rachael Bradford. I bought in on half of the restaurant side.”

“Interesting arrangement.”

“It was what I could afford at the time.” He’d taken a loss on the condo he and Jude had owned together. When they’d broken up, he’d just wanted it gone so he’d agreed to the first offer that came through. Jude hadn’t been happy about it but he’d gone along with it.

“Menu’s all you.” Jude looked down at his nearly empty plate. It contained the husk of a head of roasted garlic. He’d dug out most of the cloves, smearing them over slices of toasted ciabatta along with the soft herbed goat cheese and roasted red pepper. “I remember testing this recipe with you.”

Donovan felt a sting of nostalgia. Cooking this dish in the condo’s kitchen. Jude sliding his hands across Donovan’s body as he tried to slice bread, so distracted he’d nearly cut his thumb.

“I remember that too.” Donovan cleared his throat. “I still don’t know why you’re here. And why you wanted to see me.”

Teri arrived with a plate. Her gaze darted to Donovan before she set it down in front of Jude.

“Here’s your rosemary turkey meatloaf sandwich with parmesan herb fries.”

“Thank you.” Jude shot her a charming smile. “It looks delicious.”

“Can I get you anything else? Another drink?”

“No, I’m set. Why don’t you get Donovan something. A cider, perhaps? I saw several Michigan ones on the menu.”

“I don’t drink while I’m on shift,” he said stiffly.

Jude shot him an unimpressed look. “That’s not the way I remember it.”

Jude wasn’t wrong. Sometimes they’d had a few drinks with the staff at the end of a long day. The executive chef at Plated hadn’t minded. Hell, he’d encouraged it. But that wasn’t how Donovan ran things here.

“Things change,” he said firmly.

Jude gave him a pained smile. “Seriously, Donovan, I’d like a few minutes of your time if you can manage it. Have a drink with me.”

“I am still working,” he pointed out.

Teri’s gaze darted between them. “We are closing in about twenty minutes. We only have a few tables that haven’t been served yet. I’m sure Max can handle things in the kitchen if you want.”

“I’m sure Max can,” Donovan said with a sigh. Clearly Teri was not picking up on his desire to avoid this conversation. She was just trying to be helpful, so she didn’t deserve to have him take it out on her. “Fine. Let them know I’ll be back as soon as possible, please. But no drink for me, thanks.”

“Sure, no problem, Chef.” She gave the two of them one last curious look, then turned and left.

Donovan pulled out a chair and took a seat. He interlaced his hands. “So, what is it you’d like from me, Jude?”

“Just to talk.”

Frustration rose in Donovan, and he had to take a deep breath to tamp it down. “Why are you in Pendleton, exactly? Are you on vacation?”

“Not exactly. I’m opening up a restaurant here in town.”

A roaring sound filled Donovan’s ears. “You what?”

“You know that empty storefront off 1^st Street? I own it. I’m opening a restaurant.”

“How the fuck did you swing that?”

Jude’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Well, my grandpa died. I inherited a good chunk.”

The Maddox family had money. Donovan’s family was well-off, but on a significantly smaller scale. Joseph Maddox had been a real estate developer with properties all over the west side of Michigan. Hell, he’d probably owned half of Pendleton. Jude’s father was in the business too, and Jude had royally pissed off his family by becoming a chef. That was one of the first things that had drawn Donovan and Jude together, in fact.

“I’m sorry about your grandfather.”

Jude snorted and took another sip of his drink. “Joe Maddox was an asshole and we both know it.”

He had been, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting for Jude. But that wasn’t something that was Donovan’s concern anymore. He changed the subject. “So, you’re opening a restaurant?”

“That was always our dream. You got to it first but …”

Donovan’s nostrils flared. “So, you came here to Pendleton just to rub it in my face—”

“No!” The word exploded from Jude’s lips, and he looked around as if belatedly realizing how loud he had been. He ducked his head and spoke more quietly. “I looked around at a ton of places in the area, and Pendleton is booming.”

“I’m well aware,” Donovan said drily.

“It was the smartest choice for an investment,” Jude said. “The space, the market … it’s perfect for what I have in mind.”

“I wish you the best of luck with it,” Donovan said. “It just feels a bit weird that you’d show up hereat my restaurant to brag.”

Jude looked taken aback. “I wasn’t trying to rub it in your face or brag. I didn’t want you to be blindsided is all. I figured it was the mature, adult thing to do.”

“Oh.” Donovan rubbed his forehead. “Look, you’re probably right. It’s just … it’s been a weird couple of days. I’m not trying to start another fight with you. I’m sorry if I’ve been rude.”

Jude licked his lips. “There’s another reason I came here too. I know things got … weird between us at the end. And I really regret that.”

Donovan sat back in his chair. “So, you’re here to mend fences?”

“In a manner of speaking. We’ll be in the same town again and I just wanted to make sure there was no bad blood between us.”

Donovan sighed. “Truthfully, I’m the one who should apologize. I said some things I regret when I left Plated.” After that final big fight, they’d hardly spoken and only then about dividing up their belongings and selling the condo.

Cold and bloodless, but exceedingly painful.

Jude winced. “Well, I’ve tried to forget that. I don’t hold any grudges.”

He probably didn’t. Jude wasn’t that kind of person.

“Then let’s leave the past where it belongs,” Donovan said firmly. “I see no reason we can’t be cordial moving forward.” That didn’t mean they were going to become friends. There was way too much water under the bridge for that, but they could coexist peacefully.

Jude leaned forward and rested his hand on Donovan’s forearm. “What if I said I was interested in doing more than mending fences?”

“What?” Donovan’s voice came out hoarse as he blinked at his ex-boyfriend.

“I’ve missed you, Donovan. Seeing you again, tasting your food … God, we were so good.”

“Until we weren’t,” he said shortly.

“What if we could fix it?”

“How?” Donovan shook his head. “No, it doesn’t even matter now. Even if we could fix it, I don’t want to try.”

“Why not?”

“I’m seeing someone,” he said stiffly. “And it’s not something I’m willing to jeopardize.”

“Ahh, you’ve found the submissive of your dreams.” There was a bitter little twist to Jude’s lips. “I was afraid of that.”

Donovan considered the idea. Was Tyler the submissive of his dreams? Tyler probably could be, if he could admit it. But that was a long shot. Last night … it had been so good. “That I don’t know,” Donovan said honestly. “It’s complicated. He was a Top with women in the past, and he’s fairly new to this side of things. We’re still feeling out our dynamic.”

“You care about him.” It wasn’t a question.

Donovan nodded. “I do.” He swallowed past the thickness in his throat. “I care about him a lot.” He leaned in. “And you and I are over. Please let this go.”

“But what if we found someone—”

“No,” Donovan said firmly. “That isn’t what I want. It never was.”

A flicker of hurt crossed Jude’s face. “What?”

Donovan sighed. “I never wanted to open our relationship. I did it for you so you could get your needs met but it wasn’t me. It just wasn’t. I figured that out pretty early on but I saw how happy you were when you could have that outlet.”

“I never asked you—”

“I know,” Donovan said, lowering his voice. “I know you didn’t. And I should have been honest with you about how it was making me feel. That resentment built until I lashed out at you and that wasn’t fair.” He swallowed past the shame as he remembered that last ugly fight in Plated’s kitchen. “I apologize for my lack of honesty.”

“You damn well should,” Jude said furiously. “I thought you wanted it. That we just hadn’t found the right person.”

“We weren’t right for each other, Jude.” Donovan tried to make his voice gentle but Jude still flinched. “We weren’t. And that’s okay. It’s possible to love someone and have them be terrible for you. I loved you, Jude, I did. But we were a disaster together. If you can take a step back and really think about it, you’ll know it’s true.”

Emotions flickered across Jude’s face before his expression settled into one of sadness. “I don’t want it to be true.”

Donovan smiled sadly. “I know that. But it doesn’t change a thing. This is where we are. And it’s time we both admit that and move on.”

“It sounds like you already have,” Jude said bitterly.

“I’m trying.”

Whether or not Tyler could ever give him what he wanted remained to be seen.