Made to Order by Brigham Vaughn

SEVENTEEN

By the time Donovan left the restaurant at the end of the day he felt like he’d been through the wringer. Between the conversation with Jude and the worry he felt over Tyler, he was a mess. A headache pounded behind his eyes and his shoulders were tight.

He swung by his apartment, tempted to head straight for the shower and collapse into bed for a late-afternoon nap, but there was something thrumming under the surface of his skin that warned him he was far too wound up to sleep. Instead, he changed into workout clothes and headed for the jiu-jitsu gym. It was on the outskirts of the town in a strip mall. The gym was huge, with training for adults and kids. They held regular classes and open mat sessions. People could also do cardio or weight training and spar if they could find a partner. That was what Donovan was hoping for today.

By the time he walked out of the gym an hour later, he was drenched in sweat, and he was weak and a little shaky. His right shoulder ached—he’d have to take it easy on any impact play for a few days—but his churning thoughts had settled a little and he felt calmer and more centered.

He fished his phone out of his pocket as he walked to his car, and his heart leaped when he saw a text message from Tyler that had just come through a few minutes before. Heading back to Pendleton.

Rather than text back, he called.

“How’d it go?” Donovan asked softly when Tyler answered.

Tyler let out a sigh. “It was okay. He’s … better than I expected, I guess. I don’t know. I’m still worried.”

Donovan slid into his car and closed the door. “Talk to me, Tyler. Tell me how I can help.”

“I don’t know that you can.” His voice thickened.

“Can you let me try? Even if I can’t help Eddie, I want to help you.”

“Yeah.” The words came out like they were being forced through gravel. “Okay.”

Donovan let out his breath in a whoosh. “Good. How about this? You go to your place. Earlier, I packed up a couple of meals from the restaurant in the hopes you’d want to get together tonight. At worst, I figured I could drop yours off to you. But, if you want company, I’d like to see you.”

There was silence for a moment. “That sounds nice.”

“Text me when you’re about twenty minutes out?”

“I will.”

“You’re not alone, Tyler. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

The rough appreciation in Tyler’s voice didn’t necessarily surprise Donovan but the way it filled up his chest did.

“Drive safe and I’ll see you soon.”

“Is that an order?” Tyler let out a weak laugh.

“It is if you want it to be.”

There was silence for a moment. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then it is.”

“See you soon.”

There was a heavy weight at the end of that sentence. Like there was a missing word. Donovan wondered if Tyler ever wanted to call him ‘Sir.’

Then he wondered what Tyler would say if he ordered him to.

* * *

The haggard expression on Tyler’s face when he opened the door to his small brick house a few hours later made Donovan’s chest ache.

“Come in.” Tyler pulled the door open and stepped back.

“Thanks.” Donovan set his overnight bag and the bag with food down just inside the entrance. He held out his arms.

Tyler just stared at him with a blank expression.

Donovan pushed the door shut behind him with his foot as he wrapped his arms around Tyler, pulling him against his body. “How are you doing?”

“Not so good.” Tyler’s voice cracked as he sank against Donovan’s chest. “It’s … it’s been a lot lately. Today was—”

He didn’t seem to have any more words, so Donovan just breathed with him, feeling the little tremors in Tyler’s body. “You can let go,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”

Tyler tucked his head against Donovan’s neck and clung to him. “Fuck.” His words were muffled by Donovan’s skin but there was no mistaking the wetness he felt.

Donovan held him close, murmuring senseless little things meant to soothe. They stood there for the longest time until Tyler’s shaking subsided, and he pulled back.

“I’m sorry about that,” Tyler said. He looked at the floor, swiping at his eyes.

“Hey.” Donovan gently lifted Tyler’s chin so he could look him in the eye. “You never have to apologize for being honest with me. Your emotions? Those are honest. I get it, okay? I get that it’s hard for you to be vulnerable because of your training, but you never have to hide what you feel from me. I don’t want you to. It goes against everything I believe this thing between us should be.”

Tyler nodded, exhaustion radiating from every inch of his body.

“C’mon, you’ll feel better once you sit down and eat something.”

Donovan slipped an arm around Tyler’s waist and led him to the couch. He dropped onto it with a heavy sigh.

“Want anything to drink?”

“Just some water.” Tyler shifted like he was going to stand, and Donovan gave him a stern look.

“Sit. I’ll get it.”

“Okay, okay,” Tyler grumbled.

But by the time Donovan made it back with two tall glasses, ice clinking gently in them, Tyler’s eyes were closed. He had his head back against the cushion of the brown leather sofa and his lips were slightly parted. Asleep already.

Donovan set down the glasses as quietly as he could manage, then retrieved the bag of food. He warmed it carefully, then plated it. Tyler was still asleep, and Donovan was torn between waking him to eat and letting him get some rest.

Tyler solved that for him by waking when Donovan gingerly took a seat beside him.

He lifted his head, his eyes opening sluggishly.

“You passing out on me already?” Donovan asked with a little smile. He handed the plate over. “There. Your favorite.”

Tyler took the food, then tilted his head at him. “My favorite?”

Donovan frowned at him. “You do like the steak with Michigan cherry sauce, right?”

“Yeah. How did you know that?”

“Because I pay attention to you, Tyler.”

“Oh.” He picked up his fork. “Thank you then.”

Donovan rested a hand on Tyler’s thigh. “I knew you were going to have a rough day. I thought … well if any part of it could be better, that was the least I could do.”

“That was really thoughtful.”

“I … I care about you, Tyler.” That felt wholly inadequate, but what more could he say? Now wasn’t the time. “I want to look out for you. As a friend, and as … well as the Dom who you’re involved with.”

He tried to hide a grimace. That sounded painfully clunky but he wasn’t sure it was right to refer to himself as Tyler’s Dom. He hadn’t claimed him. Hadn’t collared him. Wasn’t even sure if that was something Tyler would ever be okay with.

Tyler nodded. He lifted a forkful of steak to his mouth and chewed slowly, the tension slipping from his shoulders. Tyler nudged Donovan’s thigh with his knee. “You planning to eat or just watch me? Is that a kink of yours?”

Donovan laughed. “No, not really. I do get pleasure out of people enjoying my food. It isn’t a sexual thing. More service, oddly enough.”

“Hmm.” Tyler poked at some roasted Brussels sprouts. “You sort of said the same thing the other day. Other night? I’m losing track of time. Whenever you said you wanted to help me. I expected you to be all … demanding, I guess. Ordering me around all the time.”

“I enjoy that part of it,” Donovan said with a smile. “I really do. But, at least for me, someone making themselves vulnerable to me means it’s my job to look after them. They’re giving me a certain responsibility and that means looking after their well-being in every way. Don’t get me wrong, I get plenty of sadistic pleasure ordering you around. Putting you in bondage. Making you struggle. Hell, you know I love when I have to take you down before a scene. But to me that’s only part of it. You can’t fully give yourself to me if you’re not in peak condition. Does that make any sense?”

“Sure, I think so,” Tyler said. “You can’t make a truly great drink with shitty alcohol and mixers.”

“Apt analogy.”

“I mean, it’s probably the same for food, right? You cheap out on the quality of ingredients, you don’t get as good of a result.”

“Yes.”

“So, you’re saying if I’m a mess, you can’t expect the scene to go well.”

“Yes …” Donovan considered the idea. “I suppose that’s partly what I’m getting at. But it’s more than that. I like to take a holistic approach. As much as you give me in a scene, I need to make sure I give back. Which means meeting all your needs. At least, that’s my ideal situation.”

God, this was hard. Donovan was being vague, hinting at things, not really saying what he meant. And he disliked that. But he also knew this was the worst possible time to push Tyler. He was vulnerable, and any conversation about what their dynamic was would have to wait. Donovan wanted more but he didn’t want to discuss it until he was sure Tyler was in the right frame of mind for it.

Exhausted, sleep-deprived, and emotionally wrung out was the opposite of that.

“Just eat your fucking food, Tyler,” Donovan said with a grin to offset the harshness of the words. “Let me take care of you in the way I know best.”

Tyler smiled back, a little of the sadness lifting from his eyes. “For what it’s worth, I wasn’t complaining.”

“Good.”

Tyler scooped up another forkful of mashed potatoes and shoved it into his mouth. Half his plate was already cleaned, and Donovan had barely made it a quarter of the way through his. Yes, someday, if Tyler let him, he was definitely going to train him to eat more slowly. To savor.

They ate in silence for a while, and Tyler let out a contented sigh as he licked his fork clean. “You do know your way around a steak.”

“I know my way around a lot of things,” Donovan said teasingly.

“Does that include dessert?” There was a hopeful note in his voice.

Donovan chuckled. “It does. I did pastry courses at the culinary academy as well. Not my specialty but I can hold my own.”

“You don’t do them for the restaurant, right?”

“No. We get some from the bakery downtown. A few are made in house by Laura.” They didn’t have a dedicated team of pastry chefs the way Plated had, but she did a good job with what they did offer, unfussy, comforting desserts like skillet brownies and bread pudding. “I might have brought something with me tonight actually,” Donovan admitted.

Tyler’s eyes lit up. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”

“Hmm, you have more of a sweet tooth than I realized.”

“After a day like today …”

“I hear you.” There was comfort in food. “I brought a brownie. It’s warming in the oven as we speak.” He’d actually filched one of the small iron skillets from the restaurant, but he didn’t figure Rachael would care unless he forgot to return it.

A short while later, Donovan returned with the brownie resting on an oven mitt, and one spoon.

“I want to try something,” Donovan said. He shifted so his back was to the arm of the couch, and he spread his legs. “Sit here. Your back to me. Lean your head against my shoulder.”

Tyler hesitated.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” Donovan said softly. “We’re not in a scene. I won’t be upset.”

“But you want me to.”

It wasn’t really a question, but Donovan nodded anyway. “I do.”

“Okay.” Tyler got into position and craned his neck to look at him. “Now what?”

“Now, I feed you.”

Tyler grimaced. “That’s …”

Donovan raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll try.”

Donovan scooped up a bite of the soft and gooey brownie, rich with chocolate and drenched with melting ice cream.

He lifted it, carefully guiding it to Tyler’s mouth. There was something incredibly sensual about watching Tyler open his mouth and allow Donovan to guide the spoon in. And the soft pink lap of his tongue was enough to distract Donovan for a moment as he leaned in to taste the dessert off Tyler’s lips.

Donovan managed a few bites, feeding Tyler, and then himself, but after a bit Tyler pulled away, stiffening as he shook his head.

“This is weird.” Tyler grimaced. “I’m sorry. I can’t …”

“It’s okay.” Donovan swallowed down his disappointment, not entirely surprised, just regretting that he’d attempted it in the first place. Scene or not, it was the type of thing that pushed at Tyler’s limits of being passive and submissive and that wasn’t what Donovan was supposed to be doing now. He handed over the skillet. “Feel free to finish it.”

A worried little frown flickered over Tyler’s face, but he took the pan without a word.

When the last bite was gone, Donovan took the skillet and rose to his feet. “I’ll go clean up.”

“You sure you don’t want help? I feel …”

“I want you to rest,” Donovan said firmly, and Tyler subsided.

Cleaning distracted Donovan enough to find his equilibrium again, and when he returned, Tyler looked up from his phone.

“Are you staying the night? We didn’t talk about it.”

“Only if you want me to,” Donovan said. “I packed a bag, but maybe that was presumptuous of me.”

“No, I assumed you would. I just wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

They were tiptoeing around something here, clearly uncomfortable with each other, but Donovan wasn’t quite sure why. Perhaps it was everything that lay under the surface with no resolution. The unspoken question of where they were going with this relationship. Or maybe Tyler was just feeling unsettled by his worry over his friend.

“If you want me here, I’d like to stay,” Donovan said firmly.

“Yeah, definitely. Honestly, I sleep better when you’re with me.” Tyler chewed at his lip. “Why is this weird all of a sudden?”

“Probably in part because we’ve never done this,” Donovan said with a little sigh. “Just hung out, I mean. We’re usually at my place. We’re fresh off work. We do a scene and head to bed.”

Sure, there was breakfast sometimes. More sex in the morning. Showering together. But they’d never simply spent time together as friends or vanilla partners.

Tyler seemed to consider the idea. “True.”

“How about a movie?” Donovan suggested.

“Yeah, great idea.” Tyler reached for the remote control.

“Anything you’ve been wanting to watch?”

“Ehh, probably, but I can never remember off the top of my head. You can go through my watchlist and see if there’s anything that interests you.”

“Sounds good.”

Donovan scrolled through the options before settling on a horror movie he thought looked interesting. “How’s this?”

“Perfect.”

Ten minutes into the movie, Donovan glanced over at Tyler who sat ramrod straight on the far side of the couch.

“You’re pretty far over there,” he teased.

“Guess I am.” Tyler slid a little closer.

Donovan shifted so Tyler’s heavily muscled arm lay draped over his shoulders, slouching so his head could lean against Tyler’s chest, his hand on his thigh. It would be uncomfortable eventually but Donovan could manage it for a while.

Donovan stroked Tyler’s thigh and tried to focus on the movie as he debated if he should mention the conversation he’d had with Jude. Today had been such an exhausting day for both of them. And really, what was the point? Donovan had turned down Jude’s offer flat out, so it wasn’t like it was going to impact his and Tyler’s relationship. Whatever it was.

Tyler’s hand was warm against his upper arm, the tips of his fingers stroking Donovan’s bicep as he absently dragged them back and forth. It was a ticklish, shivery sort of pleasure but nice too.

Donovan had missed this part of his relationship with Jude. The quiet moments in front of a TV. The comfort in silence and physical touch.

Donovan was more certain with every moment that passed that he and Tyler were slowly transitioning into a deeper relationship. They’d need to talk about it at some point, but for now, Donovan was content to let Tyler go slow, ease his way in. There was no reason to bring it up when Tyler was raw from visiting his friend.

They’d watch the movie, get ready for bed, and after some rest, they’d see what tomorrow would bring.

* * *

“I told Eddie about us.” Tyler’s voice floated up out of the darkness, and Donovan jolted out of his dozing state.

“Hmm?” he managed. He had an arm draped over Tyler’s midsection, spooning their bodies together.

“I talked to Eddie about what we’ve been doing. That I’ve been hooking up with a guy and that we’re into some kinky stuff. Even that I was the one, uh, bottoming.”

In the dark bedroom, Donovan blinked. “How’d he take it?”

“He was a little surprised, but he was great.”

Donovan released a sigh of relief, pressing his lips to the back of Tyler’s neck. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t as big of a deal as I expected. I mean, Eddie’s always been cool with stuff but …”

“It’s a big step anyway,” Donovan said. He tried not to hope that it was a sign of something more. That it was Tyler dipping a toe out of the closet. Testing the waters, so to speak.

But hope rose anyway, filling his chest like a helium balloon.

He bit back the urge to ask if it meant Tyler had plans to tell anyone else. God, he’d kill for some clarification about what their future held, but he had to let Tyler do it at his own pace.

“I’m glad it went well,” he said instead. “I’m glad you have a friend like that.”

“I just wish I knew how to help him.” Tyler sounded frustrated.

“I know.” Donovan kissed Tyler’s shoulder. “If there is anything I can do, I mean anything, let me know.”

“Have a spare fifty thousand lying around for inpatient rehab?” Tyler asked. His tone was bleak.

“I’m afraid not.” Donovan sighed. “I put all my money into the restaurant and …”

“Even if you did, I wouldn’t ask—”

“I know you wouldn’t.” I’d offer it if I had it though. Not just for Tyler’s sake, but because it was criminal that someone like Eddie was suffering when he should be able to access assistance.

Paul, the Marine who Donovan and Jude had played with from time to time, had been bitter about his time in the service. Bitter about the scars it had left, outside and in, a thankless job for a cause he no longer believed in.

Donovan didn’t know if the wars this country was in were justified or not, but even if they were, the cost seemed so very high for the men and women who served.

Tyler let out a little grumbling noise. “God, I’m exhausted, but I can’t fall asleep. My mind’s going a million miles an hour. I’m usually good at sleeping anywhere at any time but I must have gotten used to getting kinky with you before bed or something.”

“I get it. If you need it tonight, I will do my best. Full disclosure, I’m pretty exhausted and my shoulder’s hurting from the workout I had at the jiu-jitsu gym this afternoon. I’m not in a great state to top you. If we kept it simple and low impact, I could definitely do it but—”

“No, that’s fine. Honestly, I don’t even know if I could focus enough to make it worth your while.”

Donovan smirked, pulling Tyler closer. “Oh, I bet the humbler I own would keep you focused.”

“Oh God, I don’t even know what that is and it scares the shit out of me.”

Donovan chuckled and dragged his fingertips across the ridges of Tyler’s abs. “It’s a wooden bar that clamps around the base of the scrotum. It hooks behind your thighs at the base of your ass. You have to keep your legs folded forward, because if you straighten your legs, it pulls hard on your balls. How much it hurts depends on how much you pull.”

Tyler shuddered, pressing back against Donovan’s cock. “The sound of that shouldn’t turn me on.”

Exhausted as Donovan was, he was growing hard too, especially with the feel of Tyler’s ass gently grinding against him.

“And yet …” Donovan slipped his hand down to circle Tyler’s dick and gently stroke up and down it. He craned his head to kiss Tyler, a dirty promise of what would come later.

“Yeah.” Tyler sounded breathless. “You too though. You love the thought of torturing me that way.”

“Oh, most definitely. Not tonight though. That’s the kind of scene that should be savored. I vote for either jerking or sucking each other off now, then sleep.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Donovan shoved back the covers. “Roll over.” He shifted to face Tyler’s body, head toward his feet, and reached for Tyler’s cock. “Think you can figure out what comes next?”

“Yeah, I think I can work it out.”

“Good.” With that, he licked a stripe up the underside of Tyler’s cock and took him in his mouth. A moment later, Tyler did the same to him and he hummed his approval.

Two messy blowjobs later, Donovan settled his head on the pillow again, cradling the back of Tyler’s neck as he licked his way into his mouth, their sweaty bodies intertwined. “Will that help you sleep?”

“Think so.” Tyler’s voice was soft and lazy. “Thank you, by the way. I … you’ve done a lot for me lately and I don’t know how to thank you for that.”

“No need,” Donovan said lightly. “I’m here for you, however you need me.”

* * *

In the morning after a lazy shower and breakfast, Donovan looked intently at Tyler. He looked better rested but there was still something weary in his expression.

“I want to take you to the beach today.”

“You do?” Tyler tilted his head. His ever-present baseball cap was off, the silver at his temples gleaming in the morning sunlight that streamed through the window by the kitchen table.

Tyler’s house was nice. Not fancy. Not flashy or new, but solid and warm. Much like Tyler himself.

“Yes, I do.” Donovan cleared his throat. “I think you could use a day off without any responsibilities.”

Tyler scrubbed his hands over his face. “God, I can’t remember the last time I went to the beach. Probably last summer when I went up to Sleeping Bear Dunes with Eddie and Andrea and the kids.”

“Well, it’s obviously not swimming weather now,” Donovan said, gesturing to the view outside Tyler’s window where a few colorful leaves drifted to the ground from the big old maples that ringed the small lot. “But I thought maybe a walk would be nice. I don’t know about you, but I find being by the water calming. You’ve had a lot on your plate lately, I thought it might be nice to take a day off and relax. Assuming you have the day free, that is.”

“That does sound nice.” There was something wistful in Tyler’s expression. “I have some things I could do, but honestly, you’re right. I need a day off that isn’t stressful.”

“Excellent. I’ll pick up a picnic lunch on the way.”

“Where are we going?”

Donovan stood, grabbing his empty coffee mug and plate. “You’ll see when we get there. I promise, I know the perfect place. It’s quiet and pretty private.”

“Sounds great.”

An hour later, Donovan pulled up to the house where he’d spent the majority of his summers.

“Is this someone’s private home?”

“Not just someone’s,” Donovan said. “My grandmother’s.”

“Oh, cool.” Tyler gave it a curious glance.

“The good news is, she happens to be out of town with some friends, so we won’t even have her bugging us.” Donovan smiled.

“Nah, she was funny,” Tyler said. “Muffin.”

Donovan glared. “Watch it.”

Tyler just grinned.

They skirted around the large mid-century house and into the yard. A series of steps took them down to a sandy beach.

“This is pretty private.” Tyler’s gaze darted around the area. It was a tiny sheltered cove. It was just north of the headland that made up Hawk Point, where the Lighthouse B&B was situated. Most tourists headed south to the public beach, and it was rare that any of them made the more arduous and rocky trip north and down to the beach below. To the north of the cove were other houses, but the owners mainly kept to themselves, and it was rare to see anyone strolling along this section of shore.

“Yup. It is.” Donovan set down his picnic basket and blanket. “This should be safe enough here while we walk for a few.”

“Okay.” Tyler fell into step beside him, and there was only the crash of the waves and the cry of birds as they walked for a few minutes. “So, your family has money, huh? I mean, that’s a nice house and a place on Lake Michigan … that’s …”

“Yes. Although my grandparents bought the place long, long before property values went through the roof,” Donovan explained. “My grandfather worked as a lineman for the local electrical company when he bought this property. He fixed up the vacation cottage on it and as he took a management position, he became more well off. He built this current house for my grandmother when they were in their thirties. It was their dream home and they lived in it together for almost forty years.”

“I get it,” Tyler said. “What do your parents do?”

“They’re both lawyers.”

Tyler gave him a surprised glance. “You didn’t want to go that route?”

Donovan let out a quiet snort. “No, much as I like to argue, that was never my thing. I was always fascinated with food.” He went on to tell Tyler about his years growing up. His summers there on the beach. He gestured to the pale brown sand that lay between the scrubby plants and blue water, the waves slowly rolling in, the sound a soothing rhythm. “I spent so many hours out here it was like my second home.”

“No wonder you’re so freckled.”

“Watch it. You’re really begging to be punished later.” His tone was teasing.

Tyler glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, smirking a little. “Maybe I am.”

“Noted.”

Their fingers brushed and Donovan resisted the urge to take Tyler’s hand. “As a kid, I never left the house without SPF 50 and a sun hat on. But I really did spend most days out here. Picking up shells and pebbles. Building sandcastles. Swimming, of course. Grandma would set up in the shade and read a book while I swam until I could hardly walk.”

“Sounds pretty idyllic.”

“It was,” he agreed.

“Are you …” Tyler frowned. “Never mind.”

“No, what is it?”

“Are you not close to your parents or something?”

“We’re …” Donovan hesitated. “They love me. They support me. They’re wonderful people but honestly, I’m closer to my grandmother. My parents and I just have very different lives. Their jobs put them in a social circle I don’t have any interest in joining. There’s nothing wrong with it at all. Hell, they both volunteer with Legal Aid. They’re not shallow, frivolous people. We just don’t have a lot in common.”

“I get that. My dad was pretty bummed when I enlisted in the military rather than joining his plumbing business. It drove a wedge between us for a while. We’re closer now, but I know what it’s like to have some distance there.”

“You enjoy bartending, right? You seem to.”

“I do. And the manager position has been great. It’s a little more challenging. I guess I’ve always felt a little more aimless than a lot of people I know. Could’ve gone to school with the GI bill once I was in the reserves, but I didn’t have a plan for what I wanted to study anyway so it seemed like a waste.”

“I get that.”

“It sort of feels like I’ve been searching for something, and I don’t know what that is.”

“Some kinky people feel that way until they discover BDSM.”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. I definitely feel like it’s a piece that’s slotted into place for me. This feels good. It feels right.”

Donovan wondered if Tyler had begun to feel the pull toward deeper submission. To more than just a scene here and there. To the kind of dynamic Donovan dreamed of. Was that something Tyler longed for too without even realizing it?

“This thing with you is so much better than anything I’ve had in the past,” Tyler continued.

Donovan smiled, feeling hope for the future kindle within him. “That’s good to know.”

Tyler smiled. “You just like me stroking your ego.”

“I like you stroking anything of mine,” he teased.

Tyler’s joyful laugh made Donovan feel good. It was nice to see the weight of worry lifting from his shoulders.

They walked in silence for a little while, passing homes that were easily in the tens of millions of dollars. They made his grandparents’ house look small and cheap.

Donovan’s thoughts worked their way back to Tyler’s earlier comment about his feelings of aimlessness and what he’d been searching for.

“Do you feel differently about who you are than you did before we met?”

Tyler let out a little hum. “I think so. You’ve definitely made me think about things differently.”

“In a good way, I hope.”

He nodded. “What we do feels right. Both the kink and … and being with you.”

Donovan let their knuckles brush again, desperately wishing he could take Tyler’s hand. “Good. It does to me too.”

Tyler slowed to a stop and lifted a hand to brush his fingertips against Donovan’s cheek. “Thank you.”

Donovan went still, looking at Tyler for a long, serious moment, surprised by the public gesture of affection, even if the beach was deserted. “For what?”

“For … for showing me this side of myself, I guess. Six months ago, I would never have imagined this would be a part of my life.”

“I know.” Donovan stepped a little closer, enjoying the feel of Tyler’s sun-warmed T-shirt against his chest. “Give yourself some credit though.”

“Credit for what?” Tyler slid his sunglasses onto the top of his baseball cap and Donovan took his off as well.

“For being willing to explore it when you had the opportunity.”

Tyler hummed, brushing his thumb against Donovan’s lower lip. “I don’t think I would have with anyone else.”

There was something intent in Tyler’s eyes, the usual gray shade tinted blue in the bright sunlight.

“Tyler, I …” But he couldn’t finish the thought, could only stare into Tyler’s eyes. Could only hope and pray.

Tyler licked his lips and leaned in a little.

The sound of a speedboat broke through their quiet bubble and Tyler stepped away, putting space between their bodies again. “You want to keep going or turn back?”

That’s the question, isn’t it? Donovan thought, even as he turned back to face where they’d come from. Do I quit now or keep going, knowing you might break my heart?