Made to Order by Brigham Vaughn
EIGHTEEN
“Hey, Tyler, do you have a minute?” Rachael called from inside her office as he passed.
He paused outside her door. “Sure. What’s up?”
“Come in and close the door behind you, please.”
“Uh, okay.” He blinked at her. Shit, what did I fuck up?
“I see that look on your face. You’re not in trouble.” She laughed softly. “I just want to tell you about something new we’re doing at the tavern.”
“Jesus, woman,” Tyler said, relaxing as he took a seat across the desk from her. “First it was the open mic nights, then the restaurant, and then the new patio space. Do you know how to relax?”
“No.” She grinned at him. “But this is fairly small. We just have a new group that’s interested in renting our event space on a monthly basis.”
“Oh, sure.” Tyler said, relieved. “That sounds manageable.” It was usually families renting the space for birthdays or retirement parties, bridal or baby showers, the occasional community meeting or get together.
“Well, I wanted to run it by you first before I made a decision.” She hesitated. “It’s an alternative lifestyle group.”
“Oh? What’s the big deal? There’s the poly meetups here already.”
“It’s a BDSM group.”
“Oh. I see.”
“They have a regular munch in Fort Benton but would like to expand to Pendleton. They said they’ve had some interest lately for mixers and munches in this area and wanted to see if we’d be a good fit for their needs.”
Tyler scrambled to think of how to word his response like someone who wasn’t involved in that kind of thing. Not that he was part of the community even now, but he’d spent enough time reading about stuff that he knew the lingo pretty well and he didn’t want to tip his boss off that he was into it. “That’s just … um, people talking, having drinks or dinner or whatever, right? Not like …”
“Oh, no,” Rachael said. “They assured us it would be quite family friendly, other than some of the discussions. That’s why they requested the private space. Everyone will be expected to show up in street clothes and behave as they would in a family restaurant. Nothing … kinky other than the topics of conversation.”
“Right. That seems okay to me.” Agreeing to this wouldn’t tell people he was kinky too. Just that he was open-minded, right?
“I just wanted to run it by you,” she said. “Donovan said he was fine with it.”
Tyler suppressed a snort. Yeah, he bet Donovan would be.
“But I’d also like you to bartend for the mixer they want to hold next month. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll talk to Lacey, but I trust you more than anyone else here. The organizers stressed that privacy was of the utmost importance. They’re not advertising it to the general community, just trying to hold an event that will be word of mouth within their own community, and I assured them any of the staff they encountered would be respectful and discreet. I trust Lacey, but I’d prefer if you were the one there.”
“Yeah, of course,” Tyler assured her. “I have no problem with that.” But his heart beat a little faster, imagining going to a kink event. Even if it was low-key and he’d basically be there undercover.
She smiled. “I had a feeling you would understand.”
He gave her a quizzical look. “Why did they choose the tavern? Are you …” Oh God, maybe he shouldn’t have asked that.
She chuckled. “Kinky? No. Or at least no more than your average person, I don’t think. Reeve and Grant and I certainly don’t have a boring sex life, but we’re not in that community. The organizers just knew we held the poly meetups and thought the tavern might be a good fit. Open-minded and non-judgmental, you know?”
“Makes sense. Yeah, I’m happy to help out.”
“Well, great,” Rachael said with a smile. “That’s settled then.”
* * *
That next month passed in a blur. Eddie had pushed and was now seeing a new therapist. Tyler got fewer drunken phone calls from him, and Andrea assured him she’d checked the house top to bottom for any weapons but there were none in sight. That allowed Tyler to let go of some of the tension he had been carrying, and he felt like he could breathe a little easier.
Nothing drastic had changed between him and Donovan. They still saw each other three or four nights a week, sometimes at his place, sometimes at Donovan’s, and they occasionally watched movies or did something not kinky. There was no shortage of kinky sex either though, and those nights Donovan paddled Tyler or choked him as he fucked him were what made everything in his life feel right.
Neither of them had talked about what it meant or where they were going in the future, and it was too good for Tyler to risk changing anything.
But nerves built in him the closer they got to the date of the kink event.
The morning of the mixer, Tyler stood in front of his closet wondering what to wear, then shook his head at himself.
“Wear your work clothes, you idiot,” he muttered under his breath. “You’re going to be there bartending.”
Donovan, who had just stepped out of the bathroom and wore nothing but a towel around his waist, gave him a quizzical look. “What are you muttering about?”
“Nothing. Just being an idiot.” He reached for one of the many black button-downs he owned. He’d worn one when Rachael was out of town, and he’d continued since then. He thought it gave him a little more of an air of authority if he were dressed up. Plus, he liked the way Donovan looked at him when he rolled up his cuffs, exposing some of the ink on his forearms.
“Are you nervous about the event tonight?” Donovan asked with a concerned frown. He warmed a tiny bit of pomade in his hands, then smoothed it over his beard, making sure it was neat and tidy.
Tyler frowned. “I guess? It’s stupid, right?”
“It’s not stupid. You don’t have to be nervous though. No one there will know you’re kinky too. They’ll assume you’re there to help with the event.”
“I know that.” Oddly enough, that wasn’t what made Tyler nervous actually. Part of him wanted them to know. Wanted them to realize he was one of them too.
“It’s not like you’re collared or anything.” Donovan reached out and touched his throat.
The light touch made Tyler shiver. “Is that something you’d want? I mean, obviously not with me, but … do you want to collar someone someday?”
A weird expression crossed Donovan’s face as he stroked Tyler’s skin with his fingers. “Someday, yes.”
Tyler knew what that meant. That it was an enormous commitment to some people. As important as marriage. There were people who wore it as an accessory or used it as a tool that didn’t hold any more meaning than a paddle but Tyler knew Donovan well enough to be sure that for him, it would mean something. It would be a promise.
“Did your ex have a collar?”
“No.” Donovan stiffened and dropped his hand. “He … he was too much of a switch. He said it didn’t feel right. That it felt too restrictive. Too submissive for who he was.”
“Oh.” Tyler swallowed hard. “Do you miss him?”
“Sometimes.” Donovan’s smile was tight. “But I wanted him to be something he wasn’t.”
“And what was that?”
“Mine and mine alone.”
* * *
“So, do you come here often?” A tall blond guy braced a hand on the bar and leaned toward Tyler. His bright grin and the twinkle in his blue eyes said he was fully aware of what a cliché his question was.
Tyler laughed. “I do. I work here, so I’m here nearly every day, in fact.”
“Oh, for the tavern? I thought maybe the organizers hired someone in the community, but I guess that makes sense.”
“Ahh, nope, I’ve worked here at the Hawk Point Tavern for about a decade,” Tyler said, deliberately being vague about it. “What would you like to drink?”
“Another one of these.” He held up a bottle of a Traverse City IPA Tyler had recently added to the bar menu.
“Oh, that’s a great beer, isn’t it?
The guy nodded. “I’ve never had it before, but I’m a convert.”
“It goes so well with the Brussels sprouts and bacon flatbread. Donovan and I planned out the menu and drinks together.”
They had talked to Rachael about it as well and ultimately decided they wanted to avoid servers running in and out of the private room in the back of the restaurant. Max was openly part of the kink community, so they’d offered to serve the food, though most of it was set up the way they did it at the bigger town events, with food prepped ahead of time and kept warm. Easy for Max to serve without having to make many trips to the kitchen.
“Donovan?” the guy asked.
“The executive chef here.” Tyler tried not to smile, thinking about the way Donovan had sensed his earlier nerves and bent him over the bed this morning before they’d left for work. He’d shaken off his odd mood to fuck Tyler into the mattress. They’d both had to take a second shower and were a little late this morning, but it had been worth it. Rachael had only given them an amused look as if she understood. “We try to coordinate drinks and the food for special events.”
“That’s a lot of work to put toward a small kinky mixer.” The guy gestured to the crowd. It wasn’t huge. Maybe three dozen people. There was a good blend of couples. Gay, straight, lesbian … Tyler recognized a few from around town too. One was a woman who owned one of the art galleries on Main Street. She was flirting with another woman he didn’t know. And he’d spotted the gay couple he’d seen at the Apple Festival again. They were deep in conversation with a few other people he didn’t recognize.
Surprisingly, there were several guys who’d caught Tyler’s eye tonight, in fact. Including the one who was leaning against his temporary bar, looking at Tyler with an expectant expression.
“Oh,” Tyler cleared his throat. “Well, we try to offer the same service to anyone who books space here.”
“And that includes making sure the best-looking bartender here is doing the service, apparently.”
The back of Tyler’s neck warmed. “Well, I’m the bar manager actually. And yes, when it’s an important event that the owner wants to make sure goes well, especially when discretion is important, I am the one who works it.” He’d done the poly meetups in the past and those had always gone off without a hitch.
“So modest.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Oh, I do.” His look was assessing. “I was in here a while back, and you are definitely the best-looking of the bunch, Tyler.”
“Well, thank you,” he managed. Several things occurred to him then. One, that this guy was flirting with him, and two, that Tyler probably came across like he was flirting back. Which he hadn’t intended. Also, how did this man know Tyler’s name?
Tyler shot him a quizzical look and asked the question aloud.
He reached out, flicking his fingertip at Tyler’s nametag. “This clued me in.”
“Ahh.” Tyler’s neck heated again but he wasn’t sure if it was the flirtatious tone or the memory of Donovan flicking his nipples like that a few nights ago before torturing them with ice and his warm, wet tongue.
Tyler suppressed a shudder and cleared his throat. “And you are?”
“Jude.” His smile widened. “Jude Maddox.” He held out a hand.
“Nice to meet you, Jude.” Tyler wiped his damp palm on a bar towel and shook. “Aren’t you supposed to be here to mingle?” he asked with a quizzical glance. “I mean, that’s the purpose of this, right? So you can talk to people.”
“I am talking to people,” Jude said with another grin. “Or one person in particular.”
Jude was really kind of ridiculously good-looking. Charming. A little part of Tyler responded to that, but the bigger part suddenly wished Donovan were there. That they were out in the crowd, mingling with people and talking kink and … Huh. Tyler had no idea he’d even wanted that, but now he definitely did.
“Yeah, but I’m not your target demographic,” Tyler pointed out.
“No?”
“Well, you’re here looking to meet someone kinky, right?”
Jude shrugged and took a long pull on his beer. “I suppose. Although this isn’t strictly a dating thing. Just a chance for people in the community to chat and mingle. But if you were interested, I am always open to the idea of meeting someone kinky to get involved with.” He leaned in. “Or someone who is new to it but curious. Are you sure your interest in this event is only for work? Because you were listening pretty intently earlier when the people over there were discussing stress postures in bondage.”
“It’s interesting,” Tyler admitted. “But someone doesn’t have to be actively involved in any of this to find it fascinating.”
“True.” Jude licked his lips. “I guess you could just be an open-minded guy who enjoys learning new things. But there was something in your expression that made me think it was a little more than intellectual curiosity.”
Damn, he was good. Donovan was like that too. He could read Tyler’s expression scary-well. Maybe it was a Dom thing. Of course, Tyler didn’t even know if this guy was a Dom. He certainly hadn’t been shy about approaching Tyler though.
“Excuse me?”
Tyler gratefully turned toward the sound of the woman’s voice. He really had no idea how to answer Jude’s question. Drinks were much easier. “Yes. What can I get you?” he asked her.
“Could I get a glass of the chardonnay, please?”
“Of course.” Tyler smiled at her as he reached for the bottle of white that had been chilling in a tub of ice. He noticed the thin metal band around her neck and wondered if that meant she was someone’s collared submissive.
He shivered at the thought of Donovan putting a collar around his throat, but he wasn’t sure if it was excitement or fear. Maybe both. Or maybe just the strangeness that he’d even consider allowing someone to do that. To own him.
Not that the Army hadn’t owned his ass for eight years, but this was different.
A moment later, Tyler handed her the glass of white wine, wishing she’d ordered something more complicated. Jude had stepped back, but he hadn’t left. Which meant Tyler was going to have to figure out how to respond once she was gone.
She paid him, then slipped some money into the tip jar. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Enjoy your evening.” The words left his lips automatically, even as he scrambled to figure out how he was going to reply to Jude.
Jude, who stepped close again with a charming smile. “So, you were going to tell me what your curiosity earlier was about.”
“I didn’t say that,” Tyler protested. “I never said I was curious at all.”
Jude frowned. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be pushy. There was just something so undeniably gorgeous about the way you looked as you listened. Your lips parted, your gaze curious as you leaned in … I thought maybe you were someone who was curious about kink but hadn’t ever had the opportunity to explore it. Maybe I misjudged.” His expression sobered even more. “And I never meant to force you out of your comfort zone.” At that, his expression lightened, his moods as quickly changing as the water in the bay outside. “I only do that when I’m given permission to.”
Tyler chuckled a little, then chewed at his lip, trying to figure out how to word this. A part of him wanted to admit that Jude had been right. A part of him wanted to take another tiny little baby step out of the kink closet. Partly because he’d seen the look in Donovan’s eyes earlier and knew how much he wanted a collared submissive. And while Tyler had no idea if he could ever manage to be what Donovan wanted, what he needed, Tyler knew that staying in the closet in either sense definitely wasn’t going to cut it. Plus, Tyler wanted Jude to know he wasn’t on the market.
Maybe things wouldn’t work out with Donovan. But he wanted a shot at it, and Jude didn’t stand a chance, no matter how charming and good looking he was.
Tyler took a deep breath and glanced around. No one was paying any attention to them right now. “Look, you guys are trusting me to be discreet so if I can trust you to do the same …”
“Of course. Discretion is my middle name.”
“I am involved with … with a Dom.” Tyler’s face went a little hot. “It’s new-ish.”
Not so new, really. They’d been seeing each other since June. Five months now. His longest relationship.
“Ahh.” Jude gave him a slow smile. “So, you are gay?”
Thatwas what he’d latched on to?
“Nope,” Tyler said. “Bi, I guess. I’d only really been with women before but …”
“He was too tempting to resist?”
Tyler smiled. “Something like that.”
“Were you involved in kink before you met him?”
“Sort of,” Tyler admitted. “I topped a few women in the past. Nothing… not like I’ve been doing lately but …”
“Hmm.” Jude gave him a long speculative glance. “Interesting.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm-hmm. I’m a switch myself.” Tyler opened his mouth to correct Jude but he continued. “I love that chance to experience both sides of it. Get all my needs met. I’ve been … well I’ve been looking for someone who wants that too. You caught my eye earlier and I’d love to see if we click.”
“Look, I’m flattered,” Tyler said hastily. “And I’m not saying you aren’t attractive, but like I said, I’m seeing someone and it’s really good and …”
He just couldn’t see himself getting involved with Jude. Not when his head was full of Donovan. The other night they’d finally done that scene with the humbler that they’d talked about a while ago. Donovan had taken him down, wrestled him into submission, tied him up and used that on him.
Tyler would swear he could still feel Donovan’s fingers sliding into his ass, opening him up as he struggled not to thrust into it, every movement torture as the humbler tugged at his balls. And the feel of Donovan’s arms around him, the look in his eyes after … no, there was no way he was going to give that up. Not for anyone.
“Ahh. That’s a shame.” Jude gave him an assessing look. “I mean, good for you that you found someone but … too bad for me.”
“Look, I mean it. I’m flattered but …”
“I get it.” Jude’s tone was light. “Seems to be the story of my life. I’m open to something with both of you if that’s something you’d be into. Just throwing that out there.”
“Ahh, well, I think it’s complicated enough with just the two of us.”
It felt sort of nice to have a guy that attractive hitting on him though.
It wasn’t like Tyler had never been hit on by guys before either. Working the bar for ten years, he’d had more than his share of men flirt with him. But Jude was hotter than most and it was flattering to have a sexy, kinky guy interested in him. He was no Donovan though. And the thought of this guy and Donovan together made Tyler’s hackles rise.
“I don’t know what the future holds for me with this guy, but …” Tyler swallowed hard. “I can’t see sharing him.”
“Even if that’s what he wanted?”
Tyler considered the idea and shook his head. “I can’t see him wanting that.”
“Hmm.”
Someone else appeared at the bar then, asking for a drink, and Tyler hustled to mix the cocktail.
With a smile and nod to Tyler, Jude wandered off then, and Tyler let out a sigh of relief. It had been sort of fun flirting, but when it came down to it, he’d meant what he’d said. He wanted to see where this would go with Donovan. Without anyone else getting in the way.
After Tyler served a few more people, he stepped back to lean against the wall, watching the crowd talk as they mingled. Laughing, flirting, hugging. There was a real sense of community there, which he liked.
But could he imagine being as open as these people were? Throughout the night, he’d spotted several subs in collars, some discreet metal that looked like jewelry, others in thick black leather with obvious D-rings that left no doubt as to what they were for. There was a decent number of LGBTQ people there too. They were all open. Maybe not open in all aspects of their lives with their kink, but they had the courage to be themselves, at least here with people they trusted.
So why was it so hard for him? Why was he so damn worried?
Tyler could come out to his parents as being bi without telling them he was kinky. Donovan sure as hell was discreet. No one would know he was Donovan’s submissive just because they were involved.
Washe submissive? That word made him feel anxious for some reason. He was though, wasn’t he? Tyler might have topped those women in the past, but he couldn’t imagine ever doing that with Donovan. Jude had implied Tyler was a switch but that didn’t feel right. Now that he’d had this with Donovan, Tyler couldn’t see going back to what he’d done before.
He considered Jude’s offer and swallowed hard.
It felt all wrong. Even if they got involved with someone like Jude who switched, Tyler couldn’t imagine topping anyone.
The appeal was both the dynamic he had with Donovan and the way Donovan knew just how to push until his mind went quiet and his worries faded.
The appeal was Donovan himself.
With those thoughts whirling in his head, Tyler spent the remainder of the mixer filling drinks and briefly chatting with the people who approached his bar. And the whole time, Tyler thought of Donovan and what the future could be like if only he had the courage to reach for it.