Misted (Team Zero #5) by Rina Kent

The bathroom is dark, but there’s enough light coming from the moon through the high window to outline Hawk’s closed off features.

He’s sitting in the empty clawfoot bathtub, both arms hanging out on either side of him. The antique tub is too small for his tall, broad physique, so his legs are crossed at the edge. He’s still wearing the shorts from earlier, his naked torso slick with sweat.

A half full bottle of whiskey dangles from his hand and a cigarette from the other, its ashes falling to the wooden floor.

He’s not smoking or drinking.

I stand rooted at the entrance, rubbing my arms, and not knowing what to do.

Hawk has always been silent and brooding. Even when hurt, when shot, when brought to his knees, he shows absolutely nothing.

But I know, I just know what I told him is eating him from the inside, and it tears me apart that I have no idea how to take all the pain away and make him feel better.

How can I help him deal with the loss when I couldn’t deal with my own?

How can I tell him it’s okay when I’m not sure if it’ll ever be?

His sharp eyes fall on me, and oh my great God, they soften into the clearest azure colour. They soften as if he were drowning and found his shore in me.

He kills the cigarette on the neck of the bottle and places them both on the side of the tub.

“Hug?” I whisper, afraid of my own voice.

Silence stretches for long seconds before he flicks his fingers at me. “Come here, Hellion.”

I do. Even if he didn’t tell me, I would’ve jumped him, anyway.

I settle between his strong thighs and lean my back against his hard chest. I’m still wearing his T-shirt with nothing underneath so I smell him all over me and around me.

My heart flutters when he wraps his arms around my middle and buries his face in my hair. My lids close, soaking in his warmth and strong arms as he inhales me with deep, uneven breaths.

I can die now.

After fifteen years, Hawk is hugging me without all the hate that blinded us and tore us apart.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is firm but vulnerable. “I’m so sorry for not being there for you and treating you like nothing all these years.”

“Hawk…” I reach a hand back and cradle his head in my palm. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who hid the truth so please…” I’m crying again and I have no damn clue why the tears wouldn’t stop. “Please don’t do anything stupid like risking your life for a suicidal revenge.”

He pulls back to stare at me with hooded eyes. “I’ll never leave your side again.”

My breath hitches and my chest caves. How many times have I fantasised about hearing that same line from Hawk? How many times have I dreamt about him holding me like this and telling me he’d never leave me?

If only this was a parallel universe where I didn’t have to worry about him being shot in his sleep.

His forefinger strokes my cheek, wiping the tears away, as he speaks in a levelled, deep tone. “Tell me everything.”

“Everything?”

He makes an affirmative sound. “I want to know how fifteen years treated you.”

“It’s not like you didn’t see me.”

“Once a year is barely seeing you. I did everything to erase you, remember?”

“I did the same.” I wince at the memory. Although I knew I was doing the right thing by protecting him, hearing him say he hates me and can’t stand to look at me still cut too deep.

“I just lived,” I say simply. “Omega helped in numbing memories and emotions.”

“That’s why it took you so long to detox.” His fingers trail down my arm, and goosebumps appear in their wake. “You were strong, Hellion. Even though you suffered under the surface, you still found it in you to take care of Le Salon’s women. No one dares to cross you and even though I wanted to ruin your snobbish façade, I’m proud of the woman you became.”

If my heart can fly, then it’s soaring towards the sky at the proud note in Hawk’s voice. What I did in Le Salon is a normal reaction to not let any woman experience what I suffered at Nero’s hands.

Deep down, I wanted to be their Hawk.

If he didn’t find me in time that day, I would’ve been damaged beyond saving.

If he didn’t listen to me and calm me all those years in The Pit, I would’ve blindingly tried to escape and gotten myself, Ghost, and Shadow killed.

“I’m not that strong,” I whisper in a chocked tone. “It’s a mask and a façade. I needed to look strong, act strong, and be the person those girls can depend on. Deep inside, I was weak, hollow, and lonely… so utterly lonely… I…” I lick my lips. God. I sound like an idiot. “I felt insignificant every time you erased me as if I didn’t exist.”

“Well, you did the same.” He laughs with a bitter edge, the sound echoing on my skin. “I thought that time would heal me from you but it never did, and I hated you for it. I hated that you still had a hold on me even after you moved on. After being tortured in The Pit, I decided that I was coming for you. Whether to punish you, destroy you, just be near you. I didn’t fucking care at the time. I just wanted to have you.”

My heartbeat increases with every word he confesses. I didn’t realise Hawk was as obsessed with me as I am with him. For years, I thought he erased me and only held on to hatred.