Misted (Team Zero #5) by Rina Kent

He pulls at his hair so hard, I’m scared it’ll rip. “Do you want me to tell you fucking bravo for hiding everything from me? You want me to thank you for saving my life in exchange for breaking us apart for fucking good? You want me to thank you for letting me believe you killed our child when you were suffering the loss on your fucking own?”

I sniffle, lowering my gaze. “I just want you to hug me and tell me you’re there for me. That’s all I dreamt about since I lost our future.”

A guttural roar rips from the back of his throat as he shoots all his bullets at the horizon. The gunshot slice through the silent morning like angry, swiping explosions. I stand there as his huge bulk ripples with tension and every muscle in his torso and shoulders nearly burst. His beautiful face crowds with a galaxy of gloomy emotions.

He’s breaking down while standing.

Hurt, enraged, and confused doesn’t begin to describe his state.

I don’t know what it feels like to be in his shoes. I had years to come to terms with the loss, and although I never will, I had the privilege of time.

Hawk is living the pain from start to finish in such a short time, and it must be tearing him apart.

Still facing away, he asks. “What about the texts?”

I swallow the thick emotions clogging the back of my mouth. “When Hades shot you in the back, I planned to tell you everything and attempt to escape together. But the text came along. They said they knew you killed Nero and described what happened that day in gruesome, accurate details that only you and I witnessed. They said if I didn’t stay away from you, a mere shot to the back is only a game. Next time, they’d get you killed by giving evidence about Nero’s murder to Hades.”

He slowly faces me, sorrow eating at his handsome features. I can see the light disappearing from his azure eyes and it kills me to watch it wither away. “You should’ve let me die.”

I lunge at him and wrestle him to the sand. He doesn’t fight me as his back hits the sand and I’m on top of him, hitting his shoulder over and over again. “Fuck you!”

Hit. Hit. Hit.

He lets me punch him without interrupting me. I can kill him right now and it seems he wouldn’t stop me.

“I regret a lot of things.” I finally stop, my chest rising and falling with chaotic breaths. “I regret leaving my gun in the bathroom that day. If I didn’t, I would’ve shot Nero myself and I wouldn’t have slowed you down. The guards wouldn’t have caught us. We would’ve escaped.”

“Hellion…”

I cover his mouth with my palm and continue blurting, “I regret not taking your advice about strengthening my arms. If I did, I would’ve pushed him off and killed him. I wouldn’t have slowed you down and we would’ve escaped. I regret not insisting we left earlier. I regret not having my knife that day. I regret lots of things, but saving you isn’t one of them, you fucking idiot. I’d hurt you and gut myself to keep you alive. Do you hear me? If I get to repeat, I’ll choose you. I’ll always fucking choose you.”

Tears stream down my cheeks and onto his face. Hawk reaches a hand and wipes them away. I whimper as I lean into his strong, soothing hand. He sits up and wraps me in his strong, comforting arms.

The single, low, and tortured word that he speaks flips my world upside down.

“Hug?”

I’m done for. Just done.

A sob tears from deep with my soul. My chest quakes and everything inside me crumble into million pieces.

I’ve been holding it in for so long and it’s finally time to let it all go.

Hawk and I had a dream that shattered to bloody fragments right in front of our eyes. That dream dripped down my legs and I couldn’t stop it from leaving my body.

I didn’t properly grieve our child and every child we’ll never have because I had to stay strong and fight for Hawk and me.

But now, as he hugs me, his breathing deepening and his face burying in my neck, I can finally grieve.

Because the only other person who can feel the loss is grieving with me.





35





Mist





I was empty for so long, it scares me to be filled up.



I wake up with a void and a splitting headache.

The sheets rustle as I sit up and cradle my head, but the warm body who cradled me to sleep after so much crying at the beach isn’t here.

Dammit!

I spring to my feet, trip, and almost fall to my face. How could I have fallen asleep when Hawk is in such a volatile state? He must be on his way to Hades for a suicide mission.

Even Scar who could’ve stopped him went to stay with Crow.

My throat constricts and it becomes hard to draw in breaths. Walls close in on me like a tailored prison.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The same sound from that day when I lost our baby and him jams into my skull.

No. Not this time. I can’t lose him after I finally reached him.

My bare feet slap on the wooden floor as I sprint towards the exit. I come to a screeching halt at the threshold. The bathroom’s door is ajar and the smell of nicotine comes through.

I tiptoe as if the sound of my own steps is scary.

A long breath leaves my lungs when I see him.

Alive.

Here.

Unable to remain standing, I sag against the doorframe for balance.