Dirty Toe Drag by Toni Aleo

Chapter Thirty-Two

Wes

My phone keeps going off,but I refuse to look at it.

I feel as if I’ve completely lost control of everything. I had won against my demons in therapy, but seeing my dad, and then seeing Sandi… I am overwhelmed by all the pain they caused me. I hate that I can vividly remember the abuse. All the times I cried, begging my father to believe me. When I would run myself into the ice just so I didn’t have to go home. Or how I would lie to my coach and ask for duties around the rink. How I told my friend and he basically thought of me as a freak afterward because I was a better hockey player than him. When my dad lied to me in court to get Sandi off. The way she smiled when the case was dismissed.

All of it. Like a movie reel, playing over and over in my head.

I close my eyes as I cuddle deeper into my blanket, using it as a defense mechanism. I know it can’t protect me from anything, but under it, I feel like I’m hidden from all the demons that are doing a pretty successful job of tearing me down. I called to get an order of protection after Noelle suggested it. We had a session, but I’m so keyed up, it wasn’t successful. I basically shut down and didn’t say anything. She asked for another one tomorrow, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to sit there as she stares at me like the freak I am.

What kind of a man gets raped by his fucking stepmother? Especially someone like Sandi. I wish I could have been stronger; I wish I could have found something to hit her with—or hell, I should have called the police. But I was so scared to lose hockey or even my dad. While I did lose him, I kept my one true love. Well, hockey was my true love until Stella Brooks stepped into my life in some incredibly hot heels and rocked my world. I know she is beyond worried, and I feel awful. But at the same time, I’m so miffed at her. I get that she was trying to protect me, but at the same time, she left me vulnerable.

And that’s the last fucking thing I ever want to be again.

Though, I allowed myself to be with her. I showed all my cards to her, my whole heart. I jumped in with no holds barred whatsoever, and I don’t regret it. She’s worth it, but I know she’s probably livid I’ve ghosted her again. I know I promised I wouldn’t, but at the same time, I never thought I’d see my dad again.

What the hell was he thinking? I don’t owe them any kind of closure. Yeah, I have mine, but I want them to burn with guilt and own it. Just nowhere near me.

I throw down the remote as a new episode of Schitt’s Creek starts. I said I wouldn’t watch it without Stella, but watching it makes me feel better and as if she is with me. Sometimes I feel the David dude is Emery and Stella is Alexis, in a fashion sense kind of way. It makes me laugh, makes me happy. Though, I’m not really feeling any of those emotions right now. Right now, I feel raw.

When there is a knock at the door, I ignore it. I turn up the TV, leaning back against the couch. I close my eyes and wait for the knocking to stop. When it does, I open my eyes, but then I hear a noise at my window. I look over the back of the couch to see Emery with a knife in her hand, opening my window. My eyes widen as she pushes it up and then enters my house like she’s been breaking and entering since she was a toddler. When she flips her knife closed, she locks her eyes with mine. I’m not sure of the look on her face, but then she is coming toward me.

“You gonna stab me?” I ask as she kicks off her shoes and then climbs onto the couch with me, huddling under the blanket with me.

“Not today.”

The ice around my heart cracks a bit as she lays her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my arm.

“You okay?”

“No.”

“Okay.” She squeezes my arm. “I’m here.”

For a future murderer, she has a heart of gold. With a lump in my throat, I ask, “How did you get here?”

“Stella.”

I figured. “Where is she?”

“Outside.”

I gawk at her. “You didn’t let her in.”

“I know. She can come through the window. You needed a hug,” she says simply, and I can’t help it. I grin against the top of her head. I kiss her head and then notice Stella climbing through my window.

Her gaze meets mine, and instantly, tears flood those gorgeous gray eyes. As she comes toward me, she says, “I’m gonna kill you later, Emery.”

“Noted,” Emery deadpans as Stella wiggles herself under my blanket and wraps her arms around my neck.

Wow, talk about being enveloped in love.

Stella kisses my jaw, and I lean my face into hers, feeling the wetness from her tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”

“No, you’re surviving, and I didn’t help with that.”

“Even if I had been prepared for it, I would still feel like this.”

She holds me close. “I love you.”

My eyes drift shut as Emery declares. “I love you too, Wes, but not in the way Stella does. Mine is more of a big-brother kind of thing. You’re my people.”

My lips curve as they both tighten their grips on me.

Being surrounded by their love, I almost don’t know how to handle it.

My protective shield, made of the Brooks girls.

One thing is for sure, just like I told that sperm donor and his whore, I don’t need anyone else when I’ve got these girls.

We stay just like that, three peas in a blanket pod, watching Schitt’s Creek as they cling to me. I didn’t realize I needed their love, but I’m damn glad they are showering me with it. Unfortunately, I learn that Emery isn’t good at watching TV unless it’s murder shows. After only three episodes, she passes out against my arm. Stella’s lips move along my jaw as she asks, “Can I talk to you in the bedroom?”

I nod, and she lets go of me, getting up. Once I’m free of her arms, I move Emery so she is lying against the arm of the couch. I cover her with my blanket and then get up, following Stella into my bedroom. I shut the door behind me as she sits on the bed. Unsure of myself, I move toward her, sitting down beside her but not close enough for us to touch. I look down at the floor, curling my toes in the carpet as I tuck my hands into my pockets. I take a deep breath and feel her gaze on me.

“Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “I’m not as bad off as I was before you guys showed up, but I’m still a little shaken.”

“That’s understandable. Again, I am so sorry—”

I cut her off, though I still can’t look at her. “I already forgave you, Stella. I was upset and needed someone to blame for them showing up. I know you kept it from me out of love.”

“Oh, I did. I even cussed him out, Wes,” she admits, and I look over at her.

“You did?”

She nods. “Hell yeah, I did. I let him have it and told him to stay away. I must have not been that scary,” she says with a look of annoyance. “But I tried.”

“Thank you.”

“I would have run them over with my car,” she declares, and when she reaches for my hand, I thread my fingers through hers.

“I know you would have.”

“I hate that they found you.”

“I got an order of protection against them, so they won’t be able to come back.”

“Good.”

“Though, I may move just in case.”

“Absolutely.”

“I hate them,” I admit, and she squeezes my hand.

“I know. I do too.”

“I hate how much power I am giving them.”

“Then don’t,” she urges. “They are nothing to you. They didn’t make you the man you are. You made him, and you owe them absolutely nothing.”

“You’re right, but seeing them just brought back all those painful memories.”

I meet her gaze, and her tears are welling up once more. “I don’t think you realize how badly I wish I could make them all go away. How I wish I could erase all of them and replace them with only beautiful memories. But, Wes, we’ve talked about this. Your past doesn’t need you. Those evil people don’t deserve you. Banish them all, don’t give them an ounce of your happiness or your thoughts, and be the man you have worked so hard to be. The man I absolutely and wholeheartedly love with all my soul.”

I swallow hard as I stay locked in her gaze, watching as her tears fall.

“And I promise to help you replace those painful memories with only good ones. To continue to love you with every ounce of my being and to always remind you of how truly incredible you are. How proud I am of you.”

“Stella, I was weak back then. How could you say all that when—”

She squeezes my hand, her eyes pleading with mine. “Wes, you were a child, and no one protected you. Everything I say comes from my heart and is completely my truth. Believe me, trust in my words—and in my heart.”

I reach out, wiping her face, before I hold her jaw in mine. “I love you, Stella Brooks.”

She leans into my hand. “I love you.”

I clear my throat as she brings her hand up, holding her palm over my hand. “I’m sorry I closed you out again.”

“We are working on it.”

“We are.”

Stella’s eyes brighten a bit, and she gives me a small smile. “I’ll forgive you, but only because you haven’t called the cops on my sister for breaking in to your house.”

I smile back at her, bringing her closer to me so our lips can meet. I kiss her with everything inside me. All the pain may still be there, but I’m ignoring it because her lips are on mine. I love the man she sees in me, and she deserves that man because she has no problem giving her all to me. She may not have had any trauma in her life, but that doesn’t keep her from loving me despite mine. That’s the woman I want in my corner. The woman I want supporting me. Add in her batshit crazy sister, and she’s right. How can I let those people ruin this life I’ve worked so hard for? Fought for.

As we part, I press my nose into hers, sliding it along hers as I gaze into her eyes. “The Assassins didn’t make the play-offs. I’m bummed.”

“It’s okay. There is always next year,” she reminds me, kissing my nose. “My parents found out I quit school.”

“How?” I ask with a grimace.

“A letter came in with a refund check since my parents had paid next semester’s tuition already.”

“Damn. Did they get mad?”

“They started to, but Emery got us out of there by saying Asher and Ally got married.”

I shake my head. “That girl would kill for you.”

“It’s terrifying and pleasing all in one,” she says with a grin, and I cuddle her closer.

I love when she smiles. Shit, who am I kidding? I love everything about her. “How did I get so lucky to be with the most remarkable girl of my dreams?”

Her lips curve. “That didn’t start with an S. You’ve failed me.”

I laugh. “I’m sorry, my shocking Stella.”

She snorts. “I like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, and I’ve told you this over and over again,” she says, her eyes dancing with mine. “It was the black eye. Total turn-on. Oh, and the tandem bike, which, by the way, you still haven’t bought us.”

Our laughter collides as I wrap her in my arms, falling back onto the bed, and our legs tangle together so perfectly. Our lips meet for only a second before she pulls back, asking, “Do you feel better?”

I don’t answer her for a moment. I wait for all the hurt they caused to rush back since I’m willing myself to think about it once more.

But it doesn’t.

All I feel is this all-consuming love for the gorgeous woman in my arms. “I feel loved.”

“That’s a given, and you should never not feel like that.”

I nod. “I know that now. Thank you.”

Stella sets me with a look. “Don’t thank me for something that is so easy to give you, Wes. I’m yours.”

My heart explodes in my chest as I hold her closer. “All mine?”

“All yours.”

She doesn’t even have to say the words; they’re in her eyes. Like a huge neon sign, flashing brightly to let me know the truth. As I gaze into her eyes, completely bewitched by them, I decide I don’t want to allow bad memories to ruin me anymore. I want to make new ones.

With my stupendous, sexy, splendid, superb, superlative, sensual, spicy, stimulating, surprising, stunning, shocking Stella.

My future.