Chalk by Lily J. Adams
Chapter Ten: Crossfire
Lucinda
Munching on cut-up apples before my shift was a habit I’d at the Holbeck hospital. I loved enjoying food again – it was such an improvement over where I used to be. I hoped I would never take that feeling for granted again.
Visitors, young and old, were sitting at the various tables, eating, talking, and drinking.
Then of course, the last person I wanted to see showed up in the hospital cafeteria as I blissfully sipped on my cup of coffee. The supermodel-investigative reporter that Chalk claimed he wasn’t involved with. In the pit of my stomach I felt a stab, because I didn’t believe him fully when he told me. I had no right to feel anything about it, but I did.
Look at her with all that long blonde hair and those green eyes. Who wouldn’t be attracted to her? I did look down into my coffee cup as if I would find some magical gold in the bottom of it.
“Hi, Lucinda. Nice to see you again. Looks like you’re about to start your shift,” she greeted me cheerfully.
She irked me in a few different ways and I wanted to know more, especially if she had access to my daughter and was to be around her often. “Hi, yeah, I’m having my wake-up juice before I get started.” I kept it short and not so sweet, creating some frost in the air between us.
“Am I sensing hostility from you? I wanna clear the air because that’s not what I want,” she said carefully as she leaned her hands forward over the plastic chair.
“Oh?” I looked down at my coffee and sipped. What did this woman want? This wasn’t what I had in mind to start my day.
“Do you mind if I sit down here?” she asked.
The chair started to scrape, and regardless of what I said, she sat down anyway.
“Looks to me that you’re sitting down,” I responded lightly as I gently put down my cup. “Are you working on a case by talking to a patient? Might want to keep it easy-going if they’re in recovery.” Truth, but at the same time, I was giving her a little jab.
“You seem a little tense still about the whole… me and Chalk working together. Would I be right?” she surmised.
I wrinkled my nose a little bit and sniffed. She even smelled good, how annoying. “I don’t know you and if you’re around my daughter, I would like to know more about who you are.” Yeah, a full blown excuse for my real feelings about Chalk being with this woman at all.
“Ahhh, so that’s it.” She put her perfect pouty lips into a thin line, drumming her fingers on the outside of her cup, and her face formed a smirk as if she could see through my flimsy reasons.
How could she? What I told her was a legitimate excuse.
“Woman to woman? I think this is a little deeper here.” She kept tapping her fingers on her coffee cup.
The sound was causing anger to flare up inside me, making the situation worse. Don’t try your investigative tricks on me. “Can you stop tapping the cup for a minute?” I snapped, finding myself liking her teal nail polish against my wishes.
The look on her tanned, perfect face almost feigned sympathy, making me feel like a raving banshee. Instead I sat still in my seat, listening to what would come next.
“Mmmm. How do I say this?” Angie shifted around in her seat, trying to get comfortable. “I’ve done so many interviews, I don’t know why on earth I’m nervous about this.”
My eyes fell to the table as I heaved out a sigh, waiting for her to get the stumble show over with. “Just go ahead with it. Did you sleep together or something?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
A horrified look overshadowed Angie’s face. “Noooo. We didn’t. We flirted though. I know you guys are broken up. I just don’t want things to get weird,” she said in a casually, arrogant tone.
Well, that worked my nerves. She might be beautiful, but she’s stuck up.
She saluted at me with a weird smile. “I actually quite like you and want to spend some time getting to know you. If you would be interested, I wouldn’t mind interviewing you about your condition. That might tug at my readers’ heartstrings.”
I saw the excitement she had over my illness and it made my stomach churn. I also wondered how she knew about that. “Ah, I don’t know. I have been well for quite a long time now, so… I really do have to get to work now, otherwise I’m going to be late on shift. I hope you find the information you’re looking for,” I snapped and scooted my chair back, giving her one last sharp look.
Her expression didn’t change, and she didn’t seem too disturbed by my harshness.
I moved down the hall with a slow anger brewing that Chalk was even entertaining this woman.
It wasn’t the best possible start to my morning to be fuming on my rounds. By the time my lunch break rolled around, I’d calmed down and tried to reconcile the fact that if Chalk wanted to date someone else other than me he could. The thought saddened me, but what could I do? It made me peel back my own layers. I was naive to think he would wait for me. I simply abandoned him really. Too into my own head to even help the relationship. Toward the end, I couldn’t even care for myself, let alone a man and a daughter.
Me? Well, I’d been too sick to date anyone for the first year and a half. The second half of recovering, I went on a bunch of bungled dates which I got to joke about with the ladies now. But even I didn’t stop dating for him…so how could I expect him to do that for me? I fumed more throughout the day, feeling like a yo-yo. First, resenting his dating then kicking myself for being mad about it when really, I had no right.
Finally, a text popped up on phone from Chalk.
Can we meet? Sarah and I would like to invite you for dinner.
Sure. Tomorrow night?
Yes. Works. 7?
7 it is. Kiss Sarah for me.
Will do. Thanks. Enjoy your day.
Now, tomorrow could not come fast enough. But really, I shouldn’t be excited to see him. It should be to see Sarah. Hell, who was I kidding? I was still in love with Chalk and he had already moved on.
I was back at Chalk and Sarah’s house for a re-run. I sat out front like an anxious school girl. I took a deep breath, gathered my turbulent thoughts, and stepped out of the car.
I knocked two times before Chalk came to the door. God damnit, he was so handsome. He oozed masculinity, and as he aged he’d only become sexier. I could see the old him mixed in with the new, more mature Chalk.
I expected Sarah’s little elephant hooves to clop out any minute, but they didn’t.
“Come on in. I thought we should catch up properly. Sarah is with Teresa tonight, you’ll still get to see her, depending on how long you wanna stay,” Chalk said, reaching his toned forearm up to stretch over his head.
“Teresa! Wow. I miss her. I’m so glad she’s been here to help you.”
“Yes, she’s been helping me out with things. I think I would have fallen apart if she didn’t,” Chalk admitted.
We were painfully slow at opening up to one another, but baby steps were better than none. Me being at the house was one of them. Chalk’s words always made me feel guilty for being sick, but as soon as the thought came in, I let it wash away like the rising tide. This had been one of the first things therapy had taught me. Guilt caused pain, then pain led to misery, then you were back to being sick. “Of course, you would need some help,” I admitted. I knew – I hoped – his mention of Teresa wasn’t an indictment of my absence.
I walked inside to his clean, but not overly kept house. There were some toys lying on the floor, a large couch, and a TV playing in the background. On the mantelpiece were a couple of framed pictures, and I gravitated towards them. I picked up the one closest to me and felt as if I might break down. The picture was one of all three of us at the beach when Sarah was little. She was wrapped up like a little bundle tucked into my chest and Chalk was looking down towards both of us.
“You kept this.” My throat clogged up with emotion as I stared at it.
“I did. Pretty windy that day. You remember that? We made that little butterball. You and me. We got that part right.”
“We sure did. I feel like I’m just getting to know her now. I’ve missed so much.” A heaviness weighed in my heart from not having been there for Sarah. I hoped she didn’t hate me later for it. I wanted her to grow up to be a fully functional and capable woman without having a lingering cloud of resent hanging over her head that her mother wasn’t present during her formative years.
The bubble of confusion about Chalk hadn’t gone away, but it was quelled by the poignant memories of yesteryear for a moment.
“You’re here now and she’s a pretty resilient little kid. She’s not going to hold it against you if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s been a tough road for all of us, she just wanted to see you get well.”
His words comforted and restored me. I spotted a basket of clean laundry on the edge of the couch with a full pile of the clothes neatly folded in there. I raised my eyebrows. “You folded these?”
Chalk squinted a little. “I can’t claim that. Teresa might have helped. I folded half the pile though. Do you want a drink or something? I’m going to cook.”
“A glass of water would be good. I have to adjust to this Mississippi heat. It’s smothering down here. California weather is a lot different,” I explained. I felt a flush of desire run through me as I watched Chalk’s tight butt while he walked into the kitchen. I gulped down my desire and crossed my legs.
“I bet.” Chalk pulled out a water glass from the cabinet and turned on the tap. From behind, he was impressive and the outline of the back of his triceps were defined…and his back, broad and chiseled.
No wonder Angie wants a piece of him. Any woman would.
I tapped the water glass for a beat. “This place looks the same. Feels like home.” I looked around, admiring and not knowing what to do without the water glass in my hand.
“That’s because it is home. May not be a grand palace, but we’re happy,” Chalk confirmed.
The conversation died for a beat. I blurted out nervously, “So…I saw Angie at the hospital the other day. She seemed to be looking in on a patient again.” I tried to sound calm because I wanted him to be open with me, but I didn’t know if I would to get anywhere. A hurricane of emotions hit me as I sweated on a response – if I got one at all. I smoothed down my hands on my jeans.
Chalk pulled out his chair and faced me, grasping my fingers in his. A thermal heat connected us together as he spoke. “Ah yeah, she’s working on something with Mia, the club lawyer. There’s an angle on a case that’s important to her.”
I gave him a weak smile. I didn’t really have the right to ask him anything truthfully. “Oh, that sounds interesting,” was all I could muster as I took another sip of my water. I unraveled my fingers from his and sat up in my chair straightening my shirt.
“Yeah, it is. Don’t know yet, but whatever she digs up may affect the club on a grander scale,” Chalk said with a long sigh.
“Is that something you’re worried about?” I asked him, wondering how on earth it could affect the club.
“Ah, not so much right now, but I’m not gonna lie. It could be a problem down the line,” Chalk mused quietly.
We were both dancing around one another, hoping the other would crack the door open a little more. The gap between us was closing, and we were inching forward, weaving in our past, our present and our futures like a strong braid.
Chalk broke the ice suddenly, “What went wrong between us? We were so good together before you got sick. I know when I say this you get upset, but I’m not trying to make it that way. I’m just trying to make sense of it all, now that you’re back.”
I felt relief as we might just get all this out in the open. “I think it was a self-esteem issue from my part and something I was struggling with. I know you got frustrated with me a lot of times. I know I left and we broke up, but just know I didn’t want to leave like that…” I paused for a sip of water as I felt my throat locking up. “That’s not a path I plan on walking down again. I care about Sarah…you. I want to be here,” I confessed with a little more conviction.
Chalk stroked my pinky finger with his as he sighed. “Yeah. You seem like a different person. Just, you know, obviously I have my doubts and I need to think of Sarah, the dipping in and out of her life. She’s the one who was affected the most.” Chalk’s jaw flickered with tension as he slipped his finger away.
“I get it, it’s going to take time. I know that,” I said softly. Damn, now I felt like we were back where we started. Just floating with no future for us as a couple.
