Merciless Union by Faith Summers

26

Aria

“Morning,” Dr. Belmont says.

“Good morning,” I answer and sit next to him as if for support.

I sat just like this yesterday, too, when he took my blood to be tested.

I also did a urine sample.

We purposely chose to stay in the living room to keep things as discreet as possible because there’s a bathroom just around the corner.

Today Dr. Belmont was supposed to come at lunchtime like he has been, but it’s eight in the morning.

His timing is enough to confirm what I already know.

I never slept last night, and it was a good thing Lucca didn’t come home. I wouldn’t have known how to deal with him, and I wouldn’t have had the strength either.

Last night I found myself in the room with the ghosts, and it was like they whispered the answer of what I sought. The answer that will decide what I do from here on.

Now I just have to confirm it.

My heart beats in my throat as I look into Dr. Belmont’s kind eyes. At least that fatherly warmth he always exudes comforts me somewhat.

“I’m pregnant, aren’t I?” I ask, and when he nods, I don’t know how I’m supposed to react.

That confirmation is always supposed to be good news. I always imagined it to be.

My heart accepts it, and it’s happy, but the fear residing in my soul is why I don’t know how to react. At least I’m not sad, even though I might look it.

“I take it that’s not good news,” Dr. Belmont states, looking me over.

“I just don’t know what to say. I think I might be in shock, although I had a feeling I was pregnant.”

“That’s why I came so early. I didn’t want you to worry unnecessarily. Talk to me, Aria. I understand the shock, but how are you feeling?”

“Scared. How am I supposed to be someone’s mother when I can’t even remember who I am? I can’t believe I forgot to take my pills.” I blink back tears.

I don’t want to cry anymore. I’ve cried too many tears over the last few weeks, and they just weaken me. I never feel better. I always feel like I let myself down, and tears are the symptoms of how cut up I am inside.

“Aria, I’m not actually surprised you forgot. There was every reason why you’d forget. You were kidnapped, and I might be overstepping the line, but I can see that you’re not just working hard to find yourself and your memories; you’re also working through your marriage.”

He looks cautious. Quite rightly so, and he couldn’t have found better words.

“Yes. I am. How much do you know about my marriage?”

“Enough, which might not be a lot, but what I do and don’t know is not important as what you’d like to do now.” He straightens up. “It’s early days yet. You are barely a week. I took the blood test because it picks up pregnancy hormones faster than the urine test. But that came back positive too. Assuming you want to keep the baby, this is the time to take the best care of yourself.”

“I’m keeping it,” I say quickly. That was never a question in my mind.

“Okay, am I okay to talk to Lucca about this? I’m going to have to contact the right professionals who are trained to help you from here onwards.”

Talk to Lucca?

I don’t know what worries me more. Being an inadequate mother or telling him I’m pregnant. I don’t know how he’s going to react.

“No, not yet. I want to tell him, but I can’t tell him yet. I need some time to wrap my head around it.”

“That’s understandable. The other thing was your blood pressure was dangerously high, and your blood showed high glucose contents too, which suggests hypoglycemia. Neither is good, Aria. You’re also going to need a booking scan. I dated the pregnancy, but we need to see what’s going on inside you. That means you can’t take too long to tell him or wrap your head around it.”

My heart hammers in my chest. No wonder I feel like shit.

“What can I do for those things?”

“Right now, it’s going to be a change of diet, but you might need medication once a professional sees you. I can talk to some people about the diet, but there’s only so much I can do. Staying away from stress is also going to help a great deal, but I don’t know how best you’ll be able to do that.”

“Stress is a part of my life.” I have more stressful days than not.

“I thought so. Lucca has asked me to see you as much as possible, so I think maybe trying to focus on your music may help you deal with any stressful situations you may come across. I also think if we do more to help you remember your mother’s killer, it will help too. The more we’re able to free your mind of what’s troubling you, the better we’ll be able to manage stress. Of course, if trying to remember either of those things becomes stressful, then we’ll have to change tactics.”

I nod, agreeing. “Both are on my mind.” And now there’s this. “How long can I take to wrap my head around this?”

“Because of the worry of your blood pressure, I’d say a few days. We don’t know if you might need to have medication for it or if it will pass. You’re going to need a full prenatal check to rule out anything more serious. Are you worried about telling Lucca, Aria?”

“Yes.” I’m terrified.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that. If you’re worried about whether or not he cares about you, I think I’m proof that he does.” He gives me a tentative smile. “I guess in saying so, I might be overstepping again.”

“No, it’s okay. You aren’t. I just don’t think he saw children in our future so soon. Or at all. I’m not sure he’ll want to be a father.”

“I get it. I’ve known him for a long time. The one thing I can be sure of when it comes to Lucca is it’s always best to talk to him rather than assume. You won’t know how he feels about fatherhood unless you tell him. Even though you guys might not have spoken about children, it doesn’t mean he’s written it off. You didn’t.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Let’s just say the sooner you two talk, the better it will be for you. I know you’re worried, but you already have so much on your plate healthwise. If we don’t need to add more, we shouldn’t. I think we’re making progress with your memories, and we can do more. Hiding something like pregnancy from your husband is only going to increase your stress levels, make you feel guilty, and in the end, increase your blood pressure which is already a worry.”

“Okay. I’ll think about telling him soon.” I nod even though I actually don’t know when I’m going to tell Lucca.

I don’t know what words I’ll use, and if he gets mad, I wouldn’t know what to do about that either.

“Good. I think that’s quite enough to digest for today. I’m going to go, but I want you to do two things.”

“What?”

“Go outside and get some sunshine. Take the violin and go over the notes in the music books. Try to learn a basic song and get used to the feel of the instrument. Do that today. That might relax you a little, so when you see Lucca, you might feel like talking then. I’ll be back tomorrow at lunchtime. I’m going to try some meditation techniques and what some of my peers call partial hypnosis to help work through the memory of your mother’s death.”

“Dr. Belmont, what if it terrifies me to remember the person?”

“Don’t think of that. To me, the worse thing was seeing your mother die and your father doing such a horrible thing to her. I don’t think you have anybody else in your life that could hurt you more than he did.”

He’s right. No one has hurt me more than my father. “The things he’s done to me have been so awful.”

“I know.” He reaches forward and taps my hand. “You’re stronger than you think. Try to tap into that strength, Aria.”

“Thank you.”

He rises and gives me a little nod before he leaves. As I watch him go, I think about everything, but mostly about the tiny spark of a human being growing inside me.

I’m pregnant— me.

I’m going to be a mother.

I blow out a ragged breath and stand, feeling giddy like I stood up too quickly. But I barely moved.

I need to think and focus.

Can I still leave this life?

I’d be terrified to raise a child on my own. But I’d be even more terrified of raise a child in this dark world of danger where I don’t see my husband for days, and I have to wonder if he’s going to make it back home or not.

Olivia does it, but I’m not her, and I don’t think Lucca and I have the kind of relationship she has with Aiden.

Even though Lucca wants me to stay here and be his wife, I can’t forget I was a business benefit, and I continue to be so.

I still want freedom. I want to be free to live my life and not have to worry about danger or the greedy intentions of people like Damien.

I didn’t think I could be more conflicted than I already was.

I am, and now I don’t just have myself to worry about.

I’m going to have a baby.