Good Boy by Megan Lowe
Chapter 33
“You and Thomas, huh?” Jase says when he gets in the car that afternoon.
I shrug.
“How’d that happen?”
“The usual way, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Some stuff happened at Chloe’s party and went from there.”
“Do you like him?”
“Sure, he’s a nice guy.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“We’re going out; of course I like him.”
“I heard he called you his boyfriend.”
“So?”
“Just interested as to why you didn’t use the same term?”
“Fine, he’s my boyfriend. Happy now?”
“Are you?”
“What is this?” I ask. “Twenty fucking questions?”
“No, but it can be if you want it to be.”
I sigh. “It just happened, all right? That’s it; end of story.”
He holds his hands up. “Okay.”
“Thank you,” I say, concentrating on the road.
“Cav is pissed, though.”
My heart leaps. “Cav can suck it,” I tell him. Until he comes to me, I have to be strong. What I’m doing is working, I just have to wait a little longer.
“He’s a good guy, Con.”
I sigh. “He might be, just not to me.”
“Are you saying that because he rejected you?”
“I’m saying it because it’s true.”
“I think he’s worried about you,” he says.
Again, my heart leaps. But it’s not enough. “He doesn’t have a reason to be. I’m fine.”
“And happy with Thomas.”
“Yes! Fuck, how many times do I have to say it?”
Until you believe it, the voice inside my head replies.
“As many times as it takes to convince yourself it’s true.”
“Then I should’ve stopped after one. I don’t need any convincing.” I know I’m doing the right thing. My plan to play hard to get, to make him jealous is working. I just have to stay true and keep going.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” he mutters.
“And while you’re at it, you can tell Cav to back the fuck off. What Thomas and I do is none of his concern.”
“What if he wants it to be?”
“For what reason?” I ask. “To give me a hard time? To blame me for ‘stealing’ his best friend? Or so he can reject me yet again? He’s made it more than clear he doesn’t want me, and I’ve finally got the message and moved on.”
“Have you though? Those condoms were pretty hard to miss.”
“I don’t know who that was, but it wasn’t me.”
“Come on, Connor. You can fool everyone else, but I’m your brother, I know you. Tell me, what’s next?”
“Nothing’s next. I told you, it’s not me doing it. I’ve moved on, and if he’s not happy with that, he knows how to change it.”
“So you’d be open to a relationship with him if he came to you?”
“It doesn’t matter, because that’s never gonna happen. Plus, I’m with Thomas.”
“Thomas is a distraction,” he tells me. “Something to occupy you while you wait for Cav.”
“I’m not waiting for Cav,” I argue.
“Uh-huh, sure. Try that again, this time with feeling.”
“He doesn’t want me, Jase. For real. You can say he’s pissed with Thomas and me for being together and that you think he’s worried about me, but the fact of the matter is, he has had many opportunities to change things, and he doesn’t want to. He’s made it more than clear to me he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want to be with me, so what am I supposed to do, huh? Sit around and wait for him on the off chance he decides he does? ’Cause that’s bullshit, and I shouldn’t have to do that. I should be free to be with someone who wants to be with me and isn’t afraid.”
“Have you ever actually taken the time to think about why he can’t be with you?” he asks. “Have you ever stopped for one minute to think about how you’ve been rejected and wondered why he’s doing it?”
“Because he’s a coward.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s not always so easy for everyone, Con.”
“I’m not asking for a public declaration,” I tell him. I glance over at him quickly. “Real talk?” I ask.
He nods.
“I like Cav, I do. A lot. Probably more than I should. When he was just James, I was happy to go along with whatever. He was there, I was here, and we met on an app, for Christ’s sake. If things developed between us, then we’d take it as it came, and yes, I fell for him harder than I should, but he’s also got to take responsibility for his part in all this.”
“Has something happened recently?” he asks.
“Cav knows where I stand. If he wants to change things, the ball is in his court. But in the meantime, why shouldn’t I be with someone who wants to be with me?”
“But Thomas? Really?”
I shrug.
“Is he even gay?”
“He says he’s bi or pansexual.”
“What the fu… fudge is pansexual?”
“It’s where you fall in love regardless of gender.”
“So he’s basically bi.”
“He’s whatever he wants to be,” I tell him.
“Don’t you think this is like, way out of the blue?” he asks.
I shrug. I’m not going to tell him that this is all a part of Thomas’s plan to being Cav down. He doesn’t need to know that. And besides, maybe it’s not all fake. Maybe he actually does have feelings for me. Stranger things have happened, right? “People fall in love at first sight all the time. This is way longer than that.”
“He’s in love with you?” he shrieks.
“Of course he’s not. Calm down, for fuck’s sake.”
“Then why’d you say that?”
“As an example.”
“Do you think he’s in love with you?”
“Of course I don’t.”
“Do you think he’s in this, you know, for you?”
“As opposed to what?” I ask.
“I mean, do you think he’s in it all the way?”
“You mean is he ready for mutual blowjobs and taking it up the ass?”
“Well, yeah.”
I blow out a breath. It’s something I’ve been wondering myself. Just how far is Thomas willing to take this? How far am I willing to? “I don’t know.”
“Just stop this, Con,” he says. “I can tell you don’t like him like that, so why string him along?”
“I like him fine. I like spending time with him and we get along really well together. We have mutual goals and that’s a good thing. I think we’ll be great.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself to be with him.”
“No, I’m going to take it as it is and see where it goes, how it grows.”
“But Cav—”
“Enough with Cav; I’m done with him. If he wants to change things, he knows where to find me.” I pull up to our brownstone. “I know he’s your friend or whatever, and I won’t say shit about what I think about that. I’d appreciate it if you did the same for my relationship with Thomas.”
He nods. “You’re right. Cav is my friend, which is why I can tell you there’s a lot more going on with him than you think. He does genuinely care about you and he worries about you, but”—he says before I can cut him off—“if you think you’re doing what’s best for you, then okay. I think otherwise, but I’ll leave you to fuck up your own life.” With that, he gets out of the car and goes into the house and straight to his room.
Later that night, I get a text.
James: Be careful.