Jax by E. M. Moore
20
Leenie acts like we’re weaving baskets all day like good little womenfolk when instead we’re watching Netflix. Every five minutes or so, she sighs like the whole weight of the world is on her shoulders. The sneering glances she directs toward the window where Ninja is now standing on the front porch are enough to keep me from saying anything. Finn wasn’t kidding. She hates everything about this which only makes guilt settle like a brick in my stomach. The only reason her brother’s guard is here is because of me. If only I hadn’t come here that first day...
I can What if? all day long but I would’ve done anything Psycho told me. Fearing him has become a pastime. It turns out, as strong as I’d like to think I am, I can only take so much shit until I hit my limit.
Leenie’s phone rings, and she glances at it on the couch before sitting upright. “It’s the hospital.” My stomach twists as she answers. After several moments, her gaze flicks to me. “No, she’s not here.” I narrow my gaze. Obviously, she’s talking about me. She stands on her feet and starts to pace, her face paling. “Clive...” A second later, her mouth pops open, and she stares at the screen. “He hung up on me.”
I move to the edge of the couch, inspecting her from head to toe. “It doesn’t look like that was a friendly call.”
“He said Psycho wants to see you.”
I dig my toes into the rug at my feet. “I knew this would happen.” He probably thinks I’m going off-script, which I am. Jax knows everything now, including what I was sent here to do. “I can’t get away from him, Leenie,” I tell her. “He won’t stop.” My intent was to say it as steadfast as possible, but my voice breaks by the end. Being here, in this house, that other life seems so far away, and I hate the idea of going back there. “What happened to Clive was a message for me. A sign that I need to get my ass back there with an update before he takes it out on all of you.”
“There’s no way Jax is going to let you do that.”
As much as that should warm me up, it does the opposite. “Yeah, well, Jax isn’t the boss of me.”
She chuckles. “I knew I liked you but there’s one problem. Well, a couple. One, Ninja’s right outside, and you’re not getting past him. He’s my brother’s number one guard for a reason. Two, I don’t like the idea of you going back there either.”
“Yeah, but you heard what he did to Clive. He’ll come here to do the same to us.”
Leenie laughs with little amusement. “I don’t think you actually get who my brother is.”
“Oh, I get it. But you’re underestimating Psycho.” I work my teeth over my bottom lip, strategizing. “If he just wants an update, I might be able to buy us some time.”
“Sorry, girl. I’m with the guys on this one. I watched my best friend get hurt by some deranged psychopath, so I’m not about to let that happen again. Jax would kill me,” she says under her breath. She glances up at me. “You get that, right? How much Jax cares for you?” She shakes her head. “The fact that he’s forgiven you is the only proof I need.”
I turn away. I don’t know if Jax has fully forgiven me but if he has, I can’t bring any of this on him again. How are we ever going to be able to move on if I keep constantly bringing things to his doorstep and dropping them? “I have to go to the bathroom,” I tell her, rising to my feet and hurrying up the stairs to get away from her stare.
Once upstairs, though, I have no intention of actually staying there. I run the heel of my palms over my eyes briefly before moving directly to what’s now Finn’s bedroom. Just like back in the day, the window leads to the roof of the small side porch. I’ve climbed in and out of this room numerous times when Jax’s mom and dad were still living here. I unclasp the lock on the window and heave it upward, cringing when it groans. I pause for a few seconds to make sure Leenie isn’t going to come up and inspect the noise. When I don’t hear anything, I carefully take out the screen and step one leg out onto the porch, followed by the other. As quietly as I can, I scramble down, my feet hitting the railings of the porch and then I drop, landing on my feet.
I dust myself off and duck through the small break in the wire fence that leads into the neighbor’s yard, which has gotten significantly more awful since I used to do this. Used toilets and old wood are strewn haphazardly in the tall, unkept grass. I dodge everything as best I can and come out on the side of the house that leads to the road that intersects theirs.
When my feet hit the pavement, my stomach twists. Leenie will be pissed at me. Not to mention the guys when they realize I’ve left. Jax will call me selfish again but he doesn’t get it. This is the exact opposite of self-centered. I’m doing this to help them.
“I knew it.” Gruff words meet my ears as I turn right down the street.
I spin on my heel and face Jax’s imposing figure. The look on his face cuts straight through me. Shock gives way to anger though. “What? Were you waiting here for me or something?”
He strides toward me. “I thought you might come this way.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be at the gym?”
“We went to visit Clive at the hospital. He gave us Psycho’s little message. We told him we wouldn’t be telling you but I figured that wouldn’t stop him, and that if you knew, you wouldn’t stop either.”
I cross my arms, barricading myself off from him as he approaches me. “Jax, I have to go.”
“What? So he can rape you again? So he can make you feel like anything other than the beautiful person you are?”
The noose around my insides pulls tighter. I’d rather him be mad at me. “No, so I can save you guys. Buy us some time so we can figure this out.”
“You’ve bought yourself enough time and all you’ve done is make things worse for yourself. I’m not going to sit back and watch that. I can’t. Now that you’re back in my life, it’s not going to be easy to leave.”
His words pull the little piece inside of me that’s always been tethered to him. My Jax.
I try to plead with him with my eyes, but I get distracted by a car moving up the street. It’s moving abnormally slow until it picks up the pace, engine revving. My heart lodges in my throat when it swerves, headed straight for Jax who’s standing on the cracked sidewalk in front of me. He peers over his shoulder, eyes widening. I call out for him at the same time he jumps out of the way.
The car grinds to a stop in front of me, it’s backside nearly slamming into my knees. The rear door opens, and two hands grasp mine and yank. I’m half in the car when it starts moving again, my legs dragging over the ground until a firm hand reaches over to grab my jeans and pulls me inside. “Now, Sade,” the familiar sinister voice says. “Did you really think you would be able to get away from me?”
My heart pumps like crazy. I peer through my disheveled hair and find Psycho leering at me. I scramble off his lap and plaster myself on the other side of the car. “I-I was coming.”
The smile he gives me chills me to my core. “Is that right? You were coming to me?”
I clear my throat, terror still biting at me, but I try to get myself under control because dealing with Psycho any other way is a death sentence. “I got your message,” I tell him finally, taking deep, drawn out breaths to hide the fact that I’m still freaking out. I peek out the rear window, but we’ve already turned down the next block, so I have no idea if the car hit Jax or not. I replay it in my head but it’s all a blur. He jumped one second, and then in the next, the car was in front of me. I can only hope he got out of the way in time. “I had to escape because your message spooked them.”
Psycho laughs. “It did its job then. Do you have him wrapped around your little finger yet? Is that what you two were arguing about?”
“Yeah,” I croak. “He’s...all about me again.” My skin buzzes, and I hate myself for talking about Jax like he’s a steppingstone in our game when really, he’s everything.
“You’re giving it to him then, huh? He probably likes your sweet pussy. I bet you miss me though.”
“Of course,” I say, but my reply comes out a little too high pitched. It’s harder to play this game when I’ve been removed from it for a bit.
“I missed you,” he replies, his gaze like a vise on me, gripping me too tight. “Why don’t you come over and ride my face?”
“Can’t,” I bark out. “Period.” The man thinks a little period blood will kill him. I’m banished to the couch when I’m on the rag. I actually look forward to that time of the month.
“Of course,” he sneers. With a sigh, he snags his gaze on my shirt. “New clothes. You must really have him wrapped around your finger. I hope that means you have good info for us.”
“You know me,” I say, finally settling down. I sit in my seat, searching my surroundings. One of his fighter pals is in the driver’s seat. The car is most likely stolen. “I’m getting there. It was rough in the beginning but he’s starting to come around.”
“Come on,” Psycho goads me. “I gave you the perfect bleeding-heart scenario that night at the club.”
My jaw tightens on instinct. “That helped for sure,” I say, forcing a smile. I’m still nursing tender skin because of him but he doesn’t care.
Several moments go by and Psycho doesn’t say anything. His gaze is like a hot poker on my temple. I brace for whatever is about to come next but pretend I’m looking at the scenery as we drive out of the Heights.
“Well, this isn’t the homecoming I expected.” He peeks at the driver and then back at me. The driver takes that as his cue to agree with him. Everyone always agrees with Psycho. Disagree with him at your own peril. “Maybe you forgot how to act while you were away.”
“Sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “You just surprised me. I wasn’t expecting you to come pick me up. I was coming to you.”
“I was worried when you hadn’t checked in with me, Sade. I thought you’d gotten something else into your head.”
My mouth dries. “No, just picking the right moment. You know, as soon as he dusts himself off after nearly getting run over, he’ll want to know where I am.”
“Since you brought it up, I thought of a different game.” He scoots next to me on the seat. “If you didn’t get me the information I needed—which it looks like you haven’t—I thought he might need a nudge. Maybe if he gets to play the knight in shining armor, he’ll be more inclined to spill everything to you. What I need from you, is to know that you’ve done enough of your job so that he’ll come after you.”
All the warmth leaves my face. Of course Jax will come after me, and that’s not good. “He will,” I tell him. “It’ll be easier if I go back there once I update you though.”
“It might be easier, but not near as much fun. Here we are, pretending like you’re really in danger. His protective instincts will kick in. Then, you’ve pretty much won him over by doing nothing. And here you thought he’d never come back to you.” Psycho starts laughing. “This might be the most fun I’ve had with one of our schemes. I’m going to enjoy spending his money.”
What he likes is dangling something he has in front of someone else who wants the same thing. It makes him feel important. What he doesn’t realize is that I never belonged to him.
My heart is back with the guy who trained himself to hope less because of me.
I broke Jax, and I don’t intend on doing that again.
