Jax by E. M. Moore
21
As unhinged as Psycho is, I don’t really know what I’m going to be walking in on when we get back to the storage facility. His plans change from one whim to another. Whatever pops into his mind goes, so I’m not surprised when he drags me past the main room and into the back hallway in front of everyone. His stinging grip on my hair has my feet struggling to find purchase as he yanks me past his rustic bedroom and into the last room I spent days in before. It’s nothing but concrete, the smell of urine, and us in the dank room.
“You thought you could get away from me, didn’t you?” he growls as soon as we’re alone.
I scramble away as soon as I feel the slightest release on my hair. “No,” I say forcefully.
He moves like a shadow around the perimeter. My eyes stay peeled to the dark silhouette. “Pants off,” he huffs.
“W-what?”
“You said you were on your period. Let’s see it.”
“Psycho,” I warn as the dark figure prowls closer.
He gets in my face. The smell of his stale breath hits me. “You’re trying to make a fool out of me, but you know that’ll never happen, Sade.” The backs of his knuckles brush along my cheeks before he pulls them to his shoulder and brings them forward, cracking me across the face. My cheek stings, throbbing at the surface. “Pants. Off.”
“No,” I tell him, making my voice as firm as possible. I’m playing with fire but if I take my pants off, he’ll know I’m not on my period. The mere thought of him touching me sexually again now that I’ve been back in Jax’s bed makes my skin crawl. I’ve traded my body for many things, mostly safety, but I can’t bring myself to do it now.
“I’ll do it again,” Psycho threatens. I can’t see his eyes right now but I’m sure they’re lit up with excitement. “I’ll keep you in here. Just like last time.”
“Fine,” I tell him, lifting my chin defiantly though I doubt he can see the gesture. When he left me in here before, he broke me but I’ve realized there’s something worse: the loss of myself. Willingly. Giving myself to him with Jax’s smell still on me will kill my soul. I lick my lips, defiance rolling through me. “What I said in the car saved you from losing face. I could’ve said there was no way I’d come within ten feet of your dick but I gave you an out. You’re already prepping another girl to be me, why the fuck do you care if I don’t want you?”
“Because I am everything!” he screams in my face. The force of his voice makes me want to curl into myself. “You’ll do what I say, and so will everyone else. The moment I start giving someone the option not to, I lose control.”
“I told you not to send me on this job. You only have yourself to blame for this.”
“You’re trash,” Psycho says slowly. “He won’t want you once he learns you were aiming to bleed him dry.”
I want to retaliate, to tell him exactly what Jax knows but keeping that information private is probably the best thing right now.
“You think you can just go on living your life with him now, but you’re wrong. I have so much shit on you, Sade. So much shit. As soon as he hears what you’ve done, he won’t want you.”
Old panic slices through me. I didn’t tell Jax everything about the past. He knows big picture things, that I’ve done shit I’m not proud of but he doesn’t know the minute details that truly make what I did horrible. I never want him to know either. “What’s your plan, Psycho?”
“Bringing you back here will help me retain control of these guys. The girls, especially, started getting a mind of their own when you didn’t check in. They thought I’d be lenient on all of them even after I assured them you’d be checking in. That you’re not stupid enough to disobey me like that.”
“I don’t have anything for you yet, Psycho,” I tell him. If I were actually trying to get something, I probably could have. The memory of seeing the keys to the office wafts back to me but telling Psycho that would be a death sentence for Jax and Finn. He’d have his guy wipe everything they have. It would be untraceable, too. They might know it was Psycho but they wouldn’t be able to pin it on him nor get any of it back.
“You weren’t trying.” Psycho’s voice pitches low. “All of my efforts have been for nothing.”
“Pick different targets,” I reason. “You want something from someone else? I’ll do it. You want me to con an old grandfather out of his retirement money again? Let’s do it. I just can’t do it to them.”
He brings his hand back and smacks me across the face again. The tang of copper coats my mouth, and I spit it out on the concrete between us.
When Psycho talks next, I can tell he has the evil smirk on his face. He’s pleased with himself. “I was hoping it might go like this. You’ve just turned this into a ransom. Jax won’t get you back until he pays up.”
A skitter of nerves runs over my spine. My cheek still burns with the slap of his palm over it, and I realize I’m playing into whatever he wants. He doesn’t care how he gets the money, he’ll find a way. If he thinks Jax will come for me, he’ll ransom the money. If he thinks I’ll come to my senses and go back there while still under his control, he’ll approve me to try again.
Psycho is like a rabid dog with a bone. He won’t give up easily, and right now, he smells blood on Jax and Finn’s accounts.
“Leave them alone,” I growl.
Psycho laughs bitterly. “Can’t you see they have so much more than us? What happened to the Sadie who agreed it was unfair that everyone else had a life that we deserved? Some people have all the money. Some people have all the clout, the esteem. No one gives a shit about us. That’s why we do what we do.”
“It’s been a long time since that was your reason, Psycho. Now you only want control over everyone. You want everyone to do your bidding, and you don’t give a shit what you have to break in the journey to get there. But you’re not going to break me anymore, and I’m not going to let you take from them either.”
He’s silent for a moment, and I wish there was a bit of light in the room so I could see the look on his face. “I saved you,” he eventually says.
“You ruined me,” I retort. Something I’ve felt for a long time. I used to tell him he was my savior, pulling me up from the shithole I found myself in when K kicked me out but all Psycho did was drag me further and further down until I not only lost my body, I lost my mind too. It was all wrapped up in his fucked-up head, and I played along with it for a long time too. Too fucking long. No more.
Psycho shoves me backward. “Once I get what I want from you, you’re dead.”
I pull myself off the concrete wall and shrug even though I know he can’t see me. Honestly, I’ve been dead inside for a while. The existence I had before was nothing. It took being back with Jax to see how much I’d given up when I told K Jax raped me. I not only gave up our relationship, I gave up a part of me. Jax was right all along. I was being selfish. I was saving him, but I didn’t realize what it would do to him other than save his life. There’s more to life than just living. I know that now. “Be my guest,” I tell him, my words making my body relax with how true they are. I’d rather die than hurt Jax again.
“Keep it up, Sade, and I’ll not only take Jax’s money, I’ll make sure he ends up right beside you when I take you out.”
Fear puts a stranglehold on me. The deafening sound of the steel door closing me in here is like a dark punctuation mark on his words. He doesn’t back down from threats, so I need to take this seriously.
Hours drag on. The days in that old, familiar house make being in here that much worse than it was before. Out there, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw that I could be someone different.
A footstep sounds outside the door, immediately piquing my interest. I’m so far removed from the rest of the warehouse that any little noise is a tip off that Psycho could be coming back. I’ve been sitting here dreaming of nightmarish scenarios where Psycho shoves Jax’s lifeless body into the room with me, so I start to panic. The slice of light blinds me for a moment as the door opens, and then a slight figure shuffles through. It’s too small to be Psycho, and when the figure talks, the voice is feminine.
“Hey,” she says. It only takes me a moment to place her voice.
“Hey,” I whisper back, my throat raw and sticky from disuse.
“I probably don’t need to tell you this, but Psycho has really gone off the deep end.”
A wrapper crinkles as something lands next to me. I feel for it with my hands and bring it to my face.
“A granola bar,” she tells me. “It might be expired.”
Like I give a fuck.
I peel the wrapper down but glance at her curiously. We’re usually a selfish bunch. When one of us is being targeted by Psycho, we all look the other way so he doesn’t turn on us next. We’ve really been indoctrinated into his words being law. He molded us into this group that would do anything for him, no matter how callous the result is toward someone else.
“I need out of here,” Lyla finally admits as I take my first bite. “I’ve needed it for a long time. I’ve been trying to feel you out for a year now, but you always seemed to be riding high on Psycho’s crazy train so I never said anything.” She sighs. “I hope I’m not wrong by trusting you now but you were out for a while. Rumors started that you wanted out for good.”
It’s in my nature to be wary of everyone. Even though I’m basically in a cell with her on the outside, I’m wondering what her angle is. However, if I want out of this, I probably have to trust some people. What’s the worst that could happen? If she’s a spy for Psycho, he already told me he’s going to kill me so how much worse could it get? “I want out,” I say, the truth filling the air like it’s a bright light yet it doesn’t change the setting one bit. Everything is as dark as it was until I realize the brightness is coming from inside me. It’s almost the first time that I’ve admitted those words to myself without any caveats. “I’m ready.”
“He won’t let you leave. He’s waiting for your boy to get in touch with him. Will he?”
“Yes,” I croak out. I’m sure Jax will. He came back here to get me once, and we’ve made large strides since then. He won’t let me stay here, especially when Psycho basically kidnapped me in front of him. Then again, I don’t know how badly the car clipped him. He could still be lying by the side of the road for all I know.
I shake my head. The last thing I need to think about is Jax being hurt. He’s the strongest person I know. He’ll come for me.
“I hope he has an army.”
I take another slow bite of the granola bar. He doesn’t want to utilize Leenie’s brother even though the Dragons might be the only weapon we have to stop Psycho. They’re certainly big enough with a bad reputation but I don’t know anything about this group. I knew everything about the Crew but the Dragons are a completely different territory. “I don’t know if he does,” I say honestly.
“Just promise me one thing, Sadie. If you get out, you take me with you. You’re the only reason why I’m here, after all.”
Dread fills me. How many more people in this damn building could say the same thing to me? I helped Psycho recruit almost everybody. In the beginning, it was only the two of us and a couple more. We kept growing and growing until it felt as if we had an empire. It took too long to realize Psycho was turning us into his own personal theft squad while I thought we were growing a family, one I hadn’t had since I left the Heights.
“I’m not even going to bother to apologize,” I tell her. “There’s nothing I can say that will make up for what I did but I will get you out. I have no idea how but I will.”
Her grunt is followed by silence. A few moments later, she leaves. Then, it’s just me in the room again. All by myself. Hoping and dreading for the moment Jax will come for me.
So much for not wanting to drag him into my shit again.
