Someone Exactly Like Me by Debbie Cromack
14
Destiny
My conversation with Candi replays in my head. I honestly don’t know how to feel. I don’t want to misinterpret something that’s not there, but I’m terrified for there to be something between us. Even if he does feel a little something for me, there’s no way, logistically, it would work.
Before going to bed, I settle on enjoying our last day together without letting my confused feelings interfere. Excited about seeing him tomorrow, I drift off to sleep with the memory of being wrapped around him in the ocean, our heads tucked into one another.
Nicco
She’s back safely and I get to see her today. Not only do I get to see her, but I also have to make sure she agrees to come to Ranch Inn with me. Today won’t be enough, I need to see her again before I leave.
As has become our meeting time, I get to her house at eleven o’clock. When she opens the door, the tension that’s been sitting in my chest the last few days releases. Today she’s cute and sexy melted together. Part of her hair is pulled into a small clip behind her head, she wears dark gray shorts, a V-neck lavender T-shirt, and a delicate gold necklace.
Leaning in, I touch her lightly on the arm and kiss each of her soft cheeks. Stepping back, I take her in again. She has no idea what she does to me with her long, creamy legs and the outline of her hardening nipples through her shirt. It’s so fucking hot how responsive she is to my touch. I have to focus intently on not getting hard.
The drive is about two hours to the San Diego Zoo and she tells me about her trip to Hawaii with Candi. Along the way, she continues to be diligent in her tour-guide duties, pointing out landmarks and things to do. We stop for a quick lunch before we get to the zoo.
“You’ll want to have your cigarette now because you can’t smoke on the zoo property at all.” Though she never judges, there’s always a disapproving sadness in her eyes when I stop whatever we’re doing to go have a cigarette.
Cutting my ritual short, I have my cigarette and return to her car where she’s waiting inside for me. As soon as I get in, she puts the windows down.
“I don’t want my car to smell like smoke.” Her words, still void of judgement, pinch at me.
I don’t apologize, I can’t. Though it’s an addiction, it’s also my choice, I know that. I hate feeling powerless to it.
“Does it ever bother you, the things you miss out on because you need to smoke?” She tilts her head slightly, her eyebrows raised as her lips press together.
Tension coils around the muscles in my neck. “A lot.” I know it would break my dad’s heart to know I’m smoking.
“My friend, Heidi, works with people to help them quit smoking. Obviously, there’s a big part that’s the addiction, but I also know how connected you feel to your dad when you smoke. She does things like matrix reimprinting and EFT tapping that could help you if you wanted to try quitting again. I confess, I don’t fully understand what’s involved or how it works, but I can give you her number if you wanted to ask her some questions about it.”
Her kindness and compassion continue to inspire me. “I do want to quit someday, for good. I want to be free from craving something I know is killing me.”
She gets her phone from her purse and messages me her friend’s contact information. “She’s helped so many people with the work she does. I believe she could help you if that’s what you really want.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” While I do appreciate her giving me her friend’s information, I don’t think I’ll call her.
When we arrive at the zoo, we’re just in time to catch a bird show. After the show, we weave our way down different paths to see the animals. Watching her behavior and interaction with them, I can see her love of animals. If there’s an opportunity to pet one, she’s right there with loving strokes and a gentle voice.
There’s a section in the elephant sanctuary where you can get close enough to feed them. As she steps toward the wall that separates us from them, a massive elephant approaches, one lethargic step after the other. It stands right in front her, shifting its head so its eye is looking directly at her. She affectionately gazes into its eye and smiles. They stay like this for a few seconds. Then the elephant reaches out its long trunk toward her. I almost pull her back, but she doesn’t look scared. Though people are nearby, sounds fade and the air is still as I watch them.
The elephant stretches its wrinkled, gray trunk a little longer, putting it close to her face, sniffing. She lifts her chin, still smiling at the majestic creature. It curls its trunk and she slowly reaches up, cradling the trunk in one hand and gently rubbing it with the other. Then she whispers. I’m not close enough to hear what she’s saying, but as she whispers, the elephant’s marble-like eye closes and opens slowly.
She lengthens her strokes, still whispering. Then she leans in. The elephant reaches as far as it can and tucks the end of its trunk into the crook of her neck. She rests her head on it and a tear falls from the elephant’s eye. I stand there, motionless, frozen, my eyes fixed on them. Raising her head, she takes the large gray trunk in her hands and kisses it, then releases it and steps back. Wiping tears from her cheeks, she steps back again. The elephant backs away from the wall, flaps it massive ears, and releases a loud, trumpeting sound.
Turning away from the wall, she walks toward me. I rub my chin with my hand, both confused and amazed by what I’d just witnessed. There’s still some moisture under her eye that I wipe with my thumb.
“What just happened there? Do you know this animal?”
Looking up at me, she smiles. “I do.”
“Are you some kind of elephant whisperer?”
She chuckles as she starts back down the path. “No. When I was in high school, I thought I wanted to be a zoologist. My aunt and uncle live out here and I’d visit them on weekends a lot during the summer. They know the people who own the zoo and they helped me get a part time job here. I was here the day Jo-Jo was born. As much as I was able to, I came to the zoo to take care of him and play with him. And now, I visit him when I can.”
“That was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen.” My entire body is swarmed by a strange mixture of calm and exhilaration. “Was he angry that you were leaving just now?”
“No, that was a happy sound he made. He was happy to see me.”
“He misses you.”
“I miss him.”
As we head toward the large cats section, my phone rings, it’s Vance. “Excuse me, I have to take this.”
Destiny
It was so nice to see Jo-Jo. He looks healthy and happy. I love watching Nicco with the animals, he’s like a big kid.
Walking back toward me, he has the biggest smile on his face and his eyes are wide. He stands in front of me with his mouth partially open, but says nothing.
“What? What is it?”
“They want me,” he says, shaking his head. “They want me,” he says a little louder, bending his knees and shaking his hands.
“Who, who, which agency?” Goose bumps break out all over my body.
“Vance.” Blindsiding me, he scoops me into his strong arms and spins me around, laughing. When he puts me back on the ground, he holds me, lingering, eyes darting back and forth between mine. “This is unbelievable. Thank you, Destiny. You made this possible.” His gratitude warms my heart.
“I only helped set it up, you did all the hard work.”
“We have to celebrate.” Excitement radiates from him as he throws his arms out to his sides.
“Absolutely. Do you want to skip the movie tonight and go to dinner?”
“No. I want you so come to Ranch Inn with me tomorrow.”
What?! “What?” A wave of heat rushes from my head to my toes.
“I have to leave earlier than I planned. During my meeting with Vance, he told me about Ranch Inn and I booked a room for Wednesday to Thursday. I have to leave on Friday. We can go together and celebrate.”
I want to spend more time with him, but that will only make ending, whatever this is, harder. Conflict spins like a twister inside me.
“Will you?”
“I don’t know, Nicco —”
“Please. I have a suite and you’ll have your own bedroom. I mean, technically, we’ve already slept under the same roof together.” He winks at me, putting his hands on my waist, increasing my body temperature. “It’s beautiful there. Have you ever been?”
“No, I haven’t, but I have friends who have and they’ve told me how beautiful it is.”
“Then let’s go. We can experience it together and celebrate the start of my future.”
“I —” My head is spinning.
“I’ll bet you’ll even find some inspiration there.” The way he smiles at me is like he knows the power it has over me and he’s using it to its full potential to wear me down.
It’s working. My yearning heart makes the decision. “Okay, I suppose I can go.” Did I really just agree to spend the night in the same suite with him on a getaway to a romantic destination? I’ve lost my mind.
“Yes!” he cheers, picking me up in his arms again, then putting me down.
“After the large cats, we should probably start heading back so we can get to the theater on time.”
As I drive, we talk about what we liked at the zoo and he tells me how fascinated he was by my connection with Jo-Jo. And then, he brings up the topic I was hoping to avoid talking about with him.
“So, I enjoyed reading your books.”
“Oh good. I’m glad.” I keep my response short and brief. The thought of him reading my books, my innermost thoughts, makes my stomach churn. Before I can change the subject, he continues.
“I like the way you write, it’s very expressive. The characters feel real, like I’m getting to know them through your words. And the way you describe things around them, I feel like I’m in the room with them.”
“That’s something I work hard on.”
“You do it well. I also like how each of the main characters has something to learn or change about themselves to become who they want to be, a better version of themselves. And then you also have them grow together by helping each other. The way you intertwine their journeys strengthens their relationship in such a powerful way.”
Knowing how he likes getting inside the mind of the characters he plays, I appreciate him recognizing this in my writing. “Thank you. That’s one of my goals as I create my characters and their love story.”
“And the sex scenes weren’t what I expected.”
I grip the steering wheel as my heart races.
“Oh.” I know he read Sunflowers for Sarah, but I don’t know what else he read. I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know. I can’t bear knowing.
“Your words and descriptions are very sensual. Even the way you describe a kiss. The intimacy, the passion. It made me want to feel what you describe.”
A tingle sweeps between my legs and I shift in my seat. It’s impossible to not want his lips on mine this instant. I’m trying to breathe normally as my heart pounds beneath my ribs.
“You must feel something similar when you kiss women.”
“I told you, I don’t kiss women on the lips.”
“You did. But why?” Will he tell me? Will he let me in?
“I just don’t,” he says, his words icy.
Nope, he’s not budging.
“We all have our boundaries, I suppose. I don’t kiss men who smoke.” Which, I continue to remind myself, he does. So, I really need to stop thinking about him kissing me, wanting him to kiss me, and fantasizing about him kissing me. Ugh, I’m pathetic. But, now it’s out there. Maybe he’ll stop torturing me and lingering sexily in front of my face like he wants to devour me, when I know he doesn’t.
He releases a low, wicked chuckle as he looks at me. “But you like kissing.” It’s more of a statement than a question.
“Well, a kiss is intimate, intense, vulnerable. Some might say kissing is more powerful than sex.” Deep breath. Stop talking. We’ve moved from kissing to sex. I can’t breathe. My knuckles are white with my suffocating grasp on the steering wheel.
“The sex you write is pretty damn hot.”
Only knowing what he could’ve read, I’m stripped of my guards, completely exposed. I focus on the road, trying not to lose my grip with my sweaty hands. “It’s, uh, well, I’m good at my research.”
“Yes, you are.” That low timbre of his voice rattles through me. I feel his eyes on me and stare straight ahead.
Oh God. Change the subject, now. “What’s the next step for you with Vance?”
Thankfully, he drops the subject of my books, and sex, and tells me about his next moves with Vance and the agency.
We arrive in good timing at the theater to find a spot and get some food. I grab the blanket from the back of my car and put it between us. During the movie, I catch him stealing glances at me. Thankfully, the movie is fun and lighthearted. I love listening to him laugh.
About halfway through the movie, he touches my arm.
“You’re cold.”
I hadn’t noticed until he said it, but I was starting to get cold. When I look at him, he quickly looks from my breasts to the blanket. Ugh, my nipples must be hard. They’re so damn sensitive. Opening the blanket, he drapes it across me, tucking it in as best as he can.
“Better?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
As soon as the movie is over, I drive us back home, kind of tired from the day.
“What do you want to do at Ranch Inn? I need to know what to pack.”
“I thought we could go hiking or do something on the grounds during the day. On the website, the nature looks amazing. There’s a hot tub so bring your swimsuit. And maybe a dress for our celebration dinner. I thought on Thursday we can go to one of the art galleries. And the rest, we’ll figure out.”
“Okay, that gives me a good idea,” I say, pulling into my driveway.
“I’ll walk you in.”
I love that he makes sure I’m safely inside. Our goodbyes are becoming my favorite and my saddest part of our days. We stand in our usual spots, facing each other in my foyer, him looking down into my eyes, making my pulse race.
“Thank you for another nice day. I had fun. I especially enjoyed watching you with Jo-Jo.”
“I’m glad you had a good time. I did too.” I wrap my hands around my cold arms.
Instantly, he steps in, caging my body with his arms, holding my head to his chest. Without thinking, I sink into him, listening to his heart beat. He releases an audible exhale, uncages me, and steps back.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” Cupping my face in his hands, he kisses both cheeks, then closes the distance between our faces. “Good night, Destiny,” he murmurs, barely above a whisper.
I take a deep inhale. “Good night, Nicco.”
He leaves and I close the door behind him, happy it’s not our last goodbye, but sad because I know it’s coming.
I don’t have it in me to pack tonight so I’ll pack in the morning. I’ll pack for an overnight trip with a man who’s not mine and could never be. A man who I’m growing to like more each day. A man who unravels me in my fantasies and is starting to unravel me in real life.
A man who’s inching into my heart.