To Have & to Hurt by Morgan Bridges
Violetta
Tristano takes my hand and kisses each of my fingertips.
I inwardly cringe because my nails are a disaster since I clawed at the concrete while he spanked me. If he hadn’t told me to hold onto his ankle I would’ve made my fingers bleed. The agony that radiated through my body with each punishing strike stole my breath, made my eyes sting with tears, and lit my skin on fire with a searing heat.
But seeing the look on his face and the jealous rage in his eyes? Worth every bit of suffering.
I’d go through it again tonight if my ass wasn’t so sore and my muscles feeble. Because the orgasm he gave me was beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined.
That 365 Dni guy doesn’t have shit on Tristano.
My head lolls onto his shoulder and I briefly lower my lids, using the quiet moment to recenter myself. Tristano cares for me, and not just because I’m a responsibility for him. If not, then he wouldn’t have gotten so angry with me for talking about giving my virginity to someone else. Maybe Tristano will never admit he wants it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try to persuade otherwise.
“I have something else for you, ribelle.”
The deep soothing baritone of his voice drifts over me, lulling me into a deeper sense of peace, something I’ve never experienced before. The newness of this only serves to harden my resolve to break through Tristano’s rigid self-control. I understand his desire to keep things amicable with his brothers and my sister because of her relationship with Rafael, but I truly believe if Carina knew about my feelings for Tristano, then she’d give me her blessing to be happy.
Not that I need it. And it’s not as though she consulted me before falling in love. I can only hope that she’s understanding if the time comes. No, when it comes.
Because I’m not giving up.
“Another present?” I ask with a slight frown. “I hope it’s less painful than the last one.”
His eyes crinkle at the corners and his mouth lifts with amusement. “That was a gift of a different variety. This is something else.”
I shrug. “I didn’t mind the last one so much.”
He blinks at me and then blows out a breath. “Come on, let’s get you back to your seat.” Once he stands and places me in my chair, Tristano pours himself a tumbler full of alcohol. “Don’t take your eyes off the sky.”
“Okay.”
I take my wine glass in hand and take a sip, directing my gaze upward. The first thunderclap has me straightening in my chair and then wincing because of my tender backside. However, the boom isn’t thunder, it’s a firework display. Over and over the colorful missiles shoot into the darkened atmosphere, lightening it with their beautiful hues. I swear my smile is just as bright. The joy within illuminates my soul, just like the lights do to the sky above, only I’m shining where no one can see.
I’ve experienced a number of things tonight and everything has been because I wanted to. Even the spanking. I decided not to tell Tristano I liked it or he might’ve chosen a punishment I didn’t. The pain, although an extreme discomfort, made me feel alive after being the walking dead for so long. And that despondency was there long before my period of silence.
Tristano has had the wherewithal to do what he pleases and when. Plus he’s also had the means, whereas I do not and never have. I’ve been waiting to live, truly live, but on my terms and without the restriction of someone else’s authority or opinion. Those types of rules or barriers can’t be present, because true freedom requires you to actually be free.
Free to laugh and lament.
Free to love and lose.
Free to live and learn.
I never want to return to a prison, whether that be due to another person or myself. My vow of silence has ended and that’s a newfound liberation as well. I’m now a legal adult with the ability to do what I please.
At this precise hour and minute…
I swivel in my chair to face Tristano. “Did you know this is the exact time I was born?”
He nods and my mouth falls open. His gaze is now lucent like the bursting colors overhead and there’s a hint of laughter in his tone when he speaks. “Finish watching the display and then I’ll explain.”
My mouth lifts into a mild grin and I give the sky my full attention. The fireworks show is more spectacular and over the top than anything I’ve seen on TV in America, even on the Fourth of July. And that’s saying a lot. I have no idea how much something like this costs, but I know it’s definitely not cheap.
For Tristano to do all this for me…
Purple sparks float to the ground as the last of the explosions go off and dazzle me with their brilliance.
“The violet color was done in honor of your name,” Tristano says softly. “And yes, I planned for the fireworks to begin on the very minute of your birth and not end until the full sixty seconds had passed without a single gap in between.” He cocks his head in thought. “However, it looked as though there were a lot more than sixty of them.”
His thoughtfulness has me speechless. The memory of this night is more precious to me than any material gift could ever be. I’d love to return the favor, to make him feel the way I do right now.
“How did you know?” I shake my head, still in disbelief. “Did you ask Carina?”
“No, I called City Hall and had the clerk retrieve your birth certificate. She gave me the information.”
I quirk a brow and my lips twitch as I try to maintain my serious expression. “She simply gave it to you, hmm?”
He waves a hand in dismissal. “I can’t say I didn’t employ any tactics, but I did start off with bribery, which is a nicer way to get what I want. However, I was willing to transition to threats if she didn’t cooperate with me. I find that explaining this to people up front usually produces the desired results I’m seeking. Every once in a while, someone will want to test me and then I may skip the verbal threats and move on to physical ones.”
Tristano is dead serious.
Which is why I burst out laughing.
“You were going to break her kneecaps if she didn’t give you the details concerning my birthday?” I wrap my arms around my aching middle, barely able to breathe when he simply shrugs as though it’s obvious.
That fresh wave of giggles has me wheezing.
“Today is a celebration, a happy day, and yet you were planning on doing bodily harm to someone over fireworks,” I say. “How very cosa nostra of you.”
He frowns at me, but the more I laugh, the more his expression shifts, becoming something lighter. Until he quietly chuckles to himself. It’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh and that’s another present he’s unknowingly given me, besides his thoughtfulness.
“I suppose my strategies could be considered a bit excessive,” he says slowly. His mouth lifts into a half smile, a lazy smirk that sends a zing of heat through me. “It was imperative that this night be perfect for you and I wasn't going to allow some random individual to ruin it, so there’s that.”
My heart ricochets in my chest like a boomerang, only it doesn’t want to return to me. It wants to land in Tristano’s hands. Other than my love and loyalty, I have nothing else to offer him, except my body. He may not accept my heart, but he’ll take the other.
With a little persuasion.
I bring the champagne bottle to the rim of my wine glass and Tristano’s face goes taut, lines appearing on the sides of his mouth and a crease between his brows.
“Didn’t I tell you not to drink anymore?” he asks.
“I believe so.” The golden liquid flows almost as quickly from the bottle as my resolve to entice Tristano leaves me. I’m not simply pouring the champagne to provoke him, I feel dead sober and need to fortify myself. He’s going to put up a fight and resist, which means I have to be tenacious, and that requires alcohol. “Would you like some too?”
“Violetta…”
After pointedly taking a sip—a gulp really—I set down the glass and meet his gaze. It’s bright like the moon overhead, and similarly, it offers no warmth.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
“Hmm?” I slowly get to my feet and inwardly congratulate myself for not toppling over. Perhaps he was right about me drinking too much…
His gaze clouds with suspicion. “What are you doing?”
I make my way to him and the trek feels a lot further than a handful of steps. Possibly because I am intoxicated, from either the champagne or Tristano. It’s hard to discern when my blood rushes to my head and a burst of heat flits along every inch of my skin at the mere thought of him touching me.
He narrows his gaze and I nearly stop in my tracks. “I asked you a question.”
Once I’m standing directly over Tristano, I tilt my head, but not too much so I don’t tumble into his lap. “I’m testing out a hypothesis.”
“And what would that be?” He leans back in his chair and folds his arms. “To see if you can get drunk? Because I promise you that's entirely possible and may already be the case.”
“Yup.” I elongate the word and it has the desired effect. From the way his eyes flash, Tristano is ready to discipline me. The very thought ignites my motivation, giving me the courage to continue.
“Look,” I say with a snappy tone, inwardly cringing when he stiffens, “I just wanted to thank you for tonight and you’re making it very difficult for me. I told you I haven’t spoken in two years, but you’re pushing me to give you answers or responses when I’m not ready, so can you give me a second?”
He nods slowly, anger simmering in his silver eyes, turning them liquid.
I take a deep breath and remind myself that if I want to do this, it’s now or never. We’re returning to Chicago tomorrow and there won’t be another opportunity where Tristano and I will be alone and in a relaxed state. Sort of.
I’m nervous as hell and he looks ready to spank my ass again.
Before I lose the last of my bravery, I turn my back on him, not only to give myself this final reprieve, but to move all the items on the table off to the side. As soon as the space is clear, I suck in a breath and face Tristano, right before placing my foot on his armrest.
“Violetta, what in the fu—”
His words die as I push from his chair and use the momentum to hoist myself onto the table. Then I secure each heel on either side of his body, propping them on the armrests and caging him in. My legs, already spread from straddling him, fall to the sides and I swear Tristano looks ready to dole out violence.
Or a rough fuck.
I reach for the hem of my dress and his gaze shoots to my hand, fastening to it when I lift the material. He watches as though hypnotized, his eyes trailing every one of my movements, and the only reaction besides that is his throat shifting from him swallowing deep. After I’m done rearranging my dress so that it’s out of the way and leaves me completely exposed—since he never gave me back my panties after the spanking—I clasp my hands and wait.
This is either going to bring about humiliation or desire, but at least I’ll know I didn’t waste this opportunity.
Carpe diemat its finest.
He opens his mouth and I brace myself. But nothing happens. Tristano has been rendered speechless and I’d take delight in that if I wasn’t so damn nervous. Just because I want to have sex with him doesn’t mean I’m suddenly a seductress with the knowledge of how to get a man to jump in her bed. Or on her.
I wish Tristano would do it already and save me the trouble.
My plan, which wasn’t anything more than to make my intentions abundantly clear, needs help. I reach down and once again his eyes follow the motion, similar to the way a cobra follows a flute player. And I’m definitely the one who’s playing the instrument.
Myself.
The second my fingertips brush my clit Tristano’s pupils contract and then dilate, the silver of his eyes all but disappearing. I recall the way that woman in 365 Dni touched herself and I channel that same wild abandon, letting my head fall back and my eyes close as my arousal swells and my sex dampens. I dip my finger inside and bring it back to my clit, stroking it harder and faster.
I’m more than aware of Tristano watching me, but I’m caught up in how good this feels, and not just because he’s there. It’s beyond that. I’m reveling in my boldness and the fact that I’m exposed in public.
And vulnerable, completely at Tristano’s mercy.
“Don’t come yet.” The sound of his voice, hoarse and broken because of his desire, because of me, brings my orgasm closer. “If you do before I tell you to, I’m going to whip your ass until you can’t sit down.”
I give a strangled moan and clench my teeth to keep from coming. This is what I wanted. He’s followed me down the path of lust and for the first time I’m not scared, only nervous because it’s unknown and new to me.
But that doesn’t matter because it’s not for Tristano.