To Have & to Hurt by Morgan Bridges

Tristano

Icould’ve fucked Violetta all night long.

And I would’ve, if I wasn’t concerned about her physically.

As is, I’ve put her body through a lot and although she’s offered no objections, I know I can’t continue, for her sake. To say she surprised me by wanting more is an understatement. The woman is insatiable and I don’t mean for just sex. Violetta wants the roughness and the pain as much as she wants the tenderness and pleasure. It’s a heady mix I’ve always desired but was unable to fulfill.

In Violetta I’ve found satisfaction I didn’t think possible.

However, the problem is my hunger for her is growing, and at an exponential rate. I told myself if I had copious amounts of sex with her, then she’d want to be rid of me and I would eventually get bored with her. Yet, every time I’m inside her…I can’t stand the thought it’s going to be the last time.

And if my mind hints at the idea of her moving on? I’m ready to fucking murder someone.

This situation has made me slightly unhinged where Violetta’s concerned and that’s another dilemma, not including what’ll happen when Carina finds out. I can’t be bothered with that shit today since I’m meeting my mother shortly.

As if that’s not enough to put me in the mood to kill someone...

I lean down and brush back a stray tendril of Violetta’s hair away from her face. Just looking at her causes my chest to tighten painfully. She is all that’s good in this world and when I told her to never change I said that because I love the way she is. But also because I didn’t want my iniquity to influence her in any way.

It could be too late already, but I had to try.

After running my fingers through the loose strands of her hair, I kiss her temple and then leave the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. Benito greets me with a scowl and his arms crossed, his stance challenging. I knew it’d be like this when his gaze drilled into mine last night, after watching me carry Violetta to the car with her holding onto me like I was life itself.

I regret nothing.

I hold up my hand and his mouth thins. “Whatever you’re assuming, it’s true, so let’s get that shit out of the way right now.”

“Really?” he drawls, pricking my temper. “So you’re saying that you fucked her and now you’re done with her?”

“No. I’m not done with her.”

“Really?”

I grind my teeth. “Yes, really.”

“What are your intentions then?” Benito narrows his gaze and it flares with his restrained anger. “Keep her around until she bores you? Get her pregnant and possibly marry her? Or not. There aren’t a lot of options to choose from. Even less that benefit her.”

I cock my head and raise a brow. “Are you sure you’re not jealous?”

“Boss, go fuck yourself. And I mean that with all due respect. If you can’t see that I’m watching out for Violet because I know how you are, then I’ll explain it to you. That woman is different. She’s not like those scheming whores you constantly fuck and forget. She’s young, not just in age, but in life.”

He jabs his finger in my direction, emphasizing each point with a threatening motion that has my muscles tensing. “You’re older and she’ll look to you for guidance in this situation, and not only that, she’ll make assumptions based on whatever happens between you two. You’ll be the measurement in which she judges all men going forward, and that’s a heavy responsibility because she’s learning what she does and doesn’t want in the future.”

“I didn’t realize I hired you to be a fucking psychiatrist, as well as a bodyguard.”

Benito shrugs, but the glint in his eyes is far from nonchalant. “I’m whatever’s needed at the time. Psychiatrist, bodyguard, hitman… You know the drill.”

The thinly veiled threat makes me respect him and want to kill him. However, if there was ever a person I’d trust with Violetta’s safety, Benito would be the one. Especially because he has no romantic interest in her. As pissed off as I am by this conversation, he’s right to say those things to me. In fact, he’s correct about everything.

And that’s why I hate it.

“You’re a good man, Benito.”

He squints at me in confusion. “Yes, I am, but why are you saying it?”

I walk up to him and clasp his shoulder, squeezing it out of affection. “Knowing you’re looking out for Violetta with such loyalty is something I can’t put a price on, but I do recognize the value of it.”

He grins at me. “Well, I can put a price on it and I’ve been wanting a raise this year anyway.”

I shove him away with a small laugh. “We can discuss that when we’re back in Chicago.” My expression changes to serious and his does as well. “Keep her safe.”

“As safe as my cock in my hand.” He winks at me.

“For fuck’s sake,” I mutter as I walk toward the front door. Just like the last time I left, his laughter follows me on the way out, only this time I smile.

“Where would you like me to start?”

I recline on the leather couch and toss my arm across the back, staring at my mother from across the library in El Jefe’s residence. She looks like the woman in my memories, wearing a classic sundress and heels with her hair loose about her shoulders, as opposed to the shirt and jeans she was wearing when I arrived here. Seeing her like this unearths the part of my soul that harbors the child in me, specifically the ten year old who grieved the loss of his mother for decades after she was gone.

“From the beginning would be most logical,” I say.

Her gaze, identical to mine, narrows at my blasé response. We both know how much I want this information and me not begging for it bothers her on some level. Although, I’m not sure why. What did she expect?

Aida clears her throat and it could be due to the dust coating her airways now that she’s brushed off her lies. My father told me some things about her and their relationship but not all. However, with the information I have I should be able to discern whether or not she’s being truthful.

She fucking better be.

“I met your father while my family was vacationing in southern Italy, Sicily to be exact,” she says. Her eyes soften, taking on a faraway look, and her lips spread into a smile filled with fondness for the memory. “My mother ended up scolding me for my disobedience, but I just had to visit the Temple of Hera. It was a silly dare from one of my friends and since I was young I didn’t know any better. On my way back to the hotel, your father rescued me from a street gang. And that was it for me.”

She blinks as though bringing herself out of the memory and her gaze clears. “Needless to say my parents were not thrilled with my supposed infatuation, but the next year when we traveled there I sought him out, and those were the best summer days. Until my parents offered my hand in marriage to the son of a prestigious family they did business with. I’ll spare you the details because all you need to know is I disgraced my bloodlines by mixing it with a Sicilian’s and I was disowned for running away with him. We came to America and built our lives together.”

I tilt my head. “Years of wedded bliss followed, I presume?”

Her gaze flashes with irritation right before it narrows. “Absolutely. Marrying your father was everything I could’ve wanted.”

Octavia shifts on the love seat adjacent to me. It’s only the three of us, but I keep forgetting she’s here, and it’s because she’s been deathly quiet since we sat down. I don’t know why she wants to hear something that’s obviously hurting her and I expect her to storm out of the room any minute now, yet she remains.

“And how old were you?” I ask, my tone caustic. “A consenting minor? According to Italy’s standards?”

The insult hangs in the atmosphere between us, clouding the room with tension. Italy may not recognize individuals as a legal adult until they’ve reached eighteen years of age, but sexual consent can be given as young as fourteen. I’ve not only insinuated Aida was an ignorant child at the time, but also that my father preyed on her. I want her to be emotional, because when people don’t lead with logic, it causes them to make mistakes.

Or tell the truth.

Aida stiffens. “I was seventeen, but I loved your father and I wanted to marry him.”

“You were still a minor and incapable of making such a crucial decision at the time.” I scoff and shake my head. “The outcome of all this is beginning to make sense.”

Aida pointedly ignores the barb and glances at Octavia briefly before bringing her attention back to me. “After a couple of years you were born, followed by your brothers, and everything was wonderful until your father became obsessed with getting on the Wolf Pack’s council. It was all he could talk about and after a while it created a wedge between us until I was so fed up with him I threatened to divorce him. My mistake was I did it in public.”

She massages the center of her forehead and exhales as though defeated. “People overheard, rumors spread, and that’s where everything went to hell.”

“Please continue,” I say with a twirl of my fingers. “I have a plane to catch and you have a ransom to pay, assuming the transfer has been confirmed?”

Aida’s mouth thins. “Yes.”

Octavia exhales with apparent relief and I wonder if I might’ve misunderstood which of them is actually involved with El Jefe. I assumed it was my mother, but it could be Octavia. I highly doubt this man has endeared himself to them both for the same reason, but it would make sense if Aida viewed him as a son-in-law or something else along those lines.

I stroke my chin. “So there was trouble in paradise and you simply…left?”

My mother’s gaze frosts over and the coldness inside is biting, the silver sparkling like fresh snow. This is a side of her I’ve never seen, but my father did tell me about it. He often spoke about her courage and ferocity with such pride in his tone, but he failed to mention how sinister it could be.

“My former fiancé came back into my life and I ended up pregnant with his child,” Aida says, her tone deadened, without the inflection and liveliness from before. “I couldn’t go back to your father in that condition, not without castrating him in the eyes of his peers, and I didn’t want to stay with the baby’s father, so yes, I left.”

“Did you know about the hit the Wolf Pack put out on you?” I lean forward and rest my forearms on my knees. “Is that another reason you ran?

She nods. “I got wind of it and yes, it impacted my decision.”

“Did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Do what they accused you of?” I ask. “Caruso brought evidence to the council and made you out to be a rat by feeding the feds the details of the Wolf Pack’s agenda. Even if you would’ve returned to my father, you would’ve brought that danger back with you, and it would’ve gotten us all killed.”

“I was set up by my baby’s father.” She tilts her head. “You don’t have to believe me, but it was so long ago, there’s no reason to lie now.”

“There could be, if someone wanted recompense.”

Octavia brings her gaze to me, a mask of worry on her face. “Is that what you’re here for?” When I shake my head she relaxes, but the wariness doesn’t fade from her eyes.

However, Aida pales considerably. “I didn’t know the Wolf Pack was going to turn on your father or I would’ve stayed to fight the lies. By the time I learned about it the damage had been done. We were both being hunted and your father took you out of the U.S. and I fled here.”

“Is that the whole of it?” I grit out. She nods and my temper rises to an unhealthy level. “This is the great secret?”

I get to my feet and fist my hands at my sides to keep from strangling the woman who gave me life. How ironic would it be if birthing me ultimately led to her death today? “All I heard was a story about a child who didn’t know what they wanted, married the first man that came along, and then regretted it. Which brought about adultery, a pregnancy, and ended with her cowardly actions bringing about the near destruction of her former family, the same family she swore a vow of loyalty to. Did I miss anything?”

By the time I’m finished speaking my nostrils flare with each rise of my chest, every one of my breaths sharp. Frustration from the lack of closure builds within me like molten lava before a volcanic eruption. As much as I value clarity above most things, this might be a time when ignorance is truly bliss.

“That’s everything,” Aida says quietly.

I give her a curt nod, my eyes little more than slits. “This was a poor investment in both time and money spent. As such, I expect a vehicle and driver to be waiting for me outside in the next five minutes.”

My strides are careful and measured, contrasting with the rage trying to overtake me. I anticipated more from this conversation and that’s the problem. Aida turned out to be nothing more than a foolish young woman, who grew up to be a manipulative and conniving adult who only cared about what they wanted, taking no responsibility for their actions. Or for those they vowed to care for.

How my father ever thought her worthy of his affection is beyond me. He wasn’t much older than my mother when they met, but I thought he was mature enough to know better than to marry someone so fickle by nature. If he’d chosen a different wife, then he, along with my brothers and I, wouldn’t have suffered. Not to mention Octavia, in addition to anyone I’m not aware of.

It’s unfathomable to me that someone could walk away from their family, of all things.

Perhaps Aida didn’t know any better because of her age, but I don’t view that as a viable excuse. It only proves that some people can’t truly know what they want until they’re older. There isn’t a specific year in someone’s life that brings about complete understanding of one’s self, but I highly doubt it happens at seventeen fucking years old.

I open the door to the guest house and my dark mood intensifies when my gaze lands on Violetta and Benito. He hovers behind her with one hand on her shoulder and the other covering the firearm she’s holding. Benito is quick to notice my entrance and drops his hands away from her immediately, but she keeps the weapon level and squints with concentration.

“It’s heavier than I thought,” she says.

Benito doesn’t respond and from the way he takes a step back from her it’s obvious I’m not doing very well in concealing my fury. “Hey capo,” he says.

Violetta spins to face me and her gaze, along with her smile, is brighter than the Northern Lights. They instantly dim once she scans my face. “Tristano?”

“We’re leaving. Now.”

I step outside, not bothering to retrieve my personal effects left behind. It can all be replaced with money. If only that were true of people.

“Tristano?”

Hearing Violetta’s voice, threaded with concern and confusion, has me briefly closing my eyes to ward off the vulnerability she creates within me. She’s a threat to me in so many ways.

Because I would do anything, sacrifice anything for her.

After speaking to my mother this morning, I’ve come to realize I’m more like my father than I’d originally thought. He took responsibility when necessary and I’ve followed in his footsteps. But unlike him, I won’t allow a woman to destroy me and those I care for.

Resenting my father while he rests in the grave isn’t beneficial, nor will it repair the damage my mother created, yet I now blame him for not being strong enough to do what he should’ve; what I’m going to do now.

The sins of the father are visited upon their children… But I’ll be damned before that happens to mine.

I turn to face Violetta, taking in her beauty, sensuality, and youth. She stops directly in front of me and it’s close enough to make out the worry swimming in the deep pools of her eyes, as well as inhale the fragrance of her. For a moment my resolve weakens and the desire to touch her, to kiss her flows through my blood, and like the life-sustaining substance, she is what I need to live.

But I don’t need her to survive.

“Is everything alright?” she asks, placing a hand on my arm. “Did something happen with Aida?”

I pointedly look at where her fingers rest on my sleeve and then at her. Violetta lets her arm fall away with hurt flashing in her gaze. It guts me, but I suppress the reaction.

“She told me what I wanted to know,” I say, “so there’s no reason for us to stay here any longer.”

“Okay.” Violetta takes a deep breath and then closes the distance between us. It’s unexpected, temporarily shocking me, which is why I don’t react quickly when she cups my cheek. “I’m worried about you. Is there anything I can do?”

I take a step back, removing her touch. “No.”

She cradles her hand to her chest as though I’ve wounded her physically and her gaze fills with pain. It flips to anger faster than I can blink. “Why are you acting like that? We might not have known each other for very long, but it doesn’t take a genius to recognize something is wrong with you. What did Aida say that upset you so much?”

“This isn’t about her, it’s about you and me.”

“Us?”

“Yes,” I say, emphasizing my response with a firm nod. “This isn’t going to work.”

Violetta rears back like I slapped her face. “So you fucked me like...six hours ago and now you’ve decided you’re done with me?”

“Watch how you speak to me,” I warn. “I’m doing this for your own good because you’re too young to know what you want or what to watch out for. A few years from now you’ll have enough life experiences to make a decision and it won’t be one you regret a decade from now. Trust me, this is for the best.”

“I see.” She laughs, but it’s tinged with bitterness, creating a sour taste in my mouth. “How kind of you to give me the experience of sexual intercourse, that way I’ll have a basis going forward. You’ve also been gracious to provide first-hand knowledge of what a narcissistic man can be like and how much of an idiot I’ve been these last couple days. Believe me when I say I do trust you. I trust you to be a self-serving asshole who’s worse than my father, which is pretty fucking bad.”

Violetta spins on her heel and I admire the currents of anger she leaves in her wake, even as they cut me. From that second, until we climb into the vehicle and leave for the air strip, I remind myself I’ve done what’s best for us both.

I might be a good enough liar when it comes to Violetta.

But I can’t fool myself.