To Have & to Hurt by Morgan Bridges

Violetta

Tristano rests on top of me with his cock inside me and his arms around me.

I’ve never been happier.

I lie on the table and stare up at the fairy lights above, watching them in a contented daze. The glow they provide gives the place an atmosphere of serenity and the breeze drifting over us only adds to it. But a moment ago this place was filled with raw sexual energy.

My mind wants to process every kiss and every touch, not to mention the fulfillment I reached by bonding Tristano in a way that I never have with anyone else. And not just because we had sex.

It was something more, something that transcended carnal fucking and morphed into a beautiful thing. I know my thoughts are ridiculous and fantastical, yet I can’t help but think his soul touched mine. It happened briefly when Tristano stared down at me and started to come. Although I was already swept away in ecstasy, I saw something flicker in his gaze, a recognition that was profoundly deep and stirred my consciousness like nothing and no one ever has.

“Ribelle…”

“Hmm?”

Tristano lifts his head from my chest to stare down at me, his gaze probing mine. “Are you alright?”

Nerves bubble to the surface and I huff out a small laugh. “I’m not sure, actually.”

His forehead creases from the severity of his somber expression and I trail my fingers along the line of tension. It immediately lessens and then he takes my hand and presses his lips to the center of my palm in a gentle kiss. After that he turns it over and kisses each one of my knuckles.

I watch Tristano without the strength to shield my emotions and I wonder if he can see them whenever our eyes meet. If so, then he’ll know the secrets in my heart I don’t wish to share.

At least, not yet.

Even though his muscles are relaxed and his breathing has slowed, his gaze is sharp and a tinge of worry weaves through me. This negative feeling is quickly drowned out by the pleasant lethargy still covering me. My entire body feels weightless, boneless and this may be the most serene I’ve ever been.

“I need you to be sure,” he says, taking my chin in hand. “This is not something to be flippant about.”

“I’m fine.”

“Violetta, don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.” I blink up at him in confusion, unsure why he sounds upset with me. “I promise.”

He drops his hold on me and briefly closes his eyes. “I savagely took your virginity and fucked you like an animal afterward. I won’t lie to you and say I regret it because I fucking don’t. With that being said, you must be far from unscathed.”

I jerk back slightly because his dark tone catches me off guard. Not only that, it’s intimidating.

Tristano swears under his breath and then cups my cheek to swipe his thumb over the lingering dampness created by my tears earlier. His gaze softens minutely and the tightness in my body lessens.

“Normally I’d order you to put aside your fear,” he says, “but after what just occurred between us, it’s understandable. However, if I was offered the chance to change anything tonight, I’d do it all again, in the exact same way. Do you know why?” I shake my head and he continues. “Because it was what I wanted, what I’ve craved since first laying eyes on you.”

My uncertainty grows and becomes full-on anxiety. Is Tristano saying he no longer wants me now that he’s been satisfied? The evening takes on a sour note, making my stomach churn. My pulse increases when the blood in my veins pumps quicker, due to the adrenaline seeping in.

“Violetta, stop it.” Once I bring my gaze to him, he bends down and sweeps his mouth over mine, completely turning my world upside down and jumbling my emotions. “Get rid of the suspicion and doubt. I’m trying to explain that you were my fantasy made manifest tonight. The more I gave you, the more you wanted. Not only that, you blossomed in it. Watching you like that will haunt me for the rest of my life, because compared to this? Nothing will be better.”

I’m not sure what to say, think, or feel, yet my heart wants to believe him. What I need is time to process everything, but when I do, that’ll mean the evening is over.

And I want to savor it as long as possible.

I have no illusions that having sex with Tristano guarantees some type of commitment or even a relationship, however, the tenderness from him offsets the calousness and gives me hope that he could grow to care for me.

He shifts his weight and the movement causes his cock to slightly withdraw from inside me. I wince at the soreness and when he catches me, my cheeks nearly burst into flames from embarrassment.

“Hold on, ribelle. Let me take care of you.”

Tristano eases himself from me and makes quick work of cleaning up and setting his clothing to rights. Then he wets a linen napkin and reaches for me. My legs are closed and he gives me a pointed look when I don’t immediately spread them. I finally obey and avert my gaze as feelings of self-consciousness engulf me.

“You don’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed,” he says, running the material over my inner thigh. “You have given me the highest honor a man could ask for.”

“My virginity?” I ask, affronted by the mere suggestion that’s all a woman has to offer.

“Your trust.”

I deflate. “Oh.”

He tends to me and is extremely careful around my sex and the surrounding area. I can’t be certain, but I swear there’s a gleam in his eyes when he looks between my legs, no doubt titillated by the sight. However, it disappears, instantly replaced with concern.

Tristano sucks in a breath. “I really should’ve…” Then he exhales and shakes his head, continuing his ministrations.

I want to correct his assumption or remind him exactly how much I enjoyed what happened. The pain was simply that and after being numb for the majority of my life, it felt good to actually feel something. What he did to me was pleasurable despite the discomfort because I knew Tristano wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was simply overtaken by the passion blazing between us and it’s a known fact that fire can burn you.

But the heat of it can also melt a frozen heart.

My thoughts roll over my tongue, nearly spilling from my mouth, but somehow I manage to keep silent. This isn’t the moment for that type of conversation and, truth be told, I’m not sure he’d want to hear it anyway.

Tristano takes the linen square and folds it neatly before sticking it in his pocket. I don’t stop my mouth from falling open, nor do I try to close it.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

He smirks at me. “Do you have a problem?”

“Um, yes. I do, actually. That isn’t exactly sanitary, for one. Secondly, it’s just weird. And thirdly, you already have my panties, for crying out loud.”

His lips rise, turning his expression into a full smile that’s achingly beautiful. “That piece of cloth is a momento of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life and if I want to keep it, jack off with it, or do anything else, I fucking will.” He leans over the table, caging me in by placing his hands on either side of my shoulders. “The same goes for your underwear.”

“Okay,” I squeak.

He chuckles softly, causing my lungs to collapse and my heart stutter in my chest. I wish I could hear him laugh more often. It takes away some of the bleakness in his silver gaze, making it more iridescent.

Tristano offers me his hand and I clench my teeth against the newfound tenderness as he helps me off the table, but I still wince. His mouth pulls into a frown, right before he lifts me into his arms.

I clutch the material of his shirt in fear of falling, which is pointless because he has a secure hold on me. So I wrap my arms around his neck and look up at Tristano to thank him for carrying me. However, he’s not looking at me. I follow his line of sight to the tiny red stain on the table cloth.

And nearly shrivel from embarrassment.

“Don’t you dare put the tablecloth in your pocket too,” I hiss in his ear.

Tristano’s laughter rings out and it’s the most glorious, yet sensual sound I’ve ever heard. He laughs so hard I’m jostled in his embrace and I tighten my grip on him, just in case.

“Violetta, I’ve never met anyone like you.”

I hmph, blowing out an exasperated breath. “I bet.”

He nuzzles my jawline with the tip of his nose and then kisses the sensitive spot just behind my ear, sending electrical currents throughout my body. “Never ever change,” he whispers.

Needless to say, my emotions are high because of my birthday celebration, losing my virginity, and the tender moments that transpired between Tristano and myself. So when my eyes sting with tears I’m not surprised. I remain silent, unsure if I can keep my composure while answering him.

When I nod—because that’s all I can manage—he turns to walk away from the patio. “Wait!” I say, nearly shrieking. “We can’t just leave that stain there for people to see, for fuck’s sake!”

Tristano’s lips twitch with suppressed laughter and I glare at him. He gives me a look that’s meant to be contrite but isn’t, and then returns to the table. “Take the red wine and dump it on the tablecloth.” After I do he kisses my temple. “Better now?”

My response is to glare in his direction although I’m not truly angry. “Unlike some people, I don’t have the confidence to leave behind evidence of my first sexual interlude for everyone to see, so forgiveme for trying to cover it up.”

“I think that’s best left for Father Diego. Be sure to confess your sinful nature to him first thing in the morning.”

I gasp, and then before I’ve thought it through, I smack Tristano’s shoulder. “Are you out of your mind?!” The brightness of his gaze is dazzling and filled with mirth, which quickly melts my shock and indignation. My face scrunches from my confused expression. “And why tomorrow?”

Tristano gives me a look that’s pure sin and my sex clenches. “Because I’m going to fuck you again tonight, perhaps several times, and it’s not logical for you to confess until after we’ve finished indulging our sinful natures.”

He winks at me and I sigh.

Forget him being an angel; I’ve fallen in love with Lucifer himself.