Psync by Zile Elliven

Chapter Twenty-Two

Eli

Ribbons of blue flowed softly around Eli as he drifted. Every time he began to wake, a ribbon would wind around him and gently pull him back down.

Eventually, a particularly pressing need gave Eli the energy to fight the ribbons until he was finally able to open his eyes a teeny, tiny bit.

It had been a terrible idea. Everything was blurry and violently bright. Maybe he could hold out a little longer before actually getting up? He’d never been so content.

Eli stretched lazily and snuggled into his bed. His extra lumpy, magical bed that he wasn’t ever planning on leaving. Every inch of his body was singing.

Wait, was he dead? Death couldn’t be that bad if it felt like this. He ran a hand over his bed, enjoying the silky-smooth, warm texture. The bed rumbled agreeably.

Eli rubbed a cheek against the bed and buried his face in it, breathing in its intoxicating smell. He’d died and now he was in heaven. Who knew heaven was real?

“Stop thinking about dying,” his bed said.

Eli’s eyes came fully open, and he took in his surroundings.

The bed he was lying on was a person, and the soft, silky sheets were actually warm, golden skin that seem to go for miles.

Eli’s head jerked up.

:Ow.:

:Be careful.: Strong arms came around him to hold him in place.

“What happened?” And why am I treating you like my own personal teddy bear?

Amusement rippled through Haruka into Eli. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

Eli scrunched his forehead. “I remember Ash . . .”

The amusement faded.

“And the hospital . . . and you.” Eli summoned all of his bravery and looked Haruka in the eyes. They were soft and warm and shimmered with a thousand gold flecks. “You’re the voice in my head.”

Haruka nodded. :And you’re the one in mine.:

Eli startled and tried to get up, but once again was locked in place by Haruka’s arms. Did he work out or something? “How are you doing that?”

“I don’t know. It happened after we touched.” Haruka frowned thoughtfully. “It doesn’t work when we aren’t touching. At least not yet.”

“Yet?” According to all the laws of Eli, he should really be freaking out right now. So why wasn’t he?

“That’s really disorienting.” Haruka poked Eli in the nose. “Just say everything you’re thinking out loud. You’ll be saving me a headache.”

“You can hear everything I’m thinking?” How unfair! Eli wasn’t picking up anything other than what seemed like deliberate thoughts.

“You’re still doing it,” Haruka said in a pained voice.

“I can’t say everything I’m thinking.”

“Why not?”

Because then you’ll know what I’m thinking! Eli just managed to keep himself from saying.

Haruka burst into laughter, rocking Eli’s body with the intensity. His arms hugged Eli close to him and he buried his face into Eli’s hair. “But I like what you’re thinking.” His voice was a low purr.

Eli’s entire body burst into flames, and he blurted out, “I have to go to the bathroom!”

Haruka relaxed his hold and let Eli sit up. “I’m sorry for teasing you, but you make it so fun.” Haruka ran a finger across Eli’s cheek, and a million shooting stars followed in its wake.

Eli scrambled off the bed at top speed, which turned out to be a mistake for many reasons.

“Ow.” He clutched his head, then his hand, then his stomach. “What the . . .?” Why was he such a mess?

Haruka reached out a hand to steady Eli, and the pain receded. “You have a mild concussion and a few bruises. You didn’t reinjure your hand though. How did you hurt it in the first place?”

Like hell Eli was going to tell him he’d busted it while running away from Haruka when he was camped out in the hallway of Eli’s floor.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Something dark pulsed from Haruka to Eli. It was guilt, worry, and something Eli couldn’t put a name to. Maybe Eli couldn’t hear all of Haruka’s thoughts, but he was getting something from him. “You were that close, and I let you get away. And you were injured running from me . . .”

Eli was drawn toward Haruka and placed a hand on his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, it was me being stupid, as usual.”

“You’re brilliant, Eli. I only call you stupid when you refuse to use your brain.” Haruka lifted Eli’s injured hand and pressed his lips against it, eyes staring intently into Eli’s. “I wouldn’t let someone else call you stupid. Do you think I’ll let you do it?”

“Bathroom!” Eli tugged his hand free and winced when the pain from all his injuries slammed back down on top of him. “How are you doing that?” he asked as he staggered toward the door.

“Doing what?”

“How are you making everything stop hurting when you’re touching me?”

Haruka’s eyebrows raised a notch, and he got up from the bed. “I’ll carry you.”

Eli’s back hit the wall as Haruka advanced toward him. “No way. You are not carrying me bridal style down the hallway where everyone can see.”

Again, Eli got a hint of amusement from Haruka. It was fainter now that they were no longer touching, but it was definitely not coming from Eli.

“And if no one could see?”

“Not then either!”

“If you’re hurting, I want to help.”

Oh my god, was Haruka pouting? Eli looked away before he caved.

“Eli . . .”

Eli kept his face turned away. Everything was extremely weird right now, and Eli was so far outside his comfort zone he couldn’t even see it.

Haruka sighed. “There’s a small bathroom in my room. No shower, but it has a sink and a toilet. Just let me help you get there.” Haruka pointed to what Eli had previously thought was a closet.

“I’m not letting you carry me four feet across the room either.”

“Then lean on my arm.” Haruka held out his hand.

Eli looked at it, then at the door to the bathroom and tried to assess exactly how dizzy he was. If he made it, then his pride got a gold star. But if he didn’t make it, Haruka was going to scoop him up. Then Eli would have a companion in the bathroom with him, and that was not going to happen.

He stretched out his hand and lightly placed it in Haruka’s. So conditioned to suffering from physical contact, Eli braced himself, but was unprepared at the ecstasy that raced up his arm. He groaned in pleasure and almost fell into Haruka’s waiting arms.

But he stopped himself. Instead, he glared at Haruka’s hand and tugged on it until he followed Eli to the bathroom.

Eli opened the door and pulled his hand free. The pain slammed back down on him like a cat with its prey, and he had to take several deep breaths before his vision cleared enough to go inside.

“Don’t even think about waiting outside.”

“I’m not that weird.” Haruka was smiling, but there was something about the way he hovered by the door that made Eli think he was asking himself if Eli should be alone right now.

“I seriously doubt that,” Eli said and slammed the door in Haruka’s face.

He was in and out as fast as humanly possible, partly because he was half afraid if he took too long, Haruka would barge in to make sure he was okay, and partly because there was something inside Eli that was begging him to go back to Haruka.

When he opened the door, Haruka was a few feet away in his tiny kitchen—not technically standing next to the door, but it was close.

Haruka came to him holding a muffin. A bran muffin. “I have blueberry too, but . . .” He trailed off with an enigmatic smile.

Eli didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I’m not hungry right now, but—” He held out a hand when Haruka stepped closer. “But I’ll take it, so I won’t have to find out if you’d actually cram it inside me if I said no.”

Haruka smirked and handed Eli the muffin. Then he took him by the hand and led him to a low Japanese-style table. Eli’s eyes nearly slid shut on contact and followed docilly.

“You don’t have to be so pushy, you know,” Eli said when he sat down.

“And you don’t have to be so stubborn.” Haruka eyed the muffin sitting in front of Eli.

“Do you have coffee?”

“I have milk.”

“Milk is coffee’s evil cousin. And not an acceptable substitute.” Eli tore off a bit of muffin and popped it in his mouth. His knee was just brushing Haruka’s.

“I could get you coffee, but I’m not leaving you alone.”

“And I’m not letting you carry me through the campus.”

“Then no coffee for you.”

There was another option.

“Which is?”

“Stop reading my mind!”

“It’s difficult when you’re sitting in my lap,” Haruka said calmly.

“I’m not sitting—” Eli began hotly until he realized that somehow, he’d scooted from his side of the table to Haruka’s and was, in fact, half in the man’s lap. “Anyway, before I was interrupted—”

“I didn’t interrupt you . . . until now.”

“You—” Eli made to get out of Haruka’s lap, but an arm came down like a seatbelt, locking him in place.

Haruka nuzzled Eli’s hair. “At some point we should talk about all of this.”

“Yes . . . but coffee, first.” Eli didn’t want to talk. He wanted to crawl back into bed and wallow in Haruka until the next forever.

“We can do that after we talk.”

“Just because I want to do something, doesn’t mean I intend to do it,” Eli muttered.

“But when they’re good ideas, I plan on fully supporting them.”

“You’re intolerable. Did you know that?”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s true.” Haruka’s arms tightened around Eli. “You’re tolerating me very well right now.”

“Anyway, back to the coffee.” Eli had his priorities. “I have a few cans of Starbucks in my room.”

“You’re finally going to let me in your room?”

“I think at this point I can trust you not to assault me, Haruka.”

“Eli.” Haruka lifted Eli by the waist and turned him around until they were eye to eye. Eli shifted until his legs straddled Haruka’s, but he didn’t know where to put his hands. Haruka took them and put them on his chest. “I will never hurt you. I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

Eli felt his cheeks heat and watched in horror as the blush went down his arms, all the way to his fingertips. He nodded without making eye contact and pushed on Haruka’s chest until he let him get up.

Eli made sure to keep a hand on him until he was steady, preparing himself for the pain when he let go, but Haruka unfolded himself neatly and easily, rising at the same time Eli did, so they could continue holding hands.

“I’m not holding hands with you in the hallway.”

“I could carry you.”

“. . . but it’s early enough that I doubt anyone will notice us holding hands,” Eli said through clenched teeth.

“That’s the spirit.”

Eli pulled on Haruka’s arm and led him out into the hallway. “You are so much better at English than I am at Japanese. Your idioms trip me up constantly. How do you do it?”

“Well, I’ve been in your country for three years, I’m older than you—”

“Yeah, you are, ojiisan.”

“I’m not that much older than you.” Haruka tugged lightly on Eli’s hand and pushed the elevator button. “But if you want to practice, I’m happy to help.”

“Will you help me so I don’t have an accent?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because your accent is adorable.”

Eli spent the elevator ride to his floor staring resolutely in the opposite direction of Haruka, but when the doors opened, he realized he was all but draped over the man when Haruka dipped his head and whispered in Eli’s ear, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather me carry you?”

Eli took off down the hall, dragging Haruka behind him and didn’t stop until he reached his door.

“You very fast for someone who’s—”

“I’m not short.” Eli wrestled his door open using far more force than necessary.

“I was going to say injured. You’re supposed to rest for the next few days until your next appointment.”

That’s it. He was going to die. If it wasn’t from embarrassment, it would be from throwing himself down a flight of stairs.

“That’s not funny.”

Eli dropped Haruka’s hand, and his head immediately began to throb.

“Private thoughts are supposed to be private.”

“How often do you think about dying? Because several times in less than a day is alarming. Is this normal for Americans?”

“It’s not—I’m not . . . It’s called having a fatalistic sense of humor.” And you won’t have to hear it if you stay out of my head! Eli waited a beat and then smiled when Haruka didn’t react.

Excellent. Coffee time. But first . . .

Eli made for his desk to grab his bipolar meds, tapped out his dose, and swallowed it.

“What are those for?”

Eli reached into his fridge and grabbed a can of coffee, opened it and drank half its contents in one go. “You want one?” When Haruka shook his head, Eli shrugged. More for him. “I’m bipolar. These help me manage it.”

“What happens if you don’t take them?”

“Eh . . . it varies.” Eli hedged. Having a fatalistic sense of humor was one thing, but if it was followed by an in-depth discussion on manic depression, Haruka was likely to bolt. And while he wasn’t about to run around and tell everyone he met about it, Eli really wanted him to stay.

Haruka propped a hip on Eli’s desk and motioned for him to continue.

“If I don’t take them, my brain chemistry can’t regulate itself, and I’ll start swinging from happy to unhappy.”

“How unhappy?”

“Very unhappy, okay!” Eli’s head pounded, letting him know he’d gotten a bit louder than he’d planned.

“When was the last time you took them?”

“Um . . .” Actually, he couldn’t remember. “I’m not sure.”

“So, you haven’t been taking the medicine you need to take every day to be okay.” Haruka’s eyes narrowed.

Eli didn’t like where this was going. He’d only admitted what they were because he wasn’t ashamed to be bipolar and hiding it would be like hiding a part of himself, but Haruka was acting oddly invested considering it was Eli’s business. “I’ve been distracted lately.”

Haruka nodded, and a furrow between his eyebrows started to form.

Was he judging Eli?

“And for the last few days I haven’t had access to them.” Eli blurted out. He gasped as a lance of pain shot through his chest. What the . . .?

Haruka’s eyes dulled. “That won’t happen again.”

Eli’s chest throbbed again. “What?”

“If you’d told me you needed something that badly, I would have left you alone.”

Eli rubbed his chest. “It’s okay. If I’d been smart, I would have asked Nate to get it for me. It’s my fault.” In hindsight, he probably hadn’t thought about it because he was sliding down a nice, deep depression well.

“It’s not your fault if I scared you away from something you needed.”

Ow, okay. The chest pains were really starting to get old.

“Is . . . is that you?”

Haruka’s eyes shuttered. “Is what me?”

Eli pointed to his own chest. “Are you hurting right here?”

Haruka looked away. “I’m fine.”

Eli didn’t know where the courage came from, but for some reason he found himself walking over to Haruka. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out and touched Haruka, placing his hand right over the taller man’s heart.

The effect was instantaneous, all the tension building up in Haruka over the past few minutes melted away. His shoulders loosened, and his face relaxed.

“It’s not okay for you to be hurting quietly,” Eli whispered. “Just tell me. I won’t break over something like that.”

Haruka chuffed a rueful laugh. “You’re terrifyingly fragile.”

“I’m stronger than I look.” Eli shoved Haruka’s chest, and it was like pushing a stone wall.

“I can see that.” There was no trace of a joke on Haruka’s face. He meant it.

“See, now you’re just contradicting yourself.”

Haruka reached out and wrapped his arms around Eli slowly, giving him a chance to protest if he wanted to. He didn’t.

“Even if your body is fragile, it doesn’t mean your heart is,” Haruka said into Eli’s neck.

Warmth trickled down Eli’s cheeks. “I’m not fragile,” he said over the lump in his throat. “I’m just . . .”

He had no idea how to finish that sentence. Small? Different? He didn’t like any of them, but it didn’t make them less true.

So, he left it unfinished and burrowed into Haruka’s arms. Here was safety, here was where all the good things lived. His eyes began to drift shut and his body went boneless.

An arm went under his knees and Eli’s feet left the floor. His eyes flickered open to see that Haruka had begun to carry him to a bed.

“No, that’s Jace’s bed.”

A flicker of disgruntlement passed from Haruka to Eli, and he patted him sleepily.

“Over there.” He pointed to the neatly made bed with a Xxxholic butterfly embroidered on the duvet.

He set Eli on the bed and tucked him in. When his head hit the pillow, he began to drift off until Haruka moved away, pulling Eli back to the shores of wakefulness.

Such a terrible prospect made Eli whimper. “Nooo . . .”

The bed sank, and warmth and calm rushed back in to envelop Eli, driving him back into blissful oblivion.